Help with Strong Willed Children

I am sorry that I don't have any advise for you although my husband was a child psychologist and I can ask him for a little help for you if you want me to, but if you have anyone that gives you any good ideas, I would appreciate it if you would let me know what works as I have a feeling that I am going to have a strong willed child also. And although some of it is bad I guess, I want to promote that strong will as my husband and I had her kind of late in life.
Thanks, M. T.

If she is smart she will test her bounderies more than the average child. She is curious to see what she can get away with and how. The only thing that I can suggestm, that is very important for future development, is to set bounderies! Set them in different and creative ways. Sounds confussing? If she tries to continue to get into the dishwasher for instance, let her help you with the dishes. Take the energy she has and use it in a possitive way. It also could prove to be helpful for you. Usually, children who are bord have a tendancy to be a handful. Sometimes it may seem like more work for you to set up activities, I promise you, you will be more at ease for it!

A., do I ever know what you are going through. I have a 3 year old boy who is extremely strong willed and hard headed. I have battled with him from the time he was two years old. I had a previous daycare call me @ work and tell me I had to come and pick my son up because he was out of control. I talked with his pediatrition and was told it is typical 2 yr old behavior. I finally changed doctors and the new one has sent us to a child psychologist. I have only met with him twice but what he has suggested that we try has helped with him. I would be more than happy to give you his name and talk with you about some of what we do with our son if you would like. Just let me know.

There is a wonderful book called "taming the spirited child" it has a lot of good advice on how to help children who are described as impulsive, hyperactive, aggressive, noncompliant, difficult to manage, ornery, temperamental, oppositional or just (for boys) "all boy" (as the book describes). It may help. The book is written by michael popkin, phd. Hope the book can help you, I am currently reading the book to help my family (my husband, my son and myself).

Hi A.,

You may think about seeking out a psychiatric evaluation for your daughter. If she daydreams consistently, doesn't like school (all kids her age should love school) and can't seem to control her behavior, I would talk with your pediatrician and possibly obtain a referral to an expert in children's mental health.

Good luck!

Maybe you should look into taking her to a Child Psychologist? There could be something somewhere that is causing her anger that she is not sharing that someone not attached to the situation could bring to the surface. The main reason I say this is the "suicide" talk. An 8 year old should not even know what suicide is much less threaten to do something to themselves.

Have you tried hugging her more and praising her more? And when you take away privileges, is it something (she likes badly enough) that will really cause her to stop her behavior? If you find that one thing that she can't do without (ex. computer time, t.v. time, etc.), then be consistent with it.

This is a tough situation, and I can tell you dearly love her. Have you tried putting her in taekwondo? My 9-yr. old son had a hard time focusing on his homework since 1st grade. I put him in taekwondo ("tkd") and it has helped him to focus some as well as be rewarded. He progresses to the next level every 2 months. And now he is a first degree, level 3 black belt. It has also taught him to listen and respect others. It's a good discipline tool. He focuses a lot more. Also, because he respects his tkd instructor so much, we used to say, "If 'Mr. N' saw you do that, do you think he would approve?" And he would straighten up. I really like what it teaches so I put 2 more of my children (8yr. old daughter and 6yr. old son) in the program and they will be black belts within 6 months (2-yr. commitment to black belt). If you put her in, she might want to quit in the middle (that happens a lot), but insist that she commit to 2 years ("once a black belt, always a black belt" - and what an achievement)!

Tkd is good for everyone, so if you put her in, consider doing it yourself with her. Some places have family sessions where adults and kids do it together. Good luck to you. Get together and set goals for her (achievement instead of material things might be a better reward)!

Hi A.,
As a person with a mental health counseling degree, I can tell you this much... It's time to seek professional advice to find out what's going on with Dae. It seems just from the excerpt that there may be some emotional disturbances that needs addressing or even a medical condition going on. I suggest taking her to a licensed psychologist for help, and discuss the issues with the family pediatrician/doctor. If seeing a psychologist is not an option or if insurance will not cover that, look into community programs that offer counseling. Good Luck A.!

J.

sounds like you could really use some professional help at this point. sorry you are struggling with this... it sounds heartbreaking. intervene sooner rather than later though because this kind of problem can get really out of control if unintentionally reinforced.
L.

If you are in the Memphis area, there is another seminar that may help. John Rosemond's "Parenting the Strong-willed Child" at Linwood Christian Church Sept 22, 9:30-12:30.

If she is the worst at school and hates school, then you need to check out any of her friends or teachers or schoolmates. You need to find out, there may be something happening at school to make her feel this way. Also, I would ask her pediatrician.

G.
www.workathomeunited.com/myfoursons

I agree with the other posters that an behavior analysis or child psychology evaluation wouldn't be a bad idea. If nothing else, you may rule out any physical reason that she may be acting this way. The school may be able to do the testing, or ask your pediatrician for a referral. My oldest was exremely difficult up until age 4, when we found out that he has Sensory Processing Disorder, and all the pieces came together. Once we knew that, we knew better how to "handle" him. So you just never know what can cause a child to be angry, defiant, or strong willed. I think most children want to please adults, but sometimes they can't or don't know how.

Good luck to you.

Not sure if you are in the Memphis area or not, but there is a seminar next Wed. night at St. Francis of Assisi Catholic Church called "Smart Discipline". It may offer you some help. I am attending because of my 5 year old. You can also google "Smart Discipline" "Larry Koenig" for more information on this and perhaps it will come to your area or you maybe can purchase whatever the program is. It is supposed to have great results from what I have heard. Good luck to you! K.