My 4 month old screams whenever someone holds her with the exception of my husband and me. Sometimes she cries if a person even looks at her too closely. I am a stay at home mom, but I have not isolated her from people. I've taken her to visit friends and family often since she was born and we've left her several times with family members to babysit. I happily let others hold and cuddle her. We go to church, the grocery store, and run errands during the week. When she's with my husband or me she is an easy going, happy baby. People don't understand that she's crying because of them so they say things like "she must have a dirty diaper, she's hungry, or she's tired." What they don't see is that the minute we get away from them she is smiling again. It's getting to the point that I don't want to socialize with her because it's so exhausting for her and me. Any suggestions on how to encourage her to let others hold her or even be near her?
We are finally through the stranger phobia at about 10 months. We continued to expose her to people and places and she just outgrew it! If you're struggling with this, hang on because it will pass.
My 7 month old is the exact same way. He's been that way since he was probably about 3-4 months old. I'm always saying how he's always happy and never cries but when people talk to him or try to hold him, he's always crying and grumpy. He was super grumpy at Thanksgiving but as happy as can be when we left...LOL All these stages come and go. Don't worry about it. she's fine and will be a social butterfly in her own time. Good luck!
It's a developmental thing you cannot control. Just enjoy your baby. At some point she will warm up to others. There is plenty of time for that! Right now, she just needs to know she is secure with Momma and Daddy. That should be your top priority.
You might try not letting so many people hold her, but still keep her around them a lot. My DD screamed and cried a lot whenever I let other people hold her, but if I had her or let her play on the floor she was fine... So we would let her play on the floor while we sat down with her to play. As long as Mommy was close, and the other person wasn't 'technically' holding her (she would sit on their leg, or hold hands for balance) she was fine. Now she doesn't have a problem with (most) people holding her.
Hi L. F :-)
As a mom of a 23 year old now, I find myself often laughing at myself and the ways I brought my daughter up at times :-) With a smile in the future, you'll look back and remember these moments, when your child was telling you (at 4 months of age) I'm not the least bit interested in having a stranger hold me or talk to me.. and yet.. as they get older, more towards 4 - 7 and up.. we spend the next times on our parenting journey telling them to "not talk to strangers!".. LOL!
It's actually funny.. once you've been through it.. the best one I like is how MANY times I encouraged my daughter to eat.. eat.. eat!!! And now.. it's.. hey, stop eating, stop, stop ..(as she moans about being on a diet) LOL!
The best thing you can do for your little one is keep up the good work .. when she is around you and your husband she is an easy going happy baby.. that's the best! Socialization will come later, just enjoy her now and if you go out in public with her just tell people she's uncertain around strangers and keep a smile on your face :-)
You're doing great!
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner
Don't push it and don't stress. My son, the friendliest 3 year old on the planet, was very traumatized when people held him at that age. He got cheery at around 6-7 months. I straight up told people when he was screaming at parties etc, "He only likes us". He outgrew it. She doesn't need to be held by others gracefully. Continue what you are doing and don't let your pride get in the way. Sure it would be nice if she was smiling at people etc, but this will pass.
My daugher was the same way. exactly what you said. from about 4 months to 2 years old I could not get her to warm up to anyone. She would not do well with family. They lived out of town so it was a chore for her to get to know them. She was so independent and just loved to entertain herself. Just wanted everyone's presance and not cuddleing. It really stayed with her through pre school as well. I did all you did. Moms groups, socializing and playgroups. There was never a change. I think kids are just that way. Your doing the best you can. I hope it does not last for you and it is a stage.
Don't let anyone else hold her unless it's other family members.
For now.
I'm just guessing here . . . . but this is based on my own experience.
I think she may be reacting, at least in part, to other people's smells.
Breath or perfume or whatever.
If you carry her in a baby carrier, so that she's attached to your body,
there will be less opportunity for other people to attempt to hold her.
Don't let them.
As a mom of a 20 yr old who was the same way, some kids are just like that. I think she knows a good thing when she has it and is determined to have it that way! I always think they ought to have temperament codes built in when they are born, but you find out pretty soon anyway! We lived pretty far away from family and it was painful when he screamed when he was held. But she holds the key and will change or not accordingly. Don't feel guilty or like a bad parent, she is a good and smart baby and probably emotionally intelligent. My son has grown to be social and yet still as independent as ever! He is good judge of character, too!
Peace be with you!
I agree with all of the other responses. The only thing that I might add is that I think that keeping her close now may actually increase her confidence as she grows. Remember, she's only been out of the womb for 16 weeks and this planet is probably still very strange to her. I know it's tiring and that sometimes you would love for someone else to hold her. I can just imagine serving your plate at Thanksgiving and wishing that "Aunt Cathy" could hold her for just a second. It will pass. If you have a front, upright sling, that can come in handy. My daughter always wanted to be held, so I bought a baby-backpack and toted her along with me while I did laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, made beds, walked the dog(s), etc. She was happy, I was happy, it was good. God bless you and good luck!
