Help with How to Handle Answering "The Question" to My 8 Year Old Daughter

Updated on February 01, 2007
A.T. asks from Fort Lauderdale, FL
7 answers

My daughter out of the blue asked me the birds and the bees question. I am looking for guidance and advise on how to proceed. I know many moms have been in the same spot and wonder how they handled the answer.

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C.B.

answers from Fort Myers on

Well my kids are too young to ask this question, but...
I remember asking my mom "Do you have sex in bed?" Her answer "Preferably" And that was the end of our conversation! The next week a few new books showed up at our house with all the details. She said if we ahd any questions to just ask. She got off the hook!

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M.

answers from Miami on

A.,

Start with the most basic answer you can give. As she asks more questions, give her simple answers. She will ask questions only to the point she can handle the information.

At eight, she is probably not able to handle the entire picture, but it is important to give her answers. If you give her more information than she can handle, it may be difficult for her to deal with.

You didn't specify as to what the question was. If it was "Where do babies come from?", you could say "When two people care so much for each other that they want to have a baby together, they have sex to try to make a baby." This may be enough for her -- at least for now. If she is looking for more, she will ask for it. Just answer questions as simply as possible, and let her follow-up questions guide you to the exact information she is looking for.

I know how ackward this can be. As a single mother, I had to explain erections and wet dreams to my son. Not the easiest thing in the world, since I have never experienced either one. I gave him short, age appropriate, answers. He wasn't looking for a biology lesson, just why he had them and if they were normal.

Good Luck. You will be fine. Just try to hid your discomfort.

M.

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K.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

My daughter was about eight when I bought the book "Its Perfectly Normal" and went over the contents with her and then let her go through it and answered questions. The book is illustrated beautifully and it does cover some lifestyle choices so you could pick and choose according to what your daughter is ready to understand. I know that eight seems early, but I did this for two reasons. Girls are getting their periods earlier and earlier now and she came home from school with information from her friends that was totally wrong. We discussed that not all her friends were ready for this information so she should not annouce it to everyone and that I would always answer her questions and tell her the truth so she should come to me first. I hope that helps in some way. It would be great to keep them our babies forever, but with all wrong information, tv, internet, friends; I'm glad I showed her when I did.

K.
Mom to Jamie (12) and Brady (2)

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M.

answers from Orlando on

A.,
Well she has a little brother......I would start by explaining in a Godly manner. Do not go into detail of how it all works and what goes where. Explain the story of Adam and Eve. She will fill in some of the blanks and the rest she does not need to figure out until she's an adult. So we pray any way.
We have to remember there are other kids who know a little more than we would like for ours to know, so don't bluff. You do not want her to be ridiculed for thinking a stork fly's by and drops a baby off. Before your conversation with her pray about it and ask for guidance.
So Adam and Eve started it all and from love the world became populated. Through God's comand man and woman came together and conception takes place and the woman carries the baby in her belly and wa-la.....you have a little brother.
Short, sweet, indirect and to the point.
Good luck

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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

I'm gonna go against the grain here and advise to give most of the info now. Believe it or not, there are kids in elementary school that are having sex already....so it's almost never too early to give them all the info. I'd rather give my child all the info myself, than have some otehr kid give them info that is incomplete or incorrect.

My son is 5, and he already knows all the approriate words for the body parts. We didnt mess with weewee or peepee, etc. We gave him the appropriate anatomical terms. So far, he hasn't asked anything about reproduction....but when he does, my hubby and I plan to sit him down and just tell him as it is.

I think too often, parents make the mistake of telling their kids that a mommy gets pregnant when she marries the daddy.....but I think that is just misinformation...because iot leads a child to believe they can't get pregnant if they're not married....and young kids need to know the truth, so they don't get themselves in a difficult situation at a young age because they didn't have all the information they needed to make good choices.

I guess I am juast one of those moms that believes too much info is always better than not enough.

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T.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

be honest but not to technical. Did she ask specifically about sex or where do babies come from? this will let you know how to proceed.There are some great books at the library about it, for every age group. I have 3 kids & they were all different ages when they asked, and they all asked differently. Just answer the basic question & wait for her to to respond before going into great detail about it. It's normal & it's also wonderful that she came to you. To keep those lines of communication open you have to be direct & honest with her. My daughter is now 19 & she comes to me for everything because she knows I will tell her the truth no matter what. You can also check online for the books, but I found them all at the main branch library. Best of luck!!!

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R.C.

answers from Miami on

Your 8 yar old daughter beleive it or not is very close to menstruating, you should be preparing her for that too, and in the process answer her question truthfully. Go to the library, there are a lot of books out there to help you out and in the language that is up to her level. Please don't give her the stork version, an eight year old understands more than you give them credit for.

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