HELP With Getting My Daughter to Sleep!

Hi N.,

This may end up being more support than advice since I have the same problem. My daughter is also 3 1/2 and stays up just as late. She has been a night owl since birth. Recently I have experimented with long evening baths to wear her out. I found this somewhat successful. I also lay down with her and tell her stories; she usually falls asleep after I recite Cinderella or make up a story with her as the star character. My daughter does not regularly take naps, when she does, it exacerbates the problem. Also, sometimes bright children have a difficult time going to sleep, because they are always afraid they are going to "miss out" on something. I too, am exausted, as I work full time and also have a nine month old.

Good luck, I hope this can help.

N., My son was reluctant to go to sleep for a long time so I bought a book called "The Sleep Fairy". It is really good. I deals with 2 girls getting out of bed but then the parents read them the story of the Sleep Fairy. She brings a gift and puts it under the pillows of the kids who go to sleep without any resistance. I would give my son very small items like a hot wheels or even leave a dollar and then take him to the dollar store to pick something out for himself. You can find it on Amazon or maybe a local book store. Good Luck!

Hi N., I usually don't reply, I just read, but your question touched me, as I've been there. There are many things you can try, but you're rather swamped right now. You might want to take an easier route for now, one which worked for me when I was a graduate student mom with two sleep-reluctant toddlers. Instead of working against the grain, I worked with it -- I went to bed at their bedtime. At about 8:30 PM! We did the evening routine, the lights went off, I went to bed -- and they (two little ones) fell asleep, and so did I. That was OK, because I had set the alarm for whenever I had to get up to get things done. In the morning (whether it was five or four or even, sometimes, two AM!) they slept blissfully on, everything was quiet with no distractions, and I could get lots of work done. It sounds like Sophia craves reassurance right now, and if your going to sleep when she does provides it, that might be worth it, for the time and energy you could gain. Good luck, wishing you well, E. (mother of three great kids, now 22, 20, and 16.)

What works well with my kiddos is after their picture books I have them lie in bed with their eyes closed and I read poetry. Most kids cannot stay awake long if their eyes are closed and they're actually sleepy, and poetry is nice and rhythmic.

Sounds like a very overwhelming time. Good luck with it all!

You don't mention naps.....if she is still taking them stop! If not try pushing her routine back by an hour or 2 depending on when you start it, she may be over tired and this will cause them to really fight it. Sounds contradicting I know but getting rid of naps and moving sleep time earlier will usually work. I hear you on the "faking" sleep I can't do it either or it will really happen.

I had the same trouble with 2 of my 4 boys. One finally just had to stop naps, the other would get more sleepy then be harder to get to bed. I talked to my pediatrician and as a last rsort went to the health food store and talked to them. Both our ped and a lady there agreed melatonin, a neurohormone would be ok. I did tone of research online. Type in melationin studies and you will get at least 10 different sites to read. Trust the studies done by docs, talk to your own. There are other herbal options, too. You have to find what works for her. GOOD LUCK!!

Let your daughter know you are going to go to sleep later. Tell her how important sleep is the most important thing is communication she may be only 31/2 but she knows more then you think and sees when you are tired. She may also be nervous about moving. You may have asked all ready but try in this( In the morning stress that you slept well ask her if she did ask why she had trouble sleeping you have help her so she get her sleep)

Well right now your daughter is overtired and when kids are overtired they just can't go to sleep. How does she nap during the day? She should still be napping about an hour durning the day. The other thing that might work is put her to bed earlier. Like at 6:30 or 7 at night. The earlier kids go to bed, the longer and better they sleep. Sounds crazy but it works. Take a weekend, get her to nap as long as possible, even if you have to lay down with her. The only way to get this to work is if you take some time off from what you have to do and help her get to sleep. Get her to take long naps on both Saturday and Sunday to catch up on some sleep, then start her bedtime routine right after dinner. After you move, you might have to take some time with her to help her get to sleep, too, because change can throw kids off, as can sleeping in a new room. But early to bed is the best motto. It works for my kids. My aunt was the one to let me one to it. Her 4 year old goes to be at 6 pm and sleeps until 7:30 am. My 4 year old son goes to bed at 7 pm and sleeps until 7:30 pm. So give it a try and good luck!

N., I agree with the previous poster. My son is the same age, and for about a month, now, he won't take naps, and then will talk forever at night, on his bed. I decided this week to let him just skip naps. (Replaced it with a quiet time with a video.) Presto....he's been out every night this week. So, I guess the real question is if the daycare will allow her to skip the naps. When I was teaching at my church's daycare/preschool, the law said they had to provide a time for them to nap. But, when they woke up after a certain amount of time, we let them go into another room with crayons/colorpages, etc. for quiet play until naptime was over. Does your nighttime routine include reading? Maybe get some preschool books about moving. It may bring up a few things to calm her worries. Wondering if you give her a soothing bath before bed, or if you do that in the morning. I'm sure that once she has been moved to the new house, she will start to settle down more, but for now, it's kind of hard because she is also excited and anxious about it all. Good luck to you. Your music business sounds like a fun time!
J.

Honestley, I would just put her on the couch and turn off the T.V. turn on soft music. Talk to her and ask why she feels she cant sleep . Maybe just being able to see you, and knowing you are right there, that might be comforting her at this time. My son gets scared with certain weather and putting him in the main room really helps him.

Start bed time a little bit early, for book reading and then just settle her down. Then hopefully when you guys move in she will hopefully love her new room.

I hope this helps.
T. H.

my daughter has high anxiety. she likes to know what is happening at all times, what to expect the next day, etc i write everything on a calender for her so she knows what is coming up each day, or how long it is until something she is looking forward. finding ways to reduce stress during her day has helped her to sleep better at night. also, as a massage therapist, i give her back rubs and little mini massages before bed that put her right to sleep. we also talked about her "busy day" before bed..she was able to ask any questions and talk about things that happened during the day.

Ditto. This sounds exactly like our 4 year old daughter. What we finally did was make sure nothing in her room was dangerous for her to play with. And after a bath and a story, we put up a baby gate or two in the doorway and leave her to herself. Sometimes she gets out of bed and cries; we ignore her (no talking, no eye contact, NOTHING). Sometimes she gets up and plays; we ignore her. Most of the time she cries for about 10 minutes and then crawls back in her bed and falls asleep.

We have been to MANY doc's and nurses about this problem and they all say the say the same thing: be consistent; and keep putting her back in her bed w/ NO EYE CONTACT, NO TALKING, NOTHING. Just pick her up and place her back in the bed but don't give her ANY kind of reaction at all. After a while it totally works.

I love the baby gate thing because I can get stuff done around the house while she is "doing her thing."

Good luck!

You are in a difficult spot and have my prayers for your wisdom in how to move on from here. It sounds like you are very tuned in to your daughter's emotional state and to some underlying causes. You are insightful! But that doesn't help...
Just to encourage you-- sleep is important for both of you, and it is good/okay/the right thing for you to do to insist that your daughter lie quietly with her eyes closed when it's time to sleep.

When I'm in a bind like this with my kids, I take time to figure out what my plan will be. You already have a bedtime routine--a great first step. Now process all these ideas you are going to get. You know how your daughter will respond to them. What will you do next? Have a plan, and write it down. Stick with it for a month, then see how it worked! Keep the goal of your plan clear... your daughter quietly lying in bed at a certain time, so you can do what you need to do to get rest yourself. You know your daughter best, so take what advise will work for you and her!

1.Routine-- you have that already. Does it need any changes?

2. Clear boundaries, whatever they may be for you, about how many "cover me up agains" they get (my kids just get one), "fill up water cups," etc. Eventually it has to end!

3. Emotional appeal-- "mommy needs to get work done so I can get rest too and be a good mommy tommorrow." The book, "Bedtime for Frances" is a great one for showing kids that their JOB is to go to bed!

4. I have given spankings to both my older kids (now age 4 and 5) when they were early 3 yrs for getting out of bed when they had been told they needed to stay in it or would get a spanking. It's hard, and I sometimes felt like a terrible Mommy. But bedtimes are now peaceful, and I'm so glad, especially since my oldest is in kindergarten. They just needed to learn where the limit was, and it didn't last. I hope my youngest can learn from his older siblings and not have to pave that path!

They are made to push limits and to see where the boundaries are. We parents are obligated to show them the boundary, with love, for the sake of the safety and well-being of our family. Mommy's sanity counts!

Blessings as you find your boundary-building methods...

I don't want to repeat what everybody else has responded with, so I will just add a bit more to it. Depending on your night routine...1) make sure she isn't getting a nap during the day, 2) make sure as part of your night routine you read 1 maybe 2 books, 3)talk to her and explain how "mommy has work to do", 4)give her books to read, but explain she must stay in bed to enjoy "her" time, Just like "mommy" time in the other room. Turn off all the lights but a small lamp light away from her room (if possible) to let her know it is bed time. The last two ideas are crazy but work for my 4 year old who still thinks "he is an adult and should stay up" 5)give her two options...stay in bed or ...unload the dishwasher (pick a chore you don't mind letting her do with minimal help and the final draw that I use 6)put a lock on the outside of her door and after explaining why, lock her in her room...after a few nights, she will not bang the door down. I found this method much better than anything bad. I don't feel like a bad parent for doing this, you NEED your time and if they won't listen to reason, you will need a different method.

N., Is your daughter napping at daycare? Time to cut out or cut short her naps, start on the weekend, make sure she gets some outside time, and lots of activity in the day. Remember to Breathe! In the evening have her help you pack some boxes, it is her new house too! Hire a neighborhood sitter for 1/2 an hour after work 2 or 3 times a week to keep her busy so you can get some things done. It sounds like you are doing great, find a way to cut the stress for both of you, You can take her outside at the end of a workday, we can all use fresh air! If it is dark, do a flashlight walk! It may help you feel more awake and her sleepy later. Good luck . K.

I am a first time mom of a 3 month old son. I got in a bad habit of letting him sleep with me. A friend recommended a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I know there are thousands of books out there but the author of this one is the founder of the Sleep Disorders Center at Childrens Memoroal Hospital in Chicago. He was also taught by one of the worlds foremost researchers in sleep, William C. Dement, at Stanford. He really seems to know what he is talking about. The book is only like 15$ and is WELL worth it!!! Good luck.