Home Buyer's Remorse

Hindsight is always 20/20...isn't it! I don't have any advice to offer, but I guess you can use it as a learning experience...((HUGS))

One thing you can consider is an appliance warranty. My DH bought an older home and over time many appliances have gone belly up (like the dryer). This helped him replace some of them and get others repaired for less. Sometimes what they won't cover is maddening, but sometimes it's been a big help. You have to crunch the numbers.

Yes I can relate. We moved to a newer home when I was pregnant with our first. Our first house was on an acre of land. Trees all around. Couldn't see the neighbors. The new house was on 1/4 acre. You could stand on your porch and watch the backyard neighbor's tv! The side neighbor was ALWAYS on his deck waiting for you to step out so he could chat. Everytime the wind blew, shingles would fly off the roof. Trash cans would dance down the road. At one point I could watch the walls of the living room sway. I think the neighbor's son was a drug dealer. Couldn't prove it, but there were all the signs. The 2nd floor back deck was a safety hazzard... the list goes on.

For us, a friend sold their house 2y later, and we were lucky enough to buy it.

I know you were hoping to stay in the house for many years, but if you can even stay for 2 years, you'll benefit from the taxes. If you sell before 2y, you'll get hit with a capital gains tax.

As for the list of issues, we are now going through this with our current house. Its 30y old and starting to show its age. The list grows everyday! Did you get a home warranty with your current house? Use this to replace/repair things. This will save you tons! If an appliance breaks, instead of just running out and replacing it, you can pay $75, a serviceman from the warrenty place will come take a look. He'll either repair it, or say you need a new one and go get the replacement. The people that bought our 'troubled' home had the gas heating system go out 2 months after they moved in. For $50 they got a whole new system.

As for your freezing basement, basements are always cooler. If the whole house is cold, you should have someone inspect the air vents. My parents house got really cold, their bill was through the roof. An inspector found that an animal had gotten into the attic and eaten through the vent. They were heating the attic!

For us, I am looking at our list and saying what NEEDS fixed first? For example: VA has had a ton of rain this week, and now a problem with the outside of our garage siding is causing a big problem of water getting into the garage. For your list, getting an inspection of the vents and new windows would be top of my list. Remember, any improvements made, new roof, windows, energy efficient appliances, can be written off on taxes.

Good luck
M.

I know what you mean. After looking for over a year, my husband and I found a house that while it was smaller than we wanted (2 bedrooms), it was solid, had a basement with a finished room, all brick, in the country and lots of room to expand.

Three years later, we have two kids sharing a room and while this is not an issue by itself, the room is tiny - like 10x10 with a tiny closet. We want more kids so we know we'll have to add on or move before that can happen (ideally). Our house depreciated by 23K in the two years we have owned it! We have about .5 acre that we never use or will never use because it's not fenced in (the rest is).

Most of the house is older - older carpeting, flooring in the kitchen, etc. We have decided to stick it through five more years and in that time, fix what HAS to be fixed first and foremost (we changed out the furnace and water heater last year) and the roof this week and then do the things we WANT to fix (new kitchen knobs, door handles, etc) so that if we do sell it, all of those things will be newer and if we don't (and just add on which we will do not matter what - just depends on the cost how large we'll expand), we will have slowly updated our home.

I suggest writing down a list of the MUST fix stuff and figure out how/when you can fix that. Overall you made the move for your kids, so focus on that.

I understand having buyer's remorse, but I think it's best to just focus on what you have and make the best of it!

I know how you feel! You just have to give it time. Each year do a few home improvement projects. Whatever you can afford to do. Each one will make you feel better. If in 5 years you still cannot stand your house, then sell and look for one you like better! One house we had I just hated - it was so dated, it was too "suburbia" for me, etc. But after we lived there a while it grew one me...and we did end up selling and buying a house we liked better. But you know what? By that time I actually regretted selling it bc I saw all the good in that house and it's location! Funny!

Something to think about: Does your state do a free energy audit? Some states do this - and inspector comes out and after a careful inspection they make a list of all the ways you can improve the energy efficiency of your home (like replacing windows). Some states give you a certain amount towards improvements even.

I totally feel your pain. When we bought out home we too were rushed because the seller refused to show it to any one else until we made our decision. We needed new windows, new siding, and a new roof (part had actually fallen in, but we didn't know that until they started the new roof). We too were so dissappointed in the house, BUT BUT BUT then a really bad storm came and we had hail damage all over. So the insurance company paid for the new siding but $2k and the new roof but the part that needed new decking and we bought new windows with our tax refund.

God works in strange ways. Try to look past those things and if you really like the house then turn it into your home and take on one project at a time.

It will be a long battle and you will never be finished because there will always be something that you want to change, but give it time. If in 5 years you want to move still then move. All the work that you put into it should help with the value and hopefully the market will be better in 5 years.

Best of Luck!!!

Hey Jen,
I bought a home three years ago - then the real estate market plunged and I am now sitting in a house that I owe more on than what it is worth. Plus I need some upgrades - things that I planned on doing in the past three years but now I don't want to put any money into the house since I am already so far upside down on the mortgage. It is still my home and I do like it - but I have a love/hate relationship with home ownership because it can be such a downer.

You need to take a breathe and look around - anyplace can be a home as long as our families are with us. Have you put your "stamp" on the house yet - not just your things in place - but you have to "stamp" your memories into the house also. Have you met your neighbors? Get to know them - I liked my house much better once I got to know a few neighbors. Invite your old neighbors over for a weekend bash - if it is too far away, throw sleeping bags all over the living room and have everyone crash at your new house - adults, kids, dogs and all.

Buyer's remorse is very common - the euphoria of the new purchase wears off and we panic. Heck, we do it with cars, shoes, and clothing also. But, remind yourself of the positive reasons of why you moved - and there were some - they have just gotten lost in the shuffle of moving boxes.

Don't panic over things and appliances that have not broken yet - make a list of improvements to be done - sit down wit your hubby and figure up a reasonable time table for completion - then toss it in the junk draw in the kitchen until it time for the first item to be crossed off the list. Or burn it - just don't let it control your life.

And, hey, spring is just around the corner - your gonna' love your backyard when summer comes.

Good Luck and God Bless

You are not being ungrateful you were thinking that a larger home would provide more comfort for your family.
I had another friend and client that wanted very much to move and get a home closer to her oldest son's college. She and her husband believed that if they sold their lovely home which they had $300,000 in equity and purchased another home in an area that was like you outside of the city and away from her friends they would be happy. They would have nice big home and be able to pay for their son's college. I tried very hard to explain how much she would miss her friends and neighbors of 20 years. With my help they purchased the new home. They were not happy they missed everyone and everything. Two years later they moved back to their friends and neighbors to a much smaller home. There son had to drive more but there life is good again. Move space can appear to be our answer but what really matters most is not where you are at but who you are with. I suggest you save and plan for your move as soon as you can so your family too can get back on track. y name is Connie Quinn and I sell Real Estate in and around Anaheim California, I wish you the best. Did you have a complete home inspection done before you purchased the home? I do not sell a home without a complete home inspection. Did you get a home warranty when you purchased your home? If you did this would cover most of the expenses that you are talking about. I tell all my clients do not buy without knowing what you are buying. If by chance something does break even with the inspection then the home warranty will cover you. In California complete home inspections cost around $275 and home warranties around $375 which is worth every penny.

Megan had great advice. I am sorry for your situation.
Since you are going to be here for a few years at least, make yourself a list of the things you DO like about your house. It will at least help you feel better about it while you are there. Prioritize the repairs and take care of things that will help with reselling it, if needed in a few years.
Sometimes small fixes can make a huge difference in how you feel about your house. For instance, when we were trying to sell my old home, all I could see were things I hated about the house and all the repairs that needed to be made. My realtor came through and made some very good, inexpensive suggestions. I found that painting and redecorating even just 1 room (and really, I spent maybe $150 tops on paint, supplies and decor), I suddenly started liking the house a lot more. I was able to overlook some of the problems. Maybe that would help a bit for now.

I did not read the replies that you have gotten.
My husband was transfered from St. Louis, MO to Kokomo, IN. We are greatfull that he has a job with Chrysler. He was transfered in Feb. Well with my oldest in school I did not want to move in the middle of the school year nor were we sure what was going to happen to Chrysler so we decided to wait till after school ended to move. Well we began house hunting in April and did not find a house that we liked in our price range or in the school district that I wanted to be in until the June. When we looked at the house we knew that it would be pushing it for us to be happy.
We had 20 acres of trees, could not see the black top from our house. We cleared about an acre and a half for our house and yard. Well now we live in a house that is on a 3/4 acre lot. There is an in ground swimming pool in the back yard so my poor dog who had about an acre to run in a fenced in safe area now has about 1/8 of an acre for her yard. We live on a busy intersection so I can no longer let my kids just go out and play in the yard like I used to be able to do.
However what really got us was that it was not disclosed that our family room would have water pour in under the door when it rained hard, or that none of the doors closed other than the outside doors. we could not shut or lock our bathroom doors. My husband had to fix all of them. We thought the fence was good well they hung bamboo up to cover all the repairs that they did to the fence so that they would not have to buy a new fence before they moved. We discovered this after one of our wind storms that we had last summer. I am like you every time we turn around there is something else wrong with the house that we should have noticed when we looked at it as well as our home inspector.
We are hopping to get our other house sold quickly so that we can buy another house or land and build a house. However with the housing industry the way that it is I am doubting that it will happen very soon.
Good luck.

Oh, my best friend has been going through that. Her family moved here to be closer to us (her hubby is my fiance's best friend) and they HATED their house at first. They were so overwhelmed with all the problems they didn't see when they first saw the house before they bought it. It took her a long time to start feeling comfortable there.

What they did, was made a list of things to be fixed, and separated that list into 3 smaller lists... list A being of top importance, B being not as important but still a priority, and C being the long term things to work on.

Now, she isnt' overwhelmed, and they tackle one project at a time. It's been a slow process but they're finally starting to feel at home!!

Take it slow and don't expect yourself to fall in love with it with the first few changes you make. Paint, hang your pictures on the wall, knock out some cabinets and install something else. Slowly but surely, you'll come around. And if you don't, then you can considering purchasing another home. Tell yourself you'll give it a valient (valiant?) effort first :)

I have a love/hate relationship with my house....We built new on five acres....had to cut some corners and now paying the price for it...Last year alone $17K to replace furnaces and water tanks as both upstairs/downstairs units went out within a few months of eachother...Landscaping just basics has cost a fortune...Cracks in the walls now from house settling..Paint peeling..Grout in tile cracking, need new carpet..having to paint the wood porch every year...It is a bigger home so everyone and their uncle thinks we are loaded and should be the hub and go to place to freeload off our resources i.e. be a bed and breakfast and hotel etc....
That couldn't be farther from the truth...Sorry we are not rolling in the dough! I am grateful that we have come a long way but we are slaves to the house and it needs a lot of work...

Hang in there and take on one project at a time! There's nothing you can do now since you bought a money pit :) Have an HVAC guy come out and clean out the vents and get the windows replaced. I'll bet it is warmer in your house and less drafty once you do that....

LOL--we had LOADS of time, and looked and looked and looked and LOOKED. Found what we thought was the *best* house for us. Now don't get me wrong, I love our house...but the house that we thought would need NOTHING has been...not that! Replace the furnace, roof, ac, windows, doors, shutters, ripped stinking WALLPAPER off of 6 rooms AND a hallway (not fun), etc.....
Fact is the things I listed are maintenance items..they need repaired & replaced..eventually.
Just break it into manageable chunks in order of importance & annoyance & work your way through the list just like you'd eat an elephant...O. bite at a time!
Good luck!

My Mom hated her house when she bought it.
But over the years she made changes, one at a time and she made it comfortable and it fits her needs.
She's been there over 30 years and she now refuses to leave.
There's a constant list of things that need doing. Prioritize them.
You replace/upgrade a few things at a time.
An occasional emergency will shift the list (water heater) a bit.
You and the home grow together.
Give it some time and you'll be surprised how attached you'll become to it.

I am so sorry. These things happen. What I would do in your situation is first sit down and write out a budget, then based on your budget put in order of importance what projects you want to tackle in order, this is important to discuss with your spouse because sometimes we do not see eye to eye on order of importance. I would really suggest looking into weather proofing your home, even if you cannot afford new windows right now, there are lots of ways you can weatherize a home to make it more energy efficient. Also sometimes you can get loans based on making a home more efficient. Lots of luck to you.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Look at it the same way as a used car, yes you have to put money into it, but once you are done look at what you will have, a wonderful almost new house that you get to fully get all the milage out of.

Now how to save $$$$
1. Insulate that basement (the ceiling of basement & Pipes) easy to do yourself, just get a bunny suit and mask.
2. are your kids old enough for boy scouts? (If you have boys) Getting to know all these guys that are good with their hand tend to do extras cheap or know guys that do.
3. Try to get to know contractors they sometimes get oops windows and doors, we got 3 Pella windows for $75.00 a window (retail $400.00 per window) because they were a funny Sized so ok we made our windows bigger and made them fit.

It will all work out in time, do not throw away your invesment because you are disappointed, make it work for you. It is all fixable, yes $$$ talks BS walks but again get out in your neighborhood and set up connections. we have found a plumber, a roofer, and an electricion all neighbors, parents have contractors, and lanscaper connections. Network baby!!

((((HUGS))))

hmmm... well, on the bright side, summer is just around the corner. You will be happy for that cool basement in a couple of months!

Maybe have a contractor come in and take a look and give some quotes. Prioritize what you want fixed and, as you have the money, make the changes. We've been in our 1950s cottage (code name for little house) 4 years, and still have a list of to do's. We like doing projects, and even though our house is a little ratty, and drafty, its fun. Its fun taking some old and making it cute again.

Also, its ALWAYS sad moving to a new place. I think you get a little homesick. I think, as you get used to your new neighborhood, and start to make friends, these feelings will go away. You may end up finding lots things about your new area that you love.

Good luck and maybe treat yourself to some cute sweaters and hats you can wear inside. :)

I feel your pain. My husband (whom I was dating at the time & got engaged to 4 months later) bought the house we're living in now. We looked at it together, had my dad look at it to make sure nothing major was wrong with it(he builds high end houses). We were not going to live here long, but liked the school district, that it had some land, & kinda met the wants of both of us ~ I grew up in the woods, but still had neighbors & no sidewalks, my hubby grew up in a neighborhood w/ neighbors on top of each other. This house is out "in the country" but we live on a cul-de-sac with 17 houses so we have neighbors, just not on top of each other. It too had/has a laundry list of things that need fixing up. Our plan was to only live here for a few years & move ~ we've been here for 15 & 1/2 years. Many of our neighbors have said the same thing ~ they bought their houses with the intentention of not staying long. Everyone has done some type of work on their houses (i.e. kitchen remodels, new roofs/siding, replace appliances, bathroom remodels, etc.) & we've all become friends ~ none of us see moving in the near (or far) future.

I guess what I'm saying is that this could be a good thing. You could end up being really good friends with some neighbors, make remodels/fix things as time goes by, & you may enjoy your home a bit more. Granted my hubby & I don't love our house (especially since we know what we COULD have ~ with my dad being a builder), but we love that our kids are happy, we made some really good friends, we have so much fun on our cul-de-sac, & more.

Also ~ our house was always super cold. We changed from electric heat to gas heat & it helped. 1 of our neighbors has not switched & their downstairs is chilly, but upstairs is SUPER warm (b/c as you know heat rises).

Good luck!

.

We are on the other side of that fence. We have known we are likley going to be selling our house early next year due to a promotion for my hubby. Everything has been falling apart (A/C Furnace, roof, basement flooded, new sump pump, carpeting, a few windows, stove, fridge...etc) our house is at the 15 - 20 year itch so anything can go. I am angry about the money we are dishing out just for someone else to enjoy (and probably not appreciate)
The good thing of us now is the worst is over...all the spendy stuff is done so any 300 or 400 breaks will be affordable. Just keep focused about why you moved (better schools) The neighborhood will feel more like home after a year or 2..once the money pit is over, you will probably love your new place.
I dont think you are being ungreatful. I think you are being human..its only natural to feel this way when you step out of your comfort zone. we are all creatures of habit and everything is new to you now...keep praying and just tackle the things that are within your grasp little by little. it will all be great in the end.

Unlike clothing or shoes... you don't get to "try on" a house to make sure it fits and there are "no returns"- even with the tags! We built our home 5 years ago and have been "redoing" our brand new home ever since b/c there were so many things we simply didn't like and that didn't work once we were living in it.

We made a list of things we wanted to change from paint colors to cabinet hardware and everything in between. We made a spreadsheet that listed the project, how long it "should" take and how much it would cost. We then put those tasks in an order that made sense to us. As we completed projects, we "checked" them off the list!

Five years later, we really like our home. Of course, we're trying to sell to move closer to my job but I would be happy living in this house for many years- despite the fact that there are still projects on "the list".

Know that it won't feel like your home until you start making some changes. Some things are very costly and may need to wait until after next year's tax returns (like updating the HVAC) and some things may be cheap weekend projects (changing door hardware from brass to brushed nickel). I think that once you make a plan and get started you will feel much better about it.

Oh I'm so sorry!
I'm in the process of looking for our 1st home to buy. We're approved and all that jazz, just tryin to find the right house around Akron.
I don't really have any advice, but I know what it feels like to be rushed and feel like you should have done things better.
I really hope it all gets better for you!

Don't beat yourself up over your house choice, after all, we buy our houses after only spending a short time walking through them. It's hard to make such a big decision in so short a time.

Do you like the neighborhood and schools at your new home? You can change your house around but you can't change your location unless you move. Is the new yard all you hoped for? If you like the yard and neighborhood, it might be worth fixing up your house to make it more comfortable. Moving is expensive, as you know, so putting some money into upgrades could be a better economic choice.

It sounds like a big problem is that you are freezing in your house. You can fix this. Find a company or contractor that specializes in making homes more energy efficient. Get an inspection, "treatment plan" and estimate from more than one source. Your power or gas company may have referrals.

Since you are freezing even when the heat (and air) is at 70, my guess is that the cold is radiating from the walls and windows. Replacing the windows with well-insulated double pane is expensive but should save you money on heating, so you be paid back over time. You could also install insulated window coverings like cellular blinds. These can be effective but expensive, too, ours cost as much as the windows themselves.

Another way to keep the heat in your house is to insulate the walls, by blowing insulation into the wall cavity, or adding rigid insulation to the outside of your house when you replace the siding.

A fairly easy fix now would be to seal cracks around any openings in your walls and ceiling. A contractor can do this. Check around your foundation, too. If you seal your house really tight, make sure you have a source of make up air, you may need a special ventilator to bring warmed fresh air in.

You may be able to add the costs of upgrades to your mortgage. Hopefully, the money you spend will result in savings in your energy costs. And it will add value to your home, as well as make your home more comfortable.

We had our first home built. At first we loved it! Everything was shiny and new, but then I slowly realized that I was not meant to live in a neighborhood. First off, our house was cheaply built. The walls were thin, and we heard everything that went on in the neighborhood even when we were inside. I also hated that all of the houses looked the same and there were no trees other than the two tiny trees that came with the house. After 3 years we had the opportunity to move and we took it.

Now we have some land and an old farm house. It needs constant work, but it has character, and it is very sturdy. When we are inside, we can't hear what is going on outside. We have lots of trees and a stock pond. Now even though we are constantly repairing and updating the house, I am so happy with it.

Take some time to figure out what you really want in a home. See if you can make changes to get this home to suit you. If not, in a few years or so, try to find a home to suit your needs.

.

Oh baby I live in my 'what was I thinking' home. We bought 2.5 years ago. It's bigger than what we had in MD, but the neighborhood in MD was awesome. Public schools were great, neighbors were great. Now here the house is bigger but has high ceilings and it;s never 'warm.' I am always putting stuff on. Within months of moving here we had to replace oil tank, fridge, paint, deal with ants, then come summertime we realized the flowers planted by previous owners drew a crazy number of bees into our yard. so we also said ok 3 year plan. we will sell after 3 years and move into a different town. well we're almost 3 years and i have learned to suck it up. market is horrible and i just can't bear another move (we have moved every 2 years for last 10 years). so replace as things get broken and eventually you will be ok. new place is always scary and not so appealing. but it gets better :)

Buying a house is stressful. Even after you move, there is always a year of adjustment.

We bought our home in 2009. So far we have replaced a toilet, the washer, dryer, and dishwasher. The air conditioning doesn't work either - we knew it needed replacement, but thought we could use it when it got really hot - we can't.

I miss my old neighbors too. We've been here for a year and a half and folks just are not as "neighborly" as I was used to in the city. But, the school is amazing, the kids love the yard and all our space, and my husband can bus it to work (which is huge with gas prices right now - we still just have one car which saves us a ton of cash).

I'd make a list of all the things you LOVE about your new place. Also make a list of manageable updates. Things you can afford to do something about.

And buy a sweater :) Our new house is cold too. We keep the heat at 66, and I've invested in wool socks.

Good luck!
J.

Hi there,
OMG - can I relate. I am sitting exactly where you were a few months ago. We are set to move into our new home and am sooo sooo regretting it. Everyone keeps telling me to get over it but I'm stuck on it. I essentially got none of what I was looking for but we were so desperate to get into a house in the town we were trying to move to for the schools and had, had so much bad luck with other things falling through that we bit the first chance we could. Moreover, we paid WELL OVER the asking price for this home and with the work it needs I know we'll never get our money back. I know you were looking for some uplifting words here but I just don't have them. I can only offer some company on the buyer's remorse boat! I see you wrote this a few months ago and I'm wondering how you're feeling now.

Thanks!