Holding Them Back a Year...

If you hold them back you will never wonder if you did the right thing. If you don't, you will always wonder if you should have.

I was always the YOUNGEST in my class. I was find academically. In every other way it effected me to this day. I wonder how different things in my life would be if my parents would not have put me ahead.

I am a July 12 birthday and was younger than everyone in my grade.... and LOVED IT! I graduated from College "early" and always felt like I had a leg up on everyone in my class. As an adult, and career-woman, it is very nice to be ahead of the game and I would have felt self-conscious if I knew I was the one who was held back. If they are ready, go for it!

C.

I think it depends on if they are socially and academically ready. My daughter turned 5 in July and then started K. She had been in a school situtation since she was 1, so she was more then socially and academically ready. I think it would have been a diservice to hold her back a year.
I am also a teacher and see children who are summer babies succeed all the time (I teach middle school). There are kids who are held back that don't do well just based on who the child is. I would just look at where your kids are socially and academically and see if they know the basics they need for K.

Personally, I think any way you do it, your kids will do great. If you decide to put them into K, then you can make that decision at the end of the school year whether to repeat them or not. I was a July baby, and while I was a little behind socially, my folks told me I caught up to the rest of the kids by about 3rd grade. Then again, I've always been "mature for my age." I just think that means I was born old! lol I didn't have a problem being young and in high school either, and I excelled academically, athletically, musically, etc. My oldest brother was one of the oldest in his class, and he also did great. I think it depends on the child and not their birthday. If you make the decision you think is right for your family, I'm sure it will turn out great. The biggest prediction for academic success is family support, not birthday, and you've got that part down! =) Good luck!

As a teacher, I'd say hold them back. Yes, there are plenty of young kids who succeed, but on average, its hard academically and especially socially to be the youngest in your class. You may also be interested in reading "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell ...

I teach Kinder and we typically hold back 2 or 3 out of a class of 20. Almost never for academic reasons but rather social or fine/gross development. I would say hold them back a year for all the reasons given above. I know it is a hard choice. Just think- you will get one extra year to raise them before sending them out in the world. And our times as parents goes so fast anyways.

We will face a similar dilemma. Ours were due November 2, and instead came August 15. So far, though, there are no developmental delays, and in fact they seems to excel in certain areas above their peers. One is smaller, and he may have some issues being the "small guy" in the class, but we will likely go ahead and start them right after they turn 5. Consider all the angels, talk with some EC specialists if needed.

My son is actually three days after the cut off and I pushed him through. It really just depends on the child. My son is very smart and I truly believed that holding him back would hurt him more than help. He is now in first grade, in gifted and talented and doing wonderful. The way I looked at it when we were making this decision is that at any point I could change my mind and hold him back. We might have to switch schools or something if that were the case to make it more comfortable on him. But if he started off his educational years bored or with children who were considerably younger and less mature than him I was afraid he would lose his spark and love for education. Just something to think about. Good luck.

My daughter turned 5 last year August 17! We talked with the pediatrician, teachers, and family. We went ahead and let her go. She was ready in every way. Her teacher says that she has done really well in class. You really should go with what you are feeling. Overall the parents know what is best for their children.

Being a July baby - I wish I had been held back. I am 41 now. I look back now and wonder why my mom didn't hold me back - she said they just didn't do that then. I was just too young and always the youngest in my class. And, I didn't turn 18 until the July AFTER I graduated high school. I truly wish I had been held back. I made okay grades but didn't have the best social skills. I always felt I was having to catch up with others. Being 14 and going into high school in today's schools - there is no way I would put my girls in that position.

I was a Sept baby and only made the cut off by one day when I started school. I was a fine student but when we moved to Texas the cut off date was a month earlier and I would not have made the cut off. I wound up being only 17 when I started college and I was just too young. I did not think so at the time but looking back it is obvious. Our younger son is a July birthday and small for his age, we started him in school when we should have and he is fine academically and socially but when it comes to sports he has a big disadvantage due to his size. He is a typical boy and wants to play everything, he does well but is easy to find on the field because he reaches everyone else's shoulders. Each child is different, our older child was a Feb baby and very big for his age. We had some concerns about sending him for social reasons but learning wise he needed to go. He did struggle socially but he was already reading when he went to kindergarten and was well ahead of his class in other things. If we had held him back he would have been so bored with the learning it would have caused problems as it was the teacher had to plan extra activities for him. Good luck with the decision.

My daughter started school a year early and then we ended up holding her back later in school.

I am in pretty much the same spot. My twins are in Kindergarten this year. We decided to start them, they are doing fine, but we are pretty confident that they will repeat Kindergarten next year. They are the absolute smallest in their class. They are a little less mature. My daughter does fine academically, my son struggles a little. My biggest factor in not sending them on is what happens when down the road one needs to be held back and the other doesn't. Sorry Sam you aren't as smart as your sister???? I just don't think I can do that. So we will probably keep them in Kindergarten one more year then go on.

I can feel your situation. I have a preemie as well who is turning 5 this year.

I would wait, unless you think they are really ready. It is better for them to be prepared, than not.

Also, I lived in another state and was able to start kinder at 4 years old. So growing up I was ALWAYS a year younger than my peers and I HATED it.

GL with whatever you decide!

I think this depends entirely on your children. Sometimes when kids are held back and are the oldest they are made fun of for being bigger then all the other kids. If they are ready I think you should put them in. I was always the youngest in my class. I didn't mind it. I liked being young when I graduated highschool and in colleage. I felt like I was ahead of everyone else.

E.,
Hold them back. Kindergarten is the new "first grade," and so much is expected of children now than even ten years ago. They are having to read at such a young age now, and this is pushed pretty hard in kindergarten. Give them the extra year of maturity. You will be glad you did.
Leanne

childhood is so short, holding them back won't hurt anything.

You will never regret holding them back a year. Nurture them and love them while you have them home one more year. It is always smart for girls, esp. to be older when entering high scoll, driving, etc. more mature, etc.
Don't tell them, just act normal and start them later and they will fit right in and be a little ahead of the middle of the class rather than possibly being a little immature and socially not ready for all that goes on when they start school.They are only young once and grow up so fast, and before you know it-wearing a wedding dress and going down the aisle. ha Teach obedience, following directions, how to help clean and cook while they have fun with you and go on field trips, educational things, museums, science hands on in Ft Worth and really make it a fun year whiel you wait and lots of time reading, going to the library, etc. Have fun!

There are still several months before school starts and kids will change a lot developmentally in that time. I would definitely register them to start. You can always do a second year of kindergarden if they need it - but I bet they don't.

I was a July baby - and it was hard to always be on the younger side (couldn't drive until Junior year - graduated at 17... I was fine)

My girls are opposite - my oldest is a Sept. baby - and she was 6 in Kindergarden - when we moved out of state - the cut off was later and she would have been a full grade ahead - all the kids her age were a grade ahead... it was an advantage for her to be the oldest and more mature - and it has benefitted her now that we are back in TX. My youngest is a November baby - and had we started school out of state where we were - she would have started before her 5th birthday too...

I know you will get LOTS of opinions on both sides - I don't think either decision is right or wrong... I think that if you feel they are ready - then send them. Also, I know they are twins - but you can separate them and do what you feel is right for each of them individually...

Hi E.,

My name is J. and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Play Therapist, also a mom of a 2 year old daughter (also born on March 6). I specialize in working with young children and do Kindergarten Readiness Assessments each spring for many families who have your similar concerns. My thoughts are to treat your children as individuals. There is no overarching right answer. Each child develops on a different timeline as you are seeing first hand with your twins. For Kindergarten, there are so many developmental issues to consider. How are your children developing socially, how are their fine and gross motor skills, how are they developing academically- primarily speech and language development? Of all of these issues- social is perhaps most important. Do your girls follow directions well? Do they tolerate long absenses from you well? It seems you've taken note of these very issues. Deciding what is best is difficult enough for one child and when twins are involved it seems the decisions multiply in intensity. It seems you may be considering sending one and not the other. Visit our website for more on Kindergarten Readiness and related topics: www.newleafclinic.com. J. Dougherty, PhD, LPC, RPT

Hi!
I'd give them another year at home to grow up and have time with you. They'll be much more confident as a bit older rather than possibly struggling and immature, trying to keep up. No way to know if that would be the case or not. Why not just give them "the gift of time"? I am 56, mom of 3, raising a 5-yr old grandson, and a former preschool teacher in Tyler. We had many parents having to make this tough decision. Years later, I never heard one sorry to have held them back. However, I did hear of some who said "I should have waited to start ___ in school". Just my humble opinion! Good luck!

I have a girl and a boy both that I held back. Never ONCE regretted it. I also work in a private school, and we have an earlier cutoff than public schools. In all my 10 years in private schooling, never ONCE has a parent regretted holding back, but many times, there have been regrets about sending too soon. It isn't an intellectual thing, or even a social thing (well, sometimes it is those) - but mostly it is a maturation thing. Maybe not even now, but in about 5th grade, when the other girls start budding, and hormon-ing (LOL) - and she wonders what is wrong, or the other girls get irritated with them for being immature. Combine that with high school, everyone else drives first, does everything first. And keep in mind that your 14 year old babies will be going to school in the same building with 19 year old boy/men. Kids who start early may do fine intellectually, but they are usually the followers, and the ones playing catch up socially and maturity wise. And an added point is athletics. That alone is a poor reason to hold back, but it is a consideration if they are good at athletics, or your family is an athletic family. But that extra year helps in all areas athletically, all the way through college.

One more suggestion as you're making your decision...
I've known moms who send their kids to a Mother's Day Out Kindergarten program when they're young 5s. Then, next year, you have the ability to re-evaluate whether they're ready for kindergarten at the "big kids school" or 1st grade (along with your teacher's recommendation). If they do have to repeat kindergarten, it doesn't FEEL like they're doing the exact same things because they're in a new school, with new kids, routines, etc..

Good luck!
www.familyeguide.com Free guide to affordable family activities in Lewisville, Flower Mound, Highland Village, and the surrounding communities.

There is another side.When I was forced to hold my son back because he was immature, he was 18 before he graduated and considered an adult so I could not keep him in school.I graduated at 17 and school was too hard for me back then they did not recognize dylexic but I was put in normal class one yr, the next slow learning classes. I was in the middle slow to boring normal too hard. I think they are all different.Try it and see how they do. Those with pre-school do better in kindergarten.The more they learn before the better. My granddaughter never learned or was exposed until she was 5. She was a yr older and she taught herself. Achieving every yr awards and last yr student of the yr. Each is unique.My son was also small.

Good luck and what an adventure.God Bless G. W

Didn't have a chance to read all response so sorry if I repeat....
I am a kindergarten teacher and I can tell you that sometimes age has nothing to do with it. Yes, kindergarten is a lot of work....not like it was when we went. However, I have had some kids born in the end if August who have done really really well and I have had some who have struggled. I have had some born in March that have struggled. There are a lot of factors involved. How much they are talked to (you would be surprised how many kids can't put together a complete sentence because thier parents/adults never speak to them...yet they can tell you all about t.v. and movies they watch). If you decide to put them in kindergarten and they end up getting held back, most of them don't realize it. It is better that they get held back in kindergarten then when they are older and realize more what is going on. If you decide not to put them in kindergarten, maybe you can put them in a pre-k or MDO program. You don't want to hold them back and then they get held back another year. It is a hard decision...I had to hold back one of my students last year (Aug 31 bday) and this year hs is thriving (having kindergarten last year and then again this year has been really good for him).
On a personal note...I am an October birthday and I was put in school ealy. I turned 14 during my freshman year. I never really thought about being young. After I graduated from high school I was still young enough to go on a highs chool year abroad program (so I didn't have to go during my senior year). I graduated college with two degrees in 3.5 years and I also have a master's and I am about to start my second.
You as their parent know best. Good luck with your decision...

My son too, was very close to the cut off date. He started kindergarten as the youngest in his class. He is now in 2nd grade and doing ok. I say ok and not great because he does not like the "whole work thing" and would like more social time, lol. He has struggled with most of the reading and writing parts of school, but has excelled in math and recently tested more then a full grade level above his expectations. Socially he tends to be on the quite side making a few close friends every year. His struggles seem to be related to his personality rather then his age. Every kid is different, but I am happy with our decision.

I had a son, same kind of situation. He was due September 12, but had to be delivered on August 22....so technically, he could have started Kindergarten when he was five, but he would have JUST turned five...literally days before school started, which would make him the youngest in his entire class. Since I cannot change his birthday, I figured that I had two choices: he could either be the very youngest in his class always and be the last to drive and graduate and go to college at the age of 17.....OR he could be the oldest in his class and be the first to drive and graduate and go to college at the age of 18, almost 19. So I opted for him to be the oldest. He started Kindergarten this year, right after his 6th birthday and he's doing awesome. I also figured that the odds are that I would never regret holding him back a year, but there may come a time down the road (3rd or 4th grade or even later) where I might have regrets about having started him too early. Plus, you get another whole year to stay home with them!!! After you send them to school, those days are over.
Good luck with your decision!
~B.

My daugher..who is now 6 yo...was born in June. We thought about holding her back, but she has such a great preschool that we felt it was OK to send her. She hasn't had any problems beyond the basic small child stuff (writting letters backwards, etc).

I think as long as you take an active interest in their schooling and keep in touch with the teacher, things should be fine. If things don't go well (which I'm sure they'll be great), I think it would be better to have them repeat Kinder than to have to repeat another grade later on.

Anyway, I wish you luck and my prayers for this decision.

My 4 yr old will turn 5 at the end of June so I've decided to keep him home another year. Frankly, I just don't see any negatives in holding them back an extra year. You only get them for a short time and once school starts (I have one in K)you see them only a few hrs a day. Enjoy your time with your girls! Also, if there is even the slightest chance you'd want to hold one back to repeat Kindergarten, that could just be a life long embarassement. Good luck w/your decision.

Have they been to daycare? Do they have any experience in the classroom? I say let them go to school. If they do not do well, then they can repeat kinder next year if needed. I hated being the oldest kid in kindergarten because I had to wait another year. I had to wait until after I turned 16 to take my drivers ed class. I was almost 19 when I graduated from high school. Let them go-

My daughter is 2 so i wont be thinking about this for quite some time, however i started school when i was 4 and although i can say i liked that i was "mature" for my age growing up- i did get into some trouble and have my moments of confusion towards middle and highschool- This may just have been my case, but when you think about them being 14 in highschool and some senior boys being 18 maybe even 19 in the same school and possibly hanging out-it may not be the best option... overall i think i managed fine but i would probally say holding them back might be the better choice (ofcoarse if they are ready now then who knows)- just my opinion ....

I haven't read all the responses so hopefully I won't be repetitive, but I have two things to add: First, my oldest is now in 1st grade and 7. She has a September birthday and missed the cut-off for Kinder by just a few days so she is one of the oldest in her class. She totally could have started a year earlier and I think been totally ready, but as it is she is doing GREAT. She is a leader, she catches on well, etc so I really don't have any regrets (even though I didn't have much of a choice) with her starting a year later.

My second thought is on the twin thing. It takes an amazing parent to raise twins! I am a twin (identical in looks but opposites in personality). I know everyone is different and every set of twins is different so take all this with a grain of salt. But the one thing I really wish my family had done differently growing up is to NOT treat us as a unit. I can't imagine having to choose to move one twin up and hold one twin back (as a parent) but as a "half" I really wish my mom had taken our individual needs into account more instead of what was best for "the both of us". She did the best she could and I turned out just fine, and I'm sure the same will apply to you ~ just a thought. Good luck!!

Not that this would happen, but if you hold them back they will be 18 before they are seniors, thus allowing them to drop out without parental permission. I would start them and see what happens this year, you can hold them back if you see they are not ready. They may surprise you. good luck. If it worries you too much, you might homeschool.

I'm a Sept baby and I went a year earlier. I was always one of the youngest, but it was so much better than being the oldest. I started college when I was 17 (turned 18 that Sept).

Go with your heart. If they are ready, get them started. If they need to repeat K, let them repeat. There will be a lot of kids born in Aug/Sept that will be going with your girls, "should have been Aug/Sept" babies will have a lot of company.

Holding them back rarely ever hurts. But, age alone shouldn't be the prerequisite for the decision. How mature are they? Can they identify and write the ABC's? Can they write their names? Can they do simple math? Do they recognize simple words when you read to them? Do they know all their colors and shapes? Do they have sufficient motor skills to learn to write? These are the questions which might guide you in that decision. Hope that helps.

I have encountered two different families at church that opted to delay their children from starting kindergarten. Both are boys, however it is the parents right and responsibility to help a child be the best he can be. I think that if you do not feel your children are ready, you should wait another year, it may give them an advantage in the long run.

You have to do what you feel is right for your children. YOU are the expert for them. Just a quick thought: As a teacher, I have never met anyone who waited to start their children in school who later regreted it. I have met several who wish they had waited.

The only thing I can say is this. My husband and I struggled with this decision (my son turns 5 in March and was having some problems behaviorally early in the year in his pre-K mother's day out class). We talked to a lot of people and we got pretty much the same response from everyone. They said if in doubt at all, hold back. We did not hear one single response from anyone who said they held back and wished they hadn't. But we heard from lots who said they did NOT hold back, and they wished they would have.

As a former teacher (taught 1st grade and Deaf Education), I highly recommend that you hold your girls back. I found that most of my students that had late summer birthdays really struggled socially and academically. It will put them at an advantage waiting a year. I would definitely have them in some sort of preschool program the year before they go to Kinder. Holding one back and letting the other go depends on how close they are and how it will affect them. If you put them in a good preschool program that really works on academics, then they could both wait.

Hold them back another year. It's the BEST decision I ever made for my now 8 yr old June b-day daugher. They'll always be the same age as the children in their class, they may be a little older at first but then all those other kids have birthdays during the year that will put them all at the same age. I was VERY undecided like you when my DD was 4, it was a very long process of how things went with me, too much to type but I'm happy we decided to hold her back. She was also VERY bright, intelligent, mature, etc. but still not at the same level with her class mates. It will NEVER hurt them to be held back, but it will hurt to start them too early and then face having to hold them back a year. However if you do start them in Kinder and feel they started too early, let thme repeat Kinder.

How much fun could that be for a child and at their age they won't "feel" that they were held back or be embarrassed. It will give them a chance to be more mature and ready for first grade which is a BIG change from Kinder. My advice to you since being in your situation is, definitely let them wait one more year or let them do Kinder twice.............good luck to you!!

Hi E.,
I haven't read the other responses so please forgive me if I am repeating others....

I am in almost the same boat as you....My twin boys will be five on June 16th....that being said, we have decided to wait until the fall of 2011 for them to start kindergarten. I have a little advantage over you in making that decision because I also have an 11 year old daughter who was born in mid August. She was very ready for kindergarten so we started her eight days after she turned 5. Fast forward, 6 years and now she is in 6th grade (middle school) and oh how I wish she was the "oldest" instead of the youngest having to deal with all this drama....I think if she had that extra year of maturity, things wouldn't bother her so much. So, I've learned my lesson with the boys, I want them to be the oldest in their class instead of the youngest. There's no hurry to "kick them out of the nest", the pressure of school comes fast enough, I just want them to enjoy being the spunky little hellions they are LOL! So, the plan is for them to do another year of pre-k this coming year.
Best wishes on your decision....everyone I've talked to who held back has no regrets...just the opposite, they say it helped tremendously with their kids' success.

My granddaughter was born 3 months premature and her 5th birthday was in May. Her parents sent her to kinder-garten but the school suggested she be held back after that year because she had a hard time concentrating. It turned out there were some medical issues going on but that is now under control and she repeated kindergarten and did great. I think if you don't hold the girls back now, you may have to at some other point in time. It might not be so emotional on them now as it would be later. My granddaughter was concerned that she would miss her friends she had made the first year or that she would be teased by the other kids. However, as it was, her dad got transferred and they moved out of state so she started her second year of kindergarten in another school anyway and no one knew she was repeating kindergarten.
You might want to consider putting them in a pre-k program to give them a kick-start to kindergarten. My other granddaughter had a terrible speech problem and even though she was in daycare with other children, her speech did not improve. It just made her madder that people did not understand her. My daughter changed her to a Pre-K, church school, in Lewisville and that child is totally different! She communicates much better and is such a calmer, well-behaved child now that she can communicate and be understood. Pre-K, organized class time, has made a big difference for her.

As a mom of an August child, as well as a former kindergarten teacher, I urge you to hold your daughters out one year. Subtract from their age the months they should have remained in the womb and you will have their REAL age. I came from a family of several sets of twins and it seemed there was an intellectual disparity between the two in each set. (These were fraternal, though, and that really is two separate eggs.) My daughter was born Aug.25th. At age 5, she was apprehensive, fearful, and although she was smart, she didn't have the confidence we felt she needed, so we just held her out. Yes, she was older than others in her class, but it didn't matter. She was delighted that she was the first to get her drivers' license. She graduated with honors from h.s., graduated from an Ivy League college and is today a successful business woman. SHE tells people to hold their children out if they have doubts about any part of the child's maturity or learning skills. Young people today are NOT as mature as past generations when exiting h.sch., so giving them an extra year is always wise. The exception to this is the child with an exceptionally high IQ, which presents another whole set of challenges. The years I taught, I found the summer babies were more likely to have difficulty grasping new concepts.

I have never seen ANYONE hurt by holding back...but I have seen plenty of kids in my sons classes that should have been held back struggle as a result. Both socially and academically. Hold them back-you will NOT regret it.

I am not for holding kids back in general, but each child is different, and in the end you will have to decide for them.
My mom did hold me back to start kindergarten. I am the youngest of 3, and was one of the oldest in my class. It was hard in every grade; It was hard in high school that there were kids my age, even a couple a little younger than me that were a grade ahead of me & that was tough to handle. Intellectually I was ready & it caused problems for me as early as kindergarten because I was sooooo bored in the classroom. I already knew everything that was being taught, and in some areas was doing 2nd grade work. Now with my own kids I am faced with that same question, different reasons for each kid.

What I have found is that kindergarten is not mandatory in most states, it is just widely used & common. Mandatory education in most states starts at 1st grade. Perhaps another option to consider (if this is the case in your state) is keeping them out of kindergarten and using this year to engage them in extra activities to help develop their social skills, then next fall you can have them evaluated & have the choice of starting K or 1st grade.

In some areas, there are also 'alternative' kindergartens or part-time kindergartens. If either of these are available at a location other than the school you will be sending them to, that could help you decide next year; either helping them to get socially ready for kindergarten next year, or else giving them the skills they need to be in 1st grade next year. Some school systems also have a summer school program, that give kindergartners 2 weeks to 1 month of school over the summer, you could also use that as a test drive.

Have you talked to the school yet to see what skills they like to have kids be able to do before the 1st day of school? Perhaps the schools list is different that your thoughts? I know ours was.....
Best of luck!!!