Holding a Child Back from Kindergarten

I wouldn't hold him back. Who cares what everyone else is doing to coddle their children? It sounds like school is just what he needs to gain some confidence and independence.

i wish we wouldn't phrase these decisions in such a pejorative fashion.
you're not 'holding him back.' you're sending him on when it's best for HIM. i wish more parents would consider their kids' entire development instead of basing important decisions solely on calendar age, or academic accomplishment.
khairete
S.

It doesn't seem he's not very smart so I see no reason to expect him to flunk kindergarten. I'd suggest you send him. It's really sad to see 18 year old adults in high school taking drivers ed...plus they can have sex if they feel like it, stay out all night if they want, and completely drop out of high school as a junior...

I think the long term effects of holding a child back just because the parents think it gives that child an advantage is wrong for kids. Let them be with their peers instead of always being a year behind everyone they play sports with or do scouts with or go to youth activities with.

Aging will not turn an introvert into an extrovert, if that was the case everyone would be assertive extroverts as adults, right?

The only thing that should be a consideration in holding back is academics.

The smallest kids in all four of my kid's classes were never the last picked for anything! Maybe not the first mind you but actually they were usually top five if not top ten.

The latest of my kids were late May, glad I never held them back. I had considered it with my third since he has spectrum but didn't have to decide until after his kindergarten year. Didn't do it, I would make the same choice again but with a lot more confidence.

What if he is always shy. You going to keep holding him back? Please send him. He sounds ready. I really do not understand all of this holding back. My four kids had late summer and fall birthdays. They all did fine. Everyone it seems wants there kid to be the best and the brightest. Just let him be who he is at the appropriate age. 5 year olds go to K.

What do your son's preschool teachers think?

My son turns 5 in June and I had similar concerns, but his preschool teachers have assured me that he is ready. He's very similar to how you've described your son, except my son's above the 50th percentile for weight and height.

"Red shirting" is common, but there isn't much evidence to suggest that kids benefit from it. On the contrary, I read an article (I think in the NY Times, or the WSJ, or some other credible source) that says that the younger/smaller kids tend to do better because they push themselves harder to compete with their peers.

I'm an October baby, so one of the older kids in my class, yet I was also one of the shy ones. That's my personality; not my age. My 3rd son just turned 3, so when he goes to Kindergarten in a few years he'll be one of the younger ones, yet, socially, he's very outgoing and prefers to hang out with older kids. He keeps up with them.

I honestly think it depends on the boy child. (or any child).
My friends and I have been talking about this lately. Many, many of my friends are teachers or are retired teachers and Principals. We look back and recall what we have observed.

Can he pay attention through a story book without interrupting. If craziness is going on around him can he keep his hands to himself and stay out of the shenanigans?

Can you leave him alone to play by himself for more than 5 minutes? 8 Minutes? 10 minutes?

Can he watch a movie in the theater without talking, without having to get out of his seat?

Can you give him 3 instructions at one time and he complete them without having to be reminded?

Our daughter attended kindergarten and graduated from High school with boys that were new 5 year olds in kinder, that were very bright and did great and graduated with honors from high school at the age of 17 or young 18 year olds.

She also graduated with some boys that were 6 years old in kinder held back and they ended up dropping out, because they got into other things, since they were older. They drove earlier than the kids in their classes (sophomores in HS) , and got bored with the younger people in their classes. I can see how their individual personalities were a big part of this.

I also recall them in kindergarten and nothing really stood out at the time to indicate how they may turn out, except the involvement of the parents.

The parents that were informed and took suggestions from the school, their young boys did great.

The Parents that acted like their sons could do no wrong, those were the exact young boys that got into drugs, got into mischief and acted up in class. Their parents were so defensive, they enabled their kids to get away with whatever. They just always seemed to feel like their children were being picked on by the schools. It did not matter the ages.

One other thing, is the bigger boys, vs a young boy that is going to develop later, will also have a bit of a time in middle school or High school, unless he is very, very bright.

Ask the father of your son, "how tall were you in 8th grade, 9th grade and when you graduated?". I have friends who sons were very bright but did not get taller than 5'6 by the time they were seniors.. I am talking all honors classes etc. These young men did fine. But the kids that matured and were tall early in high school, seemed to be expected to act like grown men, because they were bigger than their teachers and it many of the Principals..

Just some things to consider.

My son has a July birthday. He is now 6 and in 1st grade. We started him on time for K. I have no regrets. He is super social and doing great with academics. I was very shy as a kid and started school on time with no problems. Just because your son is shy is not a good reason to hold him back. That is his personality. That will not change even if you have him wait another year. If he is doing well in school and is ready then go for it. Holding him back because it's a "trend" is a really bad reason to do it.

NO kid is perfect in all aspects, once they go to Kindergarten.
MANY young kids, are shy. There is NOTHING wrong with being shy. Even "extrovert" kids, are not "better" than shy kids.
Everyone, child or adult, has different dispositions.
But it is how you nurture, your child. And help him to flourish.

I work at a school.
I see, MANY kids, mostly boys, who are held back.
It does not make a difference, it does not make the kid better, it does not make the kid SUDDENLY an Einstein socially or developmentally.
Mostly, the kids I have observed, who were held back... is just typical kids. AND they are still immature if they were immature, and yet, they look "older" than the other kids who entered at the usual age. And they are not better behaved than the other younger kids. Either.

ALL kids, have tons to learn socially and academically once they enter school. Holding them back, is not a magic wand that will suddenly make their personality, change. A child is who they are. Each child is different. Many kids are shy. This is not a deficit. It is a disposition.. of which, it is not permanent. Children are young. As they get older, they gain more skills and abilities. Is just is.
Both my kids are late born. They entered Kinder at 4 then turned 5. They were not the youngest in the grade level. They did fine. AND they were both, "shy" too. BUT now at their current ages, they have blossomed. That is what, each age of a child, does. A child, develops. If you do not hold them back or make them feel inadequate. Kids, blossom. Kids, develop. Kids, have their own personalities, and s a parent you nurture that as a strength not comparing them to other kids.
As I said, both my kids were shy when young. I taught them to KNOW themselves, and they are very self-assured.
Extroverted kids, are not "better" than your own child.
What matters, is how you nurture your child and help them to gain a sense of who THEY, are.

I see so many kids, mostly boys, who are held back, in Kindergarten or 1st grade. And it is not because they have some social or academic problem. It was mostly because their Mom felt heir son was "immature." But so now, these boys who were held back... are still just the same. NO improvement per say. And some even regress... because they are among younger, kids and they know, they are held back and "older" and they even look older than the other kids. And they have had obvious growth spurts, and they are now taller or bigger, than the other kids.

I really think, that a kid should not be held back, if there is no HARD reason to do so.
ALL or MOST kids, at this age, are shy or immature or not experts socially. That is their age. That is how it is. They do not enter into Kindergarten being experts at everything.

If you hold him back now, then "when" do you feel he will be, "ready" to enter into elementary school?
There can always be, a not now. Or a now.
So when will it be?
And meanwhile, there are age cut-offs per entry.

Again, both my kids are late born. They did fine. They entered Kinder at 4 then turned 5. I have a boy, and a girl.
AND no matter what size a boy is... that does NOT mean, they will be picked on in gym class.
That is a BAD stereotype to hold onto.
At the school I work at, there are MANY MANY boys, who are small or smaller or petite. And they do NOT suffer at all, and they are NOT picked on. AND they do just fine, in class or in "gym" class.
And they have many friends and do just FINE.

Just teach your son to know who HE is.
And shy or extroverted, that is the best thing a kid can learn. To KNOW, themselves. Because once they enter into elementary, THAT is what is going to affect them most. MANY kids don't even know who they are, and they just go and copy-cat others and don't even know why or they are always comparing themselves. That is worse.

And, many of the extrovert kids who are so social, are the worse behaved.
Being shy or not, does not determine behavior nor social skills.
Extrovert kids are not better, socially, either.
Know that. I work at a school and see this all the time.
And kids this age, do not just have the same friends forever.
Nurture your son for who HE is.
Then he can be self-assured, and not lack that component.
Many kids may give up on things. Teach your son to try HIS best.
Not about being "perfect." Not about comparing himself.
Nurture, HIM. For who he is.
And know... your son, for who he is and his personality.

Your son should go to kindergarten. The reasons you have for holding him back are NOT solid reasons for staying an extra year in preschool.

1. I don't consider July to be a late birthday. He will be 5 several weeks before the start of the school year. He meets the age requirements. Kindergarten is academically and socially designed for five year olds, not six year olds. Your son is academically ready and will be very bored as he goes through school since the work will be too easy. It will be a battle getting him to do his homework because he will see it as a waste of time. Trust me - I fight with my son over homework daily because it is too easy for him.

2. It's OK and, in fact necessary, for some kids to be shy and introverted. A classroom full of extroverts will never be successful. There need to be leaders and followers, those who are outspoken and those who quietly observe. If your son is shy, he will still be shy next year. That is NOT a sign of immaturity - it is a personality type and one that is common throughout the entire world.

3. He will still be small even if he waits a year. It's not going to make that much difference. At some point, he'll have a growth spurt and others won't. If my parents waited until I was the size of a kindergartener to send me to school, I would have been 8 years old. We can't all be tall, nor do we need to be. Or, consider my close friend growing up who was 5' tall by the time we were 10 years old - she towered over everyone...and never grew another inch. We all grow when we grow and a year one way or the other won't make any difference.

Although I know there is an overall trend to hold children back, there is absolutely no research that proves it benefits the kids. In fact, most research shows that it all evens out by about third grade anyway, so it really doesn't matter. Though I do know of many people who do it, the majority of students in my son's first grade class are actually age-appropriate. Only a couple of people held their kids a year before starting kinder and many more sent their kids as very young five year olds or kids who turned five in September and October. Those who were held certainly aren't doing any better than anyone else and those who are young don't seem it - we only know they are young becasue we know when their birthdays are.

Kindergarten is for five year olds. Your son will be five. Send him to school.

We held our son for a variety of reasons - late June birthday, small stature, took a 3 hour nap well past the age of 4 (so we knew he be tired in the afternoon), and family experience with a kid going to kindergarten way too soon.

As a parent and a teacher, I have to tell you that school readiness is NEVER about academics! Just because a child can read doesn't mean he's ready for a classroom of 20-30 kids.

Your child is putting all his effort into academic interests, and so his social skills and confidence are going to be developing later. That's not a flaw in him - it's just the result of his interests and his experiences, or both.

We never, ever regretted our decision. We put him in a pre-K program at preschool with an added lunch a couple of days, just to get him used to transitioning from classroom to lunch program to a craft program. Transitions are really, really hard for a lot of kindergarteners, and you have already noted that your son doesn't warm up to large groups or new people. Give him another year.

And FYI a lot of kids come home from school and say that something was boring - that is routine, and it does NOT mean you made a mistake in holding him back! Do not second guess yourself if you do hold him. And usually in gym class, they aren't letting kids pick other kids anymore because it's a popularity contest and it emphasized athletic ability over teamwork. So while that's not a factor much anymore, that doesn't mean your husband is wrong to want to hold your child out.

And I wouldn't worry about messing with "the system" - it's not a system, it's a guideline!

In my opinion, you can't really make a mistake in holding a child for an extra year. You've given quite a few reasons for NOT sending your child, and no real reasons FOR sending him. I have a good friend who is a kindergarten teacher, and I can tell you that the whole team would rather have children who are more confident and socially skilled. They don't care if kids can write or read or recite the 50 states or anything else like that!

If I were you, I would expose my son to more experiences, either through pre-K or museum children's programs or library programs, anything to put him in more situations with more kids and let him do well and feel confident. Let him experience other teachers or group leaders, learn to interact more, and build those skills you feel he is lacking.

Good luck!

Do what is right for YOUR child and YOUR family. Please do not let people's strong opinions sway you unless they know your son, and know him well. There is not one right choice here...

We knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, we were giving our oldest an extra year of preschool. He's a bright kid, but he has behavioral and medical issues and it was the right thing to do.

We were on the fence with out middle son, ultimately opting for it with his preschool teacher's encouragement and his thoughts about it, though I think he would have been fine either way.

With our youngest, it isn't an option.

You are not screwing up or gaming the system no matter what you chose. Everyone I know who gave their child an extra year did it for the good of their child - it was not about advantages or competing with anyone else. Folks who did not do it did for their own reasons. No one was wrong.

Kindergarten, and especially grades 1 through 5 are not what they were when we were kids. Our oldest had so much freakin' homework in the 2nd grade I thought I'd lose my mind! 2nd grade!

It sounds like your son is fine for K, but the people who know best are you, your husband, you son's teacher, and your son (many may disagree but I like to ask my kids for their thoughts on these things; they often surprise me).

Good luck.

My situation was a little different. My son is an October birthday. He missed our school cutoff by 6 weeks. If I had wanted to, I could have pushed to have him tested in early. Academically he was more than ready. Socially, he's still behind and is in 4th grade now.

Since I pondered this decision, he's been diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD, which contributes to his lack of social skills.

We waited, and I've never regretted it.

I just held my son back and his birthday is in May. He was one of the youngest. I held him back though because he would not stop hitting in the afternoons. It was too much for him. He was doing all the work perfectly and even the teachers said that boys tend to do better if they start a year later. My brother, who is now 22, was also held back and his birthday was in May. He did so much better in school. I have heard from so many others that they have done the same thing and not one of them had regrets. I think it's worth it. I was one of the oldest in my grade and I loved it because no one picked on me, and I was confident. I want my kids to have that advantage!

I didn't quite hold mine back, as much as I didn't fight the Oct. 1 deadline with an Oct. 8 birthday. Anyone who fights the deadline wins, but I let it be. Being one of the older kids is great for a boy. It helps them in sports, academics, attention span, and social skills. Oddly, four kids in this year's class had birthdays before October 8; so it seems that none of us fought the 5 by 10/1 rule.

My son has a late july birthday, has always been extremely well behaved, mature, bright, but also very short for his age like 10 percentile etc.
We were living in a school district that had a kinder age cut off of August 31st. and were leaning strongly towards holding him back, for many reasons, like you named. The really big reason for me was thinking ahead to middle school when the material is all new and the playing field is more level academically, but the social ability and size and age come into play.

We found a wonderful house in a great school district. This distsricts cut off was May first. So the whole debate was taken out of my hands. He would miss the cut off and have an extra year of preschool where he learned to read and made some great friends.

Ds is in fourth grade now, still one of the shortest in his class. I just asked, he told me there are 4 kids in the class older than he is. and that yeah mom i'ts fine being 10 yo. he says it is boring, but he is a 10 yo boy and most of everything is boring, he knows not to act out and so when he is bored he reads or daydreams or what ever with out causing trouble. I'm sure if he were 9 he would tell me it was boring too.

Just because he is old enough to get a drives liscence doesn't me i'll let him. and it certainly does not give him a right to be a juvenile delinquent because he is older than some of his classmates.

something people don't talk a lot about but really drives this question a lot is economics. if you can't afford another year of preschool or if the free lulnches at school would really take a burden off the family then there isn't much question of not sending them.

I know it sounds awful but I also think gender plays into this, I'm sure there are exceptions but in my experience boys aren't as quick to mature. they just aren't. and i'll be completely honest with you, if everything was the same except ds was a tall girl. I would send her because holding her back will mean she will be taller than the boys for a long time. I think people in our society treat others differently based on size and gender. not saying it's right but middle school is rough and this decision is just as much a social one as an academic one.

having an education background and experience, I have to reiterate what another poster said, in the end it's more the parents nurturing than the decision to redshirt or not. I wish just wish more parents would actually parent.

Don't think of it as holding him back. What are you really holding him back from? The ridiculous academics that are thrown at children as if they're buckets to be filled with information instead of minds and hearts to be ignited into a burning flame of warmth and desire for joy and learning?

You'd really be giving him a gift to keep him home. And what a gift you would give yourself. You could do so many things of simple joy together. Baking, story telling, singing, dancing, playing, and just the things that make up every day life. These are so much more important than you know and show a child how to live. Children Are whoever is raising them. Enjoy your boy while he's a little boy, it'll be gone before you know it.

Keep him home and you'll never regret it. And he'll be better suited for school then more than now and therefore be happier. (I speak from experience)

It's a very individualized decision and I wouldn't make it until summer if you can wait. I think "holding back" has negative connotations and I try to refer to it as just waiting a year to start. Our oldest has a July birthday and we waited. He started kindergarten at age 6. A whole host of factors went into the decision, we consulted with a variety of educational professionals from his preschool and his future school and we didn't make the decision until three weeks before he would've started kindergarten had he started at age 5. It was the best decision we've ever made FOR HIM. I don't presume to know what to tell someone else about their kid. In a nutshell, he was ready academically, but not emotionally. If you want more information you can PM me.

In our school district you can enroll them in kindergarten (public school) and take them out of the enrollment at any time up until the first day of school without any penalty or consequences. We actually had our son enrolled in two different preschools and kindergarten when we decided to wait and have him do a year of preschool that specialized in 5-year-olds. It was the middle of August when we made our final decision. We lost a $45 deposit on one of the preschools and that was it.

He is now a HS junior taking Honors and AP classes. He does well socially and participates in a variety of activities. He is and always has been on the small side. There's been no problems with getting his license early, being older than other kids or anything of that nature. But, once again, this is the decision we made for him and his circumstances. Bottom line, in our case absolutely no regrets.

Oh, there are a lot of factors, not just academics, that determine kindergarten readiness. You can probably find a list of these factors in a book, online or from your son's future school.

I sent my late June birthday boy to school at age 5. He was small then, and now he's the smallest kid in 2nd grade. But still, I have no regrets. He loves school and does well. I've noticed he's the smallest kid in his grade, but he doesn't seem to notice at all. He will tell you that his favorite class is gym, so he's clearly not feeling left out because he's small.

And, for what it's worth, while the 'kindergarten redshirting' gets a lot of press, I don't actually think it's all that common. There are plenty of summer birthdays in my son's class with kids the same age as he is.

Now, if you really feel that he's not ready or if his preschool teacher has concerns, then sure, consider it. But I wouldn't worry about the 'everyone is doing it' perception. If he's academically ready and he has a decent attention span, he's probably ready.

Our son was born in September, and we waited for him to go to school. He's incredibly bright, but like yours was on the small side. My husband has a June birthday and said he was always the smallest in his class and hated it. He was a HUGE proponent of waiting to send him to school. Our son also seemed to be emotionally immature. In our district, many of the parents wait.

Fast forward...he's now in 11th grade. He was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school and that explains the immaturity part (those kids typically mature later than their peers.)

Are there regrets? Maybe a few, but they're minimal and outweigh the thought that we did the right thing for him by waiting. Being among the older kids gave him the chance to be a leader. He was in our school's gifted program in elementary school and middle school and so wasn't hindered academically. He has the opportunity to take AP and Honors classes in high school. Knowing that he is older, we gave him the opportunity to double up on some classes and graduate a year early, and he chose not to go that route.

THEN...there's our 2nd child. She has a July birthday and we did not wait with her...and that was absolutely the right decision for her. She was so ready. The school district wanted her to skip 6th grade, but we chose against it...knowing that she was already among the youngest kids in her class. She is a freshman now and is planning to double up on courses the next 2 years and graduate early. Her choice.

SO...each kid is different. You've go to make what feels to be the best decision for your son and your family. I don't think there are huge implications either way...you won't scar them for life on this decision - no matter which way you go. :)

It is totally a personal choice. It's called 'redshirting'. I would google it and read as many articles as you can. There are pros and cons. If your son is just plain not ready, then it's a no-brainer. If you're not sure, consult his preschool teacher and get her opinion. Also, this site has some good guidelines:
http://www.greatschools.org/students/academic-skills/150-...

We were sort-of in the same boat with my oldest (now in 3rd grade). He made the cut-off by 5 weeks. He's on the small side (10%ile) and his dad was set to deploy (I wondered how this would affect him). We sent him. I was open with his kindergarten teacher that if he wasn't ready, we would redo kindergarten. He did fine. He's now in 3rd and a straight-A student. He's still small and would be small if he were in 2nd grade. We also moved states and our new state has a Oct. 1 cut-off, so he's not the youngest anymore. He is also shy/introverted and that's just his personality. Holding him back would not have made him more outgoing.

My middle son is in kindergarten (March birthday). I help a lot in the class and wanted to see how the kids were doing. All 6 in the 'top group' are boys. One is the youngest boy in the class (he made the cut-off by one day). Of the other 5, 3 have Fall birthdays and 2 have Spring birthdays. In the 'low group' (2 boys/3 girls), 1 has a Fall birthday, 2 have Spring birthdays, and 2 have summer birthdays.

My youngest is also a July birthday, but the cut-off here is Oct. 1 (they are moving it to August 1 in 2017).

My husband has a late Aug birthday and started on-time (graduated at 17). His parents had to sign a waiver for him to start West Point because he wasn't 18 when he started. He did just fine:)

Don't worry about others. I don't think it's the cool thing. I think some kids need an extra year. I think some parents do it because they think it is trendy, but they're not really helping.

Also, NY state has made it almost impossible to redshirt kindergartners because it was becoming such an issue!

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/02/kindergarte...

I struggled with this same issue with two younger of my three boys. I spoke with my oldest's first grade teacher, who was an award winning teacher in an award winning school district as well as "the teacher to get for first grade." She advised that no one ever regrets holding a child back but you can regret sending them. In her 20 years of experience she had not encountered a child that was truly bored and enrichment opportunities were available. My third son's birthday is August 28. When my middle boy was in kindergarten the subject came up with the teacher at a class party. This teacher was a straight-shooter and was in her last year of teaching so she came right out and said girls are fine but a boy with a birthday of June or later should wait. She cited watching them using scissors and the younger ones don't have the same fine motor development and she wants to tell them when they are frustrated that when they are a year older they will do as well. Also, my fourth grader with the August 28th birthday, most of his friends in his grade are May-August birthdays. Also of the five boys in his preschool that were going to our district four went on to kindergarten (mine was the one in a T class), two repeated kindergarten and one repeated first grade. Now that my kids are in 10th, 8th and 4th, I find that the question is not how they will handle kindergarten, it is how they will handle middle school when everyone is older and the real social pressures begin. Best wishes!

As a teacher and a parent of two late summer birthdays (end of July and end of August) it all depends on your child. With both of my kids I had/have no doubts about keeping either back. My daughter is a 1st grade student this year and doing wonderful! Kindergarten went great for her. My son will be starting kindergarten in the fall. He is more than ready. He knows all his letters and sounds, he is starting to blend sounds together to read and spell, he has a huge vocab, he can count beyond 25. Yes, he is fairly short. Yes, he is a little shy. But academically and socially he is ready. Keeping him in pre-school another year would be boring for him. And being in the same pre-school again with the same kids again would not do anything to help him become less shy. Even with another year of growth he will probably still be on the smaller side compared to other boys. For him, starting kindergarten will be the right thing for him.

That said, I am working with a kindergarten boy this year who has a late July birthday. He does not know all of his letters and sounds (now in April). He does not recognize numbers. He can't write his own name. He cannot trace a circle. He doesn't have the attention span to listen to a short book. (But, he doesn't qualify for special ed.) He has a lot of immature behaviors. But, he is not a behavior problem. He fits in socially very well with his peers. He is physically the same size as his peers. More than likely, he will be repeating kindergarten.

As far as being shy, I'm a February birthday and started school when I was 5 1/2. I was excruciatingly shy even beyond college. (In first grade I was even too shy to let my teacher know that I had thrown up all over my desk. Or that I had run into a tether ball pole and broken off my front tooth. In fourth grade I was too shy to tell my teacher that my shirt had ripped in the back and I spent the whole day trying to hold it together with one hand so no one would see my Wonder Woman underoos bra.) Waiting another year to start school would have done nothing to help me overcome that. Being on the speech team in high school started helping me to get over my shyness.

It is up to you to decide what is best for your child. But, I usually tell parents that if their child is academically ready for kindergarten and can sit long enough to listen to a book and can follow directions, the child is probably going to do fine in kindergarten and waiting a year is not necessarily going to be good. We have friends whose son has a late September birthday. He turned six in the first month of kindergarten. He was ready to start school the year before, but couldn't. They really felt that the behavior issues that they dealt with his last year in pre-school were because he was doing everything again and was bored.

Check with your school district about what skills a child should have before starting kindergarten. That will help you to decide what is best for your son.

My daughter is May, so obviously she went to K when she was 5. The only thing I'll add (not as a pro or a con, but just something to keep in mind) is that the kids in her class who are older are more advanced and more able to handle the work. (She is in 1st grade now). I wouldn't say she is behind... but kids who are olded have a full year of everything else under their belt. I know kids in her class who did three years of Montessorri (the third year is usually kindergarten) and a full year of full day kindergarten. So if you do put him in when he's 5, just keep that in mind and don't compare him too much to other kids who might be 10 months older.

I recommend you do what I did. Take your child to the guidance counselor and ask for a school readiness test. Also have his current preschool teacher tell you her opinion about whether he should stay in preschool or not.

This is what we did with my son. He would have been one of the youngest in his class (older than yours, actually.) I have never regretted it. He graduates this May from high school and I'm SO glad that I paid attention to what he needed, rather than what I wanted.

I think you should talk to those who really know your son, his preschool teachers especially.
To improve his perseverance read:
How Not to Talk to Your Kids - The Inverse Power of Praise
by Po Bronson, NY Magazine

I think from everything you have said about your son that holding him back and starting Kindergarten the year he is six will not harm him in any way and may help him. He will then be the same age as those kids who have a birthday in September/October anyway...all the big 6 year olds in Kindergarten! My daughter is 4 and her birthday is in October, so she will be one of the oldest kids when she starts Kindergarten. I had an August birthday and was small for my age. I was always the smallest kid, bad at sports, and more immature. I did fine academically though.

my mother held all thee of her kids back before it was a trend. It worked out great for me academically ( a late summer baby) and terrible for my sisters (late winter babies who were 7.5 for first grade. They ended up each skipping a year by doing a grade in the summer so they could be with their peers. But I was just 7 for 1st grade and I think it worked well. We all went to private school and skipping a grade was simply a matter of doing a summer of home school. In middle school, with a self-motivated student, this does not require much of a parent. My sisters worked independently through their summer curriculum that the teacher created for them. My sisters did this in 6th grade and were highly motivated to complete the summer home school. My point is, if you do hold him back, its not set in stone. He can still advance over summer if he really wants to.

My son's birthday is July 16, and he was in preschool starting at age 4, but had been in daycare since 7 weeks old. He is old for his age for the most part. He just acts older than other kids his age. We sent him to KG when he was 5 and he has been great. It was the right decision for our family. I have been told he is a great peer in the classroom. You need to make the decision on your own and based on your feelings. There are people everywhere that will tell you that boys should wait to go to KG until they are almost 6 or 6. Every kid is different. One of my friend’s moms ripped me a new one for sending him to school when he was 5 and I kindly put down my wine glass and walked out of my friend’s house and I have not talked to her mom since. Some people have STRONG feelings about this subject. But make the decision based on what you think not what anyone else thinks. Best of luck!

My daughter has a summer birthday. She is currently six and in first grade. She attended preschool for about one and a half years prior to starting kindergarten at age five. She was born prematurely and is small for her age but she is not the smallest in her class and she has never been concerned about it. I didn't take size into consideration. She will likely be on the small side until puberty if not the rest of her life so that really can't be helped. I based the decision on how she was doing academically and socially in preschool. Was she able to sit still, follow instructions, etc. I asked her preschool teacher what she thought and she recommended kindergarten wholeheartedly.

My daughter is on par socially and above average academically so I can say sending her at age five was the correct decision for her.

One last thing, around here the kids don't pick teams for gym class until middle school and even then it is just an ocassional thing so no worries about that for us (and my child isn't physically gifted... sports aren't her thing and that is OK so if she gets picked last that is just something she is unfortunately going to have to handle).

We waited, not because of kindergarten - he was totally ready - but because of what he will face socially when he hits middle school and high school. What I remember dealing with in senior high kids are facing 6th and 7th grade. We went with giving him an extra year of maturity. Down side, yes he was bored in K-1. In 2nd grade the pace picked up and he was able to be placed in the advanced math, reading and gifted programs, which made a big difference as he was challenged. Also, we live in a very competitive school district and there is a lot of pressure on the kids starting at a young age. I'm glad he had the extra year, as he gets quite a bit of homework now and would have had a hard time, not because he finds the work academically hard, but because he doesn't want to have to sit still for an hour or more after a full day of school. Good luck - there is no perfect answer, and there are pros and cons whichever way you go. Once you decide, just go with it, and don't listen to anyone who lectures you on your decision. :-)