I have a 2 year old daughter that wants her daddy all the time. Problem is, he works all day and then does side jobs in the evenings. She wakes up wanting him and goes to bed wanting him. I tell her daddy is working and will be home shortly. This morning she wanted her daddy and I told her that daddy already left for work. Well, that set her off for a 30 minute crying spell. She fought me in putting her in the carseat. I don't know what else to do. Her daddy is home every evening to put her to bed but he has to be to work in the morning by 7am and she wakes up at 7:15/7:30am. She won't let me change her diaper, clothe her, brush her hair, etc. She is starting pre-school in 3 months and need to change this routine a little. Any advice before I really go crazy?
I want to thank everyone for their advice. I have started getting her up 15 minutes before her daddy leaves and it has helped alot. She seems a little more relaxed and is willing to work with me in the mornings (ie - diaper changes, brushing her hair and eating breakfast). I know I have only done this for the last couple days, but it has helped. Thank you for all the advice. This is such a wonderful place to get advice and not feel like a real boob when asking questions.
Maybe have him wake her up in the morning and talk to her a little? Also, he could promise something special in the evening - like he'll read her a book or something.
While I am sure she loves her daddy with all her heart, it also sounds a bit like normal two year old defiance. She knows he is not available so she wants him. It is like an excuse to not do things she is supposed to do, carseat, hair, etc. It breaks our hearts when we see our children missing one parent so much that we tend to give in and over sympathize. Although you want to comfort her and tell her daddy will be home soon try to stay calm and in a matter of fact voice tell her daddy is at work. Make sure that when he is home they get one on one time where he reads to her and they play a bit.
My husband has worked many crazy hours over the past years and all of our kids would go through this, and I am not saying she does not miss her dad, I'm sure she does. What I would tell my kids is that when daddy gets home he comes in and kisses you and says goodnight, so you could tell her that he gave her a kiss and said goodbye while she was sleeping. Not sure why, but this helped my kids. Soemtimes routines do not change until change happens. Meaning that once she starts preschool there will be an automatic routine change. I applaud you for trying to get a jump on it, but don't stress over it!
yeah that sounds like my two year old! sounds like it might be pretty easy to adjust the routine a little - mine has to be woken up every morning to go to daycare, so i would have no problem waking her up fifteen or thirty minutes early so she could have a few minutes of daddy time. and with my husband, who was an absolute "hands off" daddy for the first year, i jump at any chance to let them spend time together. now, at 21 months, my son and his daddy are very close and i love it.
another thing that has helped is i think my son is finally understanding that when we leave, we come back. i have often told him "i'll be right back!" when i have to go get the mail or run outside or whatever, leaving him with daddy. (he goes through the same thing when i leave as when daddy leaves) he doesn't quite get the "RIGHT back" part, but he gets that i will come back. i've actually started saying it when he shows signs of separation anxiety for myself or my husband, and i think he understands it now and it helps. he'll even be playing with me in the livingroom, take off for his room, and tell me, "I be-eye-back!" it's so cute.
it's just a hard stage for them, not understanding that people do come back when they leave. hopefully she'll start to understand soon. in the meantime i'd try to give them as much together time as possible. waking her up a little bit earlier won't hurt her, actually i think it will help her a lot in this situation. -and then DADDY can tell her himself that he'll be back! good luck!
Do you all spend time together? Dad is going to have to manage his time so that the three of you can have some one on one time. She needs to see the interaction between the both of you so that she will see that you all work together, love together and care together. You and your husband are one, she must see this so that she can connect the dots.
G. D.
God bless
My husband had a demanding job too he was never home for the 4 yrs. of our son first came into our lives thank goodness he came to the realization it wasn't worth it and now has a new job that is way better and the benefits the whole shabang.Anyway my son wanted his dad too he wasn't home for breakfast or dinner he'd go in at 6 in the morning andcomes home late sometimes after 11 at nite he was exhausted but alway's found play time with our son he sometime's had to work weekend's and then on Sun. was their play time.However this daily routine didn't impact lil guy as much as it did me.If there is anyway your husband can give your lil one some more quality time then do it this will tame the tantrum's,she is feeling left out and has noway to express it sine she doesn't know how to say her feeling's she is acting them out.I would see if your husband is able to sit at the dinner table as a family bath her read her books playtime and then off to bed even if it is only an hr. in the evening she doesn't know what an hr. is all she cares about is wanting daddy time and that is important.Does dad go in to tell her by in the morning hug's and kisses too this will help.
I'm a wsahm of 2 kid's never a dull day
Hi L., one suggestion is try letting her wake up a little earlier so she can see daddy in the mornings too. Let her eat breakfast or do something with him during this bonding time. This is all psychology. Girls tend to look at their fathers more than their moms until their teens, just as boys look at their moms more than their fathers until their teens. I hope the suggesstion about them spending time in the mornings might help.
What has helped with my children when they go through that stage, is to have pictures of Daddy, or let them talk on the phone with him during his break. Help her make a little scrapbook that she can give him when he gets home. My 2yo that I have now goes through episodes too. But, if it is possible that she is trained to get up with him to get a kiss and hug, then take a nice nap or two, then she will be awake when he gets home. Have him take her for an ice cream and that kind of thing. With a routine, she will start feeling better.
L.,
Your husband needs to be there more than just putting her to bed. He needs to take the same time every night and just devote it to her. You need to start just doing what needs to be done,and don't forget to still show her love, no matter how much she acts like she would rather have daddy. I know you do, but it prob. hurts that she acts like this and your there. When it comes to a child never put your feelings first. This might sound funny, but we are supposed to know things enough to not take a kids behavior personally. It's a hard thing to do when they reject you. She is behaving this way for a reason, I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but to fill the need she has would be to have daddy spend more time with her in the evening, not just bedtime, if this is the case. Whatever you do, don't show jealously or anger. Just be understanding and continue changing her diaper, even if she refuses. You have to. Just be patient. It will work out. Be very consistent and so should your husband.
DE
L., if it's a matter of half an hour, why not let Daddy wake her up in the mornings? (Before you freak out, please know that I have a firm rule here about waking a sleeping baby - it only happens in emergencies.) Even if she's tired, maybe you could put her down for her nap a little early. That way, Daddy & daughter get to spend a little more time together, he would get the wonderful first diaper of the day, and maybe you could get another 15 minutes of sleep/rest! :)
What if you make a Daddy area somewhere in the house? Put up a couple pictures of him, and maybe a marker board or something where he can leave her "mail" for when she wakes up in the morning, a note of some sort for her to look forward to each morning, and she in return can leave a picture or note of her own for when Dad goes to work in the morning, or comes home etc... Also, could she call him when she wakes up, or at lunch? Or him call her? Or even maybe leave her a message on your answering machine/voice mail/computer she could play each day when she needs her Daddy fix? It'd be really cute to go to Build a Bear and they could make an animal together, and have him record a message for her to put in it, then she could carry him around! Hope those suggestions help! My son is crazy over Grampa (who we live with and is his Dad figure) and always wants him as well!! Thankfully he owns his own shop, so we can call or visit whenever during the day. Good Luck!!
My 3 year old had huge issues with daddy leaving (seemed like non-stop tantrums) and is now completely okay with it.
Some other things you can do that may help even more:
* meet daddy for lunch or dinner once in awhile
* take pictures of daddy at work to help explain better where he is
* talk on the phone if possible
* watch video of daddy and kid playing
keep them occupied
* build a bear with daddy (or have a special toy from daddy) and have it around like a temporary security blanket when daddy's away
* make cds of daddy reading book or singing songs the child can listen to when daddy's not there.
* dress-up in daddy's shirt (my kids like taking naps like this)
There has got to be a day where daddy is home...he can't work 24/7 can he? On that day, have him spend time with her. Like a date, just the two of them. He can talk with her and let her know that he has to work a lot, but loves her and wants to spend time with her. He needs to be the one to tell her that she needs to cooperate with mommy. But he also needs to spend some quality time with her. It'll give you a break and help him bond a little more with your daughter. And don't worry, as she gets older it will get better. Good luck and God Bless.
What a tough spot. With the economy it takes dad working a lot, Perhaps a camcorder with a message each morning and then perhaps a couple of mornings she could awake a bit earlier to have doughnuts with daddy morning.
Encouragment and making light of it she will adjust in time. Tell her mommy and you can have a tea party in the morning before school and put stuffed animals around the table and have her name them. Take her mind off of daddy as much as possible. Does he work where you can stop by and see him? That would give her something to look forward to. My grandaughter was and is a daddy's girl she is 10 and always wants him over mom. Hurts mom real bad she told me.
Have daddy talk to her, he needs to explain how much he loves mom and it hurts him to find mommy upset after being treated that way. Perhaps he could start a reward chart and if she treated mom politely during the day then dad could put a sticker on it at night. The reward could be a special date with dad.
Good luck,
D.
Hey, I don't know if this helps, but I am going through the same thing with my three year old daughter. Every morning she wakes up screaming for daddy. Every car the passes, and there are alot, she screams "daddy!!!!!). She gets mad at me, like it is my fault. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it helps when I let her color a picture for him and write him a note. Hope this helps. M.
Hi L., Maybe instead of telling your daughter that Daddy is at work try saying that Daddy has left for work already and is waiting for her to call him and say "Good Morning". This way she will feel like she has had contact with her dad and now she can start her day! I know that a 2 yr old does not have a lot of vocabulary but at least she will hear her daddy say he loves her and wants her to have a good day. He might also want to reassure her that he will be home later to see her before bedtime.
