How Bad Was This?? Seeking Advice Mostly from Those with 10+ Yrs of Marriage...

He's right. Opening up a credit line is a joint decision. Always.

Talk with him. Apologize and tell him how you feel about asking him to do things like that (reflexive 'no' answers). That is a deeper issue that you two need to address.

Once you have gotten the stuff, pay off the card and close the account immediately.

ETA: I'd also like to add that you aren't asking for permission, you're collaborating on a joint decision. Anything that affects you both should be discussed. He might have ideas that you've not considered, and vice-a-versa. Two heads...

My husband opened a card and didn't tell me - I was HOT!! We are still paying that card off and it was not planned to have the balance on it that it does, so that limits other things we could be doing with the money each month. Fun times.

I think opening the card was okay, but you should have told him. That hits his credit too.

I get why you did it, I really really do, but you KNEW he was going to say no. It wasn't like you thought he wouldn't care and just didn't think to ask... You knew he was going to say no and you kinda hid it from him. I think that THAT is what the "big deal" is. Glad you guys made up AND got a great deal though :)

Eh, I see it both ways. But once he heard your plan, he should chill out and trust you had good intentions. In the big picture, this is no big deal but for now it is a form of lying and I understand the blowup.

Been married for 19 years.

I had a law professor who told us, "It's usually the second mistake that gets you in trouble." Getting the card without talking it over wasn't a great idea, but we all make spur of the moment decisions that we later realize weren't the best. The big mistake was not telling him afterwards. Own the decision, or at least own up to it. Him finding out the way he did says you didn't trust him and that hurts the relationship.

To me it's not a big deal at all, but I'm not your husband. You got the stuff for 1/2 off! And that's a big savings, and worth opening a credit card for. I manage all the finances, I never pay interest and I open cards all the time, if I can make money on them, which I do. My husband was uncomfortable with it at first, but when I got him four free flights by opening a credit card, he started changing his mind.

This is not to recommend that people start opening cards all over the place -- I don't believe in living on credit, but if you pay them all off monthly, credit cards can work for you.

You don't sound financially irresponsible to me.

Don't close the card though -- that will lower your credit rating. Best to leave it open and not use it.

I'm trying to think what I would have done under the circumstances. We've been married 11 years and I deal with 100% of the finances for our personal and business. I don't particularly see an Amazon credit card (that you are able to pay off in full) as a particularly big deal. As an aside, you don't want to cancel it - that will ding your credit. Pay it off and leave it open.

The other day at Target I applied for the Red Card thing that is linked to your debit card - so it's kind of the same thing, kind of not (since it's not a line of credit), but I did it because I shop there often, and if you use the Red Card, you save 5% on all of your purchases. Seemed like a no-brainer to me. I came home and notified my husband that if he needs to buy anything at Target, to get the card from me first. He was like, "Uh, okay. Whatever."

But, that's how our relationship is. I handle the finances. He interacts with our customers. I cook dinner. He kills spiders. We each have our jobs, and don't necessarily notify the other person of what we're up to, unless it's a major decision. If I went out and bought a new car and didn't tell him first, then yeah, he'd lose his mind over that. But an Amazon credit card? Not so much. Cash flow is a legitimate reason to use credit cards, and as long as you're able to pay them off in full every month, it's a legitimate tool to use.

Sorry, But my husband cannot handle decisions quickly. It is painful for him..

I have been married over 30 years and I just sometimes have to make the call. Of course I take full responsibility for how it turns out.

If we had waited for my husband to make decisions, we would not have our daughter, our bedroom furniture, our car, that we both love, I would not have started my business, Our daughter would not have attended college out of state. We would not have the TV, my husband adores, You get the picture.

He takes so much time to decide, life could just pass him by.

It has taken my husband almost 10 years to actually push for a new position he has wanted all of this time at work. It is finally about to happen.. It took this long, because he would not just go for it, from the beginning. It is something that has been needed. It is going to work for the city financially by not costing them anything (if brings in money and will save them money). But since I do not work there, there was no way for me to help in this case.

It finally came to a head when I finally told him, "I do not want to hear another word about how you hate your job and the people you work with. Either find a new job, come up with your own job, or quit talking about it all of the time!" Literally, people were rolling their eyes when he would start complaining about his work.

And so these little finanial decisions, I no longer consult him, because he always says no.. Then he comes back with let me think about it. .and weeks, months.. with me, asking, prodding. I just take care of it and he is happy.. Sometimes, he even takes credit for the decision.. Sigh..

But he is mature enough now to at least admit he knows he is stalling.. But.. over 30 years..

My knee jerk reaction - get your panties out of a bunch, dude. It is not a form of lying or sneaking about or other nefarious deed. You made a well informed and well thought out decision for the greater good. Sure what you did is take out a line of credit but what are we talking here - a couple hundred bucks or a few thousand on the credit limit? Peanuts in the grand scheme especially if you are going to close the card and/or didn't max it out. I see both sides but his reaction was out of proportion to the situation. The only fault I can find is he found out by opening the mail instead of you telling him about it. I call a bit of foul over that but nothing major.
I feel as a couple you should have enough faith and latitude to make these types of decisions. Opening a small limit card to save some money…big deal in my book and I would give my husband plenty of space to make those types of (adult) decisions without consulting me first. We support each other and we respect some decisions are made on the fly with the greater good at heart. So long as the other person is told as quickly as possible there are no isues. I have only been married four years now but on marriage two so enough experience to at least offer my opinion.

Not horrible but the way you purposely didn't tell him was wrong. First I thought you just forgot bc it wasn't a big deal but sounds like you purposely avoided telling him. And if you guys are playing things pretty close to the wire financially, I'd have wanted to know if I were him. Remember that he until recently handled the money so it's a big transfer of control for you to now do it. That's likely what the big trigger is. I'm sure if it was something like changing one of your kids' activities, he wouldn't have blinked? Money is a funny thing I find... People have hot buttons... It's not always rationale. So he overreacted some but you were kind of sneaky and I know it pisses me off if my husband is sneaky. It does chip away at trust.

First of all, I'm glad you guys made up and are fine. We've been married almost 20 years and I've ALWAYS handled the money even though I've been a stay-at-home mom most the time. In my opinion, I think he made too big a deal about it. I would have just explained that you had to think and react quickly because you were on the internet and it's not a big deal. Especially since you're going to cancel the card. As long as you read all the fine print and there isn't anything saying you need to make further purchases and/or keep the card open for a set amount of time, I don't think it's a big deal.

I haven't opened any credit cards for any deals but I jumped on the Amazon.com Prime deal when it was offered!! Then when they asked if I wanted to continue, I simply declined. No problem! I told my husband AFTER the fact and he's like, "cool!" Saved us a big bundle in shipping!

My husband has opened credit cards on Black Friday - he's done it at Sears and J. C. Penney's to get the special deals. I asked him about it when we got the bills only because I didn't know we had those credit cards, but I didn't make a big deal about it at all.

My only problem with this whole scenario is whether or not he opened mail addressed to YOU! I would have a MAJOR problem with that!! I don't care if it's just junk mail, but if my husband opened my mail, I'd be pissed!!! Not because we have any secrets, it's just a personal pet peeve for me!!

Glad all is fine!!

I think that you and he need to have an open, honest discussion about money. How you view it, what makes you comfortable, what dollar amount makes you upset, etc. My DH and I had his/hers/joint when we were both working FT. Now that I work PT, the "ours" is more "his" but it's for the house. If I make a $200 on MY credit card then *I* am responsible for it. If I open a line of credit (like the Amazon thing, I have one), then that's my business. It becomes his business if it involves him. So your DH thinks it involves him - why? Why is he so angry about it? My DH routinely opens and closes accounts without my knowing or caring, because bottom line is that I trust him, I know he'll be responsible, and he's not doing it to sneak around or sink our household. If you have no previous problems with debt, then is he reacting to you being in charge of the money and him not liking that? If so, that is a totally different thing. You should find out if he's unhappy in the way money is handled and if there is a way you could both be happy.

I've been married for 13 years. I handle the finances but when it comes to credit cards I would not open one without consulting or at least letting my husband know. It is a major thing and there should be no surprises in the mail.

When your finances are joint and you have agreed to make decisions together, it is a big deal. It is one thing if you felt sure he'd be fine with it, but you didn't tell him because you didn't want to hear the word No. That was a planned deception.

I'm glad you two worked things out. :-)

I don't think you were in the wrong. If you manage the money, then he should trust you to manage the money. I have been married 11 years, and have been CFO of this marriage since day one. We've never gotten in trouble with my decisions, so my husband is good with whatever decision I make and trusts that all is taken care of. I think your husband should too!
If my husband does get a card or open up some kind of account, I do like to know about it though. That way I can track it online for any kind of fraudulent activity or interest rate increases- make sure the terms are being applied. But I wouldn't get mad or upset if he opened up or applied for a card.

I handle the money. He admits he could not do what I do. Make it all work!
Explain it to him like you did to us. He will get over it!

I've been married over 16 years. My husband is in sales and I manage all of our money - so we have a lot in common! No, I don't think what you did was a big deal. Maybe for me it would be easier because my husband doesn't have a clue about what's happening in our finances. We always joke that he makes all the money but I organize it and keep track of it! So yeah, I totally would've done the exact same thing because it just makes sense (cents?)! But I guess now that you know he'd get pissed about that sort of thing then you shouldn't do it again, like you said. But I think sometimes it's OK to make a "big" decision on your own.

Hmm, come to think of it. I never discuss opening up store lines of credit with my husband. But he trusts me to make good decisions. The last store credit card I opened up was from home depot. I made a huge purchase and saved 10%. I have not cancelled but I have not really spent on it either since then and have paid it off in full. And about a year ago, I opened a Target credit card becuase I go there often and I did not even think to tell my husband. I handle the finances, and he does not mind. He knows I will not go crazy because we are both pretty frugal and practical. I have always been a working mom so the fact that I bring in 50% of the imcone may have something to do it. I honestly do not know how he would treat it if I was a stay at home mom. But Yes, for major purchases, let's say over $400, I will discuss it with him.

It will lower your credit score to open then close a card. I suspect you use credit cards and it would be terrible for them to run your credit and find out your score is going down. They might raise your rates.

Mine tends to trust my choices, he knows I wouldn't do anything intentionally to bring any harm to the family.......he also knows I am forgetful and will sometimes do something and then not think of it again for days. Not intentionally, I just have a lot on my plate.

This wasn't a big purchase, the line of credit was to save money. Lot's of people do this, it's offered all over the place. Now had you went on a spending spree and not said something I could see his anger, but in the long run this was financially helpful. That. is. a. good. thing!

I'm in charge of the money, and I open and close accounts all the time without asking. Hubby trusts me to handle the money, and if it isn't a big ticket item, he honestly doesn't want to hear about it. I open credit cards for deals ALL THE TIME. He has no interest in hearing about how I saved 50 bucks. He will hear about it ifs a great deal and I want him to open an account too. :-)

I'm a SAHM, btw. Opening a line of credit isn't s major financial decision, if you ask me, what is is spending large sums of money you don't have.

I honestly don't see how what you did was sneaky or anything else. I'm in charge of money, and hubby lets me project manage the money. This means he doesn't manage me, I'm the manager. Your hubby is micromanaging, if you ask me.

I so want to be on your side here, but I think I'm a lot like your husband! My husband comes up with wacky ideas all the time (not saying you do this), so 'no' is usually my reflex answer, and I know this is tough for him. We too have had to work on direct communication to avoid this dynamic.
But my hubby has also done things and explained later, sort of the 'easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' that you did. It's understandable, but not a good habit going forward.

My husband actually did something similar- he could save a ton at Home Depot by opening a card at the register, so he did without checking with me. I was pissed, mostly because I know that we didn't need it and that closing it quickly would be bad for our credit score, so we were stuck with it for a while.

I've been married for 22 years, and I admit sometimes it's hard being so different, I feel like our marriage is more work than others because of it (I think he feels like our marriage is absolutely exhausting!). But we keep at it and things are great. Just keep talking and communicating, you'll be fine. Sounds like you guys know how to work things through.

Yes, you are right. It's not a big deal to you, but you cannot do anything like that behind his back. He will not know when he can trust you and when he can't. Have you apologized and told him how wrong you were? By just saying that you didn't think it was a big deal will make him wonder what else you might not think is a big deal. He needs to know that you will never do it again because you value his feelings.

In everything, you and your husband will have different perspectives. That is why it is so good to have two heads going in on decisions. And if it isn't unanimous, you don't do it. Sometimes it will drive you crazy because you might think it is a really great idea or a really great money savings, or that he isn't taking the time to look at it from your point of view, etc. But your husband's trust in you and his delight in you is worth more than any money savings, etc. that you could possibly find. Remember that it is better to be loved and adored than right. (We've been happily married 31 years.)

You had no right? Hmmmmmm, my hackles would raise at that. Does he have the "right" to open a line of credit without your okay? Have you ever heard the phrase, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander"? Trust goes both ways. If he is able to do things and then inform you later, then you should be able to do the same. Along the same lines, running things past each other is a great policy to have, but ****HE**** should adopt that policy as well, out of respect for you.

Did you let him know that it hurt that he didn't trust you to not financially ruin your family? I opened an amazon.com credit card and the points that we accrue during the year (we pay it off in full monthly) pay for almost ALL of our Christmas gifts. My husband is very, very happy about it. :)

I'm sure your husband is a lovely man, but it never hurts to have a reminder that he can trust you! He definitely overreacted.

I got very upset once when my husband opened a card up without letting me know. To this moment I can't tell you exactly why. I felt violated. He said he'd close it and unfortunately it's got about twelve hundred dollars on it. So much for that. We get along quite well and have been married eighteen years so that was only one in some problems that have to be overlooked. Life goes on.

Let me put my two cents worth in. I've been married for 20 years and, like you, my husband doesn't put in the time to manage the moola. In fact, I do the annual tax returns and stuff, too.

Your husband found the credit card bill / card in the mail and freaked out. That's not unusual. In my shoes, I would say, "it's no big deal, saved money on stuff I was going to buy anyway, and I'll cancel it after the month free-trial". (In fact you can cancel before the end of that month.)

It isn't a big deal but it sounds like your husband wants (or needs) to feel in control. You've calmed him down and explained. I don't think there was anything wrong or bad about your decision to apply for the card.

Hope you two have many more years together!

I've been married 11 years. My husband handles our money, but we created a budget together, and I am usually the one spending all the money.

First, if you haven't already done it, I would cancel the card right away like you had planned to do. Make sure your husband knows you did it so that he can still trust you and not make a bigger problem down the road. Secondly, maybe you already do this, but if you know each summer is going to hit you hard financially, then maybe you should consider saving differently some of the other months for this specific reason. That way, when you need to dip into your savings to get you through the birthday months, it's something that was expected, and you aren't beating yourself up about spending your savings.

As far as dealing with the conflict of your husband, I think you should have been up front with him and been casual about it, by saying, "Hey, I can get a really great deal by doing [blah blah blah] so I signed up for this credit card, and will cancel it, but don't be alarmed if you see anything about it." He may not like that idea at first, but if you can emphasize how much you're saving, then he might be a little more sympathetic.

It's good that you were able to make up and move on, but for the future, communication is always key in any marital situation. Based on your comment about how he vetoes your ideas, this could get hairy if you make other decisions without telling him, assuming that he would say no before you even ask. I'm sure that you would want to know if he does the same thing, regardless of whether or not you or he would approve of the other one's idea. Good luck!

Just FYI, if you apply for and receive a credit card and then cancel i,t it will lower your credit score. So assuming you make your large purchases (house, car, etc) that require loans together, it could affect him even though it was just in your name. Just another reason to say no when it's pushed on you at retail stores and online. For the record, I don't think it was a horrible thing to do, but I can see why he was upset. I'd definitely be annoyed if my spouse got another card without consulting me about it. We have the same financial habits as you two, he makes the money and I manage it. I'm a cheapskate though, so it definitely is the most budget friendly way for our family to run.

My husband and I have been married for 9 yrs and in my opinion based on what I read I would venture to say that it sounds to me like your husband wasn't so much pissed at you getting the card but the fact that you went behind his back and did something purposely because you didn't want toy take the time to discuss it first. I agree that what you did was to better the family's finances but.... you were sneaky and that hurts. He is your other half and you should never lie to him nor should he lie to you. Im glad to hear you patched things up but you should talk it out and find a 'quicker' way around these issues or topics so that you can do things like this in the future while still managing to keep everyone in the loop and have time on your side
Good Luck

Haven't read your other responses yet, but yes, I do think you were in the wrong. You knew that he wouldn't agree and so you did it behind his back. He is right, it is a big deal to open a line of credit and then close it one month later! You could receive a minor ding on your credit for that. At any rate, any card that I am about to open, I discuss with my husband. Anything financial I discuss with him.

We will be going on vacation soon and need to find a pet sitter. My husband talked to me about having his friend do it that I know. I was kind of non-committal about it. Then he comes home and tells me that he spoke with his friend and offered him what I felt to be too much money for the task. I was suuuuuper pissed! I asked him, why didn't you discuss this with me beforehand so that we could be in agreement?

That being said, it is also extremely annoying to have a "no" man. I dated someone like that and dropped them like a hot potato. So I would absolutely have a discussion w/ your hubs about that. Living with someone like that can drive you to do underhanded things, I tell ya!! ;)

Good luck! (Married here for 16 years.)

ETA: My husband once did this when he was in college (and we were married). At school they offered him some free stuff and he ended up opening 3 or 4 credit cards. I was soooo ticked off because we were saving for a house and opening that many credit cards at once is no bueno! Oh man, I ribbed him about it forever :)

It probably wasn't the best way to get everything for a "cheap" price. Usually the store card comes with some hidden or higher interest fees.

My questions to you. Do you have any credit in your name? If not then maybe treat this as your entry into the world of debt. Pay off before you put anything else on the card otherwise it just spirals and you have paid far more than you thought. I know that you have been married for 7 years but you should have something for you besides the us. You just never know when things will go south. I am not saying that they will.

Remember the lesson and speak to your husband about finances. Have a limit that you don't have to discuss things say $50 to $70. Anything over that you will have to talk about.

I am glad that you two have patched things up. Ask him to explain why he felt that way. Could it be that since he is in sales he sees things differently than you do being at home? What are your long term goals? Be on the same page financially and all will go well from here on out.

the other S.

A seventeen year marriage vet here...and I am in the yes it was okay/no it wasn'y okay camp...in our marriage it would have been okay but sounds like in your situation it wasn't...

I don't see that what you did was a huge deal breaker, but just a jumping off point for some good discussion after it all dies down...which it sounds like you guys have made up and all is well again....yea!!

In our marriage we both do things like this all the time...trying to make the most of our money situation even if it involves opening a credit card or getting a free 30 day subscription then cancelling it. We both do it with out asking, but we do tell each other about it within a day or two so when the emails, or snail mail turns up neither one of us goes, "what in the world??"

I opened a free two week subscription to hulu plus when I was spending nights at the hospital with a relative so I could watch tv shows on our tablet. My husband just opened an Amazon Prime account last week (I don't even know the details other than free shipping and free instant videos until it is cancelled...maybe the same deal you did???). He told me about it with in a few days...my husband asked about the hulu account the next day as he got an email about it...all is fine with us because we both know neither of us will be racking up charges on a new account and we are super careful to cancel things when the free time period is up.

Sounds like since you and hubby didn't have a pre-existing agreement to do these type of things that is where your case falls in the should of asked first category. But talk it over when all is calm and maybe next time you won't need to ask and he will trust you to just do it OR he may want you to check in first. But at least that way you will know! Big hugs and congrats on 10+years!!

How would you feel if you opened the mail and saw he had done that without talking to you.

I think it is a BIG deal when something like this happens, J.. But it can be fixed. For future situations, ask. In that particular situation, if he hadn't wanted to do the credit card, then you would have had the option of handing the problem back to him "Well, honey, if we don't do this, do you have another idea in mind?"

Talk to him, too, about *how* he likes to be asked. I am prone to deliberating on those sorts of decision myself--- that is to say, I sometimes need more time to reasonably consider something than just being put on the spot. More often than not, if I'm not given time to make a choice, my answer is 'no'. Any bigger purchases, we both agree on. Since my husband is currently the breadwinner, I do check in with him about spending money, just to make sure that we can afford a purchase, even if it's on sale. Since your husband does carry the financial provider burden, purchases can be more than purchases at times, they can be a source of anxiety if the money isn't coming in as expected. Go forward working a little more collaboratively on the spending and I think you two will be okay.

As long as you don't have to pay a credit card annual fee, I don't think what you did is wrong. You saved a bundle of money this way. It's like opening a store credit card to get 25% off of back-to-school clothes and then cutting up the card after you pay the bill before any interest is due. You saved a lot of money for what you would have bought anyway. Your husband is a knee-jerk type of guy and you are the one with the ability to choose a course of action long term that saves your family money.

I would not care if he were mad, actually. As long as you keep to your plan to not use the card and evenutally close the account, that is what counts.

You said in your SWH that you were immature for not telling him. What about his immaturity to just as a matter of course to say no to everything? Stop dinging yourself when you know that he isn't making sense...

One thing to remember here is that some of the people on this thread NEVER use credit cards because they spent themselves into oblivion and possibly nearly lost their marriages over it. However, rather than telling you that, they just tell you how awful you were for doing it. So, take their hypocritical advice with a grain of salt. Some people also can't keep themselves from continuing to spend, which does not seem to be a problem for you. And some people, like me, use cards to maximize savings, and I NEVER pay interest on anything because I pay off the bills in total. There are credit cards that you can pay your household bills with, like your utilities, cell phone, etc, and get money back on at the end of the year. ALSO cards that you can get frequent flyer miles on. AND if you use cards in a certain way, you don't have to pay annual fees to use them. All you have to do is ask the company.

It's a matter of being business savvy, not spending more than you would have in the first place, indeed, spending LESS because you're smart about it. Your husband needs to stop saying "No" simply because he's not smart enough to figure this stuff out.

Not everyone should use credit like this, mom. Some people aren't capable because they spend to "feel good". As long as you pay it off every month and never carry a balance, you aren't doing the wrong thing. Make your husband understand this, and don't put up with him beating you over the head when you're having to do all the work that he's not good at doing.

I've been married nearly 18 years and I manage the money. I can open a line of credit, but my husband can't. Opening a line of credit would be my decision because I handle the finances. I think it is fine that you opened the line of credit, but buying decorations for a birthday party is a huge waste of money! I would have opened the account, and then informed him that I had done it and why. That way it is done, and it is not a surprise or something I am trying to hide.

It would never occur to me to tell my husband I opened a store credit card. I opened one a few weeks ago since I got $10 off my bill. Then like you I payed off the balance and closed the account.
Honestly I think your husband was wrong and I am not sure even in theory why you think he is right and would not do it again. I also can't imagine my husband saying "no" to me as a default answer either.

(Married 17 years)

I have been married for almost 27 years. My husband has done this before but he tells me after. He is our financial advisor. Well, I'm the CEO and he is the CFO =)

To me, I wouldn't freak but I trust my husband and we are on the same page regarding our finances.

I think we are living the same life! We have all summer birthdays, we have auto draw into a savings account, I handle the money, etc.

If your hubs handed the money over to you, then he is over reacting. He needs to trust that you are not going to put the family in dire circumstances. Should you have told him before he saw the card- probably. Should you have told him before you applied- no.

We are like you- we discuss all major purchases (anything over $100) with each other first. We have always done that. But, everyone needs to have some kind of fiscal independence. He should be giving you leeway on this one.

you flew solo while in a committed relationship. Relationships only thrive with honesty & communication between both partners.

That Amazon deal was not going to disappear. It runs 24/7, 365 days/year.

Final answer: yes, as an adult....you had the right to make this choice.
As a marriage partner....you pulled the plug on your husband's right to an opinion.

Your sentence: "I just thought I would handle MY business, it wasn't going to hurt us in any way AND he would NEVER know or be affected by it." WOW....what a doozy of a slam at his rights within your relationship.

I've been married 32 years....& I believe this is not the end of the world, but you've opened the door on some bad possibilities. I hope he stands strong & doesn't follow your choice. Good luck to both of you.

EDIT: one more thought....if you had taken the time to share with him, immediately after the fact.....he would have handled this better. :)

Hmmm, I understand why you did it, but I can also understand why he was mad. I would not have done it though. It always seems, wherever you go, someone wants to give you a credit card, and give you a good deal in return for getting the card. So I always pass it up. I don't think my husband would flip out if I did get a credit card like you did, as long as I didn't use it and canceled it. I don't think it was a huge deal, especially if you are good with your money as you say. But the thing is, is that your husband thinks it is a huge deal, so that means it's a huge deal, and you learned your lesson from him. I'm glad that you were so easy going about it, or there could have been trouble! Congrats on being a couple who can fight, compromise, make up, and not get a divorce over it!! Hope all your parties are awesome! Oh, and I have been married for 23 years.

I totally see his point. But hey, these decisions are yours to make as well. He needs to make his point of asking you not to do anything that has an impact on your credit (good or bad). And you need to make your point that you did what you thought was right, saved some cash and will from now on discuss these sort of details first. Then he needs to let it go.

I don't think it was that bad and I don't think it was sneaky. It was a well thought out plan. Your only mistake was not telling him. I agree that taking out a line of credit is something you should discuss. We have actually known more than one couple where one took out a credit card without telling the other, ran up a lot of debt, then had to fess up.

I think what I would have done is get the card, get the discounts, then told him about what I did (starting with the discounts) and the plan to cancel the card immediately, and apologize for not telling him first because you needed to act quickly, but wanted him to know.

Yes and no.

I have been married for 10+ years. For all of those years, I have had my own checking account and my own credit cards. It is good for people to build their own lines of credit. Since you are married, hubby's line of credit will be impacted, good or bad, also. Think community funds.

Since this is an Amazon card, I am going to say that there is no harm done, since items that can be purchased can be items to benefit the whole family and the family budget. If however, it was a card to Starbuck's, or Disney, etc. with only the one income, that would be different.

If it were a card that gave 5% cash back on purchases, that would be okay too. Like the Target debit card. I chose to do the debit card vs the credit card. It links up to a checking account, doesn't show up on your credit report, you save 5% on all purchases except prescriptions and alcohol, AND when you return something, they just swipe the card to look it up! It's a win, win all around. :)

I don't find what you did to be terrible at all. But, I know that no matter what his reason for his reaction (even if it's because the sun rose in the east) it needs to be discussed. Just like when I have my moments I expect him to take time to talk me down and hopefully work with me better in the future. (I'll share the story of me putting dirty dishes on his side of the bed every day for 2 weeks another time). After so much time together I know his crazy and trust what it means to us in the long term (ie:little to nothing), but also know the process to get to wherever we're going is what is most important. It doesn't mean you did something terrible, but at that moment it was really wrong for him. If you're upset, especially after how you're rocking the finances, it could be because you don't feel acknowledged and possibly trusted in this situation or whatever. :)

Hi, J.,

Married for 8 yrs...dated my husband for 6 years before that. :)

I do think that trust goes both ways. If he was trusted to make financial decisions before, then he should trust you to make the financial decisions now. If this credit card is in your name (which you said it is), then you didn't do anything fraudulent. I have opened up a credit card before without discussing it with my husband beforehand, and it was not a problem with my husband. Frankly, neither of us has time to stop what we're doing, call the other person to get approval, and then continue what we're doing. NOW...I will say that there are hot topic items in every relationship. This is not a hot topic item in our relationship (although, we do work at keeping each other informed of all financial decisions, upcoming expenses, etc.).

Probably a bigger question for you to think about would be the current state of your finances. You mentioned that you have taken over the finances, and this could be for a number of reasons, both good and bad. Do you currently have a lot of credit card debt? Student loan debt? A large mortgage? Problems living within your means? If you are answering yes to any of these, then things are probably a little more tense financially, and this could be a hot topic item for your husband.

Credit wise, don't close the cc account right away. As I'm sure others have mentioned, it can actually hurt your credit to do that.

AND, because I have the Amazon (Chase) Credit Card, I will say that I love mine... I get rewards back on everything that I spend at Amazon, and this shows up immediately as money towards my next purchase (or wait a few purchases and get some money off a future order). We order lots of things from Amazon, like toilet paper, diapers, deodorant, sunscreen, etc. using subscribe and save. It saves us lots of money and ships right to our house for free (and you usually 'clip' a coupon on Amazon's website to get more off). I DO pay off the balance on my Amazon CC EVERY month. The problem with any credit card is when you start carrying a balance....

Glad you made up. Good luck with things! :)

Money handling is the biggest problem in marriages. I used to handle the money and bill paying but when babies came and I was still working full time it got too crazy. My husabnd has now been handling it for almost 17 years. I don't think he does a great job - but he does it fine. He usually discusses credit cards or significant transactions with me - but not always. I have opened store credit cards without discussing with him in order to get a significant discount at the time. We always pay it off - and now he understands why I used store credit cards once in a while.

I do think your husband may have over-reacted - but you probably expected it didn't you? (Based on his 90% of the time "NO" responses.) Once you explained your reasons he became rational though. Maybe when you're having a quiet moment you can mention to him that you've kind of pegged him as a 90% "no" guy and that after 7 years you hope he has learned to trust you more - remind him that you've been responsible - ask if there's any time that you haven't been. Ask him if he can try to trust you more in the future - that it's important to you.

I had gotten to this point that when my husband sat down to do the bills I'd be in another part of the house getting all tense waiting for him to start getting mad about something I'd bought (you know groceries, clothing, etc - and not at Bloomingdales - but Target or Marshalls). So I had sit down with him and explained how tense & anxious I'd get expecting him to begin the tirade. I asked him how did he expect I'd feed and clothe the kids if I couldn't spend money? I told him I understood that he paid the bills and had to have money to pay the oil or electric bill - but I had a kid who didn't have pants that fit (our kids are very tall and always have been so they grew out of clothes super-fast). He didn't realize how anxious he was making me so he agreed to stop acting angry and trust me. Now he tells me if we have a low balance due to a big bill so I can hold off a purchase if needed. If there's a questionable amount on the debit card he'll ask me gently.

It's all about communication. If I had told him to stop yelling at me he'd have gotten defensive. Instead I told him how I felt. He had no idea I'd be cleaning up the kitchen getting anxious inticipating him to flip out over an Old Navy purchase of sale t- shirts & jeans.

We are much better now - although I still ask to sit down and set up a budget....

Hmmm, you say he reflexively says No, quickly, without listening, so you did this without his knowledge. You did it quickly, without listening. Do you see that? You just did what you accuse him about.

You are the pot calling the kettle black. You are both two sides to the same coin. It's the WAY you two make decisions that is causing your discord.
You can compromise on what you spend money but you need to learn to LISTEN! He maybe shutting you down in a way that makes you feel unheard and ignored. So in turn, you find a way to shut out his opinion, how be it, in a passive aggressive way.

Find a book on communication in marriage. You don't need to go all gorilla on him about his aversion to spending, just his ability compromise and to understand that things that are important to you need to be as big a part of spending as the things he wants. A marriage counselor can help but you you two can do it by yourselves! A safe zone is amazingly mature and a great way to start!

Married 26 yrs, he is an amazing tightwad, who has led us through two kids in college without debt, I am the day to day one who puts joy in our lives.

I am learning that it is so important for me not to create any wedge of doubt in my relationship with my husband no matter how little it may seem. He also says no a lot to things I think are a simple yes; when I give him time to think something over and choose the right time to approach him with something (when he is not overly stressed or focused on something so he automatically says no) he sometimes will change his mind or even come up with his own compromise. Material things come and go but a marriage is for a lifetime. I struggle with putting my selfish desires aside at times and want to argue and reason away why I should or should not do certain things; in the end I want build the trust between my husband and I every day. I certainly struggle at times in communicating with my hubby but I am striving to show respect and honor to him as I pray for God to mold my heart I to something beautiful. The more respected my hubby feels the more loving and easygoing he becomes with me. Sometimes I just have not cared to deal with his stubborn side but those are the times I regret the most. I'm glad you and your hubby worked it out:)

Well, I stay home and my husband is in sales, 100% commission, so I get the fluctuating monthly income. We watch what we spend also. If it were *me*, I would have done the same as you except I would have casually mentioned, hey, was on amazon and got this great deal from opening a card, so I did, just to get the perks, but I'm cancelling it after a month when everything is delivered and paid for. Then it wouldn't be behind his back, he still could have gotten a little irked and you could have said, you're right baby, I won't do that again, next time I'll quickly text you to confirm, but you always tell me no and that isn't right either. That will open up communication for sure, which it sounds like you are harboring some resentment, understandably. But I get that sales is hard, we don't know month to month how much our income is...one month it will be $1200 and the next $8000 or more, so I know that as a man he stresses about MAKING the money and probably wants to make sure you aren't disrespecting him by spending it unnecessarily. Just have a chat with him to clear the air. Good luck!

Sorry but your post struck a nerve with me. I feel it is a slippery slope and I'll explain why.

I have a MIL that did things like this behind my FIL's back and always made sure she got the mail before he did to hide her indiscretions. Unfortunately she was not able to pay the bills when they came in and expected us to bail her out. Honestly my FIL may have known about it but was content to play dumb. It was their dance.

While it sounds like you have everything under control and a plan, I would say learn from your mistake and always keep your husband in the loop moving forward. I understand his knee jerk reaction because when it comes to money management I am the uptight one. It's just that 'thing' for me. Know that and accept that about your husband. Discuss with him the best way to broach such subjects in the future and then maybe you'll feel more comfortable going to him in the future.

As far as opening and closing cards, you probably should not close it down. While your credit score takes a hit every time your credit report is reviewed (each time you seek a loan or credit card) your credit score is based on how much credit you have available to you and how much is used. The more credit available, the less you use it, the longer the history, and how you've historically handled that credit can all drive up your score. As long as you are not in the market for a loan anytime soon, it really shouldn't matter.

That's my two cents.