Help with "Terrible Twos" - Canton,GA

Yes, it's normal and it's actually WONDERFUL! Don't be shocked at this statement... I can explain. I have written so many posts about this to other people's similar questions they should probably give me my own section on here. : ) I am a children's counselor and parenting coach specializing in helping young children and their parents. When children get to the age of 18 months to 2 years they are discovering that they are separate from their mom/dad/main caretaker and realizing they are their own separate being. They are trying this out.... They also are seeking a sense of "power" in any way they can feel power.... It is very common for them to do the opposite of what you ask and to begin hitting. It's wonderful because it indicates that your child is normal and seeking independence... Now, it's time to begin helping your child feel powerful in more adaptive ways. We don't want our children hitting to feel powerful. We do want our children to feel and be independent as possible providing safety and age appropriate opportunities. So, instead of trying to extinguish undesirable behavior, provide lots of opportunity for letting your child do things for himself. Provide a little stool in the kitchen and let him mix the salad or stack the rolls for dinner prep. Let him bring you all the spoons from the cleans in the dishwasher (remove all knives first of course). Let him have his own shelf in the fridge where you stock juice boxes, snacks that are portioned out into little baggies, etc for him to help himself. Let him help you fold the towels and washcloths. When he does these things affirm, "You must feel so proud of yourself! Look what you can do all by yourself!" Little children quickly feel proud intrinsicly when we simply point out how they did something all by themselves. Give him controlled choices - "Which shirt do you want to wear? the blue or the green?" Let him choose as often as possible. When he seems to "defy" just reflect, "You want to do it yourself or your way, I see," and then redirect/distract. This way you are not invalidating but are still getting him to cooperate. I recommend a few books for parents. Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley is awesome. Redirecting Childrens Behavior by Katharine Kvols is great. Parenting with Dignity the Preschool Years by Mac Bledsoe is awesome. I will be leading a parenting seminar August 25 in Kennesaw/Marietta combining all these theories and others so if you need some extra help drop me an email and I'll tell you about the seminar. Take care and good luck!

J.,

Hang in there! be consistent with his time out time and let him know calmly but firmly that his behaviour is not acceptable. My daughter starter to behave this way around her 18 months too, she is know 27 months and this behaviour is finally phasing-down but I have been constantly telling that is not OK to do this. Don't forget to praise him when he is playing with other kids and does not act difiant towards them or you.

Hope this help.

I know you asked back on Wed but I just read it and the advice you were given and I just wanted to add a little bit of what I saw and understood as eye opening! Imagine you are your child and consider what Lynn wrote about them trying new things and being independant and then it happens and you hit not to be mean but never the lees it happens and then "whap whap whap" your being hit and told by an angered adult not to hit?? HMMM I know our children undrestand alot more then we know and I am not against spanking but how freaking contraditing is that!? I am confused and I am not 2. I am going through it now too I have 16 mon. old twin boys and this is a challange but I stay consistant in redirecting them and sometimes I try the scare tatic by doing the quick louder "you don't hit" then I take it down a few notes and calmly say "You don't hit you love" and I proceed to give an example! But more times then none they are really only trying to get someones attention and that is how they do it, if you occupy their minds (cause they get board too) then that will probable eliminate alot of the misbehavior! I wish ya the best! -H.

It's normal but also can be a problem. He is basically power struggling with you. After my son who is normally sweet and easily disiplined plays with his friend who is the same age (4) but totally controls what he wants to do,unlike my son. And sometimes my son will try and test that with me and my husband and see if he can get away with telling us no or that we can't do something. Most of the time it takes a pop on the butt or making his friend go home but it works and he is back to reality. It sounds like he's realized that he can manipulate you and get away with things just by giving you a hard time. Just take a deep breath and come up with a punishment u know he hates and stick to it like glue. If you do it each and everytime he misbehaves he will get the hint and calm down.For the timeout....he seems to take it lightly b/c the time is easy for him to do and he knows that he can get up whenever he wants. If you really want to make him stay then put him in a highchair facing the corner or in his carseat buckled in and you leave the room so that he can't try and whine his way out of it, make him stay there as long as u had planned. It can be tough but if u stick to it and stay firm with ur punishment, the behavior will stop. Personally Im not all for the "Please be good" or "No, that's not nice". I use wordslike that when my 4 yr old has found a caterpiller and wants to keep it as a pet, not when he is intetionally getting pleasure out of hurting someone or causing me aggravation. When he is doing something on purpose that he KNOWS I don't like, that's when the gloves come off and mommy is getting down and dirty.I stand firm on my form of punishment b/c I have seen that it works and Ive seen how kids act when parents beg them to be good.I am my son's best buddy when he is playing and not casuing any headaches but as soon as he ignores me or tells me no when I ask him to pick up a toy then I turn into a whole other person and his whines and cires don't affect my decision on punishment. My son knows my do's and don't so I expect him to avoid the don'ts and I give him lead way on others things that are accidental like him spilling a cup of water on a 200 dollar wooden train table full of wooden trains. I also try not to punsih hard on small things and leave that to the times he needs reajusting.

I would say take something else away that he really likes. For my daughter, it was no watching her favorite video if she misbehaved. Other things that I tried was to put her in time out, however choose a different location. That way they do not get use the routine.

Yes, it is completely normal and annoying for us mothers. Just make sure that you are being consistant in the way you handle is misbehavings. Consistancy is key to success with all children. By always responding in the same way it shows him that he can't just trick (with the smiles and giggles) into a different response. He will eventually learn that what he is doing isn't ok at all. It just takes time. Oh and the "terrible 2's" will be replaced with the "Trying Threes". LOL!

C.

P.S. For anyone interested, I wrote an article entitled "The Terrible Twos - Are They Really So Terrible?" that some of you may find enjoyable. :-)

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/94812/the_terrib...

It's normal. Stay consistant. Use a firm voice - tell him it's not funny - it's serious - explain why his behavior is inappropriate. Please don't hit him. That won't help him learn right from wrong. It will only make him scared of you. He'll learn. It takes time and patience. Read some books like "Nanny 911" or "Super Nanny". Also, read anything from Schmuly Boteach.

Good Luck