Helping My Child Overcome Bullying

Get your child involved with other kids from their class fast. I don't know how old he/she is but I was just thinking today that it's good that I took my little one to a classmates bday party. A lot of the kids weren't there but the ones that were really bonded and that's how it starts out. Get them involved in sports and play dates now before she gets too old for you to coordinate these things for her. The same kids will be getting together again this week as I am helping out after school and I am glad that they will form a friendship out of me participating and demonstrating to my child how to get involved. Maybe have a sleepover so she can get to know some kids. I see lots of naughty things when I am at school and I call the child on it if I see it. I also ask the children to apologize if they hurt each others feelings. When my child comes home and tells me so and so did this to me I let the teacher know(if it's bad) and I also talk to the child when I am in the classroom. Helping out lets you see what's going on and the classmates get to know you. My child's coat still gets tugged on or gets pushed when running but the kids know I will tell them what they did was not nice if I find out. I would go for lunch one day if your child is in grade 3 or under. Lots of parents go and eat with their child. If she won't feel embarrassed, do it. I would talk to the teacher also and let her know she is being bullied. Good luck.

As a teacher, here are my suggestions. First, send a polite email to the teacher voicing your concerns and request some suggestions that she may have to help you improve your child's environment. Give it a week to see how that works and try to implement any suggestions she might have. Then if that is not working, call the school and set up an appointment to meet with a counselor or administrator. Voice your concerns to them. I don't think you should go to the school to eat in the cafe or stand at recess until you have done these things. Unfortunately, taking those actions may give the kids that are bullying more ammo. Make sure you document your every move and really stress that you are being an advocate for your child, but also trusting the school to solve the problem.

My child would be out of that school, homeschooling until the end of the year. I would find out the legal requirements in TX (I think it is a very homeschool-friendly state) and then just do it if it is at all possible in your life situation.

Adults would never tolerate that type of harassment in a job setting - they would either leave the job, or sue, or both. Why are little kids, with less developed coping skills, expected to learn how to just "deal with" that brutal behavior? IT DAMAGES THEM, sometimes permanently.

JMO. I realize not everyone can or should homeschool. I'm just telling you what I would do in the same situation.

Wow-what kind of school is this?? And the parents won't do anything about it?? I have seriously never heard of this-parents around here are hyper aware of this kind of thing. If it were my child I would figure out how to help her miss the rest of school. MAybe even pick her up at lunch and take her out and deliver her back afterwards. If the school questions it say-"listen -you are lucky this is all I am doing. If I were not leaving I would have the school board involved in this matter as well as local media. You all should be ashamed of yourself. In a country where most good schools have become zero tolerance for bullying you all are actually ENVOURAGING this behavior." So STFU!! I would also figure out how many whole days that she can miss without having to repeat. Some schools are much stricter than others on this I think.

At the start of school last year I had this issue...I as Tina C. suggested below sent a nice email "out of concern"...stating that my daughter had come home several days indicating (and listed the issues)...I simply asked the teacher if she could keep an eye open to see if these are truly occuring. Not that I didn't believe my daughter...I was ready to go bully the principal...

In a week or so I heard back from the teacher and my daughter...all was good.

Then about six weeks..daughter came home and said a boy was picking on her...I said "did you tell him to stop?"...she said "no"...I said "tell him you don't appreciate what he's doing to you and you'd like him to stop!"...and boy did she...he has been her best buddy ever since.

If I were you, since it is the end of the school year, I would go in each day and observe and or eat with your daughter. I would also talk with her teacher and the principal.

I would be vigilant with bullying. Our school has something called Watch Dogs. They are dads that are present and look out for bullies. Not necessarily catching each one, but the effort is definitely there.

Good luck!

I agree w/ Angela S. and Mallory P

I will start with - I have not been through this myself...My son is only in kindergarten. But my plan would be to follow Tina C's guidance with the school.

My belief is that parents have to teach their kids to stand up for themselves and not swoop in to solve all of their kids problems. Which is what you would be doing by going up school every day. As much as we want to we can not protect our kids from every harsh word or injustice. I know that as a parent this is hard. But part of raising them is equiping them with the self confidence and problem solving skills so that they can handle bullying. I try whenever possible to use the love and logic parenting techniques.....Not swooping in and rescuing your kids.....being a helicopter parent. Google this if you are interested.

Additional suggestions that I have are:
1) Have your son/daughter make a plan with a friend or several friends of theirs in the school to sit together at lunch. Build these friendships by encouraging your child to invite these children over to play or to meet at park. The more friends they will have, the more advocates that they will have in their corner at school.
2) Role play with your child possible responses to say to the bully.
3) Role play with your child how to tell the teacher/cafeteria lady what is going on.
4) Talk to other kids parents in the class and see if they have the same problems or other suggestions.
5) See if the school has an anti bullying program that they can put on for the class.
6) See about signing your kid up for karate - it builds self confidence and our karate school talks about what to do if you get bullied.

Good Luck!!!

Schools are required by law to provide a safe environment for kids. Most have some sort of zero policy on bullying. You HAVE to stand up for your child. I don't know if you being there is the solution, but you have to make sure the school is providing for the safety of your child. Before offering to eat lunch with her daily or stand at recess, I think I would ask the school what their plan of action is to make sure this stops. At our school, the counselor speaks to each class each year about various topics that are meaningful to that particular class. Maybe the counselor can do a session with the class, read a book about someone being picked on, tell the kids how to stand up for each other, speak one on one with the kids that are doing the bullying. Maybe they can take turns ignoring someone for an hour so that child feels what it's like to be left out. Who knows, what else, but you shouldn't have to be there. What if you worked? Would you have to take off work to deal with this? It's the school's responsiblity, but your job as a parent to advocate for it.

There is a section on bulling on http://allgodschildren.thepeoplesministry.com Cut and paste this website for some very good information. Good luck to you and your child. Bulling should not be tolerated

Wow, I am really surprised that this is being allowed. Bullying is a HUGE issue right now in schools and they are supposed to have a NO tolerance policy. You do not make it clear what you have done so far. If you have already brought this to the attention of her teacher and nothing has been done, then you need to meet with the principal and on up the chain until you get results. Most schools are really big about having you start at the teacher level and then moving up, not just going straight to the top. I would encourage you to find at least one kid in your daughter's class that you can help her make friends with. Invite them over to play or to go on a fun outing. If she is being bullied, then likely there are other kids that are also being targeted. If these kids can rally together, they can stand up together against the bullies. If you know the kids that are doing this, you might try to contact their parents and politely ask for their help. I would NOT send an email, but try to meet with them in person or at least talk on the phone. Don't accuse they child, but say your child is being bullied and would their child help.

Here is another possible way to deal with this. If I had this problem, I would pick up a large pizza and take it to school for my kid's lunch. I would invite one or two kids that my child is comfortable with to eat pizza with us. Another day, I would take cookies or cupcakes, etc. (Assuming this is allowed at your school, it would be at my kid's school.) Rather than you just being there with her as her guard, make it a treat once or twice a week. I know it is a blatant bribe, but I suspect that at least a few kids would gravitate toward your daughter at lunch, if they thought they might get food.

Your child HAS to be allowed to sit at a table in the lunch room. If this were HS I would say just sit on the floor like we did, but in ES, they HAVE to sit at a table. There should be a lunch room monitor that can enforce this. Your child should approach them if the kids are being mean and ask them for help.

M.

What does the school think is happening? what response do you get? What are the other parents afraid of? You need to work really hard on bully proofing your child. There will be bullies in the new school looking for children who will be intimidated. Role play with her. Doesn't she have any friends to eat with? If not you need to work on how to make friends. Does the school have a guidance counselor? He or she should help you, and if you arent getting help from the guidance counselor than you should go to the administrator

this is a horrible school.Our elementry has a no bully policy. you are right to move. those teachers need to pay attention and do their jobs. I would go to the board office. I don't know if you going to school to protect your daughter will make things worse for her. I would have a hard time resisting going to school if it were my kid though.

Sure why not?
If you can be there, why not?

thankfully, you will be moving in June.

What do you mean by "nuclear cooties?"
And why do they not want to sit by your child?

the Staff is really just not supervising are they?

Document everything.

Is this for real?

how old is your daughter?

If you have documentation of your contact with the school and their disregard for the situation, I would contact a local news organization. Because this is such a "hot topic" right now, it could make for a big story, especially if there are other parents that are willing to contribute to the story (and they can be interviewed anonymously). At my daughter's school (K-4) the students have assigned seating at lunch (with their own class). Something as simple as that would solve a lot of problems in your daughter's school. I do recommend that you teach her some strategies for standing up for herself (rather than try to "protect" her). BUT, the school is responsible for providing a safe environment. As a high school teacher, I am always on the look-out for bully behavior. As soon as students realize that I won't tolerate it, they quit. The teachers/administrators can put a stop to this immediately, they are chosing not to. Maybe they don't feel they have the knowledge or tools to handle it effectively, but they are still responsible for it. Maybe a little negative publicity would cause the district to put pressure at the school level. There are too many YOUNG children committing suicide due to bullying. It has to stop NOW! (I'm a little passionate about this topic if you can't tell!)

Encourage your child to stand up for herself and teach her the skills to do it. When I was a fourth and fifth grade teacher I talked to my students about how to differeniate between times you can overlook an offense, talk it out with the person who offended you, and when you need to get help from an adult. I adapted the ideas from the book "Young Peacemakers" for my classroom. Here is a link that might be helpful.

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958199/k.A...

I also encourage you to meet with her teacher and talk about what is going on. I know it's hard to see your precious daughter go through this, but you have a chance to help her gain skills that she can use from elementary school into adulthood.