How Can I Help My Nephew Who Is Showing Signs of Autism?

A sad reality in life is that we can't parent other people's kids.

Honest, I've tried. And it was met with horrible responses and it killed the friendship. Even though, fast forward, I was correct, and quite possibly you are too.

Take all the great recommendations....stay busy, stay away and ask what their doctor says about it if they ask.

Yes, early intervention is the best for this possible diagnosis. But it's ultimately not up to you.

Have a happy life with what you have.

do NOT diagnose your nephew. They know you are not a doctor and are more willing to ignore you when you attempt to diagnose.
Some of the behaviors you've described are typical of a two yr old, and some are typical of a 2 yr old whose parents respond to temper tantrums and have no expectations. Much of what you describe could be a child with slight language delays who is frustrated by his own inability to communicate.
You can mention, I feel worried when X doesn't respond to his name, what does his doctor say? I'm concerned X doesnt seem to understand language, what does his doctor say?

You suspect something is wrong - and you may be right - but he needs an evaluation in order to figure out what it is.
Until his parents get on board with that, all you can do is leave when he gets out of hand.
Don't let your kids near him - keep them busy with their own activities/friends.
If his parents ever start to complain about him, just keep asking them what his doctor says - eventually they might want some answers than an evaluation might be able to provide for them.

You can't get them to see what they don't want to see. If there are red flags then its up to their doctor to bring it to their attention. Also don't be so quick to write this off to autism. Could be hearing problems, sensory issues, neurological problems, etc. Lots of things that could cause his problems in addition to parents who aren't teaching him the rules of the road to live in this world.

If the parents are not seeing this, you can't do anything. Take your kids home when the biting goes on, calming saying, "We'll get together another time when Jimmy is in a better mood."

The pediatrician may pick up some of this. If he does it during check-ups, it will be obvious. Not just the tantrums but the lack of response to questions or other stimuli. It's possible that the issue has already been raised, and that's why the parents and grandparents are clinging to the denial. There will be signs of tooth decay in a child getting a bottle every night (assuming he's going back to sleep afterwards with milk in his mouth). Early intervention will be recommended or required if they try to enroll him in preschool. Free services are available through the school systems. He's not going to be allowed to participate in a school setting without some intervention.

I do think you should refrain from diagnosing this as autism. That's not an evaluation for the casual observer to make. There could be any number of developmental delays present, and there is possibly a discipline or sleep deprivation problem. It's more important to note that there are behavior problems and stop there. But you can't control them, only your own reaction and the protection of your own children.

are you a doctor who specializes in autism?
he sounds like a very difficult little fellow, and i do hope the parents wake up and get help for him.
you can't. you're not his parent, and despite your assumptions, you don't really know what's up with him or what he needs.
it does sound as if you dislike his family rather intensely, so unless you change your attitude toward them i think it's highly unlikely that you are going to convince them on any level.
keep your children safe from him, and try to think more about positively encouraging the parents into action instead of trying to awaken the ignorant to your superior insight.
khairete
S.

You mention in the SWH that you are "scared" of his parents. And in the main post you say he bites your kids. Those two things alone mean it's past time for both you and your kids to stop seeing him AND his parents. Be too busy if they want to do things, and never say yes to any request to babysit him if that's what they want from you. I can't see exposing my kid or myself to adults who frankly scare me and a child who is out of control. It's nice of you to be concerned about him, and sad that he either has a condition his parents won't recognize, or is exhibiting behaviors he has learned in order to get attention; but if the parents are blind you cannot persuade them to see. Protect your own kids first and also don't waste your mental energy on adults who scare you

If they are taking him to the doctor for checkups, hopefully the doctor will catch something and act accordingly. Some of these "red flags" might be indicators, but kids mature in different ways. Aggression isn't a sign of autism - it's generally a sign of frustration. If he has communication delays, THAT would be frustrating, and may be a source of aggression. Also, avoid the "in his own world" concept - if autism is the issue, he may be experiencing the world in a different way because sensory processing is often very affected (things are too loud, too bright, too everything) - so what non-autistic people call "in their own world" is "trying to avoid sensory overload".

All you can do is be a good aunt. Be there for him when he's interacting. Please visit autistikids.com - lots of info there, and blogs by autistic people of various ages. If it is indeed autism, the more knowledge you have, the more supportive you can be.

Perhaps suggest "baby sign language" if he's not yet talking - there are books in the library, websites, etc., and you could even do this when you're with him. It might not help much if it's just coming from you, but if the parents start to use it and it helps him communicate, his aggression may subside.
I hope everything works out ok for him.

If they are taking the baby in to all the recommended doctor visits, then the delays should have already been noted and brought to the parent's attention. And the doctor should have recommended follow up testing or frequent observations. Perhaps they are in denial or are not willing to share that information with you. You can offer support if they ask. Limit the time your children spend with him since he bites them. If he is totally out of control, then it is totally stressful for all concerned.

It definitely sounds like something's up, but you can't say anything.

My oldest son is mildly autistic and we have friends with two autistic boys, honestly what you are describing does NOT sound like autism to me. The violence is really not something you normally see, as a matter of fact most autistic children are very loving especially with family. They will have delays in speech and will often separate themselves from groups to just play by themselves.

I'll be honest, the way you describe his parents it sounds more like a learned behavior.

M.

Sounds like a lot of 24 month olds. In fact many don't respond to their name-they have to be touched to get attention..many don't use 2-3 word sentences till 29 months, and many bite, hit and kick. This is all normal.

Some kids develop more slowly. This is normal, not a flag...and unconditional love is what all kids need. I'm glad his parents and grandparents think he's perfect. He most surely is.

The fact is this child will start school and they'll be the ones to tell the parents and they'll of course thing the school is crazy and do all sorts of avoidance behaviors until he's so far behind he won't even be able to catch up.

I'm sorry he's going through this.

BTW, I let my grand kids stay on the bottle as long as they wanted. There's no problems with that. When they were done they handed me their bottle and never looked back. He might need a better snack right before bed though. If he's waking up hungry it might be that he didn't eat anything after dinner.