House Hunting

Last year we bought a house and my husband was totally stressed about going through the process. Finding the right real estate agents was a tremendous help - they made it seem less daunting to him and even did a bunch of the research for us.

Yes - stop doing the research.

I guess that depends on why you are moving. If you have already sold your house and need to get somewhere else then you have a bit more of a problem.

This is the old - what do you want for dinner? Whatever. Ok how about pork chops? No, pork chops don't sound good. Ok how about baked chicken? No I'm not in the mood for baked chicken? Ok how about......

This will go on forever. It's one of the things I detest about humans :-(

Is it possible he doesn't want to move and is just being passive aggressive?

Could you tell him that you need a break from the research and suggest that he take it over and bring the list of "possibles" to you for your approval, instead of the current arrangement? If he is the one doing the work, he might become a little more understanding that no one house is going to have EVERYTHING. Ever. And, you get the added benefit of not having to do the work and getting the veto say after he HAS. He might learn to be a little more flexible when he's been walking in your shoes for awhile.

And I agree that you should get your house sold first. It is okay to do some light research... but I wouldn't even get CLOSE to the point of putting an offer on something without having yours sold already. Can you afford 2 house payments? If you can... go for it, but otherwise... no. You are putting the cart before the horse in my opinion.

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Could you tell him that you need a break from the research and suggest that he take it over and bring the list of "possibles" to you for your approval, instead of the current arrangement? If he is the one doing the work, he might become a little more understanding that no one house is going to have EVERYTHING. Ever. And, you get the added benefit of not having to do the work and getting the veto say after he HAS. He might learn to be a little more flexible when he's been walking in your shoes for awhile.

And I agree that you should get your house sold first. It is okay to do some light research... but I wouldn't even get CLOSE to the point of putting an offer on something without having yours sold already. Can you afford 2 house payments? If you can... go for it, but otherwise... no. You are putting the cart before the horse in my opinion.

I completely agree with Brenna. My first thought is that he is hesitant to move for some reason and/or is being lazy. Stop doing the research and if he really wants to move, he will start doing it himself. If you really want to move and this is not an option, it looks like you are stuck doing the research. Try showing him how excited you are about certain options, locations, etc and maybe he will eventually share in that excitement. Drive around in areas he wants to be in and look for houses that way. That works for DH and me.

Just out of curiousity, how many people are in your house now? I ask because one party in our similarly sized home always complains about lack of space.

I wish you luck!

I would wait until your house sells before putting in any offers. Once your home is sold, he will feel a little more gung-ho about getting into a new home.

Consider coming to Castro Valley it's got plenty of houses to see.
I can tell that he really doesn't want to make a change and that no matter how perfect the house it will not be the ONE. So make a list and see what it is that can be done. For example it is proved that neighborhoods change every 5 years so when did yours start the turn over and is there something in the area close to you that would work. Our son found his perfect house in Patterson and he commutes a long way each day but adore his neighbors and home so says its worth it. Believe me it may turn out that he would rather add on than move so get him to be honest and tell you what the problem is. Change is hard for some people. I have a great desire to move since my husbands death but my youngest child is fearful of the "what if's" that might come up-- lifeis an adventure and one has to make change to grow is all I can tell him. GOOD LUCK

We went through something similar trying to find a church. I wanted my husband to be the head of our home and spritual head. I wanted him involved in the process so he would be happy withthe choice. He had a ridiculous checklist and no church could ever have fit into the tiny box he had in mind. We went all over town. He would say "this one is too white, choir was no good, this one is too black, but it had a better choir. I want Babtist, but not traditional." It was so frustrating. Obviously there was more going on within him. I got irritated and just stopped trying to come to an agreement. I plopped my butt at the nearest nondenominational church to my house - literally 3 blocks away. It was racially diverse, Bible based. Very soulful white preacher and very soulful, diverse choir with a diverse musical range. The people have been so warm and welcoming and we have a found a real church home there. It took, maybe 3 months of me and the kids going ( I never guilted him, but he knew he was always welcome)until he finally started going with us. Now he is in love with the place. I gave up trying to please the unpleasable and found something that worked for me. Eventually he came around and found that it worked for him to. Maybe you can stop presenting choices and just go on about your regular life and make your situation work for you. He can get on board or not.

Well we just moved last August into our new house. I've wanted to move for the past 8 years, no kidding. The area that we were in was downgrading quickly and I didn't want to put any more money into the house in fear that we we did move we would lose money on saleing our house. I bugged hubby about forever and finally he felt like the time was right. Since I was the one at home I was the one that would do most of the looking (on the web) and then run them across him to see what he would think. It was so frustrating. I'd love them and he would hate them or the other way around. After our house got an offer he stepped up and we found the perfect home and love it. Looking back I'm sure glad that we didn't settle for the other homes because we would have missed the one that we are in. It's all about timing. Take a deep breath and continue your search, it will happen. Worse thing you want to ever do is move into a house that one of you felt pressured into getting. That would be awful.
I really think he will be different once the house that you are in gets an offer and moves forward a sale. Wish you the best ")
C.