Help with MINE!!!!

As a mother to an only child (who is 4!) I can say that this has nothing to do with being an only child. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't many kids "only children" at this age?? Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm slightly offended that this has anything to do with the scenario.

It's common with kids who aren't big talkers to say "mine". They don't have the communication skills to get their point across and it seems to be the only way to do it.

I think this is a phase. I think mom is doing a fine job with stopping her and making her say "please" before she just grabs something. Praising her for sharing is also a good thing--which it seems mom is doing. This is fairly normal behavior. I've seen dozens of kids do it.

I don't know why some of you are offended. She was just implying that this child doesn't have siblings to share with and is wondering if that is why the child says mine so much. I am an only child. If you are offended why don't you write her a personal message stating your "offensiveness." Or just state that you don't think being an only child is the reason. Geez!

The positive reinforcement that the mom is offering is a great first step. Praising her daughter when she does share nicely "great sharing!" or "thank you for sharing!" and when she remembers to ask "thank you for using your manners!" will go a long way.

It has absolutely nothing to do with her being an only child - at that age many children are still an only child. Another mom was offended by the suggestion that being an only child could have something to do with it and I agree with her. Children go through phases and learn to share whether they have siblings or not (I have five siblings ranging from 12 years older to 8 years younger and we all had the "mine" issue as toddlers!).

Something else the mom could try is when her daughter snatches a toy, to take it back and give it back to the child who had it first - and tell her daughter "taking toys is not nice. you need to wait your turn" or "thats not very good sharing, please wait your turn". Its great that she's teaching her manners but saying please before snatching a toy doesnt make the snatching any less wrong. It's a phase and like everything else, it will pass.

I don't think this has anything to do with being an only child; in fact, I see this all the time with all kinds of kids at that age regardless of how many siblings they have. I think it's fairly normal, and it will pass as she gets older. I think the mom is doing the right thing by praising her when she shares and encouraging her to say please. It'll sink in eventually.

My 25 month old does it too. It's so hard and annoying on us but I take in the fact she will eventually grow out of it. I think the fact she is babysat at home and not in daycare makes a difference; she is not used to 'sharing.' I try to tell her to "share" but she is speech delayed, so doesn't understand too many words. Ah well, she will grow out of it, so will your friend's child.

I agree that it is a COMPLETELY NORMAL developmental stage. The reason for it is that ALL people are born selfish. Kids don't understand empathy until after around age 2...in their little mind the world really does revolve around them. It's the only way they know! (Some I think never outgrow it as adults and even put their kids in the middle of it with the attitude of my kids better than your kid or my kid deserves better than your kid, but that's a whole different topic :) ) Anyway, I too think the mom is doing GREAT with praising her for giving toys back and such. In our house (with a home day care and the kids range in age from 1-3.5), the kids all know that it is not allowed for one of them to take a toy from another's hands. I have to remind them every so often as they are still developing the capacity to understand empathy, but they know that it is not okay to take a toy from the hands of another...they may rather take toys from the box, floor, etc. They also know then that when they are playing with a toy, a toy is not allowed to be snatched from them, so there is comfort in the rule for all of them. May be a guideline worth establishing in the playgroup, because though it's nice to say please, please does not guarentee you to get what you want when you want it...others feelings and desires need to be considered as they learn cooperation skills. Mutual respect needs to be present and exemplified for the kids. Hope this helps!

I also am a mother to an only child (who is and always will be an only child) and I find that comment about this child being an "only child" a little offensive. ALL first children are always an only child and maybe this child really will be an only child, but I don't think it has anything to do with her not having any siblings. Almost all children I know have gone (or are going through) a "MINE!" stage. I think the mother is doing a wonderful job in praising her and telling her to say please. It is frustrating as my daughter went through it ~ and is still going through it at times and she's almost three years old. I would tell the mom to keep doing what she's doing and eventually it WILL sink in. :-)

I agree this has nothing to do with being an only child.

and lucky that she is the only one is the playgroup that does this! Almost all children go through this. Some do it more than others. It is very difficult to learn to share. Just because the child is doing this does not mean she is a bad child or that the mom is not doing everything right.

It sounds like she is. How tough it must be for this mom.

Time and perservernce will get her through this.

My son is 18 months old and started saying "mine" at least a month ago. As far as he is concerned, everything in the world belongs to him! It is frustrating sometimes, but I think it is totally normal. He also doesn't communicate with words so much, so maybe that does have something to do with it. He is starting to know a lot of words, but hasn't figured out how to use them to communicate yet. I think your friend is doing the right things by teaching her daugther to share and say please. In time she'll grow out of it.