Help with Mean Girl, Super Nice Mom, Right Next Door!

First I would ask your daughter to tell you honestly how she feels about the girl coming over to be watched by you after school. Just tell her you are concerned after hearing several conversations between them. If she doesn't want the girl to come over, (and that is more than understandable) tell her you will speak gently to her Mom and and ask that she find another babysitter. You can tell the Mom gently that you are very sorry, but the girls are not having an easy time together, so you will have to end your agreement to watch her. The Mom may know enough about her daughter that you don't have to say anymore. No need to go into details about who said what about whom. If pressed, I would just say the girls don't seem to share common interests, or common friends at school. I would tell her that you hope in time they do become friends. As they both grow and change, they may discover a friendship, but it's not working right now. I would offer to take her for awhile longer until she can find alternative arrangements because you don't want to leave her in a bind. And in that time, do NOT leave her unsupervised at your house. Correct negative comments, your house, your rules. I wouldn't even bring up the silly bands issue because it's not worth it creating a trial or all the drama, which is what would happen. You have a pretty good idea what happened, BUT since you didn't witness it, I would not mention it, but I would NOT trust her in the future. If by chance your daughter DOES still want her to come over, I would tell her you are planning to end the babysitting arrangement, and they she can invite her over other times "just for fun" IF they are getting alongin the neighborhood and at school, and she is behaving respectfully towards her in school and at your house.

First, I would never leave her alone in your house, and let her mom know what she did. Is she over as your daughter's friend or someone you are babysitting? You should correct her when she says those negative things. This is your house, and if she doesn't have anything nice to say..... I would also casually mention it to her mom, that she seems a bit negative and is mean to your daughter. I don't know how long you have her with you, but you can have her sit at the table and do her homework, or quietly read a book if she can't play nice. This doesn't have to ruin your friendship. If you are open and honest and let her know as things occur, if you eventually have to duck out of the obligation, I'm sure that she will see it coming and can maybe work with another babysitter that can come earlier.

As a mom with a deployed husband, I think it is true that it is hard on kids and my kids act more immature, angry, and hostile when their daddy leaves. My kids still need to behave, though. Kids of deployed soldiers like to push the rules as soon as Daddy is gone.

However, kids still need to behave nicely. The little girl is a bully. I think you should tell the mom next door that you would love to still watch her, but she has to follow the rules of your home and no rude remarks are allowed. I would also talk to the little girl myself and tell her that she needs to be nice to your daughter at school because she is being a bully and you don't like her behavior at all. The little girl needs compassion while her daddy is deployed, in the form of some cheerful but firm discipline. Maybe you could suggest to the mom that you think her daughter is angry and emotional about the deployment, move, and all and needs some of the free military family counseling to help her to be more positive.

Unfortunately the world has it's population of mean spirited humans. Though your daughter may not be into "mature type things", I have to say she is quite mature. She is able to behave well regardless of what negative behavior was thrown at her. I have to applaud you for raising a self assured and well mannered young lady. Keep doing what you're doing maybe she will turn this other child for the better.

I agree with another who said that the theft should be brought to the mom's attention.

Ugh. I feel bad for you. I got picked on in school it was not pleasant. Although your situation I think is somewhat worse since your daughter can't even escape at home.
What about giving the nasty girl some of her own medicine??
I would not apolize in any way but I would try to talk to the mom one more time. I would tell her but make sure the both your daughter and her daughter is present. This might seem a bit awkard but I would want to see the girls reaction. Plus it will give her less time to come up with a lie. I would tell the mom point blank what is happening. Don't repeat yourself you loose ground. Give the mom examples of her brats behavior. Then I would say if her behavior changes she is always welcome to come over. My daughter treats people with kindness and wants the same back in return.Good luck

Hi! I don't have any advice, but I will say that it's a credit to your parenting and your daughter's character for her to say "I love them, they are cute and comfy." when the other girl criticized her shoes.
I was SO impressed by your daughter's confidence and calm way of standing up for herself! You have a lot to be proud of. Well done!

Since you want to be friends with this woman, draw her into conversation about the girls, and go from there. Acknowledge that they're having problems, and ask for her help in finding solutions. TELL THE MOM that she stole from your daughter. She can't correct behavior that she doesn't know about. Maybe you could both confront her. Ask her to pay for them or replace them. This is kid stuff, and you're the parent and role model. Most kids steal. It's how adults handle the situation that determines if they do it again. Show these 2 girls that it's important to treat others with respect and kindness, and be good role models. This "mean girl" is using the only social skills she has right now. She has low self esteem, and this is how she expresses it. 2 caring moms with a good friendship can make life better for both these girls.

Sounds like your daughter is handling it very well. There are friends and there are "classmates." This girl will likely always be a classmate.
As for the theft, I'd MAYBE let this O. time slide but if it happened again, I would confront the girl. Or your daughter should. Putting yourself in the mom's shoes--wouldn't you want to know if your child was taking things? I would!

I agree that you talk with the mom about it.

Not to be sneaky- but right now you have the perfect excuse to bring up her behavior without just saying right out that the daughter is a snotty kid! You can blame her nastiness, taking the silly bands, etc. on her being upset about her father's deployment! That may or may not be the reason this girl is being a brat- but at least if you use that as a potential excuse, it allows you to bring up all these issues with her mom without just calling her kid a brat!

If I was her mom, I would want to know. Maybe this other girl is not happy about having to go home with yo. Maybe she is angry at her mom for being at work, at her dad for going away, etc- and you are the one dealing with it!

If you really think there is a potential to be good friends with this other mom, you need to be able to talk about stuff like this- especially as you are right beside each other! Tell her that- how much you are enjoying your friendship and how happy you are that you can both help each other out. Because you feel that way, you know she would want to know what's going on with the girls.

You can't expect your two girls to become best friends just because you and the mom get along. But you can both agree to a standard of behavior and politeness for both girls. Hopefully this other mom will feel the same way! Good luck- don't let little girl drama ruin a grown up friendship!

I would talk to her mom about the silly bands and let her handle it as she sees fit. Children of deployed soldiers often act out (I know, my hubby is mil), but that is no excuse for theft. If you can hang in there until daddy comes home, you may see an entirely different little girl come out. If not, than you have to do what it best for your family even if feelings get hurt.

I suggest limited the girl's access in your home...common areas like kitchen, living room etc. and WATCH her. I would also tell her that she makes a lot of mean comments and you don't allow that when in your home or car. Tell her that she doesn't have to like "so and so" or their things but she doesn't have to announce it to the world. The two girls can be good neighbor and not have the same friends.

I would also have talk with her mom, just calmly explain that you know the girls aren't friends and that is their option but really want to remain friends with her which makes what you need to tell her even harder. Tell her that her daughter makes very mean comments constently and you have put her on notice that it is not allowed at your home. Then tell her that you saw her daughter with your daughter's things, then they were gone and she traded those things in school (double check w/ your daughter to be sure she didn't let her have them...even to borrow since there could be just a misunderstanding). Let he know that you are just giving her the heads up that maybe her daughter is going through a tough time....she may already know and needs outside verification.

I would tell both my daughter and the other girl that you are well aware that they are not friends and they don't HAVE to be; however you are neighbors and you moms are friends so they have to be respectful of each other.

Hi. If I still lived in Dayton I would invite you and your daughter for a playdate.
She sounds so much like my daughter. You and I are alike it seems. I also babysit to help others and worry about hurting others.

My only girl is supersensitive. I had to tell a M. that I could not sit her two girls after school after less than a week. She had withdrawn her kids from base daycare. She was MAD I am sure, but I worded it that we had to do what is best for our family. Plus, base daycare is cheaper than what she was paying me. (I found out she was willing to pay me more because she could come late and the base insists she be there by 5:30.)

Your neighbor's child could go to base daycare or afterschool care. Or the M. could find someone desperate for money. My neighbor's girl would put your neighbor's child in her place the first day. She is a mean girl.