Help with Step-parenting and Having a Combined Family

If he lives with mom full time what is her standards at home? Does she encourage education and help him? It could be all the changes as well or he could just plain ol hate school.

My dad was told my brother was gifted in kindergarten. Then my brother started 1st grade and HATED school. He got horrible horrible grades 1st-12th grade. I don't even know how he graduated. He HATED school and there was nothing my dad did to change it or help. Nothing worked. We tired ritalin(ADD), tutors, you name it. We joke that my brother was always grounded from the first report of the year to the last report card and only out to play in the summertime. Nothing we did helped. My brother is a very very intelligant person and can do numerous jobs and hobbies quite well but school is just not his thing.

I think one thing to remember is not to compare your son with the step son. Even if you don't mean to, he may feel like you are. Maybe school is harder for him and if he sees how easy it is for your son or if you give your son special attention because he is doing so well it will be that more frustrating for you step son. Every child is different and needs to be handled alittle differently, your husband might need to spend more time with him so he knows that he's still special and that doesn't change.

It may also be that the mother doesn't put as much importance on school and rules. She's against testing for ADHD, so what is her plan. Is she just going to ride it out? You need to sit down with her and get everybody on the same page.

Good Luck.

My personal advise to you is to seek counseling with your stepson on your time if you can. Blended families are tough and there is generally a lot of blame that goes around. Maybe your stepson would benifit as well as all the other parties involved if someone from the outside could help talk things through so everyone is on the same page. The only person who gets hurt when things get out of control between adults is the child. I've witnessed it personally. Soon if he sees you and dad want something different from mom he will play the parents off of each other and use it against you. Good luck! I do hope you can get to the root of the problem and find the little boy some help that he really deserves!!

I would say to look at how things are being handled between the two households. Is there bad talk about the other parent? Is there any tension or anger? Children pick up on alot more than what we realize.

Then, I would suggest that your husband needs to take the primary role (this does benefit the whole family, especially as the child gets older) and counseling at school could be the next step. I say this because, usually if the school is recommending counseling, therapy or testing for ADD/ADHD this benefits by backing the parent (s) up who want to proceed with getting help for their child.

If the mom is still not willing to try counseling and so forth, you can proceed with other legal options. Possibly suggesting it to her as "just a trial basis" to see if it helps him in school.

Parenting consultants and/or mediators may need to become involved. They are less expensive than court and they make the decisions in the childs best interest.

Definately needs to be Dad putting this into motion, not saying you can't support him, but the school, parenting consultants/mediators and if it ever makes it to court - the judge will only see you as interferring between the parents of the child.

I just went to court yesterday to do a simple modification of visiation, something my daughter's father and I should of been able to work out on our own. But because of the extensive involvement of his wife, there are now some specific ground rules laid out regarding her to more or less butt out.

One of my issues with the stepmom is her involvement in my daughter's medical records. This is my daughter's privacy that she is invading and it bothers me alot, because she goes to public places, makes copies and mails them to different clinics that my daughter goes to. This is not her role. Be careful of just how much you are involved.