How Did This Happen?? Freshman Year

Your son is growing up in front of your eyes. He has changed from that small helpless human being into an almost adult or kidult. Somewhere along the line your vision of him becoming a man got lost in the shuffle of everyday life. You were there but did not take in the subtle changes as they came and went and now, you kind of have this "man" in your life.

Take a deep breath. All is good. Just get your bearings back and move forward to a self-sufficient man who can balance a checkbook and can change a tire and doing laundry. Yes, the key is to make it so he can take care of himself. Lord knows you don't want to do laundry for a college student in the dorms 150 miles away.

Time for you to find a hobby, take a class or go to work to do something for you that you wanted to do but put on hold because of kids. Time to find the old you and go for it and find your own identity other than "mom".

It is all part of life. All will be good.

the other S.

PS My son will be 43 in September and he can cook, clean, wash and iron. Sewing not so much not because he hasn't tried. He is also married and has a son that is 19.

Once they hit high school the time literally flies even faster!!!

It feels like my daughter just started college and she's now starting her SENIOR year!!! Whew!

My goal was to keep the lines of communication open, do a LOT more listening than talking and just make sure she knows I support her.

A bit more of the same as middle school but a bit more maturity for the most part.
There are more clubs and activities, more kids to meet and make friends with.
Possibly dating - and breaking up - and all the drama that comes with that.
And more rigorous classwork and homework - knowing how to use a planner is essential to keep on top of it.
You tend to think "it's only the freshman year of high school - he still has time" and while that's true - you/he also have to start thinking about his high school end game (college prep, trade school, etc) - what ever comes next.
For instance - freshman year is NOT TOO SOON to start taking the PSATs.
The more practice you get, the more you improve and the better final result when you take SATs (probably more than once) and ACTs.

As for privacy - no guests or visitors in any bedrooms - knock, wait for an answer before entering - same as you would expect him to enter your bedroom.
No electronics in bedroom beyond a lamp and maybe a clock radio - computers/ipads/cell phones, etc can charge in a public place in the house - kitchen, living room, home office, etc.

He's growing up - that means more responsibilities - doing his own laundry (our son started doing his at 12 yrs old) - some family cooking (there's no reason a son can't learn some basic cooking) - cleaning his bathroom - helping out with household tasks.
He's going to be getting a learners permit and learning to drive.
He should learn how to change a tire and top off car fluids.
You are shooting for 'well rounded'.

My Mom has always said that the job of being a parent is to slowly put yourself out of a job.
You start with a helpless infant and raise them to be self sufficient adults who are capable of raising kids of their own.
In 4 short years - and it will fly by faster than you think - he'll be moving out and living in a college dorm.
What does he need to learn between now and then?
Plenty!
You're at a different stage - but your job isn't over yet!

We'll be sending our son off to college this time next year.
His senior year is going to be a whirlwind of activity!
A lot of what's running through your mind is/has been running through mine.
I came across this site and like what I've read so far:

http://grownandflown.com/

Enjoy the ride!

Don't overthink this. Trust that he will acclimate smoothly, and just deal with problems if and when they arise.

What do you fear that is "out there" that you never had to interact with? I didn't find that to be the case, with my kids.

The main advice I would give is not to get too involved with his schoolwork, other than urging him to do his best where applicable. And if he gets rude or testy as the hormones surge, give him a quick calm consequence to remind him to be polite. They are allowed to find their independence, but they can do it politely.

Other than that, relax and enjoy. High school is a magical time, particularly if he is going to a good school.

I have no sage advice, but wanted to thank you for posting!

I look at our son and wonder "what the hell happened here"?!

Something I've noted: He's go out with me in public as a family (with Dad there), or out with Dad alone, but will only go to volunteer at the cat shelter with me.

Something I've read: Connect with them as a person who is interested in their interests or find a shared interest.

Take care! I am both looking forward to and feeling bittersweet about his independence.

There is so much going on at that age and every child is different. I small piece of advice would be to always eat at the table with the family as much as possible. It allows time to talk and enjoy each other. It offers a solid 30 minutes of sharing at one time.

My husband and I have had this conversation a lot lately. It seemed when the kids got into middle school time went to warp speed. One minute they are in 7th grade, the next they are graduating from college and getting married!!!

A couple of things. How big is the high school he is going to? I ask because I come from Houston and we have "mega schools" with 3500+ students. Our kids were band kids so they had a "niche" of friends immediately which helps.

Pay attention to their friends and to what they say. This age is very scary and they like to push the limits. Our daughter was pretty easy, our son not so much. He fell into the wrong crowd his freshman and part of the sophomore year. We moved to Houston when he was starting 7th grade and I went back to work. I hadn't worked since he was in 3rd grade. I wasn't paying enough attention. We paid a price for that. We had to go back to what worked for us. Family time and meals together.

I know a lot of people don't think teenagers need a parent home when they get out of school. I disagree. I think that is exactly when a parent NEEDS to be home. Ask questions and listen. Ask him "so what did you think..." type questions. Not just "how was your day". My son could have met the President of the United States and when I asked "how was your day" he would say "it was okay".

At the end of sophomore year he wanted to quit band. We would not let him. He felt we were not as involved as we were with his sister. So, I joined the Band Board and got involved. We went to all of the games and competitions. He may not what to sit with us but he liked knowing we were there. He was in band all 4 years and I think that really helped him the last couple of years. He became friends with a lot of the kids in band and he was so much happier. Also, he lost a lot of weight. He lost over 50 lbs. That helped his self esteem. So, get involved in his activities. But stay in the background. They want their wings but they want to know there is a safety net if they fall.

He graduated from university in May, has a great job and is getting married next May. I'm so proud of the man he has become. We are a very close family and like to spend time together. He even likes to come home!!! I am blessed!