Hi Please I Am Concerned About My Son's Social Skills. He Is 12 Years Old.

Updated on May 19, 2016
L.D. asks from Byhalia, MS
6 answers

I strongly feel we may have looked over the fact that he's been dealing with some form of autism since he was younger. He does well with teachers, but does not relate well with children his own age and today they were having a festival at school and he begged to be picked up early. I went to get him because I didn't want him to feel overwhelmed and left out in the crowd. Should I have made him stay?

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

Welcome to Mamapedia!

First of all, a little bit of admin advice. You have very little info here, so we'll all just be guessing. If you want to expand your question, please click on "edit" and write "added" or "ETA" (Edited to add) and write more. Please don't actually answer in the same section where everyone else will be replying - not every responder will see that as being from you, the original poster. And FYI your question posted twice (not your fault - probably the server was slow to upload so you understandably clicked twice and it posted twice). But, that means you will get answers on either of the posts, and not all the responders will see the other answers nor any updates you make. You can't delete your duplicate but you can edit it to remove the content and perhaps just write "duplicate - removed" to explain.

Anyway, I'm surprised that your child got to age 12 without any teacher or pediatrician talking about this or asking about his social skills, how he deals with crowds/noise and so on. It's unwise to jump at one condition such as autism (or anything on the spectrum) - please raise your concerns with the professionals who know and observe your child. There are many moms on this site who may suggest specific questions to ask or evaluations you can request, and of course you must advocate for your child. But do ask for evaluations that cover a variety of things and don't assume that he has autism.

At 12, kids often become hormonal and insecure, so you have to factor that in. It's also important to have the professionals investigate whether any form of trauma has occurred that could prompt a change in behavior.

You say he has exhibited symptoms since he was younger, and I'm concerned that no teacher ever requested that the school psychologist or other professional come in to observe him. I think you may have to push hard to get the school to take this seriously. So do find out what intervention and testing/evaluating services are available to you.

8 moms found this helpful
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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If you think he might have a developmental disorder, such as a form of autism, you should immediately call your pediatrician and ask for a referral. If he is on the spectrum, he needs more help, immediately, than some moms on an advice board can give you. He should have his own therapist who can help you figure out what is best for him in these types of situations (in addition to teaching him coping skills).

4 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

If you suspect anything like autism the first person you need to speak with is his doctor.
Beyond that kids are people and have a variety of feelings and personalities. He may just be shy, going through puberty, having a bad day, having some stress or anxiety, or maybe he just relates better to adults than kids his own age. There are a thousand possibilities.
So TALK to him. Ask him questions but more than that, listen. Twelve is a tough age for boys and girls both.
And express your concerns to the doctor as well.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Our son always had friends but he never really got along well with kids his own age till he hit middle school.
He's an only child and always considered himself to BE an adult.
So when his peers were very naturally being childish - it just wasn't something our son was into and he didn't want to join in with it.
He thought they were behaving fairly stupid - and often they were.
When they eventually caught up with him with a bit of maturity in 7th and 8th grade - things really turned around quite a bit.
Being all caught up with/in a peer group isn't always what it's cracked up to be!

In the mean time - get him involved with some activities he enjoys so he has a chance to meet a lot of people out of school.
He might march to the beat of a different drummer for right now, but that might change in a few years.
Have him learn to play an instrument.
Our son loves playing clarinet in band!

1 mom found this helpful
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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

No, I see no need to make him stay.

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D..

answers from Miami on

It would have been helpful for you to copy and paste the link of your last question and asked the moms here to read the background to this before answering. You're starting "in the middle" here and a lot of ladies aren't going to know what you said about your son before, which colors their answers to you.

You need to work on a diagnosis. Without that, it's hard to advise you, and you shouldn't just go with a pat "yes" or "no" answer. Please figure this stuff out with professionals.

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