Holidays! - Saginaw,MI

Speaking as a mom of adult children; I encourage you to talk with your mom about your feelings and the difficulties in it. Of course, you have the option of meeting with your family for Thanksgiving on an every other year basis, or of inviting them up when you are hosting. An hour to drive is really not that long, even with three kids.
With my own adult children, I have had to learn "flexibility" with having two living out of state. Last year, between Thanksgiving and Christmas we were not even all together at the same time. That was very hard for me, a person who has worked hard to build traditions that we have enjoyed all these years. I have learned that a "holiday" does not have to happen on the exact day...last year we had "Thanksmas" with Thanksgiving on Thursday and Christmas the following Saturday because my daughter and family were only in town for Thanksgiving weekend and would not be back for Christmas...it worked. The hardest part was not also having my son in town, who could not be here for Thanksgiving but was here for Christmas.
We have had Easter celebrations the week before Easter and Thanksgiving the week before or after Thanksgiving.
The day/date doesn't much matter; celebrating as a family does. Even though you have your own new little family, you may not realize that your moms love flows as deep toward you now as yours does toward your one year old!!! A moms love doesn't change because her child becomes an adult.
I encourage you to have a conversation listening with your heart. Good luck.

My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years and when we first got married, we alternated Christmas and Thanksgiving between our parents each year. We now have two children and I would rather be home at Christmas (not sure that my husband cares one way or the other). But I want to form some traditions of our own for the holidays. So, now we spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws and Christmas with my family.

Do what works for you. If you find yourself dreading the holidays and if you or hubby are saying "I hate the holidays", figure out what part you hate and quit doing that. Once you set your boundaries for visiting or not to visit, it will take a ton of stress out of the season. It's time to be happy not a time to go "oh no, here we go again". Get out of that rut right now and do what you want to. I never travelled with my kids and always like to be home on Christmas eve and Christmas morning. I started making my own Thanksgiving turkey the year my first son was born and I have never looked back.... and that is how you learn to roast your own turkey! Takes years to get that down to a science. Start your own tradition. All you are doing now is following the tradition your families set up for you, now it's time you set yours.

Oh the HOLIDAYS! Always such a joy to try to split yourself in two just to make everyone happy isn't it?

I think every other year is a great comprimise. I would like to think that your mom will understand being that she had young children once too.

I don't think it's a question of her choosing her sisters over you. I think that it's her tradition and she would like to hold on to it.

Talk to her and tell her that you want to alternate every other year. You will do one year with her and one year with your in-laws. Tell her she is always welcome to join you when it's your year and explain to her that you would like to start making your own traditions...then cross your fingers and hope she understands =0)

Good luck and Happy Holidays!!!

My mom also lives an hour away... for Thanksgiving we usually do alternate every other year with my mom and my husband's mom. Sometimes, we'll visit the other mom on another day during the Thanksgiving weekend. When our daughter was born 8 years ago, we started staying home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (my mom usually visits us on Christmas Day). We plan gatherings with all our families on other days during December. Our parents are both divorced, so this keeps the craziness down a bit. We also now have a 3 year old, so I'm glad we started this tradition and can enjoy the time at home with our 2 kids. Change is always hard, but I think if you have a nice talk with your husband and decide what you'd like your holidays to look like and then talk it over with your mom, hopefully she would understand.

Well too bad for your mom, times changes, older kids have children and your mom having had her own, should know this. In my opinion, she needs to be more flexible.. We do Christmas each year and if at some point, someone else wants to take it over or switch, then by all means. Also, used to be I went to my inlaw's place, but now they are older but even so.. once we got our own house, we started having holidays here..
Ask your mom, tell her what it means to you and your kids...... if she has any empathy or commonsense she will understand what it's like to raise three kids and if you have to lug them around during the holidays and then watch them at someone elses house, it makes it even more stressful..

I think you came up with the perfect solution of having it every other year with your in-laws. It's hard when we try to please everyone (which we are all guilty of some time or another) and sometimes we just need to compromise. I agree traveling with small kids is exhausting during the holidays. I made the choice years ago to stay home on Christmas day and get together Christmas Eve instead. I know my sisters weren't thrilled but Christmas day for my kids was much more relaxed and enjoyable! Good luck!

Since you live an hour away and that seems to be too far for you (I drive an hour just to get to work everyday....) how often do you see your inlaws? The holidays are pretty much the only time I am ever at my inlaws house, so we pack them up and head there even if they live an hour and half away. You have good ideas as I have done Thanksgiving for years just to have both my parents and my inlaws over so I don't have to go to 2 houses. However, since I do that, we go to one parents house on Christmas Eve and to the other on Christmas Day. But it's more worth it to split up the holidays that way.

I don't think it hurts to ask or suggest it.

We do a holiday dinner at home and have a bigger family dinner during the weekend where everyone else can come too, that travels sometimes to other family members homes but they decide early on so everyone will know and make travel arrangements..

Holidays have always been a source of anxiety for me. My parents divorced when I was little so it was always every other year, and fighting over this date or that date! Now that I'm an adult and married it's worse. My husband and I came up with a plan and we stick to it! If your family is n upset about it, too bad! We go to each parents house every three years. My mom one year, then the in-laws the next, then my dad. It works! Good luck!

Something we've always done in my family is that my mom hosts Thanksgiving for me (and now my husband and kids) along with her brother and her brother's daughters and their families. Because both she and her brother are divorced, all of us "kids" (now in our 30s/40s) have multiple other commitments. So my mom has always had Thanksgiving "dinner" at 1pm. That way the rest of us are still able to attend another dinner later in the day. It makes for a VERY filling day but we are able to see multiple sides of the family.
You mentioned that you feel your mom is choosing her sisters over you but I am willing to bet that she's not thinking of it that way. I think your mom is probably choosing tradition over anything else without realizing that it may be hurting you. I've come to find that it's VERY difficult to change a family tradition ESPECIALLY when it relates to a major holiday.