Help with Four Year Old Daughter's Behavior

I am glad to know that I am not the only one going through this. My little boy will be four in September and he has already started it. The only thing that I have found that works is I put him in the corner. He screams but I set the stove timer for four minutes and if he continues to scream I tell him that he will have another minute added. It usually works and by time is up he starts saying I am sorry mom I am good now. Then Once he gets out of the corner I ask him does he understand why he was put there in the first place and he usually doesn't remember so I remind him and every time he starts acting up I ask him does he want to go back to the corner. He usually stops as soon as I say that. I wish you the best of luck in finding the right solution.

My kids are each the same age as yours and we had the EXACT problem with our son, who's four. I agree with the mom who suggested you involve the oldest in caring for the baby. I always put our son on 'diaper duty' where he grabs the diaper and wipes for me. I also do solo time with him when the baby is napping. It's been an adjustment but he's learning to cope. Good luck, I know it's a huge challenge.

She may just not be getting enough sleep and is acting out b/c she's exhausted. Try getting her to bed earlier and having her take a "quiet time" during the day if she is no longer napping. That will help both of you recharge. I have a two year old and I noticed that when he is not getting enough sleep he tends to act out. Good Luck, just be consistent with whatever you do.

I'd start an early bed routine, that away when she knows it's time to go to bed she will go to bed. Other than putting a tv in your room I don't know how to get a child to go to sleep without screaming their head off. Have you tried maybe laying down with her in her bed for a little while, reading her a book... anything to occupy her mind from the knowledge that yes it's time to go to sleep?
I am sorry I don't have any better advice. I do wish you the best though.

You didn't say how old the baby was, but she could be having a hard time adjusting. Is there anything else in her life that has changed recently? If she is in school she may just be letting off steam, which she can't do anywhere else but home. The next time she throws a fit like that wait until she calms down then sit her down and explain to her that behavior like that is not acceptable in your house, and while she has every right to be angry or upset, she does not have the right to disturb you or your neighbors with her screaming. Tell her that when she screams it hurts your ears, and explain to her that she wouldn't like it if Mommy and Daddy screamed and hurt her ears. Try to help her find a quieter way to vent her frustrations, like screaming into a pillow. She has to vent, and you have to be able to live with her, so find something that works for both of you. We live out in the country, so my 3 yr old just has to go to her room and scream, but that doesn't sound like it would work as well in a duplex. Be sure you make her understand that the screaming is the problem, not the fact that she is upset, she has a right to feel the way she does, and you should support that, she just can't act that way when she is mad. Even at three my daughter is learning how to control her reaction to her feelings, if not her feelings.

I remember when my daughter was in terrible twos someone once told me, "you think this is bad, take this, times 2... that's what you'll see at 4". Nothing like terrifying a mom! LOL.

4 is hard. They are so independent, yet still very dependent in so many ways. The sleeping is always a challenge at my house - has been since 6 months old. We give my daughter special "assignments/projects" that make her feel grown up and we make sure to play a game or do something with her before bed - without the interruption of little sister getting in the way. Maybe she just needs that little something special. Perhaps you can play a game of Candyland (or our favorite, Princess Monopoly) before bedtime and tell her that if she gets to bed and gets a good nights rest, then you can play again tomorrow (sell it like it's a party!!!).

Good luck. It's a trying time, you'll get through it!

Try to get the 4 year old involved in caring for the baby. She can organize pampers, help bathe, feeding, etc., of course, with your close supervision. She needs to feel like she is needed and wanted, after all, she is the big sister.

I would love to know how you respond to her temper tantrums. Most kids go through phases like this and how you respond to her can cause this phase to last longer. If it is not getting them the response that they want they will quit. You are already doing some good things like spending special alone time with her , but you have to make sure that she is not getting this special time because of her temper tantrums. This would only prove to her that it is effective. You might want to set-up a specific time each day for her. It will become a routine for her and that could help to calm her. When she is throwing these fits refuse to give her what she wants and let her know that she will not get anything from you(time or attention)until she stops. Also, remind her that she will have time with you during the time that you have set aside for her. You would then go about whatever it is that you are doing and ignore the behavior. If she is not getting what she wants the behavior becomes ineffective and she will quit.