Homeschooling - Montpelier,OH

We had a lot of resistance from family members when we started 3 years ago. My mom and dad thought we were nuts, and other family members made comments here and there. It still happens, we get a snarky comment here or there and yes, people do blame homeschool for every little thing that goes wrong!

Instead of changing people's minds (which is hard to do and quite pointless) I've learned to get support from other homeschooling families in my area. When things get hard, I talk to them. I can't talk to my mom, because she just says "well, if you'd just send her to Public School you wouldn't have that problem." It's such a relief to talk with other people going through the same journey you are.

I've let the proof be in my daughter and her progress. I don't discuss homeschooling with my family and if it comes up I change the subject. It's not worth discussing, they're not changing my mind and I'm certainly not changing theirs!

Since we've started 3 years ago we've had some very positive remarks from family members who were naysayers in the beginning. One commented on how grown-up she handles herself. Another was surprised when she jumped in and joined a science discussion with my cousin who is 3 years older than her! She knew more than him about astronomy!

My family does remark about all the wonderful field trips we take and how lucky she is to be able to experience things first hand.

If I were you I'd take the "it's your child, do what you want" and be okay with that for now. At least they aren't nagging at you every minute! The proof will be in what a wonderful and well-educated lady your daughter will turn out to be. As she grows they will see--and that is all the argument you need.

Good luck!

Hi R.,
I have found that the best course of action is to just keep doing what you are doing. You cannot convince someone to like what you are doing. Eventually, they will come around as they see the fruit of your labors with your child. When asked, be ready to give an answer as to why you are doing what you are doing. Don't take offence. I'm not sure what your journey has been like, but I was terrified to start homeschooling. I had so many questions and misconceptions of what it was all about. It took time for me to realize that it is a wonderful thing, not to be afraid of it, that it is a great way to educate the children, etc. These ideas are very new and odd for many, many people. Some people, grandparents in particular, sort of mourn for the loss of the dream that they had made in their minds. They wrongly think that the child will be missing out on what they knew as normal: prom, graduation, various markers of growing up, etc. that they associate with public school. And, to be honest, sometimes they find it hard to share these things with their friends whose own grandchildren are doing the more socially normal public school. But, in time, they get over it. ;) And, hopefully, they will see the blessings of your decisions. Be patient with them, and love them through it. Gently show them, often without a word, that what you are doing is the best thing for your child. Blessings!

I've been homeschooling for four years now, and here's what I've come to suspect when it comes to other people's reactions (including family): IT'S USUALLY ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU.

In other words, they may look at your choice as an indictment of their own choices, or they may think you judge them for not doing it, or they know in their hearts they would never do it themselves for whatever reason yet they feel slightly guilty about it.

My family is mostly supportive but I do get questions from friends. I've gotten to where I can tell the difference in genuine interest vs. a need for validation.

I would not let it bother me as long as they don't act negative in front of your kids.

I do tell my kids that they may be the only homeschoolers some people ever meet so try to be a good example.

Good luck.

Hi, R.,
I dealt with this, also. Mostly from my in-laws, but my own parents were not crazy about the idea. They all felt this way about all my schooling choices for my children (homeschooling, then sending them to a Waldorf school).

Truthfully, I never said anything to them, trying to defend it or explain it. I just let time take care of it. After a year or so, they saw how my children behaved and spoke, and they heard what knowledge my children had. And they finally just realized and accepted that I actually knew what I was doing in my choices for my children!

Hopefully, your family will come 'round, also. Until then, if your child notices any attitude, just point out that all families are different and have different ways of doing things, but this is what is best for your family. And be proud and enthusiastic whenever someone asks you (like I'd get lots of questions out in public when people would see my children not in school during the week) about it. Say with a smile and a proud tone of voice, "Yes, we homeschool!"

Good luck!

Since this is such an integral part of your child's upbringing, I would set the following boundaries.....any negative comments within the hearing of your child should be met with your immediate, calm, departure from the gathering......no arguing, etc., just leave......do this until they get the idea....it should be made clear by your calm behavior that you will not tolerate any negative attitudes, particularly around your daughter.
If it should take place in your home, leave the room or the house, if you have to.
Be willing to answer any questions about your learning program, schedule, etc., if they should arise. Maybe you could invite one of the "doubters" to take part in a field trip or other learning experience, or maybe one of them has a particular job or skill that they could demonstrate to your daughter.
Just make sure that she is not exposed to their attitudes and hope that they will come to see the value in what you are doing for her, as well as the advantage of your one-to-one ratio, and so on.
Also, they may not be aware of how thorough homeschooling programs can be, and that excellent materials are available to those who undertake such a path.
Hopefully they will come around eventually, when they realize that you are serious. Good luck.

Updated

I forgot to add this, but on the lighter side, when my neighbor was homeschooling her five children, I told her to feel free to send any one of them over to me if they were causing a problem, and it did happen at least once......he was not thrilled to be under my supervision for the allotted time, but it gave her a break, and the others never tested her that far again!
I am a retired teacher, and a tip that I gave her was to have the kids get dressed, eat breakfast, and then go out the back door of the house and come around to the front door and into "school" in order to have a more structured start to their morning classes.......it helped them get more focused on learning.

R.,

Ask them to teach a lesson! Find something in which they excel, or are proud of their own knowledge, then ask them to teach a lesson about it to your child. EVERYONE knows something in detail and with accuracy, so find a topic, explain your request, and illustrate how this is actually "homeschooling."

Point out that you "homeschooled" your child when you taught language, manners, getting dressed, and countless other skills.

Show them examples of work your child has completed, even by having it on the refrigerator when they visit, or sending a letter now and then with pictures, reports, worksheets, or art projects.

My FIL interrogates my two boys (ages 9 & 7) each time he sees them in person, or speaks to them on the phone to determine if their level of knowledge meets his approval. (A bit problematic because he and his wife met in college--which they commenced when they were 16.) My 9-year-old's skill at chess, and love of reading, and quoting, "Calvin and Hobbes" is helping.

Remind them of all the behavior your child could be picking up at the brick-and-mortar school--cursing, bullying, disrespect, inability to interact with humans of different ages, advanced sexual knowledge at an early age, classes catered to the lowest common denominator due to the "No Child Left Behind" policy, a class to teacher ratio somewhere in the neighborhood of 20:1, complaints in many schools about lack of budget and thus cutting "non-essential" programs like music and art, all the wasted time each day getting to and from the location, and the appalling fact that many schools are failing in their effectiveness rating assessed by the state or federal government.

Find articles written by education experts that explain homeschooling, as well as statistics on the commonly-seen results of the process. Colleges now actively recruit homeschooled students because, in general, these students already have good study habits, are used to being independent learners, and do not generally have the usual "Freshmen Follies" of poor sleep habits, partying, drinking, etc. Note also that the numbers of homeschooled students in the US is growing by leaps and bounds since there are now many excellent curriculum providers, and e-schooling allows students to learn at home via the computer.

Best wishes,
K.

R., it is something that is going to happen, either from family members or friends..or neighbors . You have to be strong and do not fight it or feel you have to give a whole explanation about your decisions. When you have an opportunity you can talk nicely about the progress on one or several subjects of your daughter, show them what she is doing, etc. Speak to them without being angry or frustrated and give them short answers. The problem of resistance and criticism about home schooling is mostly because of misunderstanding and lack on information even when there is a lot of information out there nowdays, but is so much easier for many people to remain on what is known and "normal".
When your arguments or exchange of ideas take place about home schooling, let your daughter to go out or go to another room to do something and then say to your family member or friend that you, your husband and especially your daughter is happy with it, and there is not need to keep discussing it. Again, be strong and firm but polite.
R. have faith and keep doing what you are doing YOU are the only one who knows what is better for your daughter. Home schooling is a long journey on a road with roses and stones, however is the most rewarding experience. It has never been easy to raise a child and much less when we, moms, do it in a different way. There will always be something or someone against our choices in motherhood and parenting, always....that is part of life.
Good luck on your journey. Be strong!

We will be homeschooling, and with zero support from parents. My cousin homeschooled, and despite this fact, my mother is vehemently against it. She keeps looking for reasons that I should send ds to school. Now, if my mother comments on homeschooling (over the phone since we live 12 hrs away), I say nothing. After a long silence, she changes the subject. I have nothing left to say to her on the matter. Not sure I have any suggestions for you, but at least you know there are others out there like you! Best of luck!

My MIL was the only one who ever opposed us to our face. Everyone else does it behind our back. LOL Mostly though my family just accepts that this is what my family does. With my MIL we just ignored her. She is not the one raising my kids. She does not get to make the decisions. Of course she passed away a year ago so...