I have a very sweet and active 4.5 yr old son. He is healthy and plays "hard" with his buddies and his sister (7.5 yrs). At the age of 3.5, he took a tot basketball class and loved it. We enrolled him in a soccer class last fall and he spent the first 4 classes sitting on the sidelines with his daddy. We ended up pulling him out of the program and getting most of our money back. We encouraged him to play in a youth soccer league for the Fall of 2010 and he said he didn't want to do it, he just wanted to play basketball. Although the 6-week session had already begun, we went last night to enroll him in the last 3 weeks of the program. He immediately went on the court, shooting baskets with the 6 other boys (mostly his age and younger). As soon as the coach rallied the boys to come to center court to begin class, he burst into tears and sat on the bleachers with me for the entire session. He can't tell me why he won't participate. He is athletic and coordinated and loves to run around and play. He sees the other kids doing it and having fun. Part of me thinks we should not go back and not enroll him in any sports until he shows us he's ready (although he did say he wanted to play BB) and part of me thinks we should keep going, he just needs time to 'warm up' to it. The classes are expensive and my frustration level is HIGH! Any advice? Please?
You might want to think about letting the coach deal with it. It's not unusual for them to deal with this behavior. Can you "leave" practice when you take him? (Like stand outside, etc.) My son is always more of a cooperating "boy scout" when someone other than me or my husband is "in charge."
Or just take him out and sign him up for the next session of basketball...
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I think he likes to play basketball--not join a basketball team. Just grab the ball and his buddies and go find a court outside somewhere to play whenever he feels like it. There are free courts all over the place in parks. I think waiting for him to "warm up" to a team experience could actually end up tainting the whole thing for him, and he'll associate basketball with lots of icky, bad feelings. I think he's showing you by his reactions that it's not the right choice to join a team right now.
Why are you pressuring him at such a young age? At 4, he should be home...playing games in the back yard with his family and friends...there is PLENTY of time for structured play later. We have a friend who played in the NFL for many years...and he wouldn't let his boys play organized football until high school! He says they aren't losing anything by waiting...and they often get injured or burn out if they start too young. Every kid is different...follow the lead of your son.
what I have noticed with sports is not to start them until about second grade - honestly it just seems that most kids really don't know the rules and their attention span is too short. Your son is very young - I'd give it a break until he has been in school and around the other kids and teachers. My 17yr old plays highly competetive sports - and loves it- I got all excited and started my second girl "early" and found it was a waste of time. Good Luck
Don't touture yourself - and your son. He's only 4.5 and has more than a decade ahead of him to play sports. He may love to run and play, but may not be ready for organized sports, with more rules than he is used to (or likes) and may not like playing with children he does not know. Don't force him to play a sport he doesn't want to.
It sounds like he doesn't want to be on a team and he just wants to play for fun.
My son was the same way with his first sport, soccer. I just kept taking him, I didn't force him to participate but said he had to go since I had paid money for him to be on the team. Slowly he worked up the courage to participate a little. He clung to me mostly though, so one Saturday Pop Pop took him to soccer, he did not have to play, but he had to go watch his team and low and behold since Mom wasn't there to cling to, he played. By the end of the season he was a changed kid. I would go and just be patient. Or try my strategy and maybe a grandparent or favorite aunt or uncle could take him.
My advice would be for you to not let your son quit. And don't quit on him either! It's important to know that by letting him quit, you are only enforcing his behavior. As the parent, you should be the one controlling the reins; PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! :-) By letting your son get away with his behaviors, you are telling him that he can quit anything or get his way with things as long as he cries or acts up. Also, I think it is very important to explain to your child that they HAVE to at least TRY something AND follow through with it; especially when it comes to sports. If they don't like it after they try it with good effort for the WHOLE season, then they don't have to do it again. But stick to your guns.
This was my parents phylosophy, and coincidently, it was my wife's upbringing as well. We follow these same principles for our daughters, and it has worked miracles.
My wife and I have twin 4yo daughters who have been in sports and activities since they where about 1 1/2 years old. We started them in gymnastics simply for the purpose of socialization. At that age, all of the classes were parent/child. However, after a year or so, they moved up to the child-only classes. Our daughters HATED not having us in the room and they definitely threw some fits. For a long time, we would have to sit in the room with them while all of the other kids played on their own. They would participate a little, but, always had an eye on us...just to make sure we didn't leave. But, we were very persistant in enforcing and encouraging them to participate with the class.
My wife and I would talk with them daily about being "big girls," in class and how proud we were of them for trying each week...but also how awesome it would be to see them go in to the class all by them selves. At times it did feel like a giant waste of money, but, each week they showed just a little, tiny bit more improvement. My wife started to slowly move closer and closer to the door each week. Then, one class she slipped out. Once our daughters realized she was gone they freaked out. But once they saw that she didn't "leave" them and that they did it all on their own, they were estatic to be "big girls."
We made a HUGE deal about it, commended them with great enthousiasm, called their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and let them tell everyone how "big" they were. They grew leaps and bounds following that day, and are now little social butterflies no matter where we go...school, the doctors, grocery store..everywhere!
We never let them quit, and they grew to LOVE gymnastics, as well as dance, soccer, and swim club. I am SO glad that we stuck to our guns with gymnastics, and was worth all the stress and money to see them blossom that day.
Stick with your guns, praise him for his accomplishments, and don't be afraid to be embarrased when he has his moments! It's very easy to get lost in our days and forget to tell our kids "great job" when they are good. Because, it's VERY easy to let them know when they are being "bad."
Best advice my wife ever gave me..."Just remember...they are only 4 years old." Always reminds and puts into perspective how little they know in this world...and how much WE need to teach them. Both with our words, and with our actions!
Best of luck to you, hope this helps even if just a little :-)
I taught gymnastics for 4 years. There were MANY kids who hated coming the first few weeks. They didn't know anyone, they didn't know me as their teacher yet. It took a few weeks for them to let their guard down and enjoy being there.
My husband wanted to enroll our daughter in dance classes at 22 months. I thought it was absurd. And, I was right for the first 4 weeks. Then, she started liking it, and now it's an obsession for her. I can't believe that at 24 months, she is actually participating and following directions as well as she is.
Our son is different. He's a little more clingy. He's going to be doing T-ball for the first time this summer. He's committed, so we're not going to pull him out until the session is complete, even if he doesn't enjoy it. We believe we have to teach them that once you make a commitment, you have to stick with it.
I agree with letting the coach deal with it. They're accustomed to kids not being comfortable at first. It's easier to deal with a child like yours who needs some coaxing to get involved than one who is wild and won't pay attention/behave.
Sometimes having the parents there, too, is difficult for the child and the instructors. If the kid knows Mom/Dad are there to comfort, they won't be as attentive and participatory in what the instructor is doing. I always preferred when parents were out of sight or left the building so their kids were fully focusing on our class and having fun.
