Holding Boys Back in Kindergarten

It makes total sense if he's socially or academically behind. But if he fits in with his peers and is ready for K, holding him back is not a good idea. He'll be bored for a year, K won't challenge him when he gets there, and he'll be socially on the level with the grade ahead. People always say to hold boys back if they're right near the cut off... but really, it's only good if they NEED to be held back. Not just because they're boys. Or will be the youngest.

A year ago .. I would have said hold him back.. young is young.. But my daughter is in kindergarden this year.. so I have actual experience with kindergarden kids and the classroom.. Kindergarden moves slowly.. painfully slowly.. My daughter is 20 days past the cutoff and the work is super easy for her.. not even work.. it is play..They have a letter each day that they write 10 times.. They go through the alphabet 4 times doing this.. boring for my daughter.

I was just in her class last week.. the girls sit nicely.. half of the boys sit nicely listen adn did their craft project.. the other half of the boys are bouncing off the walls.. cant listen cant sit still.. normal active boys.. My son will start kinder on time.. he is very bouncy.. has not interest in sitting and listening.. I do have concerns about him.. I expect he will be in trouble.. He will love the social aspect of school but have no interest in reading writing and math...

I have friends who kept their son home another year and now he is in 2nd grade, when he really should be in 3rd. He missed the date by 2 weeks, but they knew the ways around it and opted out. To each their own!

I think he outsizes everyone in his grade, and that'd be a problem. My boys are already huge (my pre-k son is a good head taller than everyone else and my 1st grade son is very tall as well, but some boys are catching up!). He is also on the same social level as my daughter (3rd). My kids are all winter/spring/summer babies (March, April, and June), but I'd have done almost anything to get them in when they were ready.

If he's ready - send him :).

My son was at the cutoff. I kept him home the extra year. It was the best decision I have ever made! He loves being the oldest kid in class. Being the smartest gives him confidence. My best friend's son was born the day before my son, 5 years earlier. She sent him and she regrets it. He has tutors, he's always struggled; my son loves school.
Someone told me, if you have any concern at all about sending him, keep him home. You'll never regret it, but you very possibly could regret sending him.
No one will love him as much as you, there is no better place for him than with you. Having the extra year with your baby is irreplaceable. He'll spend his whole life in school, then working. Enjoy your time with him. You can't get it back.

I am a kindergarten teacher and just by how you describe your son...I say send him at 4, almost 5. This is a common concern and in my 10 years of teaching more often than not the child does great. Think about the flip side...do you want him to be almost 6, the oldest and possibly above and beyond intellectually, socially and physically? Down the road this could lead to social problems. Just a thought...?

Coming from a mom who has 4 boys that ALL have October birthdays and are 5 when school starts but 1 month in they turn 6, I say if he is ready at 4 almost 5 I say send him! Have you thought about the flip side? Having kids who turn 18 right at the beginning of their Senior year and can willingly check themselves in and out of school is NOT always a good thing?

We did it with our younger boy before first grade.

There was some guesswork involved. His birthday is September 3. He certainly had the brains, but I wondered if another year might not help him socially in the long run. We decided it was better for him to be the oldest in his class than the youngest. Once children get into the social anxieties of upper elementary/junior high, it's too late to give them an extra year for anything, it seems.

Of course, we didn't "hold him back"; we just told him that kindergarten was such a great thing that he was going to get to do it twice (the second time was at the school he continued to attend; the first K year was at a preschool). ;^)

I'm glad we did it. It didn't hurt him a bit, he wasn't particularly bored because it was a new environment, and I think the extra time to mature was probably helpful.

He's a college graduate and an Army Captain now, with a wife and almost two children.

My son was born Sept 29, 2002 so we were in exactly the same situation. I heard all the same arguments about holding him back because he's the youngest in the class, etc. However, my son was very mature for his age (he was born an old man). He was speaking in full sentences at 11 months, counting to 100 at age 2 and doing addition in his head at age 3. My son is also very tall for his age. Yes, he was going to be the youngest in his class but he also was going to waste his mind by staying in preschool an extra year. So I sent him to Kindergarten when he was 4 years old. There were kids in his class more than a full year older who were held back because of their age. But unless my son told you his age, you wouldn't know he was the youngest in the class. He's now in 4th grade and they put him in 5th grade math and reading. He's still the youngest in the class (especially with the 5th graders) but he's also enjoying school, has lots of friends, he's on student council, etc. So not holding him back was the right decision. I grew up in NY and I never heard this crazy argument about holding kids back until I moved to LA. Everyone went to school when they were supposed to based only on the cutoff date. Obviously some kids will be the oldest or youngest depending on the cut off date but purposely holding back kids because they are close to the cut off date sounds crazy to me. You need to forget about your son's age and look at his maturity and academic level. Being the youngest or oldest in the class doesn't really mean anything as long as your son is able to do well in school and has friends there. Hope this helps.

I've had one of each, one we started on time, he was young but ready. The other was immature and we held him back. Both were good decisions, just depends on the kid.

To those who think there is such thing as "being too old" for graduating from high school - there are kids who obviously JUST miss the cut-off. Our cut-off is September 30. My daughter was born at the beginning of November. She will turn 18 her senior year and be closer to 19 when she graduates high school. There is nothing we can do about that!

I'm an October birthday and went to school young. I left for college when I was 17. I didn't mind being the young one until all of my friends turned 21 and went out without me.

I know what I'm saying doesn't answer your question, but I just thought I'd throw out a few things to think about! If you decide to hold him (which the majority of people seem to do BTW) don't ever feel like he's going to be too old when he graduates! SOMEONE in his class will have been born on October 1st!! Good luck with your decision :)

My son is a November baby. He could have started kindergarten this current school year, but we chose to hold him back for a variety of reasons. The first was maturity. He has had some social issues in the past, but his preschool teachers assure me that he is doing great now. When I spoke with them about the possibility of keeping him one more year in preschool, I thought the teacher made a good point. He would probably be fine NOW, but it's in 8th grade or so, when puberty sets in, that you do tend to notice a bigger disparity in both physical and emotional maturity.

Which leads me to the second reason we held him. My son is short. I thought it would be helpful to give him another year to try to catch up with the kids who will be in his grade. We actually attended a birthday party of kindergarteners this morning, and he was by far the littlest. Again, it's probably ok now, but as he gets older, I think it will be better for his self-esteem if he is not the shortest child in the class.

Finally, his sister is 3.5 years younger than him. I like the idea of having them be three grades apart, instead of four. That means they will have three years together in elementary school and one year together in high school (instead of two and zero, respectively), which I think would be more fun for them and more convenient logistically for our family.

The one issue that I am concerned about is that he will most likely be more academically advanced than the other children in his kindergarten class, partly because he has had an extra year to work on his letters, numbers, etc. But I suspect that probably would have been the case regardless, so I'll just try to keep an eye on that next year.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You still have another year to think about it. Talk with his preschool teachers and see how you are all feeling about it as the time gets closer. Personally, I'm so glad I have had this extra year with my boy.

Both my boys have fall birthdays. Both started kindergarten at 4. Both have done extremely well.

However, now that the oldest is a sophomore in college, and the next goes off to college in September, I wonder, what was the big ole rush?

If I'd waited a year, I'd HAVE them for another year, sigh.

Of course, they might have been bored to death and completely unchallenged too, I'll never know.

You know him best. It'll come to you what to do when you get there, don't worry. And whatever you decide WILL work, because you said so, of course!

Enjoy him!

:)

My son was born ten days before yours, same year. His birthday makes the cutoff date in our district, but we are definitely holding him back for a variety of reasons. One, he is not mature (which could change). Two, he is very small for his age and I don't want him to be the youngest and the smallest- it could really hurt his self esteem as he gets older. Three, I don't want him starting college at 17, even if it is for only a month. Four, I had a couple of friends with September bdays that were pushed ahead and they hated it. They were always the last to do everything and they just weren't on the same level as the rest of us (mostly maturity wise and some struggled academically).
I am pregnant with an end of June/beginning of July baby and I'm already starting to think about what I will do with her. Since it is a girl, I may do it differently, plus she'll be a few months older, which does make a difference especially in their younger years.
Good luck whatever you decide doing.

Since the school will be moving the date up until 9/1, I would hold him back. Most people agree fall birthdays should be held back to the next grade. I'm speaking as a resident of MI. where the cutoff is still Dec. 1(!). I've never heard of anyone who is sorry they held their kids back only those who sent them sooner and had kids which struggled. Btw, the preschool teacher will usually tell you a child's readiness for school. We were told that my twins, born 11/6, should wait another year before starting kindergarten, so they would be 5 going on 6. GL with your decision!

I know you feel like you have to make every decision that will affect the future of your child RIGHT NOW....truth is, you and your son both have time to help you make this decision. Even if you believe whole heartedly that holding back and repeating kindergarten is the best decision you can make right now, you may and CAN change your mind once your son has done kinder. This is a voice of experience, I was so worried that the private vs public decision would make or break my daughters education...we started public with the knowledge that we could transfer at any time (we haven't). Just relax, make the best choice for what works for your child right now and give yourself the option to change your mind in the future. Good luck!

Trust your instincts! I held my son back because (although he's very smart and was more than able to complete all the required tasks) emotionally he was not ready. He is now 19 years old and has not only graduated from high school but has also started working as a Computer Programmer. I feel that he really did benefit from an extra year in Preschool. Good luck with your decision.

OK, so I read through the previous answers and you have a variety of responses. The one thing that was not mentioned is sports. Some sports go by grade (school sports) and some by a cutoff date. If your child is athletic, this can play into the decision. For a boy, it can help or hinder their self confidence. I have a son, now in high school, who has a May birthday and at times he has been one of the youngest on his school team and has played against boys almost a year older as your son would. (in CA many parents hold their kids back when they have summer birthdays!) By no means am I suggesting you base your decision on this, but it can be something to keep in mind. There is no right answer other than the one you and your husband feels is best for your child. Your pre-school teacher in his Pre-K class will give you an evaluation, plus you will have an idea of what the other mommys in your circle of friends will be doing when the time comes. Good luck.

My mother-in-law did this to her twin boys, they (like your son) will almost be 19 years old when they graduate high school. My ex-husband felt like he was way to old for that. That's way to old in my opintion but my daughter was 17 when she graduated high school.

It sounds like he is very mature. I guess you still have time since he's 3 1/2. I'm sure you will make the right decision for your family.

I think that when the time gets closer, you will know which way to go. Also, I would look at the trends in your area - do most parents with kids who have marginal birthdays hold them back? If so, this is something to consider - not in a following-the-pack way, but in being mindful of setting your child up for success.
I have a December son and an October daughter. My son missed the cutoff anyway, so he went into kinder older & it was perfect for him. My daughter is young for her grade, but for her it's the right choice. Every kid is different!
Good luck!

I'm in the same boat...August 2008 baby! I'm going to wait and see but I'm leaning towards holding him back. Have you read the book Outliers? Really good read about how older kids have such an advantage in sports and school. Recommend highly for you in your situation.
My husbands aunt was a teacher and she says no brainer to hold him back...he'll only have advantages of being older.
I was young for my class (December bday) and went off to college when I was 17. I thought I was too young and should have been the next school year.
Good luck!

To me, there are many factors to look at when trying to decide whether or not a child is ready for kindergarten. I found this article that gives a list of things to consider. Hope it helps.

http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/150-...

My son is July 2008, so even though he'll be within the cut-off (even when they get to the final September 1 cut-off in 2014), I'm still taking a wait and see attitude. Being mature in preschool, IMO, is different than being ready for kindergarten. But, the reality is, I want to make sure he has the appropriate fine motor skill to hold a pen/pencil correctly, and the other skills he'll need when he starts regular school. Some of the girls in his class already have that, even those who are a few months younger than him, but like everything else, boys are different. My general plan is to start him next year, but we'll see if he's ready. My husband is a December baby so he was 2 weeks past the cut-off and was the oldest in his class. He didn't care. He always jokes that he wrote his own notes when he missed school.

In nearly every other state and child must be a full 5 years old to start kindergarten. California is one of the few that let them start at 4. I think he should be 5 but in the culture you are in he will be considered to be behind.

If all the other kids are starting that are his age he should be with them. In other words, why do you expect him to be a failure?

My stepson was almost 6 when he went to school, due to the cut off being Sept and he's Dec. He did fine. I think if you hold a child back, do so at the beginning vs later. I would see how he's doing in a couple of years and if he's ready for K at just turned 5 or if he would do better with another program for one more year.