How Did You Know You Were Done Having Kids? - Newport News,VA

.

you know you are done having kids when you snarl at the little old ladies who "suggest" you "try again, you'll get a boy !!". i am HAPPY, HAPPY HAPPY.. with ONE GIRL, thank you. as for birth control, either have those puppies removed, or get an iud, if you are tired of the pill, and depo didnt work for you. i am getting an iud put in, because i i am done with having little ones, yes, i have only given birth to one, but i am DONE.
K. h.

When we had 3 children in less than 3 years we knew we were done. We tried hard to prevent #3 yet I still got preggo with her. She's the love of my life now, but boy was that a hard couple of years!
I was 28 when my husband had his vasectomy and we have absolutely no regrets and a wonderful worry free sex life!

I just had the third baby and got my tubes tied. I was done at two, but I love my little surprise baby more than life! How do I know im done? The thought of being pregnant again makes me want to throw myself out the window. :) Thats how I know.

Whoa, 24, eh? I will just say that my husband had a vasectomy when we were both 29, and today, at 33, I would give just about anything to have another one! I wish I had thought it through more and just gave it some time. I hurried him to do it when my youngest was an infant. I got pregnant very easily, and I was scared. Maybe it was meant to be for me to just have my two kiddos!

I had already decided, when I gave birth at age 24, that I would have only one child. Financially and emotionally that's what I knew I could handle well.

And I grew up in a time when earth scientists were becoming concerned about the impact of the rapidly-growing human population on other living things, the climate, natural resources, and the quality of life for future generations. My concerns have been deepened in the 40+ years since then. The earth is significantly diminished since I brought my daughter into the world.

I really wanted the experience of parenting, but one child is what felt right and responsible to me. And I have never regretting stopping my one child – we really made the most of it. And she has, in turn, chosen to stop with one child.

I had a tubal ligation at the age of 31. In those days, I couldn't find a doctor who would provide that surgery earlier. Everyone warned me I'd want more children. Nope. It was a solid decision, and I was peaceful with it, even though I adore babies and couldn't get enough of many of my friends' babies.

Weeeellll, I *thought* I was done. lol We have a 17 year old, 13.5 year old, and a 1 year old! I'm 45! Let's just say he was chicken and I felt it was his turn to do something about it, never did, until AFTER this delightful little late life surprise landed on us! And she is the best little girl EVER - all of us, teens included, are having a ball!

There is the copper IUD, which is not hormonal. Have you ever tried Polyisoprene condoms? They can be found in any store. They are non-latex. (I am allergic to latex, as well.) They have never broken on us. We use those in conjunction with Natural Family Planning. (We always use condoms, we just make sure we are VERY careful around my fertile times. Usually, we don't have sex around my fertile time...just in case.) You could also use condoms and the IUD, to be extra careful.

I had a terribly difficult and high-risk pregnancy. That decided it for me. I never want to go through that again. We decided not to risk another pregnancy, and we would be happy with one. I am 29. I wonder, if you aren't too young. I have a friend who was absolutely positive, that she was done with 3 at 25. She got her tubes tied AND her husband got a vasectomy. She is now 35 and they would give anything for another. They definitely regret making a permanent decision so young. My husband has 6 years between him and his brother. They never played or cred too much about one another. I mean, they loved each other by default, but they have never been close.

I am not sure a doctor would do anything permanent because you are so
young. I was 32 with four kids. We knew we were done. I also had problems carrying them so I felt lucky to have four healthy kids. Now as I
age and I see how lifes circumstances change, I would not recommend
doing anything permanent at such a young age. I have seen friends lose
children and then eventually go on to have another. Only you can make
that decision. I would definitely sit with your doc and husband and have a
long talk.

My husband had a vasectomy at 31. We both knew we were done. We have two children ( adults now LOL!! ) But I knew that two was good for us. I think the fact that you are questioning if you want more down the line tells me you are not ready for anything so permanent. There are other forms of birth control that you can try. Talk to your dr. about other options before you do something you may regret later. I think 24 is young, unless you are 100% positive your family is complete. Good luck!!

I didn't birth my daughter but she is the only one for us!!

I am 26 and currently pregnant with our 2nd. We thought we were through with the first. Like you my bc failed me although I was using it correctly. I am having a tubal while in the hospital. We decided 2 was enough financially. We do NOT want to have babies that we can NOT support. I don't believe in having children that YOU can NOT pay for. I think government assistants is great for people in hard times that something has happen like job loss etc. Not for people that don't want to support their selves.

There's a reason why many doctors want patients to be at least 25 before having a tubal ligation or vasectomy. The rate of those who regret it when the procedure is done so young is huge. You might want to get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler and become and expert in NFP since no other form of contraception suits you as a couple. Don't let fear of pregnancy ruin your intimacy with your husband. It's too precious to sacrifice when you don't have to do so. Using Extra Strength Gynol II Spermicide (over the counter) with lambskin condoms can give you a lot of extra protection should breakage occur.
Vasectomy seems like an easy choice, but there are some problems with some men having chronic pain. Please do your research, wait at least a year after having your last baby before doing anything, and really look at your options carefully. I had a surprise 3rd baby 20 months after my 2nd and it was hard work, but I would not trade him for anything. I guess if you have a 3rd later, you could have a tubal ligation then. Midwife Mom

We have 2 kids. We made the decission for a vasectomy when we were in our mid-thirties. We loved being free from diapers and car seats and having a little extra money available. It was the right choice for us, and I've never regreted it for a second.

Another story, a friend who had been married almost 10 years, was in her mid-20's, and had a hysterectomy immediately after her 3rd child was born. Fast forward 8 years, she's been divorced and is married to a man much younger than her, and they desperately would like to have a child together.

Ok, I know it's not much help. Each situation is different.

Well, I have 6. I hope I'm not done. But, my baby is 5, and we never prevent pregnancy. I did have one miscarriage a few months ago.
I didn't always feel this way. After three, I thought I was done. But, things change. I'm so glad we didn't do anything permanent. I would have been so grieved!

We have three and the only reason we are done is due to finances. I knew we could not afford more, but I still regret having a tubal because it is so fianl. I have struggled with the fact that no more babies will be coming. My husband is very happy and content that no more will be coming, so he does not understand the loss that I feel. I LOVED being pregnant, and I'm sad that I will never get to be again.
I understand about the bc issues because I am the same way. I'm allergic to every condom we've tried and every hormonal bc made me sicker than a dog. Just really be sure that you are done because the loss is hard to handle sometimes.

:-) I would not have large gaps between the kids if you can help it. All of our friends who have 7-10 years between kids regret it. Most were due to infertility issues so it wasn't their choice. The kids are at totally different stages of life, they don't get along, they are not close, and the families can't keep up with other familes due to the baby needing to be at home.
I am surprised a doctor would do permanent birth control on a young couple, but I applaud your courage to take charge of this.

I'm 30 and I still don't know if I'm done, I have 2 right now. I don't think at 25 I could have been certain. I also cannot take any hormonal birth control for similar reasons as you.

Also, foreplay can be great.. so if you are saying you have no sex life due to sex only... try playing around a little with foreplay. Also try the Polyisoprene condoms. You can also use a sponge or diaphragm and spermicide.

i was 28 and my husband 26 when we decided we were done. we have 2. he was actually done at 1, but i wanted more. when we first got together we each wanted 4 kids. after the second baby, we looked at the world, the economy and everything else and decided not to have any more. it's been 5 yrs since i had a tubal. i won't lie, sometimes i regret getting it done and taking away my choice. sometimes i really want another one. but then i look again at everything. know how paranoid i can let myself get if i choose to, see how much easier it is having kids that we can actually do things with and not having to cart around diaper bags, etc. see the opportunities we can give our children that we couldn't if we had more kids, and figure that we decided rightly for US. if God gave me another one, i would be thrilled. but if He doesn't, i am satisfied with what i have.

I couldn't afford anymore ; )
No, but seriously...I "Thought" I was done and that my family was complete when we had our daughter, I had two children, I had one of each...Perfect! We also had the kids to an age where we felt like they were old enough that we could do more, as a family and as a couple, because we had never wanted to leave the kids much when they were younger. I was working out and getting into the best shape of my life and "Surprise" Unplanned baby...Alex was born 6-5-07, and every minute of it has been amazing. He completed our family, he rounded us out...he has given us so much joy and brought us closer.
My last pregnancy was a difficult one though, and maybe it was because I was older...but that and our financial situation are BIG reasons for knowing that 3 is all we need. It's also a part of the equation ( although only a very MINOR part) that Alex has significant delays and we do not know what the future holds in that arena. But that is as I said only a very small reason at the bottom of a long list as to why we are done = )
I am 37 now, 33 when I had Alex...so I would not say I was young when I made those decisions.

DH was 25 when he had his. We had four kids though.

How did I know we were done? I didn't. I still don't...but we have four (three from first marriages, one together...that's why I want another with him). It's probably better that we don't have any more. So I just try to be happy with the four I have and focus on the positive of our kids getting older.

HTH!

We have two and done. We are both 29, our daughter is 3 and our son is 8 months old. I did not know how many I wanted to have but I knew I wanted them close in age. After we had our daughter we both knew we wanted more. While I was pregnant with our son we were thinking at least one more, maybe two (for a total of four). Once he was born and we settled into a nice little rythym, we both looked at eachother and felt it, we felt complete, totally and utterly complete with our two children. We are talking about him having the procedure to prevent any oops. For us it just felt right. Everyone is different but good luck and I hope you find the right path for you regarding this situation.

We just had our vasectomy done in May. My husband is 25, I'm 26. The ONLY reason we doubted the choice was because of our age.

Like you, both my kids were c-sections. Like you, I didn't really have a choice in the matter. And (probably) like you, I was starting to hate sex because I swear I got pregnant before the clothes came off. Ugh.

My girls are 18 months apart and when we got pregnant with #2 I just knew. I knew I didn't want the doctor's visits, the failed breastfeeding (both times...so sad!), the c-sections and the recoveries. I am insanely crazy about my girls and also that we don't have to buy a bigger car to drive us all around. Getting the vasectomy done was the best thing we ever did. We're not even to the official all clear yet (read: still using protection) but our sex life is back to "bunny" level just knowing that we're 10 days from just being our little family for good.

We're choosing to stop having kids, and yes, it's weird knowing most of our friends are just getting started. But look at it this way, you'll be that much younger than your friends will be when your kids move out of the house.

I say kudos to those of us that embrace our surprises but realize that we have a responsibility to protect our families, and our bodies, by taking the necessary steps to stop having babies when the time is right.

I have 6. I knew I was done, because I knew I was done. I think that if you don't know if you're done or not, you're most likely not done. You have some extenuating medical circumstances that need to be taken into consideration, so maybe you could make a list of all the pros and cons of a permanent solution, then weigh what is the most important to you and make your final decision. If you make it together in this way, your chances of having regrets later on is much less likely to occur.

My husband is 38 and I am almost 28. We have 3 kids: 2 girls and a baby boy (5,2,4months all born in March) We knew we were done when we had our boy. I never have a c-section otherwise I WOULD have had my tubes tied. After months of me pleading with him to get a vacectomy and him refusing, he sent me an email out of the blue saying he would in fact do it. He just had his 2nd consultation so they next appointment is the big "snip snip". I always wonder if we're truely done, but lately life has been very chaotic all day at home. I'm barely making it through the day and am completely wiped out by the time we gets home around 8 pm. Luckily the oldest starts Kindergarden soon so that should help. But we are DONE. We have 3 healthy, beautiful children. We've very blessed with what he have.

I have a niece that has three kids, all born in her 20s - the first on the Depo shot, the second on the pill and using condoms, and the third after her husband had a Vasectomy (they didn't wait long enough). They are now done, since the V was effective. Not all doctors would do the V on them because of their age. But they were both DONE.

I, on the other hand, had my only biological daughter when I was 41. Her older brother and sister were 17 and 19. Yes, she was planned and the spacing worked well for us.

I would talk with your doctor about all options. There are non-hormonal IUDs, for example.

We can't know what life is going to bring when we are in our 20s. If you are really sure, my opinion has always been that the one who is "most sure" is the one who should have the procedure. My husband had a V right after our daughter was born.

I'm 25 and my husband will be 26 in November.We have 3 kids who made 5,4,and 2.(Their birthdays are in May,June and July).lol. Funny how things work out. Anyway I had 3 c-section with all my kids. With my 3rd child while I was pregnant,my dr. kept asking if I wanted my tubes tied. At the time I was 23 and didn't want to get them tied at a young age,and make a mistake,incase I wanted another one later. After the birth of our 3rd child the dr. told me I probably could have one more because I was cut on so much and basically wouldn't hold up much more pregnancies. After we came home from the hospital I had a 3 year old,2 year old and a newborn. We both didn't want anymore kids. Now since they are 5,4 and 2 we feel like we are ready for our last one and then I'll get my tubes tied and make a even 4!! And get him fix too. ;) I think at the time you or anyone feels overloaded but then it gets easier and better and I'll think yall will know when your ready for another. Just don't do it unless your 100% sure yall are done having kids.

I had a daughter then had my son. I thought I was done having kids. My son died when he was an infant. For another year I still thought I was done having kids. I then changed my mind and got pregnant. Thank God we did not do anything permanent! My youngest daughter has brought me more joy and happiness than I ever thought possible.
Also, my girls are 5 years apart. Although I didn't plan on having my kids spaced 5 years apart I now think it is ideal.

I knew I was done having babies when I had two miscarriages in one year...one at 22 weeks and the next at 13 weeks...that was enough to "cure" me of EVER wanting to be pregnant again...even though we had wanted four - God blessed us with two beautiful boys that drive us absolutely insane!! :)

My GF had had 3 babies by the time she was 21...she was done..she knew she didn't want or need any more...they are the loves of her life - but she knew she couldn't handle any more...

I'm sorry that you are going through this - to have a non-existent sex life because you don't want more kids...I would talk it over with my OB/GYN and a urologist to see which form of permanent birth control will work for you and your life...vasectomy's can take up to a year to "take"...tubal ligation is permanent...if you are sure you are done - ask about the uterine ablation - that scars the inside of your uterus to prevent implantation....it also helps with menstrual problem, endometeriosis etc...

Good luck!!

Maybe I'm just different but when I was pregnant with my one and only ( now 16). I knew I was complete. I can't explain it.... I had no urge for more... Our family was blessed and complete! No regrets!!!

I really don't think age has anything to do with it. My kids are 10.5 yrs apart because I wasn't sure either. My son was born at 17 and I had my daughter at 28. That's a huge age difference but I had a hard pregnancy and recovery with my first and just never knew if I wanted to do it again! Im glad I did but I've never wanted more than 2. Some women want a house full but its just not for me! Im good! I have the copper iud but I plan to get the essure sone or something like it. My husband and I always joke if he coughs on me I get pregnant so I understand the worry. If you feel even just a little bit that you may want another, don't do it. I knew I was done. Good luck

Can you try implanon? It is injected in your arm. I couldn't do Mirena b/c I have an inverted uterus. I have implanon and love it. They put it in and you forget about it. It is also considered the most effective form of birth control right now (along with Jadelle), which the research suggests it is a tie with vasectomies, just not permanent. They also use Nexplanon which has an idiot proof insertion. The doctor inserts it within the first five days of your period and your good for 3 years. You just make sure the doctor knows how to insert it, failure is because of improper insertion (like any other birth control).

I'm not sure about now, but when my mom & dad were 23 they wouldn't do it because he was so young and had one child. It was military though. They actually told them they wouldn't because they weren't 25 AND what if the child (my older brother) died, my dad laughed and was like "what replace him with another, kinda mean don't you think." Anyways she had me at 24 and when my dad was 25 they finally would do it. I don't know how much has changed, but I noticed a mom below mentioned it too so might be something to check into.

Lmao Molly, that was a funny analogy.

Ummm- Did not know, but always wanted more despite fertility issues , and had a baby (our 5th) and have a 12 age gap --- it is still wonderful, and am so thankful for our little caboose. But I think we are DONE! Just due to age -- Would always welcome more.

I often joke it took me eight years to forget why I had two kids for eight years. Every now and then I get someone who thinks their clever saying your kids are nine years apart. Yeah cause they are born the minute you decide to have them. :p

Not likely to forget that again. The second set are still making me pay for that decision with lost hair and all.....so like I posted on another thread like this, when I realized they were winning.

I have three children -- currently almost 10, 6, and 2 1/2. We're done. The biggest reason is this -- after the first two, it really didn't feel like the family was complete -- it felt like someone wasn't here yet. Since my youngest was born, it really has felt like we're all here and my family is complete now. That's not to say that I don't get the occasional pang of desire when I see a newborn, or attend a birth (I'm a birth doula), or meet with a pregnant mamma, but those are just pangs. Every time I really think about it, I know that I'm done, and that I'm really ready to be a family with older children.

I'm 39 now, and that probably has something to do with it as well. At your age, I hadn't even started trying to conceive my first. I don't know if I'd be quite as sure if I wasn't pushing 40, but probably.

We only wanted 3 children, so once the third was here we knew we were done. The other factors were that we could not afford anymore, we don't have room in our tiny house for more, and three fit perfectly inside our minivan, and I have also had three c-sections. We are done!!! At 24 you are very young for a tubal. If you aren't 100 percent sure you are done, then don't do anything permanent. You will regret it, and reversals are expensive, and often times are not successful. Maybe you could try natural family planning.

Having twins a few weeks before I turned 38 along with our son who was 2 years old. Hmm, yeah, that convinced me really quickly that we were done. My tubes are tied. I still feel a twinge of regret that we can't have more when I'm around babies but I am happy and feel very blessed to have our 3 kids.
As for the birth control, wow, that is tough! Which one is the easiest to reverse if you change your minds someday? That's the one I would go with.

One and done. NEVER even considered another.

I'm almost 31 and my husband is 37 and we have 3 children and thought we were done but just got surprised with # 4. I'm still in shock and know that as my pregnancy progresses my feelings will change to happy. I do know that after this one I will be having my tubes tied. Raising 4 will be hard for my family and we will have to make some scarifices but I am leaving it in God's hands that he knows what he is doing. My three children are 4 yrs apart but the difference between my 3rd and 4th will be 2.5yrs. Not sure how I'm going to handle that. Well Good Luck on your decision but know that it is you and your husband's choice and no one else can make it for you.

I am pregs with my third and after he is born we are done and the hubs is getting a vasectomy. I am like you, I cannot tolerate hormonal bc at all, I am a different person and have ZERO sex drive and I personally hate IUDs so that kind of has me up a creek too. But we are older, my hubby is 31 and I am 35 and we both always knew we wanted three, just both saw our lives that way, so that is how we knew we were done. Have you considered Natural Family Planning? It does work very well for those who do it correctly. There are books, classes etc you can take. Basically you chart your temperature on the calendar daily, chart your cycle and observe your cervical mucus. You must abstain on fertile days. But the rest of the time you are all good. So anyway, if you don't want to commit to sterilization being so young that might be an option to look into. If you are afraid to have sex at this moment, you can still enjoy each other in different ways as you work through this issue, so you don't get distant or either of you feel neglected sexually. I really suggest looking into NFP, I have known some couples it worked very well for. I do have a friend who got the Essure procedure done at 25 and they have two kids, she said she was sure she was done. I recently had a family member do it at age 24 and she only has one, but is convinced she is done. So it is different for everyone. I wish you the best, hang in there.

I think all decisions about bringing a human child into existence should be a matter of prayer. How you word the prayer is up to you. In one case you might ask for Divine permission to be done with childbearing, in another you might ask for permission to stop for now, and in a third you might ask for permission to bring another child to Earth.

I am also SUPER fertile and I have asked all three questions at different times. I feel that I have received different answers from heaven at different times. Being open to heaven's answer is difficult because sometimes it is different than what I would like to hear.

Knowledge is power. If you would like more control over your fertility you can learn to control it by reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It has helped me to feel less paranoid about getting pregnant. I feel that a permanent birth control solution takes away choices whereas the book gives more freedom to make choices.

I'd like to quote a line or two of scripture, but out of respect for you and others I will make it brief. You can read it in its entirety if you desire. As "ye present your bodies a living sacrifice...unto God...and be not conformed to the world...ye may prove [discover] what is that good...and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:1-2)

Good Luck

My husband and I both knew without any uncertainty that we only wanted one child. I was 28 when I had the essure procedure done. Not a day goes by that he or I have any regrets on having only one child. She is the greatest gift we could have ever received, and 3 makes our family complete in many ways.

Good Luck to you!

I had to have a hysterectomy for emergency medical reasons, I was so sad, I'd wanted more kids. But not having horrendous periods anymore...priceless!