Hitting Toddler - Boca Raton,FL

Hi W.! I have one of those ALL boys too, so I understand. I've read 123 Magic, and it worked for a short time. I've tried time outs, spanking, positive enforcement, taking away toys, all that jazz. My munchkin has been in the terible 2's for a couple years (he's 4)! I hate to say something that everyone does, but stay on top of him, and it will pass because it's a phase. He'll get out of it, then that or another bad behavior will pop up. This parenting stuff is tough! Seriously, read some of my past posts, I've had a hard time too. I wish I could give you a hug and a rum and Coke! Sometimes you just need it!

Victoria said what I was going to say about the seperation. At his age, he has NO IDEA how to contain, control, or express his emotions when he is feeling upset/scared/angry/sad. Please be very conscious of what is done and said in front of him regarding your seperation. He can not possibly begin to understand why daddy is no longer around like he used to be, or why you two are screaming at each other, or saying mean things to each other, or whatever is happening with your seperation, and he may blame himself or you. Please do not listen to anyone who tells you this is a phase. Toddlers get frustrated, they have meltdowns and tantrums, they can be difficult, but do not accept his misbehavior or you are just letting him down. Ignoring any aggressive behavior is never a good idea. Ignoring whinning or something else benign is different, but hitting needs to be nipped while he is still small. If he gets away with it now, before you know it he will be bigger and it will hurt you when he hits (I'm sure it already hurts the dog). I haven't read 123 Magic, but try it or try some other method you read about that gets him to understand certian behavior will NOT be tolerated. I feel for you with so much on your plate with the seperation, but he needs your love and support more than anything, and teaching him proper behavior is part of the boundaries which will make him feel safe and secure and loved.

Im sure its the separation, as hitting is not part of the terrible two to this degree. However, you sound like you see him as an equal. "I try ignoring him just keeps hitting me until I loose it and just put him in time out because I just breakdown into tears!!" He is 2. Physically restrain him when he tries to hit you and say "NO. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HIT MOMMY!" Then give him something its safe to hit. I have given my son an old phone book and tell him to rip it up as hard as he can and as fast as he can. Not allowing him to express his anger is not good for him. But, he has to understand there are appropriate ways to do so. Keep him away from the dog for now if possible. No matter how sweet and tolerable your dog may be, you can not be sure he wont eventually get tired of it and bite to defend himself (which he has every right to do). Be aware, this is biting time for toddlers. Its generally around 2 that they experiment with the power of biting. If he tries to bite you, push into his mouth and yell NO. He wont be able to bite down if you are putting pressure inward. Good Luck, W.. I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

I feel for all of you!
i also say to read 1-2-3 magic but I ALSO say to read over lots of the pages/articles here, too:

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcece...

also: I may be in the minority here, but I don't really believe in time-outs for under 3. yes you can remove toddler from situations, this is more like 'social isolation' & they do not like it- but a real 'time-out' well, I personally don't believe that you can reason with a 2 yr old (it's hard enough trying w/ a 3 year old! but at least they 'get' it more)

anyway: what I would do is LOTS of telling what hands ARE for. talk every.single.moment and sing and talk and play ALL DAY AND ALL EVENING with words like:
hands are for helping
hands are for holding
hands are for playing
hands are for _________

give LOTS of examples. all.day.long.
they LOVE the story about THEM: once you were a tiny baby who had no words (and no hair? mine were baldies, lol)& no teeth. then you got bigger and you could:__
and bigger and you go some teeth and could eat some food.
fill it in as you go along....
NOW you are SO BIG that you have words! and you have teeth to eat your food! and you have hands for:

over and over and over

AND catch him using his hands the RIGHT way and make a BIG DEAL OVER IT! even if it's eating food & you'd rather him use a fork, hey it's eating food and it's not hitting....

First of all.. I think your wondering about him "acting out" due to your separation is more than you just musing about it. I think you KNOW it's probably a HUGE part of this behavior. He is angry and unhappy with the upheaval. Hitting is probably the only way he is able to express any of his feelings in the matter.

But, that doesn't make it okay.

I recommend you get a copy of 1-2-3 Magic and read it. Twice. Then start following the guidelines for correcting and disciplining your son.

Tell him to only hit the dogs, best way for him to let out his frustration. ____@____.com

OMG-just hit him back and tell him firmly you will stop when he stops!
Kathy N.

My son was also great until he turned 2. Maybe if he has so much energy put him in karate or in some type of sport where he can burn some of that energy. This phase should start fading away when he turns 3. Good luck and have lots of patience.

A hurting child needs love and a toddler knows no other way to show his emotions but what he has learned. He senses your anxiety and so he continues in the same manner. I would suggest the next time he hits you, do not get angry, realizing that the hit is not being rude (and you should be able to tell the rude hit), but is demonstration of his frustration, and just hold him real firmly and do not let him move until he has released himself, even if it involves, screaming, crying, etc. He just wants to know that his mommy is still there for him. You are all he has - give him the security he needs and craves. Again hold him real firmly until he lets it out, telling him it's going to be ok, etc and if that does not work, then try to distract with humor to discourage that behavior. The more attention the hitting gets, the more he does it. Take heart, your baby has not turned into the devil.

Sounds like your kid has more than just ordinary toddler behavior. The separation may be a significant factor there, as the child seems to have an aggression or anger that gets expressed with the hitting impulse. Personally, I would use metaphysical energy healing therapies to help shift his energy... I find that for animals and children these healing methods actually work faster than for adults since kids and animals don't have a strong conscious mind interfering. I've practiced Reiki for a long time and seen a lot of dramatic shifts happen with reiki sessions. Meanwhile, rather than focusing attention on his hitting you may want to focus on giving him nurturing and attention when he is acting appropriately.

This sounds so stressful. Get him a punching bag and let him hit it. In his room...no dogs, no mommie allowed in. Also, next visit to pediatrician have hormones checked. Also, check diet, cleaning products, a/c filters and laundry detergent for allergies...
and god bless you, dear.
And yes, the separation is a huge part of this dilemma.

W. ,
seems like you are going through difficult times...hang in there. I am a new parent, but I saw a similar case to yours and with all honesty, hitting back is not as effective as consistently put him in time out. If you show him weakness, he will climb all over you. Hang in there! Remember...you are the mother:)
T.

Have you tried taking away his favorite toys? Sometimes that would be the trick. Talk to him about if he hits (pick a toy) and tell him you will take it away from him for (pick how many days you want) and when he behaves you will return it to him.

Good luck
C.