Help with Poopy Training!!

The best thing is to leave him alone. It's a control thing. He knows what to do, he just needs to make the call to do it on his own. Don't punish him, it will only prolong the agony. Rewards are nice, but don't go overboard. With the new baby coming, he's likely to regress, lots of kids do, and it's still about attention and control. Lots of kids are 4 in diapers and end up fine. Almost no one goes to kindergarten in them! I worked too hard on my son who's now 7, it cost too many tears (on both sides) and rewards. Show confidence in him, when he's ready he will be all set.

I know it's frustrating, but don't push it! The more you push, the more he'll rebell and may even start to refuse to pee on the potty. Taking the lovey away will only make things worse. With my daughter I had to watch carefully for signs of needing to poop (squatting, stiffening up, hiding, pushing) because she wasn't on a schedule either. Once I became familiar with the signs I would take her to the potty with a favorite book or toy and have her sit until she got comfortable enought to go...this sometimes took a long time! Afterward I would make a huge deal about it if she went (dancing, singing, clapping, stickers) with lots of positive reinforcement! If there was an accident we talked calmly about where to go potty and that it would give us a rash if we didn't clean it up...as well as being stinky! The less stress the better! Good luck!

Punishing your 3 year old child (by taking his "lovey" away) for having accidents is the wrong approach. The best way to handle this predicament is to treat it as something natural and unimportant. Above all, try not to put pressure on your child and don't punish him. You don't want to make him feel bad about something he can't control. Gentle approaches are the only thing that work in this case- as with most child-rearing issues. Punishing your child for this will only delay eventual success. Give it time!

K.

I have a son who finally potty trained at exactly 3 1/2. I bought a giant lego (his favorite toy at the time) and put it on top of the refrigerator. I told him he could have it when he hadn't pooped in his pants for one week. Worked like a charm. He NEVER had an accident again. I don't think punishing your child is the answer. Rewards always work best. AND he will not go to school in diapers. Remember that everything is temporary.

I had that problem with one of my daughters, she loved baths but HATED showers, it may sound cruel, but when she did it in her pants, I put her in the shower, and as she screamed, I told her I would do it everytime.It was her last accident.A friend of mine tried it and it worked for her as well. Miki

Hi K............This has to be one of the most frustrating things to go through as a parent. There is hope though !!
I have 6 grand children and was a nanny for five years of three boys. My other experience is that I worked for a pediatritian (sp) for a couple of years.
The boys I was a nanny to were 11 - 2 1/2 - and in the womb when I started. Mom and I started the training and as your son going #1 was a breeze and a great accomplishment to J.D.
He and his newest brother, when he was trained, did the same thing: they would go behind a chair for a poop. After talking with other Moms and Dr. about this they all felt that #1 was an accomplishment, they could see it, and Dad did this too so, they were on top of the world. When the other end was involved they felt like " a part of their body was coming out " and they would hold it in as long as they could and because of the embarrassment would " hide ". As I watched them it made perfect sense from the mind of a 2 - 4 year old.
The good news is, they both outgrew this somewhere around 4. Boys are much later than girls ( 85% ).
Threatening not being able to go to pre-school or anything else just doesn't work because they were frightened and is a bad tool to use as far as I'm concerned.
The best thing, I believe as a mom and grand mother, is just be patient and loving and it will all work out "in the end ".

Lovingly, P.

It is soooooo common for (especially boys) to not be poop trained for long after going in the potty. They sometimes have fear about doing it, or it doesn't make sense to them.... I have NEVER met a guy in college who still pooped in his pants, so don't worry, it will happen. Let him unfold as he will, and don't take his lovey from him when he has an accident. I would try bribery first. My daughter loved stickers, and I offered her a sticker to put on her potty every time she went to the bathroom...or a gummy fruit thing. I would always remind her that the option was there, and she knew it was....but honestly, just one day she just started doing it, and she hasn't had accidents since. I have heard this to be common. There really isn't much need to "train", just trust he'll get it if you keep making it available. SOmetimes if they think you are upset with them when they go in their pants, they try to hold it, but that causes the reverse problem, that they end up going in their pants because they are holding it too long. I've also heard of kids who just don't want to miss out on anything in life, and don't want to spend the time on the potty! :)

Anyway, don't worry, your child will get it, in his time and in his way. We need to leave room for our kids to just develop the way they need to. I read a great article from "Lifeways" yesterday that spoke about how, if we remove ourselves from the "behaviour" that we can see actually how what the child is doing is part of their temperment, part of their own individual way of existing in this world. The author used the example of her daughter, who refused to walk except holding someone's hand until she was much older than "normal" walking age. Friends kept telling her that she should be "evaluated" and worried. One day, her daughter was in the middle of a room filled with people, and she just got up, and walked 16 steps. She never did the first two steps, never geared up for it, just thought about, and then did it in her own time. She then goes on to write that throughout her daughter's life she saw this part of her persona play itself out, and that it is a benefit to her in so many ways.

So...that may not tell you how to "train" your kid, but hopefully that encourages you that it is just a season, and it will happen. Unfortunately, you may have to clean up poop for a little bit longer, but I would love to hear how you view all of this in a year, when all is well!

R.

My pediatrician recommended the following: have him ask for a pull-up (or diaper) when he needs to poop. He probably knows when he needs to go, just doesn't want to do it on the potty. Then tell him he can go in the pull up, but needs to try sitting on the potty to do so. That way if its a control thing (or a fear thing) there's some compromise between the two of you. After a few times pooping in the pull-up on the toilet, ask if you can just lose the pull-up because he knows he can do it. Hope this helps!

If he's anything like my son, the more you pressure, the more he'll resist. My son would only pee in the potty for several months before he decided to poop on it too. He kept saying he was scared to poop and nothing we said eased his anxiety. Then, one day out of the blue, he just started doing it on his own-- at almost 4 years old. So, be patient. It's not easy, but he'll figure it out on his own.

Be patient. My DS was would pee in the toilet with no problem for about six-months he went poppy in the potty. Sure there were a lot of accidents and it was frustrating. We offered him a potty prize and potty party once he went. So one morning after a long time of anticipation, he FINALLY did it. We did have a potty party and took him to Toys R Us for his potty prizes. DS is so proud now that he can go poopy all by himself. Don't worry, eventually he will be ready. Good luck.

I know it must be frustrating, but try not to take his lovey away. I would let him run around without pants on as much as possible at home, and keep him relatively close to the bathroom. This may mean that you don't go out for several days. Let him know that if he does poop and it gets on the floor, you'll have to spend a lot of time cleaning it up and you won't have time to play his favorite games. Then, when he lets you know that he has to go, or when he even runs toward the potty when he needs to go (even if the poop comes out before he makes it) praise him for remembering and trying to make it to the potty and tell him how proud of him you will be when he starts pooping on the potty all the time. You can even promise to take him for an ice cream or a new toy to celebrate. Good luck!

It might not be a good idea to take away his favorite lovey because if I child has a favorite, precious toy like that it's a symbol of comfort to them and might help them build confidence. Anything that can bring them into their comfort zone you want them to have when something is stressing them out like potty training might do to him. I read this in a book "The Girlfriends Guide to Toddlers" which I reccomend its got some good advice.

From my sister kids, she said that pooping is the last step in the potty train and sometimes will take a long while.
Reward him on his efforts on peeing in the potty successfully and maybe making a reward for pooping. maybe finding a special place that he can go if he poops in the potty.

Punishing can have adverse effects and may even make him afraid of the potty process as well. Pooping is a hard concept as something is coming out of their body. This scares some so will save it.

Try watching his behavior. If he goes in the corner to poop try catching him in the process by putting him on the potty or after . Reminding him that we poop in the potty would be a good concept as well.

Hi K.,

I will start off by telling you that I feel your pain!!! My son would not poop on the potty either and it is so incredibly frustrating when you KNOW they CAN do it, they just WON'T. My guy was almost 4 when he finally started doing it. Like you, I tried everything from rewards, taking away things and nothing worked because it is a control issue. I feel like I did everything 'right' and then did everything 'wrong' when nothing was working. It is just something you can not MAKE them do. I will tell you what finally worked (after almost a year) for me. I started giving him a little bit of benefiber everyday because his big thing was that he was afraid it was going to hurt. I don't know why, but he associated the toilet with pain...he could easily poop in a pull-up. Once I made his poops a little bit softer and they 'came right out' he just started doing it. It's hard to hear, but you just need to be patient and remember he will get it eventually.

Good Luck!

My son is four and still will not poop on the toilet. Do not punish him for accidents, this may actually make it worse and he will become fearful of pooping all together, and that could lead to constipation and painful poops. Instead, try to encourage him as much as possible. I have posted about this subject earlier. Look for the posting. There are great tips and suggestions. Good luck.

My 3 year old son is the opposite - pees in a pull up but has pooped only in the potty for about a year now. I encourage him to make the switch to underpants but he keeps saying when he is big.

Do NOT take your sons "favorite lovey" for accidents! This is punitive and inappropriate for his age. He may or may not "know better" but he is only THREE YEARS old and it is VERY normal for some boys to not use the potty completely until a bit later. It sounds like it is bothering you and not him yet, so I would encourage you to deal with your feelings. He possibly is also reverting since you are expecting a baby, which is normal, or else his body is just NOT READY. Do not push him so hard. Every hour sounds like too much. SEE A DOCTOR. I have a friend whose son also could not use the potty and it turned out his bowels or something just weren't strong enough for him to be able to feel that he had to go in time.

I would just have regular potty-sitting times, like after breakfast, or at snack time, etc. just like they do at my son's preschool. It becomes social and fun even if he doesn't go. They like the routine, washing hands, etc. Also, I'm assuming you've tried getting fun potty seats and all the cute potty books? Do you know the "Once Upon a Potty for boys" and "Elmo's Potty time" videos? My son was obsessed with those a year ago.

We have friends whose son had this situation until about 4. They are very supportive, loving, feminist parents. They made a chart for peeing in the toilet, asked him what he wanted as a kind of party for when he managed to do it 5 days in a row. He ironically asked for a "Sword Party of only boys." So this is what he got to have, and he was very proud, and its a great story. Ask your son if he wants a party at the end when he learns to poop in the potty. Give him praise and support and please don't take away his "lovey"! I know it may be extremely frustrating but 3 is not too old to be still potty training. "No one goes to college in diapers."

have you tried a book or a friend of mine have a small dvd player ready for her son to watch his favorite show when he was gonna sit to do his thing .. if he did go that day he got to watch the movie the next day while he went it got him to sit ... it got him to do his thign for the reward and sooner than later he was trained to go get it doen so he could go do somethign more fun ..

K., I think it's great that you are trying to find ways to help him achieve this goal- I would try to stay focused on the positive rather than punish him for accidents- this can lead to a power struggle between you and him, shame, negative associations with his body, fears of letting go/ control issues. Maybe make up a behavioral chart where he gets to put a star on a chart for each sucess and try to not focus on the accidents but encourage him to listen to his body and hurry to the potty next time. Praise him a lot and yourself for this is a big milestone. Let him walk around the house naked, or in a long t-shirt, as much as possible indoors so he will be more aware of his need to go poop. Things might go better in the warm weather- put a potty near where he is playing. Sometimes kids do well with really big positive reactions to their success- like clapping and cheering followed by a sticker and after a few successes a small toy prize awaiting- wrapped- in sight but out of view. A jar of marbles works well too to count successes. I hope these suggestions are helpful- with another baby on the way it can feel like a major goal but he may regress a bit then too. Sometimes kids can fear they are losing something, or can't tolerate the feeling of the poop separating from their bodies- I know friends who have trained their kids to go in a pull-up while sitting on the potty or toilet and then sit on the potty with a hole cut out of the pull-up until they overcome this fear of separation and can go without the pull-up. No behavioral trick works for every kid and none seem work over a long period of time so switch it up and use the ones that work. Good Luck. M. W. Mother of 2/Therapist.

At 3 years old, your son might not be ready to be bowel trained. Punishing him for something that might be beyond his control is only likely to cause him anxiety and worsen the situation. Try a sticker chart. After he has successfully used the potty 5 times (not in a row, just 5 times...this could take a while), allow him to choose a treat of some sort (you determine what is affordable for you). Believing that at 3 "he knows better" is simply not true. All children develop at different times.

Hi K., when my son was 3, he refused to used the toilet for bowel movements. No problem with peeing though. So anyway, his pediatrician sent us to a therapist who immediately told me to leave him to clean himself up after doing his business in his pants. I first told him that this would be the new regime. The time came when he did his business in his pants and I had to put him in the bathroom with wipes and the news that he would be responsible for cleaning himself up. I put clean clothes and underpants and wipes in there with him. It was awful as I held the door closed as he screamed and cried and kicked and fussed for over an hour. I thought it would never end. Eventually, he gave up and did the clean up. It was the last time he willfully withheld. With the exception of the occasional accident, he was now potty trained completely! Tough while going through it, horrible in fact, but it did the job. PS. this kid is the most willful, determined, stubborn kid I know. It is his nature and truly it came down to his will or mine. When I stopped telling him what to do and put him in charge of the cleanup, that ended the stand off. Good luck. J. E.

My son turned 3 in November and I had the same problem. We only just recently started having success with him using the potty. Just be patient and he will get it. Luckily for me, we still use a pull up at night and my son would go poop right when he got up so we did not have that many accidents, but now he will go on the potty all by himself. There are still accidents now and then, but he is clearly on his way to being fully trained. Just keep up with what you are doing. We too started punishing by taking away his toys and such because we knew he understood what he needed to do, but when he did go we really praised him. So just keep doing what you are doing and he will get it, I promise.

Try renting or buying "Potty Time With Bear" a Bear In The Big Blue House video ... it worked on my 2 boys!!!!! Good luck!

Try sitting him facing the backwards on the commode. This may make him feel safe. You could put up something cheerful for him to look at on the wall ( or maybe some favored book,toys & his lovey on the back of the toilet ). Use pull-ups rather than underpants. This will be less work for you & less embarrassment for him. He may need his lovey for support now.He will learn how to do it.Do not worry. Good luck.

My son is 3 1/2 and have been pee pee trained since just before he turned three. We are just now getting the hang of poo poo on the potty. The first problem we found was he seemed intimidated by the big potty even with the seat ring in it. We tried to foot stool, because it's difficult to push with your feet dangling. That still didn't work so we tried the little potty and like your son he got bored. The rewards didn't work he would sit and because he actually sat felt entitled to a treat. It got to the point that he would wait until after his bath at night when he had a pull up on and I would find him sqwating somewhere pooping, even if I just had him on the toliet. I then took the kitchen timer and finally got him to sit longer by making a game out of it. Those times I would catch him sqwating I would put him on his little potty. He would poop these disturbing large hard poops. At times he would just hold it,he could go 2-3 days would out going and I would have to give him a laxative so he couldn't hold it. I finally addressed it with my ped. and she recommended miralx powder 1/2 a capful twice at day into a drink and advised me to adjust it according to the consistency of his stools and just to use it until we had poo poo training master. It worked I only gave it twice a day for about a week, it actually took three days before the first stool and they became loose. So now we do once at night before bed and he goes the next day, a soft normal poop. It doesn't seem to cause any cramping. We used the kit. timer for only about another week. Now he just can't start in his pants and run to the bathrm to finish because the stools are soft and come easy he runs to the bathrm to start..yeah. I would not suggest taking the lovey away, that lovey makes these transitions easier. If we didn't have "Quacks" we would still be rocking Matthew to sleep at noc, he'd still be in a crib with a binky and a bottle..quacks can go to college with him if he wishes, that lovey has made life much easier.

Goodluck..we thought it would never happen and it's been about 2wks now of no accidents. And last most important thing, scream, jump, high five and celebrate each one for a while.

D.

Oh I feel your pain. My 3 1/2 daughter was quite a challenge! I have a 7 year old that was a dream to train but with my youngest, it was totally different. I found we just simply had to wait it out. Rewards sometimes worked and I tried the punishment route too. After all the struggles, she was still in charge and was, in no uncertain terms, going to poop on the potty until she was ready.

She is finally trained to pee and poop on the potty during the day. We are about to approach the night time (peeing) struggle as she is dry 5 out of 7 nights now. Good luck and the only advice I would give is to give it time. He will come around when he's ready. It is NASTY to change them when they do it the the "big" pants but again, when it's time, it will be time.

Hang tight with the wipes and change of clothes :)