Help with Behavior

My daughters have had a few tantrums but generally I try not to respond to much. I wonder if there are specific problems with the sitter that are causing the child to react to something. I guess it doesn't matter since he will no longer be going there.

I know of a couple of babysitters who I think are reasonable and really love the kids that care for. Of course that is my opinion. If you want their names, let me know.

S.

Your son apparently doesn't like something. Did your other boys go thru the tantrum stage like this? How long has this been going on? Is this his first babysitter? There could be a number of reasons why he is acting out. Did you ask the sitter what triggers the tantrums? An occasional tantrum is nothing to stop watching a child over. ALL childern throw a tantrum from time to time. The best way to deal with tantrums is to ignore the behavior and of course talk with your child to see why he is so upset. By the sounds of it the outbursts have to do with your sitter and her attitude towards your child.

T. (Rockford, Il) 35 yr mom of 2 girls ages 7 & 9

Sounds to me like a new sitter is in order... maybe yur son is simply not comfortable with her.

Tantrums are almost always a sign the child is frustrated and unable to come up with a way to communicate his needs. It is great he has had few episodes of this at home, but perhaps encouraging him to communicate effectively will end this no matter whom he is with. Some people are just not capable of easily picking up on what a child needs. Obviously with you being mom, you have an idea and it works well in your house with the family dynamic. Outside that environment is apparently a different story. Some of the things we did to encourage communication was first talking about everything we did telling them what they were touching, seeing, smelling, etc. Then we would follow up with asking if they needed (not wanted) a drink of that water for example and then we'd shake our heads yes and put it within their reach and then say "Or no" and remove it from their reach. We used this with toys, books, foods, drinks, etc and made them tell us yes or no. They almost always started with head nods and soon by the words, but they at least communicated in some way. We also used some basic sign language since it is very easy for a child to learn and much easier to move a hand correctly than to form a word with their mouth. My youngest was signing and telling me when she needed to eat at 4 months old. Everytime something was needed we either encouraged signing or saying the word. Those 2 things took us very far. It created very early talkers with enourmous vocabs full of long sentences at a young age. We have had some setbacks at times as happens just in entering new phases of developement. For example around 2 to 2.5 all 3 of my children became aware of other children wanting to play with their toys or playing with some toy that my child wanted to also play with. We taught them to ask if they could have a turn and if the child said no they were to ask to please give them a turn when the other child was finished playing with the toy. We even taught our kids to use their voice when another child ripped something from their hands. We told them it is okay to say someone hurt your feelings or that was a bad example or rude and then they were to ask nicely for it back offering a turn when they were done OR in some cases they would just let the child know they didn't think that was nice behavior and they would say the offending child could have the toy and they would go get something else. If the child wouldn't give it back and it became a struggle, they were taught to get an adult to help. My kids were verbalizing all of this by 2 yrs fairly well (enough for everyone to understand effectively) and VERY well by 2.5yrs. Just prepare your child for situations. It is a tough world and we can't control the people in it, but we sure can control ourselves so that we can know how to handle even the crazy people in this world. Good luck finding a new sitter.

B. :)

2 year olds use this behavior as their way of communicating. If they are not taught alternative means to communicate, they will continue. Nanny 911 says it best by having them use their "words" and finding out the real problem. Time out is also a miracle worker. I would invest in the Nanny 911 book for your sake, the sitters and the child. Best of luck!!

I would worry if he continues to respond this way to all his babysitters. Perhaps (no offense intended) your son is not comfortable with your current sitter. She may not be perceptive enough to his needs. As the mother, you obviously know almost everything your child wants, needs, desires, etc. It takes others a while to pick up and some can't and don't.

Honestly, I would look at the circumstances when he is throwing his fit. If there is some commonality the problem may be easier to fix. Example: if he throws his tantrums when someone takes a toy...then you need to talk to him about sharing-even 2 year olds understand how to take turns. Many times it is a particular thing, and other cases it maybe his way of communicating his displeasure with a situation. The best way to calm him down is to remove him from the situation and talk to him in a gentle voice. If you can get him to show you what is upsetting him, great. And sometimes, you just have to find the right sitter. Children are like adults in the sense that they shoose who they like and don't like...it's possible a new sitter is just what he needs.

Hope this helps,
Good Luck. :)

oh my gosh, welcome to my world, i have 3 boys too, 21,14, and 5
the first one was TERRIBLE about tantrums (he could lay on the ground for hours acreaming unde the crack of his beed room door. once at 2 years old he threw a kids table at his bedrrom door!!!, the second one, alittle better and the third very few. they Key is be emotionless, flat when they start, remove them from the public area, thier room, a friends room. let them know it is not ok te behave that way and they may return to the public area when they have thier feelings under control. later, let them know, that explosions will never serve as a mean to get what they want. and even if good, they still may not get it!! that is life.
the key is consistency, flat emotional response, and a consistant response by you EVERY time. isolation not punishment
good luck!! by the way the 21 years old is a wonderful young man now serving his country in IRAQ.

I think that anyone who is a babysitter should know and realize that every different child will go through phases and changes. I think it's shallow of her to tell you she cannot handle your son's tantrums. He's got to be doing it for a reason, and if your sitter....the one who commited to be the cargiver of your child while you are at work, cannot work with you, he's not getting the type of care he's needing and deserves to begin with. Try a center, with real teacher qualified employees. I don't know where you are located. I worked at a few years ago when I was in college, and most centers will work with you and get to the bottom of the tantrums. Tantrums are normal at this age, and if your sitter isn't willing to work with you during this bump in the road, then you shouldn't be with her anyway.....And if it was me, I would let her know that. Don't let her get the last word in making a decision for your child.