Help, Wonderful Babysitter--A Demon Child

Hi M., my advice is even though you really like your babysitter, your daughter is most important and if you are already seeing changes in her for the bad, then just tell your sitter, that although you love her and how good she is with your daughter, that you have to do whats best for her! hope this helps!
If you do decide you would rather stay home with your daughter and want to still earn an income let me know, I would love to share something with you!
thanks, Pam

That is so unfortunate. You finally found someone who you entrust your daughter's care and well-being to, and she is awesome with helping around the house while you work, but at what cost? I would sit down and have a talk with her. Explain that you believe the outbursts and "bad" behavior are being learned from her son. Ask her if it is possible for her to leave her son at home or with someone else. I don't think that is an unreasonable request. She is getting paid to take care of your daughter...not your daughter and her son. Having 2 kids myself, I know that you can not give both children your undivided attention and still get all of those chores done. At some point her attention is getting pulled away from watching and interacting with the kids, at which point most of hitting, yelling and undesirable behavior is probably being exhibited most.

She will have one of 2 reactions to your talk. Either accept your request or quit. Either way, you need to do what is best for you and more importantly your daughter. As great as it is to have someone take care of your house and watch your daughter while doing an otherwise fantastic job, you can't subject your daughter to her son's poor behavior. This will only manifest itself in your daughter. She is at an extrememly impressionable age right now, where all she knows is to imitate those around her. She does not understand good behavior vs bad behavior. Leaving her exposed to this will only create nightmares for you down the road when you try to raise her into a caring, compassionate and happy little girl.

Good luck to you. I hope everything works out.

It must be very upsetting to have found an awesome babysitter and then to find out her child is such a bully. Could she really leave her son at home? Is that an option? But it may not be what she is looking for. She probably wants a sitter job so she can bring her child with her. I agree it's easy to feel that way (very negative) toward another child when they hurt/are mean to your own kid.
I guess you could try talking about it to her (she may have heard it before from other families she's worked for?) but in the end...it IS her kid and she might be a bit defensive. If I were you, I would start looking for another sitter. When you find someone, give her a little notice ( 2 weeks?) that you won't be needing her services. I have a feeling the end result (replacing the sitter) is probably going to happen whether you try to talk with her/discuss it first or not. Good luck.

I suppose hog tying her son and locking him in the basement for the duration is out of the question... ;)

Hi M.,

If your babysitter is willing to change her ways. Find a parenting class that she can attend.

Eventually, your daughter will behave like her son even if she left her son at home.

Check out the parenting classes for her and if she agrees to go and learn better discipline techniques, that is great, if not, you need to find another baby sitter.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

maybe she is doing too much other work around the house. Her focus should be just on the kids and that will help her son calm down.

Your daughter yes probably doing mimicing but also if this is first time you have worked, she would act out as well as she is getting at the age that some of that behavior does show up.

This the first babysitter? say boyfriend going to school

Does she talk? or maybe delayed? sometimes when they don't have the words they act out physically

I would discuss it with your babysitter and explain that if this behavior from her son continues, you will have to find another babysitter. Your daughter's well being always comes first. Set a time limit and stick to it. Is her son always this way or is he acting out because it is a change and possibly jealousy? I would start asking around to find another sitter because once she is warned, she may quit.

I think prob the boy will not change i would look for someone else as your daughter is your concern..You dont want her to grow up like that ..there are alot of great babysitters .Use your instinks

I agree with Stephanie.

Michelle said:
It's been documented that when humans witness or are victims of intense malignant acts and cruelty (and this being the first bout of cruelty that your child's been exposed to), after so long their psyche finds that the only way to cope with something like that is to BECOME it.

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY....when a child witnesses violence (especially when it's inflicted on them, they will proceed to duplicate the act...wait...I've said this before in refernce to parents using corporal punishment, haven't I? Hmmmm...

Oh, and to another member here who made a joke about hog-tying the demon kid...if anyone else would have said that, I'm sure I would have laughed. YOU saying it made me shudder...it spoke volumes.

Get rid of the babysitter. I know, she's great,it will stink, but unless she chooses to keep her child at home or with someone else, she needs to go. Obviously what she is doing isn't working, and this kid is not getting effective consequences for his behavior. Unless she can learn to tame the demon, he needs to go. I'm sorry that you are faced with this. You have every right to protect your child from harm, ESPECIALLY if you are paying her as an employee!
If she is smart, she will leave her kid with a family member in order to keep her job.

Something just occurred to me...I wonder if she is going "above and beyond" to compensate for her son's behavior and to make it more difficult to let her go? I once had a houseguest who did all of my laundry, dishes, etc, all the while making excuses why he couldn't chip in for rent. Needless to say, the mooch was put out on his a**.

Good luck, sweetie.

As perfect as everything else is, your daughter's well being is most important. If this is not a positive experience for her, then it most certainly is not worth it. She comes first. I dont think this should be tolerated. Unfortunately, I think it's time to find a new sitter. Your daughter comes first!
Good luck. There are other wonderful people out there to help you care for you little girl. Be persistent to find her the best all around.

My GOD! I would have stopped it the minute I saw something was wrong! This little !@#$ is obviously a physical threat to your daughter and her safety and well-being.

By the way, she's not doing this from a feeling of being mad at you. I've been around this kind of thing before and it actually goes much deeper to a primal level and is much more sinister than that. It's been documented that when humans witness or are victims of intense malignant acts and cruelty (and this being the first bout of cruelty that your child's been exposed to), after so long their psyche finds that the only way to cope with something like that is to BECOME it.
That's why your child is now acting this way, because on a primal level that's the only thing she can do to cope.

There's only one fix for it, and that is: remove the demon child, and after a bit of time and help from you, you should be seeing your sweet little girl return to rights.

Do NOT think about the "feelings" of others before you think about the safety and sanity of your child.