Homework Help - How Much Is Too Much?

He is too involved. If she's as smart as you say and capable he should be around for the occasional question but let her do her work herself. No correcting every problem, telling her exactly what to write, looking over her shoulder.

A huge part of education should be critical thinking and problem solving. She can't do that without being allowed to make mistakes and let the teacher see those mistakes. It's not about getting the problems right, it's about the process of learning HOW to get them right completely on her own.

My son is in first grade and I do still sit with him but for the most part he does his homework on his own. If he has questions then I'll answer them and ya I do make him rewrite something if I can't read it. Other than that I don't give him the answers and he does pretty well with me sitting here on my laptop while he does it.

I don't really help my kids with homework. Here's why:

Homework is a tool for teachers to learn how well their students do the work ON THEIR OWN.

If one of my boys tells me they don't understand, I'll ask them to read the instructions again.

I do look over work once it's done, but if it's wrong, I'll hand it back and say "a few of these are wrong," or "I don't think you fully read the instructions." I never give answers, and never give formatting instructions.

I agree with you. Your husband is too involved. He needs to back off a bit. It's okay to offer a little guidance, but he shouldn't be telling her exactly how to write it or which exact problems are incorrect (she needs to learn how to check her work herself). He's not creating an idependent thinker.

My boys are in 4th and 6th grades. They both get A's and B's. With very little help from me.

It is good that he is involved and wants to help, but this is her homework.teachers can tell if a parent Is doing the homework or overly involved in a child's homework..

The teacher NEEDS to see the honest work.
This is the only way a teacher can assist a child.

We were asked by the teachers in elementary school to allow the children to begin their homework on their own. If they have a question.. Help the child figure out the answer.. Children need to learn to problem solve.We were also told that there would probably be homework every night except fridays.. If the child did their homework each night..

Some children do better if their is an adult within eyesight. Some children are more independent than this and can work on their own.work.

Your husband can then look it over and let her know if he sees a mistake. Not show it to her, but let her figure it out.

I personally did not correct mistakes. I let our daughter turn it in as it was..In elementary.. . Her homework was mainly used to allow them to practice what they learned.. like a reinforcement. They graded their own papers in class. Homework was counted more for completion than the grade.. But the teachers did use them to see what the child or class had missed in concepts.

By about 3rd grade. I NEVER again asked if there was homework and if she had done it.. she was responsible for completing it and getting it turned in , in time. I bet. SD could be one of these students too, if given the chance.

She's really strong academically, and very capable. You already know that. So, what she needs to learn is how to work independently, how to be responsible, and how to figure things out on her own. Or ask for help when she needs it. I think you DH is well-meaning, but he is missing the bigger picture. He's taking on too much responsibility for controlling HER homework. So what if she formats the problems not precisely the way your DH would do it. Let her do it on her own. It is not the end of the world if she makes a few mistakes. That will be how she learns. I wouldn't correct anything, unless she asks you to check something she isn't sure about. If she was struggling academically, or you felt like she was missing certain skills and the teacher wasn't attentive enough to be concerned she was falling behind, I would be more concerned with correcting her work and taking more time to reinforce lessons at home.

I do sit down with my first grader while he's doing homework. My purpose isn't to help him get the right answers, though; it's to signal that I care about academics and to make homework a pleasant mom-kid time.

I basically do everything your husband does EXCEPT help him with the homework itself. The rule is that if my son truly doesn't understand something, he can ask me to help figure it out, but otherwise I don't intervene.

I think that's a pretty good balance, for 1st grade.

I would ask him to guide her only when she needs it and do so in a way that she discovers the answers herself. If she doesn't learn to understand the directions alone, then she'll be lost when he's not there.

What we did was have SD do HW at the table while we cooked dinner. If she needed an explanation we were in the room and we would explain, and walk her through a problem. Then we'd let her try the next few on her own. It can be hard not to do so much FOR them, but you have to let them try - and even fall down. We did not hover, because she needed to be able to work independently in class. This becomes more and more important as the years go on.

If the teacher is noticing that she is mimicking this in class, then he needs to revisit how he's doing HW with her. Also, if she doesn't struggle here and there, you won't truly know where she really needs help. There's a difference in having to think about it and not truly knowing or understanding.

I would pick the main thing that you think needs to change and talk to him about it. Tell him you are glad he's an involved father but suggest something like being in the room doing his own thing rather than feeling like he has to supervise every tiny detail. Encourage him to trust her. She's a smart kid. She can do this. Give her room to show him.

I completely agree with Christy Lee. I am a teacher (high school) and I also have two sons who are very successful in school (third and ninth grades). While it's wonderful that your husband is so involved in your daughter's education (I wish my students' parents were so involved!), your daughter will learn so much more if she is allowed to struggle a bit on her own. My youngest son is a perfectionist, and I tell him all the time, "You will never learn anything if you always get everything right." Your daughter needs to have time to think things through, to make mistakes, and then to figure out how to correct the mistakes on her own. If she needs help, she will know that Dad is nearby to help her out, but he should wait until she asks. JMO.

The child of mine that I helped the most is in grad school getting a masters in immunology. He got a BS in microbiology from the number 7 school in the nation-case closed. It's the "rule of do"-you do what you've got to do to get them the best education possible. My child with the 148 IQ-never needed help;he got a GED and didn't attend college and it damn near killed me-but he is doing well and has a fabulous job/career that he loves. My oldest finished college and is a SAHM-she probably was number two in the help with homework department until high school. My other little girl has nine hours to go to get her BA-she needed five minutes of help in all of school-until last year; I flew out to be with her the last two weeks of college to help her get through-now I pray every day that she will finish. My youngest is in college and I help him when he needs it-it, apparently, is my mission.

I agree with you on this one. My daughter is also in first grade and the same as your daughter - everything has come easy so far for her - she reads 1-2 grades higher than her grade and already knows all the math they are teaching.

That being said, at some point our daughters are going to start to be challenged with their homework. Soon enough, the material in class will be new and harder to work through. Now, when things are easy for her, is the time to get those study habits nailed down. Her study habit now is to have Dad tell her EXACTLY what to do. When she eventually gets homework that is challenging, she is going to be looking at Dad for the answers.

That's NOT to say that he should not be involved - he should be. Let her give it a try on her own - see what she comes up with - they're in first grade - it doesn't have to be grammatical perfection, since they have not learned all the grammer yet. If she is making a mistake, then it should be corrected and Dad should tell her why it was wrong. Then she corrects it.

With my kids, they sit at the kitchen table to do most of their work so I can monitor them (and so they have a minimum of distractions), but they are pretty much on their own in terms of doing the work. If they ask, "How do I do this problem?" I'll ask them, "How do YOU think you should do that problem?" More often than not, they know how to do it, and are just looking for confirmation that they're on the right track. You're correct that part of the exercise of doing homework is so kids can have some time to think through the problems and questions, and puzzle things out on their own. Maybe your husband should try letting her do a worksheet from start to finish, and then when she is done, he can look over it, and circle the ones she needs to revisit. Then let her try again on those problems. If she gets them wrong a second time, then go over it with her step by step.

It sounds like your husband is just enjoying being involved with her school work, which is good, but maybe he could do so by listening to her read aloud, or something like that. He can still feel connected while allowing her some space on her math and language arts homework.

It's too much involvement.

There are a lot of reasons why it's not good for dad to pay excessive attention to her homework. It sounds like it will be hard to stop him, though, but you should try to get him to at least minimize the involvement in her homework. It is not HIS homework.

Kudos to your husband for helping your young one stay on task!

The hardest part of being a parent is watching your kids struggle or having something take them longer than it takes us. We then get ants in our pants and blurt out the answers. :)

For us, the approach that has worked best is this. We are in the kitchen or at the table with my son while he is doing his work, but we are doing our own thing too. Whether it is reading, eating dessert, or cooking dinner. If he has a question, we answer it, but we also let him struggle. When doing a bunch of math problems we tell him to finish the page. When he is done we review it and mark with a pencil the ones that are not correct. He then redoes those problems. If he can't get the answer we help him.

The hardest thing for us to do as a parent is to knowingly let our kid turn in work that is wrong, but sometimes, that's just what they need to do.

This is an excellent question for your daughter's teacher, different teachers have different ideas on the subject. My children's teacher have always encouraged us to get involved with their homework assigments. My daughter's 2nd grade teacher explained it this way, the child needs to practice what they are learning in school, but they need to practice it the CORRECT way. In other words if she is misreading words or doing math problems the wrong way then she is not properly practicing what she needs to learn so it is a total waste of time. There are some assigments that you have to do with your child anyway like timed reading (if she has not done this yet, she will eventually) and math games that are meant to be played with a family member (both of my children have had these types of homework). As your daughter matures she will be able to do her homework more independently, but you should still check her work and tell her if she needs to do something over. That is NOT THE SAME AS GIVING HER THE ANSWERS, you just say "oops, try again on problem 5, do you remember how to do long division?" When you get into the more advanced stuff there are even tutorials online which can be a big help. Best of luck!

I've struggled with this one myself. What I do now is have my daughter, also in 1st grade, read me the assignment instructions. Then I have her tell me what it means in her own words to make sure she understands what to do. Once she's clear on what needs to be done then I move away from the table and go work on making dinner or dishes or whatever busy work I have to do in the kitchen.

If she has a question I will put it back to her as in "Well how do YOU think you could find the answer to the problem?" While I engage her in the thought process, I push her to utilize her own problem solving skills to come up with a solution.

After she has completed the assignment I will look over it with her and if I see something is wrong I ask her to review her answers to see if she can find her mistake. It may be something as simple as writing a letter or number backwards but I try to have her go find and fix it. Or sometimes it's because she forgot to use a math rule so she didn't get the correct answer. And still sometimes it's just something new and she hasn't quite gotten her mind wrapped around how it works yet.

If it's because she truly doesn't understand something than I work through it with her and attach a note to her teacher letting her know that M is struggling with this assignment and may need more help. Once the work is done to her satisfaction then we move on to the next subject's homework and follow the same procedure.

Just an FYI, our teacher told us at the beginning of the year if at any time your child is having difficulty completing an assignment include a note on that assignment or shoot her an email ASAP because if your child is struggling with it you can bet many others are too. She needs to know right away so she can reteach that lesson in a different way to make sure everybody understands before moving on to the next lesson.

Both of our teachers from last year and this year stressed the importance of the children doing their homework with very little assistance from us. They need to see how the kids do independently on their homework assignments to gauge their progress. Yes, they also use tests to see how the kids are doing but they are NOT testing every subject everyday. Our tests are given on Friday's so if they only went by testing then they wouldn't know until Friday that your child is struggling so by then they've wasted an entire week's teaching time on the subject. By using the homework as a guide the teacher can tell when the children are not understanding the work which gives her time to regroup and try teaching it in a different way.

Perhaps your husband could try just going over the instructions with her to make sure she comprehends what to do and then move away. Allow her to complete the assignment on her own and then check it with her.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Homework is to show the teacher what a child can do on its own. If she is not doing it alone then the teacher knows what child + dad can accomplish. I would not give as much help as you saying your husband is giving. Motivation to get started perhaps, but not how to format and do the homework.

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I don't really agree that homework is so that the teacher knows what the child can do alone because many teachers don't really grade homework. They look to see that it is turned in, but they don't actually grade it.

I do help with homework, but I don't usually sit with GD while she does it unless she is doing something she has asked for help with. To me, homework is to make sure that the child grasped the subject matter and to help solidify it. If GD needs help, I'm right there. If, however, she can do it on her own, then I go about my business.

I wonder, if she's sooooo far ahead of the rest of the class, why she needs so much help?

I would let him be.

The teacher can tell how much help a youngster is getting.

He/she will be able to gauge the assistance the child is getting.
If the student is getting too much help at home, the teacher will tell you.

I wish we had a million like your H! He has been instramental in your child having high standards. He does homework help like he wants to and not like you would. Really, he does homework help like any overly smart guy would.
Would you change if the situation were reversed?
If he told you to hold back a bit, how would he have to phrase it to have you be receptive to it?
Your daughter has been taught to do her best but alas, that often comes at a price. Google gifted kids and you can evaluate together how homework should be done going forward. I have a gifted one and they do need challenges. If they don't have them then when the going gets really rough and they are not going to make that A or B in college they kind of fall apart because their self esteem depends on it. Don't over emphasize grades. Keep a balance in their lives. I have no doubt that with your H's help, she could be extremely successful in her chosen area but she needs several areas to be safe.

i dont agree that homework is to show the teacher what the child can do on their own.

That is what a Test is for. Homework is extra practice in the RIGHT way to do something. How is practicing it WRONG going to help your child to learn it. IF you are truely concerned that the teacher need to know what the kids understands or doesn't a little note attached to the homework could say Johnny had some trouble iwth addition facts. would suffice.

That Said, I would find a nice way to ask dh to allow dd time to work through it on her own and then he review it and if necessary he can tell her to look closer at problems 4-8, he should have a feel if she was NOt understanding something or if she made a careless error.
maybe telling him she needs to practice looking back over her answers so she can do that herself in a test situation.

Kudos to dad for trying though, That's the second great dad/hubby question today, 'im jealous.