Holding Pee

My boys were both at least 3 1/2 when they were potty trained. I'd just leave her in diapers for another couple of years.

There are NO children (read 'babies') that are potty trained at this age.

What there ARE are parents who are trained to 'get' the BABY over a potty in time to void there. And that is fine...if that is what YOU want.

There are very FEW things a young child can control.

Eating is one.

Voiding is another.

I think you need to take a LONG look at this battle at this young age...and consider some of the long term ramifications.

***Just MY opinion***

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OK then!

I do not consider ANY kid potty trained fully until they take themselves TO the toilet, and can get their own pants down.

I am sure *your* kids are doing this, and wiping, and pulling up their own pants??.

I was born in 1959 my friend...and had an older sib. He was 6 years older, and even in my VERY traditional 'pre 60's' family, there is NO WAY he and his peers were 'potty trained' at that age.

NONE of them.

Some of them may have had overly aggressive 'potty' trainers...

AND, I can tell you, without exception, those kiddos that had overly aggressive potty training parents HAVE issues.

I am certainly NOT saying it was/is potty training 'per se'...but rather (perhaps) a tendency for a really obsessive need for a parent to be in FULL control of everything their child does.

I have read ALL of your posts over the years...and sorry to say, I suspect you fall in 'that' category.

I am concerned for YOUR kids.

Period.

I felt the need to get that out there.

Sorry if I offend.

I wish you good luck.

I have never heard of a 21 month old who is potty trained. I have heard of parents really pushing this. I doubt that she is either physically or developmentally or emotionally ready for this. You are turning potty usage into a battle of wills but your "opponent" is not in the game at all. She's not even 2.

A lot of kids "take themselves to the potty" because they've been talked to about it, and they see it as a novelty. But if she's not producing pee, she has no control yet. That's why "she just stopped." She has no idea what's going on. That's completely normal for a child who isn't yet 2.

I can't imagine that you want to push this. You cannot get her emotionally ready, you cannot teach her to relax. If you want to show her a potty video now and then and have the kiddy potty nearby, that's up to you. But she'll do it when she's developmentally ready and when she has sufficient control over her bladder and when her brain is getting the signal that her bladder is full. There is nothing about that which is teachable.

I think you're going to create a much more serious problem here by obsessing about it and forcing her to obsess about it, frankly.

I don't understand what the rationale is for focusing on this issue. You can't force kids to eat, sleep or urinate.

She isn't ready if she's holding on to pee for that long. Further more, you're setting yourself up for infections and stretching her bladder to a point where she will not feel the actual urge to have to pee. She's most likely not drinking enough if she's able to hold a full bladder that long and you are now setting her up for constipation which leads to stretched out lower intestines so again she will loose the ability to feel when she actually needs to poop.
Put her back in a diaper and let her be while her body heals from the trauma of trying to get her to do something her body and she isn't ready for. Try again when she's actually ready, not when you are ready to force her.

I'm almost afraid to respond, because you most likely will scoff at what I have to say, but here goes.....
I believe you when you say that your other children were totally trained at 21 months. My daughter was ready at 16 months and nearly trained (independent from all help), but then she got Type 1 Diabetes so we went back to diapers until she could recognize the signals.

The thing is......that your daughter is not your other two kids. Her timing is her own and if she is holding her pee, she is not ready. You say she refuses a diaper, but she holds her pee until she gets a diaper. I'm so confused!

My niece used to hold her urine and now she has an enlarged bladder and suffers from bladder spasms. She is 7 years old and has accidents several times per day because she is so used to feeling that she has to pee that she doesn't recognize the signals. My sister has her go to the bathroom every two hours (doctor's advice), but after she uses the toilet her bladder spasms and she wets her pants with ZERO control over it. It's very hard on her.

I know that you wanted advice on how to get her to relax on the potty seat, but you also want advice on how to push her along. That seems like an impossible task! If you are bent on pushing her, try reading to her while she is sitting on the potty, but really be SURE that you are listening to her signals, rather than expecting her to follow in the footsteps of her older siblings.

I know I've given this reponse before, but when my little ones told me they didn't have to pee (and I knew they did), I had them sit on the potty to "make a good try". I would say, "Just sit for a minute and make a good try, but please, PLEASE don't fart while I'm in here with you because that would be so stinky for me". Without fail, my kids would get a sneaky smirk on their faces and try to fart, and of course would end up peeing instead. I would look all shocked and say, "What!?!? Wait a minute!?! I thought you didn't have to pee! You tricked me!!" They would be so tickled by the fact that they had "tricked" me that they would giggle about it all afternoon. It was win-win for everyone. This worked for both my son and my daughter, both of whom were potty trained by ages 2.5.

Some kids are ready and some kids are not.
Do not expect one child to be just like your other child.
They are different individuals.
Either she has incredible bladder capacity or she isn't drinking enough fluids.

Personally? If I was SURE she was "ready"? I would get the thick cotton training pants and put waterproof pads under the sheets and let it go.
And be prepared for some wet pants, sheets, etc.
Agree it's best NOT to make a big deal over this.
But that will mean more work, over a longer time on the chance that she's not really ready. Good luck!

She has a horse bladder!!!!

It's highly unusual for kids to be able to hold their urine at this age. My mother in law swore she had my husband potty trained at 5 months...she had his times he peed down pat is what I think.

Anyway, holding her urine might not be a big deal. I agree getting her to drink more is a good idea. Also chatting with the pediatrician about this could shed some light as to how this effects her bladder and kidney development.

edited my answer after reading what other people wrote -

By all means DO NOT GIVE UP and let this go, she is able, old enough and ready. I am so proud of you for doing this the SMART way, the actual child aware way because so many parents miss that sign that a child is ready and then they wait and the kid gets in the habit of just using the diaper. Your daughter knows what she is doing, let her do it. If she does go in her diaper, let her have it at nap and night, no problem. After about a month of this with her consistently doing it, then tell her she only has three more days of being allowed to use her diaper that way. It will work, I've done that with tons of kids. In other words, stop the pressure, put her back in pants, as long as she isn't soiling them then let her be. Suggest the potty but if she doesn't want to then fine. She's trained already just choosing to not go until she has the diaper.

The other method you could try is gradual diaper elimination - she can pee in her diaper but must sit on the potty while doing it. Then after a while of success at this, cut a hole in the back of a diaper so when she sits the pee/poop go into the potty instead of the diaper, diaper still on her... gradually the hole gets larger until the diaper is not needed.

This already has a ton of answers but I figured I'd give it a try :-)
A solution that has been used in my family is to buy the child nice undergarments. They can have pretty designs or characters your child likes. You tell them that they are special big - girl underwear and the child will often find that incentive not to wet them. Maybe put them on before bed or even all day.
This doesn't work for everyone, but my mom used it for my sister and I, and my sister and I used it for our kids.

Hope this helps!