Helping Toddler Be More Outgoing/focused in "Classroom"

Updated on March 03, 2011
P.G. asks from San Antonio, TX
6 answers

My son (4 in april) attends 1/2 day daycare 3xweek. It's a regular daycare setting - toys & toddlers - he's in with his age group - older 3's/younger 4's. They do some cognitive learning (letters/numbers/shapes/colors, etc.) He really enjoys it, loves to play, etc. He's VERY social - the kid who says "hi" to everyone when we take a walk. But I've noticed in a group setting, he's more reserved.

He has a bit of a challenge with the more "structured" learning type things. He's ok at circle time, but would rather play with toys - they don't force the kids into the circle so given a choice, he'll play with their stuff (of course it's more diverse and different from stuff at home). The teacher mentioned that she noticed he's smart - knows answers, info, but when she sits him down and ASKS him directly, he's quiet or interested in other things. But when he's not the focus of her attention, he'll come back with the answers/'info. Or at circle time, she'll ask a question and he'll be quite, but when she says "we'll come back to D", THEN he'll answer. It's like he's shy in this particular situation. He's not like this at home - he'll answer questions, etc. But I noticed that at home, of course, we're talking about stuff he's interested in. At daycare, they're learning stuff, so he may not be "interested" in what's being taught.

Any ideas how I can help foster attention in a learning environment? I'm going to be more focused at home - build in some "learning time", etc. so he's got more of that routine. But I appreciate any input on how to help him be comfortable when he's the focus of attention.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Well unless it is story time, he may not be mature enough to sit and just listen. this still falls in the "normal" for his age.. His attention span is still in the 3 min to 4 minute range.

You can work with him about paying attention when someone calls his name. Just say, "John, look at me and listen to my words". Or "John, what were the words I just said?"

My husband said it used to drive his mother crazy that he did not look at his mother or at the book she was reading. But if she asked him what she had said, he could completely repeat it..

I think she is just mentioning, not expecting him to actually sit still for very long.

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

If he's 3, he's not a toddler any more, he's a preschooler :-) They grow up so fast.

I don't know that I'd be too worried. It's tough for boys to sit still. I think that's the reason we're hearing so many examples of boys with summer birthdays waiting until they're 6 to begin kindergarten. That part of their maturity really does take longer than it does for girls. Just keep encouraging him and give him time. It won't be long before he begins to understand that this may not be his favorite thing, but it is what is expected. He'll adjust.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

He's shy and that's OK.

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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Honestly he is so young I wouldn't worry about it one bit. My younger son was kind of like that in preschool too. He has done terrific in k and first grade. Beyond what I ever would have thought. They sometime just need a little time ot mature in that respect.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I dont think you need to do anything differently. That behavior seems really normal, and definitely developmentally appropriate, for a boy. It doesnt seem like there is anything wrong.

I think, in the normal course of preschool and kindergarten, he will become more comfortable. I think adding a little bit of structured time at home - playing a memory game, reading a book, sorting shapes or colors, would be great, but I dont think you need to do any more.

I wouldnt stress over it, and risk passing that on to your son.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Even I'm confused as to what is expected-is it daycare and toys and toddlers or is it a classroom in a school-where all the stuff to do builds cognition? Maybe you expect less from your son because you perceive him to be a "toddler". He may be taking cues from you. Is he grouped with children his own age? I don't think he's shy-I think he is introspective which is a sign of great intelligence and he is careful not to blurt out the answer but instead- he knows what to say and it is important for him to be correct. It sounds to me like he actually cares about learning. At home-surround him with books and creative play and building components. Expect him to help you with chores and be responsible for his room and laundry and such. Don't be afraid to foster some independence-you clearly love him very much-let him bloom!

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