How Did You Explain a New Baby to the Oldest Child?

In terms of the "not her brother" because it's not "her" mommy, I would explain that there are all kinds of families, and that even though they don't have the same mommy the new baby is still her brother.

In terms of the questions about the how and the what and all, I tell my 3-year old that Mommy has a special hole to get babies out. He remembers going to the hospital, so knows that it happens there. We also tell him that Mommies and Daddies make babies together to get it in my tummy.

Just tell her this is her brother. He is. Don't say he is a 'half' brother. Too abstract for her. Just say he is her brother. No need to get technical about it...yet.

SO sad, her Mom told her those hurtful things to her, about the baby.
No polite words I can say here... to express that.

Tell her, the Doctor will help baby come out.
Tell her, due to her age/maturity about it all... that baby got there due to.... ? I don't know. My daughter was 3, when I was pregnant with my 2nd child but she didn't ask that to my memory. I just told her, that Mommy and Daddy made her brother because we love each other.

I would also, incorporate her INTO your pregnancy/her baby brother. Now, before he is actually born. I did that with my daughter, and she totally BONDED with her baby brother even while still in my tummy.
We took photos of her with my tummy, she sang to him, talked to him... I told her her baby brother loves her.... etc. I told her that she is special... and Mommy loves her so much... that she is my 'first' baby, always.
Once my son was born, she loved him so much, already.... because I prepped her about it, BEFORE he was born.
"My" pregnancy, to me, was not about 'me'... but rather... a whole 9 months of being so that I could prep my Daughter about her baby brother... and get adapted to it ALL... BEFORE her baby brother came home. THIS made all the difference in how she handled the whole thing and how she 'viewed' her baby brother, in my tummy and once he was born.

Per her age and maturity, I would not get all graphic with her about explaining 'how' you got pregnant..... she is already so confused about accepting the pregnancy and emotionally... she is having a hard time, already.

I remember when my son was about 4 and my friend was pregnant he asked her how bad that was going to hurt when she had to throw up the baby... maybe 4 is little to young to go into detail.
as far as the younger brother thing goes explain to her that her brother and her have the same dad and maybe that some trait she has of her dads will be the same - maybe the same eyes same nose. Let her buy him something for his room for the hospital and make sure in all celebrating she is not left out. The birthday gift is an excellent idea but instead of from you and him maybe just him - a big sister shirt is always a hit.
And the bio mom should just be slapped for behaving that way- my opinion

I am on #4 and the whole issue of a baby in my tummy is a tough one. We are a Christian family so I tell them that God decides when a mommy and daddy are to have a baby. This is my explanation when they are too young for the big talk. As far as how they get out, I tell them that mommy has to go to the hospital and the doctor will take the baby out. Of course their first question is "Does it hurt?" and I tell them the truth that it does. I also let them know that even though it hurts it is well worth it and short lived so they have nothing to worry about. Outside of that, I have not had any of my kids question me any further than that, and they typically want more explanation than most.

I wouldn't sweat the brother thing too much. Just keep calling him her brother, it will sink in eventually. No need to confuse the issue with trying to drill it into her and bring up the half-brother thing, she is way too young to get it anyways.

Why the mother is being so weird about this is beyond me, maybe she is just jealous.

Hope this helps.

I agree with the other posters. You should be honest at her age, but you don't need to provide too many details. My daughter was fine when I said a man and a woman make a baby (without explaining how). I said the baby was growing inside me and the doctor would help the baby come out. Granted my daughter just turned 3 when the baby was born, so a 4 year old may want more details. I would definitely let the older sibling feel part of the pregnancy. My daughter talked to the baby the whole time I was pregnant, and I feel like they bonded right away. I also let my oldest pick out a gift to give the baby once she was born and had a gift (fisher price camera) for the baby to give her big sister. This way the oldest could take pictures in the hospital and have a special gift. You and your boyfriend need to be honest with his daughter. Answer her questions as honestly as you can without going into needless details. The time will come when she will want to know everything, but a lot of little kids really only need basic answers to questions about pregnancy/birth etc. Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

Have you picked up any books from the library about expecting a new baby for children in that age group? To read together?
Have you sat down and defined mommy and (step) mommy
or whatever she calls you?
Have you explained that daddy can have babies with either her (bio) mommy or with you because babies come from both a mommy and a daddy?
The difficulty with her (bio) mommy is probably her resistance to her ex's relationship with you. She wants/wanted her daughter not to think of your relationship as permanent but as only a passing episode.
Any of this sound right?

when my older kids were asking questions about how the baby gets in there and how it gets out and such, I answered as honestly as possible giving the least amount of information as possible....LOL I did tell them that you have a baby from having sex, and that the baby gets out through the "birth canal" ~ luckily, they got the answers and went about their other busines without asking too many other questions.....Good Luck!

I don't know how to answer this other than a story. My bosses son apparently either doesn't understand birth control or is stupid enough to believe women who say they are on the pill. As it is he has accidentally fathered two sons. The first was a two night stand the second a woman he is actually in love with.

As such the first woman projects her decisions on the second. In other words she did get pregnant on purpose so he would fall in love with her. There was confusion as to whether he was the father....etc.

The older son is four and the younger two now. Although she no longer says the second is not his brother she still says her son is an only child. In other words she has only had one child so he is an only child. The father is free to call them brothers since he has two. It is the insanity born of insane circumstances.

The first child's mom has relaxed a bit on this now that the second child's parents have married. In mom 1's mind there was something wrong with the relationship because they didn't get married. Didn't help that my boss is a meddling grandma who prefers the first grandchild but won't admit it.....and supports the first mom and grandson. Oh and takes the first mom's side on everything unless the first mom goes against her wishes.

So just glean what is useful from that story to perhaps explain why the mom is acting as she does. I think people have pretty much given you all the advice out there on explaining the baby. :)

Oh yeah the first mom insisted on a paternity test to prove the second child was his. She said it was the only way she would believe he was her son's brother. Yeah, she still didn't call them brothers. When dealing with psych logic has no place. Don't jump through any hoops to get those carrots.