Help with Getting My 3Yo to Poop on the Potty!

Updated on April 13, 2008
M.H. asks from Allen, TX
9 answers

My 3yo has been potty trained to pee over 6mos now but she really fights us to poop on the potty. She has done it a couple times but most days she insists that she doesn't have to go until she either has already gone or we rush her to the potty with a nugget on deck and she sits on the potty and refuses to poop any further. I am getting tired of scrubbing dirty panties but after a few days, I almost want her to get a good poop just so she doesn't constipate herself into a worse situation!
I know we aren't supposed to punish her or treat potty training negatively but I just don't know what to do. We've tried sticker rewards (1 for pee and 2 for poop & remove 1 for any accidents) and once the chart is filled, she gets a treat. She has learned how to manipulate that system so even though she has a poop accident, she'll pee on the potty more times to make up for the losses. I've tried M&Ms and lolipops for poops but that hasn't worked either. I've tried taking away playtime, toys& other privileges but to no avail. I don't want to confuse her and make her go back into diapers but what other technique is left?

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A.B.

answers from Amarillo on

I began to let my daughter sit on the potty and explained to her that she needed to "poo-poo" (strained voice) in the potty, then I would leave and tell her to call me when she was done...I think she just felt uncomfortable with me standing watch, I dunno, but she only ever goes if I'm not in there with her. When you come back and she has gone, praise her for being a big girl! Also, I would take her with me when I went (as akward as that sounds). It worked! Our whole potty training process lasted 3 days!!

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

My son did the same thing. We had given him Buzz Lightyear underwear when he was trained but if he missed up Buzz, Buzz had to go in the trash. Man, he did not like that idea. We also called them big boy underwear and if he messed up he had to a wear a baby diaper..by that time we had a 8 week old daughter in the house so he knew full well what a baby diaper was and did not like that idea either.

We eventually rewarded for good unders after a week and if he messed up, then he lost whatever toy he was playing with until he could be clean again for a week. He lost a lot of toys but by the time they were gone, he has lost TV, games, etc and finally got the concept.

It is a hard thing to train on because it does feel different coming out for them. Just try catching them in the act and get them on the potty.

Prayers be with you,

J.

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T.W.

answers from Denver on

My pediatrician told me that there are 2 thing that should never be a battle between parent and child: Eating and Potty training. The parent will never win. I found out the hard way that he was right. Just back off. Tell her you will be really proud when she decides to use the potty to poop and leave it at that. You can repeat this when you are cleaning her up. Don't worry about it. She will not start kinderarten in diapers.

Some kids think that poop is a part of their body and it freaks them out to see it go down to toilet. You might try showing her yours (gross, I know) so she knows it's okay.

Best of luck!!!!

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

First, take away the bribes. As you stated, she has learned to bet the system....Poop training be it for boys or girls(adults too) has to be a relaxing time. My son was pooped trained by going with his book into bathroom with dad. My daughter was trained by coming in the bathroom with me. She would pick her book and get comfortable on her potty. Reading her book took her mind off of the task at hand..She would have such huge grins when she looked down to see "she did it". She is now 10 and still takes a book with her. Throughout her life she has had some problems of constipation and her relaxing has helped her.

Take the pressure off of your daughter and just let things happen...Praise her for her success and failure.

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J.R.

answers from Dallas on

My 3yo is on day 4 of big girl panties, but it also came with a struggle to go poo in the potty. I kept her in diapers until she was ready to be a big girl. And it is not beneath me to bribe! I went to the dollar store and picked up lots of surprises for when she went poo in the potty. I would show everyone in the house the cool surprise she would get when she pooped in the potty, then set it up out of reach next to the toilet. Her older sister was just as excited and kept encouraging her to go potty so they could have that toy to play with. About three weeks later we are diaper-free...and I don't mention the surprises anymore unless she asks for it, then I pull something kind of small out. Oh, I almost forgot that we did have a small regression once and I took those surprises back and made her re-earn them.

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F.G.

answers from Dallas on

wow smart kid...... i used to potty train at a daycare thats all my class did was potty train and social skills, so i have dealt with many different children, plus im potty training my own now. one thing i have learned is that pooping in the potty is the hardest thing!! i try to catch my son pooping or i know about what time of day he does it and make him sit and try on the potty. one big reason she may be holding it is it may hurt so she is doing it in her own time where she is comfortable. just remind her that when she poops in her panties that its yucky!! and stinky and we dont want to be like that!! she will get it eventually!! just keep positive encourgament stop with the rewards for now just do verbal good jobs and if she does try to go poop tell her thank you for trying and praise her so maybe she will try more often and finally go, then when she has gone a whole week not pooping maybe do something special. i promise she will give in and go and realize that its not so bad!

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T.H.

answers from Dallas on

i went through the same thing and it was hard. what worked for my daughter truly in a matter of a couple of days was i bought a hand held electronic game of dora and she could only play it, hold it, see it if she was on the potty trying to poop. she was so excited to play it she wanted to sit on the potty and go. after a few months of hard times of going pee on the potty but not poop this was the only thing that worked for us. good luck.

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H.W.

answers from Dallas on

Number 2's are the hardest to catch and train for kiddos! Most kids don't like the feeling of poop in their underwear especially if it is messy. Mine however didn't mind!

I finally got my 3 year old to understand that when he felt his tummy rumble not to push. That was mainly our problem...he would get that sensation and start pushing. I don't think he understood how to manage that. However, since using the "tummy rumbling" phrase he now tells us when hee feels it coming.

I don't really think there is a right way to do this. It's all trial by error if you ask me. I wouldn't recommend putting a diaper on her though, it would only confuse her and make the situation worse.

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C.R.

answers from Dallas on

M.,
My daughter was easy. I was pregnant with my son and I didn't want to have 2 in diapers for very long so I started PT'ing with her very early. She loved books and so we spent long periods of time in the bathroom with her just sitting on the potty chair reading books. When she went, we did M&M's. In the beginning she only got 1 and then one day after she got her single M&M, she stuck out the other hand and said "and this hand." So that started getting 1 for each hand.

She was potty trained by the time her brother was born. She was 16 1/2 months old. Oh and a plus was she knew her ABC's and could recognize them as well.

Her brother was barely 2 when we potty trained fully. He'd been peeing on the potty chair and would not poop. One day I knew he needed to go because he'd not gone for 2 days. I put him on the potty chair and I told him that if he'd do is big job on the potty chair we'd go get a Barney tape he wanted. (this has been almost 13 years now) He came to the living room 2 minutes later announcing he was done and grinning ear to ear. I checked and he'd actually gone. We cleaned up and went to get the movie. 2 days later we were in the same boat, however he didn't get another movie, but he did go in the potty and after that, we never had another diaper and amazingly he NEVER had a bed wetting incident. It was a week later, I realized I was on a new road with my family and we were done with the true baby years.
Good Luck,
C.

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