Holidays & Family (This Is long...thanks for Reading)

I agree with Megan C on this one, it really sounds like they chose a time that worked best for everyone else as a whole. That doesn't mean you weren't thought of, nor does it mean that they were trying to exclude you.

As for no one getting back to you over the last month, I know I have to be reminded over and over again. I honestly get so wrapped up in life sometimes that I forget to get back to people, or sometimes I just can't predict that far ahead what will or won't happen.

This year just may not work out how you hoped it would, it happen, maybe next year it will.

It is frustrating. Surely their intentions were not to leave you out but it happened. Most of the time doing something just to get them back will just prolong the hurt and intensify the feud. Be the bigger person. You just might find out there are other reasons that things were held like they were.

Most likely they were just being clueless. Either way your anger won't put you in a positive light. If you are your same loving self, it will frustrate anyone who wanted to hurt you and leave the ones that actually love you feeling good about you. Win/win.

I think I would just focus on my own nuclear family, and let the other chips fall where they may. If your husband's family has their act together and offers first then I would go with their plans.

You made an effort - that's all you can do. I wouldn't make as much of an effort next year. That's just me.

Stop all the madness, do something just with your husband and family at your home, at your designated date and time and RELAX for a change. Those who want to be with you, will be those who don't, so what? Even if you serve hamburgers....so what?

Maybe it isn't that they are leaving you out, just that Christmas Eve at 6 is what works for everyone else, and since you had already told them you had plans for that day and time, they worked things out without you. If 9 out of 10 people can make a certain day and time, it makes sense to have the gathering then, not rearrange to acomidate the 10th person. They just didn't know how to tell you without hurting your feelings.

If it were me, I would go at 5. Maybe 4:45 and then leave at 5:45 to head off to your inlaws. You did already mention your other plans. They will understand. Not going, or stopping by, will just cause hurt feelings, and make everyone feel that they then have to get together again to exchange gifts with you and yours. Just go, be merry and be on your way.

We too have a blended family. We refuse to leave our family home on Christmas day. You're not being too sensitive. Your immediate family is your first obligation.
I fell that last minute text messages are very inconsiderate. I would text back and see if they want to get together after Christmas-if not I would drop the presents on their door step.
We had a text a few days ago asking if we could take "his two" to "their" grandparents house on Christmas. I said no, Christmas day is for all four of the kids at home. The response was then the grandparents won't buy them anything. Were fine with that.

You are not the only one being this way and you are not too sensitive. It hurts. Acknowledge that, feel it, and do what YOU want to do. They are not paying your bills, making your beds or feeding your family.
Just enjoy your family however you can on your terms and try, (I know it's hard) try to throw some of this over your shoulder ....there is always next year and the year after and the year after.
Can't pick our families...but we can choose to have the best day ever!!Merry Christmas!

I would do just what you said - drop off the presents and leave. They aren't taking you seriously at all and are just assuming that you will diss the inlaws.

Don't do it. Next year they will know.

Btw, you aren't too sensitive. Instead of being upset, just chalk it up to needing them to understand the "lesson" of you have to work and you already tried to work it out, and they didn't try to help you.

Dawn

Did you try talking to them? Texting doesn't count. It's not the same thing as hearing someone's voice. Did you try talking to them and trying to find a time? Did you say, "Hey Dad. I've got plans at 6:00, but I really want to see you guys. Any chance we can get together sooner?"

I think if you talk to them, you might find out that the last thing they meant to do was make you feel like the "red headed step child."

I also think that if you just put the presents on the door step and walk away, you're really going to regret it. Family is just too important. It's ok to tell them that. But if you decide you need to tell them that, tell them. Don't text them or email them or try to send them a message. Tell them. Say, "Dad, Sis, that really hurt. I wanted to spend time with you, and by choosing that time, you made me feel like you didn't care that I couldn't be there."

Talk to them. You might find that a lot has been lost in translation.

that's when you need to say this is what i'm doing for christmas eve and christmas day....and phewwww on the rest of you. you have a 6 year old and need to do christmas for that child and not everyone else.

Well...

1) Sounds like you've done things the 'same way' for a long time. Then your schedule changes things so you can't do what you always do... And are now mad that everyone se didn't change things, and feel hurt & excluded.

I suggest that this is not your family's fault nor intention to exclude you.

Your schedule changed.

You WANT to see your family on different days... But they can't do it.

That's not a slight on you... That's just part of the season. People get BOOKED. There are only certain windows.

2) I make it a point never to get mad at people for forgetting my schedule. I know it, because I live it. But while there are some people (my mum, for example) who can keep 10/20/30 people's schedules in their head (or even on paper)... Most can't. Even though you only have 2 commitments (work & inlaw dinner), it can be difficult to keep straight who has what going on when. Especially when 'normal' has changed and in the back of their heads they're still thinking that you'll be at the time and place you usually are, but won't be.

2.5) While it sounds like you and your inlaws are able to schedule a month out ... Not everyone can. My family plans a month out. My inlaws have rotating work schedules, so the couldn't until a week prior. They are JUST as important (or were, I'm divorced) as my family. But when my mum was asking for everyone's schedules for EXTRA stuff... I couldn't give her ours. We simply didn't know it. No matter how many times asked. So they'd make plans and we'd be pencilled in. THEN once we got our inlaws schedules, we tried to balance things out between families. At first I got a LOT of grief over that. As my siblings have married, and have also gotten crazy schedules... My mum has realized its not just "me". That a lot of people just CAN'T plan out as far as she does. Its not a slight on her, or us not wanting to come, it was about trying to balance.

I suspect that's what happened with your family. A month ago they didn't know what was up with inlaws, work, school, church, etc. Then round 2, most still didn't know. And by the time everyone knew, the only workable time for most is the same time it wouldn't work for you.

3) Its reeeeeally frustrating when the ONLY time other people have free is the ONLY time I don't... But that happens sometimes. Sometimes its me, or my cousin, or my sister, etc. I can't think of any family gathering in my OWN family that everyone is at. I have a large family, though... So the odds are worse. (My bestie only has THREE! and that sometimes even happens to her family.). Think about years when someone aside from you hasn't been there. I'm sure you didn't all conspire ahead of time, or just not care about them. Instead, the time that worked for everyone else didn't work for you.

I have bent over backwards ever since we married.. It has been over 30 years. Even when we thought we all had it worked out, someone would marry into another family and we would try to adjust.. after a while we just decided to take into consideration what was available and what worked best for our family.. Meaning, me, my husband and daughter.. and then no guilt.

ALL of our family lives in town.. blessing and a curse. My mother is like a clock.. she is organized and things go very smoothly.. My husbands family is loosey goosey, his mother cannot make a decision, and gosh forbid she ends up making plans, she has been known to change her plans, but NEVER tells my husband,.

As I said, we now take into consideration all of the options and make it work for UIS and our schedules.

Then if we do not meet up with them till after Christmas.. No big deal, we feel we were in charge of our choices.

I am so sorry they hurt you. I would pretend you didn't get the tx and show up at 4. If they don't like it, too bad! Hang in there. The holidays will be over soon---I know its hard----Do what is best for your family and if you feel comfortable, tell them exactly how their behavior made you feel. Even if they don't "get" it, they will at least hear you and you will feel better for telling them. Merry Christmas!

I know you are hurt and frustrated. I would think it is likely that the majority could come at x day and time and that is how the decision was made. Next time, call or visit to discuss it. People don't really read all their texts and emails.

Hi, Boss:

Merry Christmas.
Life is changing, people are changing, relationships are changing.

This knowledge can be very scary and hurtful at the same time.

When you invited your family and they didn't respond until the last minute,
it was time for you to focus on those plans that were coming together and
forget about the family that didn't respond.

I am older, alone, single, and a neighbor invited me to come to her and her husband's house. My family has forgotten me.

Enjoy those who love you and want to be a part of your family.

There is no need to blame anyone for changes in family dynamics.

Christmas is a Holy Season to remember that we are human and need to have the Christ Child to remind us we need to be tender and loving to all mankind.

Good luck.
Merry Christmas
D.