Holding Hands

Yes it happened to me, yes it's normal. However I was bigger and smarter than they were so that is not a battle I would lose. Not an option.

:)

He TRIED. Most kids do.

He found himself carried, or held onto.

This was not negotiable. Yes. He cried, threw fits, etc. over it in the beginning from time to time. And he was punished for that.

I don't allow small children to walk in parking lots, along side a street or across a street without carrying them, holding their hand or having them in a stroller.

When my daughters refuse to hold my hand when I need them to I give them 2 options: I can hold your hand or I can hold your hair.....they're usually quite willing to hold my hand after that offer.

HA! My 22 month old doesn't have a choice, sorry kid, but I'M in charge :)

pretty common, yes. and his choice is to hold your hand or be carried. he can walk himself and hold your hand, or if he fights that, pick his tushie up and carry him. no other option. just like the other ladies said. my son is 5 and still holds my hand walking in parking lots or crossing streets. just IS. period.

Yes, our daughter went through this stage so her choice was "hold my hand or I will pick you up and carry you".. No other options..

She never ran off, because I held her had hard enough, she could not get lose.

Yep, he can hold your hand or be carried/sit in the stroller. He will get it real quick.

Mama...your hand is bigger than your son's. Your hand is stronger than your son's. You hold his hand. It's really just that simple. If he doesn't want to then you carry him.
L.
(mom to three kids..)

HI!

It was never an issue for me because it was 'non negotiable'...

We had 'parking lot rules'...and crossing street 'rules'...(ie holding hands). Same thing with seatbelts in the car...they ARE 'the rule'.

Now that they are older, I still ask 'everybody buckled?'...and occasionally yell 'parking lot rules' (or one of them does...lol)

They are now 15 to 22.

Best Luck!!
michele/cat

are you serious? grab his hand and hold it whether he likes it or not - if you can't control him at 21 months, you have a LONG road ahead of you...

to answer your "is that normal?" question, of course it's normal for kids to refuse to do any number of things, but when it comes to safety, that's not a "choice" my kids were ever given.

At that age, my kids HAD to hold my hand on the street or parking lot whether they liked it or not. They always get independent and stubborn at that age. But to me safety outweighs the need to be independent. I think it's normal though. Good luck!

My daughter used to do this when she was about 2 or 3, everybody else has said what I was going to say. She is now 13 and still likes to hold my hand in parking lots :) Loose the guilt now or you will get it 1000 times more in the ER.
M. F

Yes, it is normal for kids this age to want to be independent. My 2 yr old constantly tries to let go of my hand when we're crossing the street or in a parking lot. I do not allow him to do that for obvious safety reasons. I give him the choice to hold my hand or I carry him. You may also consider getting a backpack buddy. That way he can feel like he's free, but you will still have a hold on him. Good luck!

Your hand is bigger and stronger than his hand. It's no joke. Hold on for dear life. When he throws a fit, take him home and put him to bed. He'll figure it out.

It really isn't an option, YOU hold HIS hand. At that age they get away too quickly. It isn't worth it.

don't make it a choice.....hold hands, carry or stroller

My son went through a phase like that. I resorted to using a harness if we were going to be somewhere with a large crowd or busy area. We also practiced a lot. Getting the mail with Dad or mom became a great teachable moment with this. I remember one time when my son (around 32 months) took off across our church parking lot. Thankfully it wasn't terribly busy at the time, but it was enough traffic to warrant a huge consequence for him and I had my 18 month old daughter to keep safe too. He wasn't able to play outside, listen to music or watch tv for the rest of the day. He has never forgotten that day. I explained to him that there are cars that may not be able to stop fast enough if he were to run in front of one. It is danger, danger. (His way of identifying scary moments and the phrase has stuck ever since!) From the age of 3 he really seems to understand the concept so I will allow him to walk beside me close enough that I can reach him, but he doesn't have to hold my hands. Now that he is almost 4 he will usually hold my hand or his sister's hand. It is a phase, but a scary one. Hang in there!
A.

.

For that age, yes, it's normal. My son is three and still fights with me sometimes over the hand holding but is somewhat easier to convince now than when he was smaller.

Make it into a game (eg. pretend to put glue on your hand and his and say that the magic glue only comes off when you've crossed th
e road, or gotten through the parking lot etc).

Not a silly question at all. Give him a choice of holding your hand in "dangerous conditions" or being carried or placed in a stroller. You are teaching him to be safe, that you will protect him and in life there are rules to be followed. Another idea, I used one of those child Eddie Bauer Harness Buddies that you can find at Target or Babies R Us for five kids.... they give your child more freedom while at the same time, you can keep them within a safe distance to you.

All the time! We got a mum rope for my purse that has knots in it. He will hold on to the knots!

some things kids should not even be given an option and this is one of them without a doubt.

You can pick up a 21 month old and carry him or grab his arm (since he's so small) and hang on that way. If he has a fit, go home. He will probably decide that he likes holding your hand more than going home. I agree with someone else here that certain things are non-negotiable and it's important to establish that now. I'd put things like seatbelts and carseats in the same boat.

You have to be the adult, he is going to get out in traffic and get hurt. This is a safety issue and you have to just take it and not let go. He will eventually get the idea that you are the boss and conform. He will reach for your hand each time after that. None of mine go in any area with cars without holding hands and the oldest is 8.

Teach him how to stay with you. I did this with my kids and never had an issue. If he can't stay with you then prove to him that you will take him right back in the house. Toddlers need their hands free to explore so they feel so constricted when you ask them to give up a hand. Pay close attention to him while you are out. Do not have distractions like a dog or a phone.

Sounds normal, they want to be independent. Of course, you should never allow him to dictate his own safety in the street at this age, however! ;)

I still make my 4 and 6 year olds hold my hand in the street. It's not an option. They hold my hand if not, then I will pick them up and carry them.

My son does that too sometimes. I have been working with him at home though. If he needs a diaper change, then I tell him that and ask him to hold my hand and walk to his room. Or when it's bath time, outside time etc. You just have to get him to practice with you at home, so that when you two go out he will be more willing to hold your hand.

Your son is 21 months old. It isn't his decision to make.

This is exactly the reason mine were in a stroller until they were 3. I always knew where they were and they couldn't run away.

Yes, it's normal.

I always hold on extra tight and close in parking lots. There is too much going on and toddlers are so small they could get run over in the blink of an eye. I tell my son that people are crazy drivers. Now at age three he points out kids who aren't holding hands with an adult and knows how dangerous parking lots and roads are.

Not a silly question, a valid one. Unfortunately children don't come with instruction manuals.

Yes it used to happen to me and yes it's normal but I really refuse to take the child's protest to heart. I am the parent and I know what is best. Holding my hand is not optional as long as the kid doesn't know of understand the rules of walking down the street or in a parking lot.

I grab the wrist instead. It's harder for them to pull away b/c you have their hand wrapped below their hand, around their wrist, & can't really pull it away or slide it out from your hand rather than their little hand which they can easily slide it out from your hand. Hope this helps, good luck!

Completely normal, it's not an option for my kids. I hold there hand or wrist whether they like it or not.

Also, N., try talking to him during a quiet moment at home. Explain to him why you need to hold his hand so that he can be prepared for your expectation the next time you go out with him. Some key phrases: it helps us be safe, cars and bikes...fast, fast fast!, we must be careful, stop and look, and, it is not a choice (serious tone of voice while slowly shaking your head in a "no" fashion). He may not understand every word you use, but he'll understand your tone of voice.

Then when you're in the car next time, or about to leave home, remind him about your conversation so he knows that the situation is going to come up where you'll need to hold hands. You could even practice it at home..."hey! let's pretend we're in a parking lot! lets hold hands and cross the family room! beep beep! here comes a car!"

(If you become comfortable with the "it's not a choice" with the serious tone and shaking head, you can pull that out for other uses as well.)

Good luck!
S.

i hang on to his wrist. If he complains, in the stroller he goes!!!

This happened with my son at the same age. He is 25 months now and wants to hold hands all the time - becuase I did what Nicole H suggested - grabbed his wrist. He didn't like the wrist idea and now offers his hand freely. Good luck.