Ahhhh.... the curly hair blues. (I've got ringlets, too. You're daughter is one up on me though... my mum wouldn't let me use conditioner).
What's happening with her hair is that it's losing the baby soft/ brushable curls and becoming "normal" curly hair. You're both lucky, as this usually happens several years earlier... but gets worse with puberty, hands down. This is the time where you realize that not brushing ringletts in the shower EVERY SINGLE DAY... means matts/dreadlocks... and that brushing it dry will mean TONS of breakage as well as Wild Woman of Borneo hair.
Personally I use Tres Seme Silky Soft, or Natural (whatever happens to be on sale) shampoo and conditioner. More expensive (like Kerastase) ones work better... but at $30 a bottle, are outside of my budget, and there's not that much difference in the end result. AVOID Pantene or any others like pantene (the whole "pro-vitamin" schtuff fill up the creases that run down the center of curly hair, make it feel TERRIBLE after a couple of weeks, and cause a ton of breakage).
General Ringlett Care:
- Wash and condition every morning
- Only brush while in the shower with conditioner still in
- "Style" in a general sense, while still in the shower (aka run your fingers through it pushing it into where you generally want it to be)
- Do not towel dry/ brush/ or generally mess with once you get out of the shower.
- Use enough product to thoroughly saturate the hair. Typically schmear and scrunch.
- Twist a few strands around your fingers (5 or 6) for "perfect" separated ringlets... typically around the crown, to separate the top curls from the middle curls.
- Air dry or diffuse (or use a hairdryer on lowest setting while leaning over OR upside down BUT have a towel held behind the hair being dried, to keep the curls from blowing around/ being blown apart/frizzing).
- DON'T mess with it as it's drying.
My fav products: (Fair warning, if you're washing every day expect to go through any of these in 2 weeks or less)
For on the cheap:
1) Garnier Springing Curls Mousse ($4). I use about an orange sized ball of foam for shoulder length curls. Dries shiny and gorgeous... but after it's dry needs to be scrunched to get rid of any "crunch", although there's usually not a lot. Dries much much much faster than cheap gels (like LA Looks). Hair tends to be "crisp" rather than "crunchy".
2) LA LOOKS PINK... never never use BLUE, as it doesn't actually hold the curls, so the blue tends towards a lot of frizz ($3), This kind of gel is very "crunchy". Of course, you always get rid of the crunch by scrunching it after it's dry.
Pricey... but Ooooh La La.
Okay, so with the above mousse the curl is really pretty, but you can't run your fingers through them. With these uber-expensive gels (at about $100 a month)... once TOTALLY dry, you can actually style/ run your fingers through/ etc. Obviously not run your fingers through like you can with straight hair... but the gentle like of wide fingers through that you can do with baby curls. The curls dry SOFT and shiny, which is kind of the holy grail as far as curls are concerned.
1) Prive Gel + Laminates Gel. ($25 EACH). Squeeze about 1/4 cup of Prive Gel into the palm of your hand for shoulder length curls. Add in about a tablespoon of Laminates Gel. Swirl about with your finger until they're combined. Schmear & Scrunch. Air dry or diffuse.
2) Bumble & Bumble Get Straight Gel + Bumble & Bumble Grooming Cream (ditto $25 EACH). Use about equal amounts of each. First Get Straight Gel (schmear & scrunch & twirl about your fingers) THEN grooming cream. You use about 1/4 cup TOTAL... so 1/8th + 1/8th. The "get straight" doesn't straighten at all... just makes the hair REALLY slippery.
Best
R