Help with Bedwetting 7 Year Old Girl.

Updated on November 10, 2016
T.A. asks from Woodbridge, NJ
17 answers

Good evening,
I am desperately looking for advice from other moms that are dealing with or have dealt with an older child still wetting the bed. My daughter is 7 and I can count on 1 hand how many times she has woken up dry. I have tried everything to help her stop but nothing has worked. I have limited drinks, had her go to the bathroom before bed and have taken her again when I go to bed, had her help me in the morning with the sheets, and inquired with her dr. multiple times. Nothing has helped her stop.
She went from wearing diapers to pull ups and now to goodnites to help minimize the laundry. Thankfully she has no issues wearing a pull up as she hates waking up in a wet bed in the morning. The problem we have had the last few months is that the goodnites are no longer working. She has been waking up in a wet bed because the goodnite has leaked. She is well within the weight limit of them (45 lbs) as of last week. I dont want to go back to pull ups because they leaked as well which is why we moved to the goodnites about a year ago.
I am hoping there are others here that have gone through this and can offer ideas. I just dont know what else to do. She HATES waking up in a wet bed and I hate doing laundry and spending money on pull ups that dont even work.

T.

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone.
I forgot to mention that I have also tried the alarm in which she slept right through. Once she is asleep, it is very difficult to wake her up. She has been like that for as long as I can remember.
Even though I am frustrated with the extra laundry and with the bedwetting itself, I have never let her know how I feel about it. I always assure her that she will outgrow it one day and that it is not her fault. She isnt upset or embarrassed about her still wetting the bed, she just hates waking up in a wet bed every morning when the pull up leak. Thankfully, I do have zippered mattress protectors to help save the mattress.
With her being only 40 lbs, its somewhat difficult finding the right product that will work. The goodnites sag ALOT and can almost fall right off of her when she puts one on. The reg night time pull ups still fit but didnt hold up at night. Thankfully, as I mentioned before, she has no problem wearing a pull up if it keeps her from waking up in a wet bed. Does anyone know of a product I can use for a 40 lb child?
Her dr actually told me that she does not see bedwetting a problem with kids until they turn 8 and wont recommend any drugs or therapy. I am happy that she isnt embarrassed over it but like you said, she is getting to the age where she will want to host and attend sleepovers and I am dreading it when that day comes. I hate hearing her cry and seeing her upset when she wakes up in a wet bed. The first words out of her mouth in the morning is I hate these stupid things! I still wake up wet!!!
I have tried the inserts/doublers to try to help stop the leaking but they didnt really help at all. I think the issue is not finding something that fits her properly as well as being absorbent enough. With her being only 40 lbs, its quite difficult to find something that works.
I will ask her pedi again for a referral to a urologist but, I feel that she is just an extremely heavy sleeper that she just doesnt wake up when she has to go to the bathroom. When I do wake her up at night to go, she doesnt even remember it in the morning that I woke her up. I hate seeing her cry in the morning because of the wet sheets etc. On the rare occasions the pull up doesnt leak, she will go out of her way to let me know and show me that her sheets are dry. She is ALOT more happier on mornings when the pull up doesnt leak but those mornings are becoming more rare. It would be great to find something she could wear to allow her to have a good nights sleep as well as having a dry bed in the morning.

Michelles, I looked at those as well as other similar ones but they just are way too big and wouldnt really help. Your right, they are a bit costly. I was a bit shocked when I saw the price of them WOW! Its so hard because she can easily fit in the pull ups, but they just dont hold enough! What does everyone else do when the pull ups fit but they dont work?

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

Has she ever been evaluated by an ENT? Do you know if she has trouble breathing at night? Sometimes this can be a result of an airway obstruction. For my daughter, removal of her adenoids cleared the problem up almost instantly. I know it sounds bizarre, but it's true. I also remember reading one or two sentences about it in a book that was fashionable for a time – "healthy sleep habits happy Child". I'm not a fan of the alarm at all. It makes everyone exhausted in the whole house. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

You need to take her to a specialist...she should see a doctor at this age because there could be an underlying medical problem.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Some kids are 12 or 13 before they can make it through the night and stay dry.
It's very very common - your doctor will tell you so - and nothing to get desperate about.
Beside pull ups (or what ever product she can wear) you can use a reusable washable absorbent pad in her bed that should keep things drier.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Inspire-Washable-and-Reuseable...

She's old enough to be able to change her own sheets - by 9 she can start doing her own laundry.
Our son was 7 1/2 before he could stay dry through the night.
When he woke up dry for 2 whole weeks in a row was when we finished with the pull ups.
A lot of his friends took a lot longer than he did.
Just be patient - and ask your parents (and in laws) how old you and your hubby were before you were dry through the night.
A lot of times these things run in families.

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i think it's really important to DE-emphasize this. your 'hatred' of doing extra laundry and spending money are understandable, but i'm betting that even if you think you're not letting her know how put out you are, she's picking up on it.

try adult depends. there is a type of underwear that will work to keep her bed dry. i don't believe she is anatomically quirked to where nothing will actually work.

get her some better night pants and stop fussing about it. some kids just grow out of this more slowly. frustrating, i know, but minimize the frustration for everyone and don't make it a Big Family Thing.
khairete
S.

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D..

answers from Miami on

One of the girls in our extended family had this issue until she was in her teens. She would even deny she had done it (she'd put the sheets in the washer herself), as if the whole house couldn't smell the urine halfway across the house...

Her mom even tried one of those alarms and she just slept through it.

The thing is, you are just going to have to accept this and let it run its course. You can't get your way by shaming her, arguing with her, or fussing at her.

She will have to wake up to a wet bed until her brain prevents her from wetting the bed. And you will just have to keep washing the sheets until she is old enough to wash them herself, or she quits wetting the bed, whichever comes first.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Try a medical supply store or look on one for incontinence supplies.
**************
What did the doctor recommend! Did he rule out a physical cause? Did he discuss possible emotional reasons for this?

Sounds like you've tried everything. Sounds like her body is not mature enough to stay dry during the night. My experience has een with boys. IT's not uncommon for boys to not stay dry during the night. If that is the case with your daughter, all you can do is wait until her body is ready to stay dry.

If you're focused on trying to get her to stay dry, like talking about it every day. I suggest the added pressure can cause her to be anxious and not be able to stay dry. I also suggest that because she doesn't like being wet, staying dry is not under her control.

I suggest getting water proof draw sheets that are used in nursing homes. PUT one under the sheet. THEN you just change the sheet. OR put it on top and replace it with another one. I've ound them in thrift stores for around $5. THEY are expensive new.

I found a Web site in which Dr Sears lists 8 steps to stop bedwetting. Search using 8 steps etc and ask Dr Sears.
The steps are used to train the bladder.

3 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

Time and patience will take care of things. This is not uncommon.

2 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

T.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

there is NOTHING you can do. This is time. STOP focusing on this and let your daughter be. I KNOW it's frustrating. I KNOW it's hard. but her body is NOT ready for night time dryness. You MUST accept that fact.

STOP! Please STOP!! I'm not kidding. You are doing more harm than good. STOP!!!!!

Use the disposable bed mats.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Goodnites-Disposable-Bed-Mats-...

use the right size Good Nights underwear.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/GoodNites-Tru-Fit-Bedwetting-U...

You don't need a doctor.
You don't need medication.
You need to leave her alone. Tell her it's okay and move on. It's NOT her fault. Her body is NOT ready.

2 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

My son went through this, and he was quite a bit older than your daughter. It's not uncommon, although it's more prevalent in boys. We did everything you've done, and also those horrible alarms that go off (which is dumb, because by the time they go off, the kid is already wet).

Talk to your pediatrician and perhaps a pediatric urologist, and ask about nocturnal enuresis (which is basically nighttime bedwetting). This is a real condition, not serious, just annoying - the real downside is that she's not getting good sleep. When my son was 7 or 8, there was talk about sleepovers, so it became a social problem. After a good consultation with a urologist, during which we learned that this is purely physical development and not something that can be "trained," we opted to use a medication called DDAVP, which had been around for many years at the time, with few if any side effects known. The MD told us he had patients who needed it through high school. Our son took it with no problems, and we got rid of all the issues. He slept at night, we had no laundry problems, and he got to have sleepovers and go to overnight camp.

He decided to try going off the meds around age 10, but the problem came back within a month or so. So he went back on until age 12, tried again, and things were fine from then on.

In the short run, I think there are liners you can get to add extra absorption to the Goodnites, but please call the pediatrician on Monday and discuss.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

This is not an issue for a pediatric urologist. Lots of kids wet the bed until they are 12 yo but I know quite a few kids that didn't stop wetting until they were 16. My friends daughter had her period and still continued to wet the bed. Don't make her think there is something wrong with her.

BTW...enough 10 and 11 yo kids have this issue that the school nurse addressed it at a parent information meeting for a 2 night sleep away camp when my daughter was in 5th grade.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Can't help you with what to wear - hopefully someone else has some good ideas. Must be hard for her.

My mom was having this problem (I know she's a senior and not quite the same thing, but she tried a trick someone also recommended for one of mine). My mom was told to go, and then wait a minute (she brushes her teeth), and then she goes again. And relaxes. She does this deep breathing. She usually pees again. Not as much, but a bit.

I had heard of that before, either with one of my kids, or a friend's kid (I can't remember now it's been a while). To go, then wait, and try going again. Sometimes bladders don't fully empty. Now that could be something a senior with my mom's problem encounters, and may not be relevant at all in your daughter's case. She may indeed just be a very heavy sleeper as you say. Just wanted to mention it - because for my mom, it has helped.

My best friend and her sisters had this same problem growing up - and they just outgrew it over time. It definitely ran in their family.

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K.S.

answers from Denver on

I feel your pain. My daughter is now 16, and probably did this until age 9. It sounds like you have tried the main avenues and they haven't worked. And from what you say, it sounds like you are pretty low key with her and not shaming her- you said she helps you with the sheets, not "make her do her own sheets." So unless I'm reading it wrong, you are doing just fine. If not, do make sure you assure her it's totally normal. And assure her that there are many other kids facing the same issue- she probably doesn't want to announce it to her class, and neither do others, so the more stories you can share that others her age and older deal with this as well will go a long way to normalize for her.

I think we ended up putting a mattress pad on top of the sheets so I didn't have to change the whole bed, just that. Also, you mentioned trying the alarm, but maybe give that another go in a while. My daughter is a heavy sleeper (like, sleeps through smoke alarms), so we found out that the alarm is more for us than her. :-) we started using the baby monitors again so we could hear when it went off. We'd shoot out of bed and rush in there to wake her up. That's the key- teaching her brain to wake up when about to pee. If we left it for the alarm alone to wake her up, no go. If we ran in to wake up her when we heard it, it worked like a charm. (minus the exhaustion by us!!) Two weeks I think it took, but we did it around age 9.

I would definitely advise against the medication. Lots of side effects and possibly a short-term solution. I'm no doctor, but our pediatrician felt this way as well as a panelist at a seminar I attended. At least not for many years, 7 is way too young IMHO.

So to recap- assure her that you know she hates this, but it's normal and she's not alone. And you are there to figure it out, but it might be a little while, and it's not her fault. Consider giving the alarm another try with you as the waker-upper. FYI, with the alarm, it won't always register in good nites because the moisture gets soaked up so quickly! So we had her wear underwear, clipped the sensor to that, and then wore a good nite over that.

Finally, if she is going to do sleepovers, we made it into almost a ninja challenge game. She didn't want the mom of her friend to know (I've heard stories of moms blabbing to the kids!!). So she packed a good nite into a plastic bag in her overnight bag, changed in the bathroom into pjs with pants (nightgowns can ride up and the other girls might spot the good nite). Then in the morning, she went to the bathroom again and put the wet good nite into the plastic bag she brought it in, and put it back in her bag to bring home to dispose. Instead of making it like a shameful hiding thing, I made it sound like a fun challenge, and she 'accepted' the challenge.

Good luck! She'll get it eventually, I promise! But I know it's a lot of work and worry for you, and a lot of upset for her. This too shall pass. If your ped makes you feel like it's a huge problem at this age, you may need to seek a second opinion.

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L.P.

answers from Louisville on

We've used these for a long while with my DS. We typically use them only as insurance in case his pull up happens to leak, but have found that they can be reused for a few nights if dry before they loose the adhesive that keeps them stuck to the bed.

https://www.goodnites.com/en-us/bedwetting-products/goodn...

I can't help much with leaks being an issue as truthfully we still struggle with this with DS1. We have okay luck with the smallest size in Goodnites, but in the past when fit wasn't an issue we found that the slip-on Huggies worked well overnight. A co-worker suggested them to me as they are fairly manageable and go on like a pull up would, but have all the absorbency of a standard diaper.

R.A.

answers from Boston on

I agree with diane b.. Pediatric Urologist. ASAP.

This sounds more medically related then psychological. Why on earth your pediatrician didn't recommend this is beyond me..

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

When you go to sleep your body gets cues from your brain. People are supposed to lay down after going to the bathroom, fall asleep, and wake up with the alarm the next morning.

Why don't they wake up every little bit to go pee all night? Because their brain shuts that stuff down a bit when the chemicals that happen while we sleep are active. They tell the kidneys to not produce a lot of urine, the bladder doesn't stop working but it sort of goes into a rest period too.

When you wake up do you stretch just a bit then within a few minutes you feel your bladder fill? Then you have to go do a morning pee and it's a lot?

That's normal.

Sometimes that chemical that tells the body to stop producing to much urine doesn't send out. Nothing you can do will make that chemical happen. It's nothing that a person can control. There are medications that one can take to help dry up the urinary tract activity at night.

You are the boss. YOU put her in pull ups, YOU put a plastic mattress cover over her bed. YOU pull her sheets and stuff each morning and wash/dry them. As for the overnight pull ups you are going to have to understand that a larger size is probably needed. You are using the overnight pull ups, right? Not the regular ones?

I think you should also put something under her on top of the sheets that will help absorb the urine that leaks out. It's just one of those things that happen. But this way you'll hopefully have less laundry.

I have 2 out of 7 grand kids that wet the bed up into their late tween years. Not a big deal to me because I know there is nothing that can help their bodies fix this.

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B.A.

answers from Columbus on

Like others have said, what she's experiencing is normal. The nerves around her bladder just aren't developed enough yet and she the sensation of needing to go isn't strong enough to wake her. I was a summer camp director years ago, and we always had several campers with the same problem.

What seemed to work for most of them was putting an adult incontinence pad (like depends) inside their normal underwear, and then putting good nites over the underwear. The depends caught absorbed almost everything because it was snug against them. And the goodnites absorbed the rest.

Finally, make sure she knows how to completely empty her bladder. You can do a google search for more info, but basically she needs to urinate when sitting upright. Then bend forward at a 45 degree angle and wait for bladder to completely empty.

Good luck!

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M.6.

answers from New York on

Our youngest daughter, now nearly 20, wet at night until she was probably 13 or 14? (I stopped worrying about it along time before that so I don't know exactly when it stopped). Seriously, just let this go. If you do, your daughter will as well. If she is leaking through, put a super maxi pad inside the Goodnights and regular underware on the outside of the Goodnight to keep it snug against her body. Don't worry about limiting drinks, getting her up in the middle of the night to potty, etc. All that is doing is training YOU, not her - and this isn't really a "training" issue like daytime wetting. It doesn't help.

What helps is, well, nothing. Time I guess. Unless she is delayed, she isn't going to to college with GoodNights on (I throw that in there because if she has some other delays, then can be a whole different set of issues). At about 7, I set my daughter up completely with her own items to take care of what was going on at night. Goodnights in the pantry (I always refilled) and an extra set of sheets in case of a leak. She could do the whole thing and the only time I heard about a leak was if she was running a bit behind due to a bedding change. She would just come to breakfast and say "sorry, I had to switch the bedding."

This is truely what you make of it. If you set up the independence she needs to take care of this herself, she will and her having control of this will go along way towards having better days - whether she is wet or dry.

BTW - our daughter was a SUPER heavy sleeper, snored, and was big for her age. Also, she had a parent (her dad) that was a bed wetter ( I had to reach out to his mom for the truth on that) and the pediatrician said that I could expect our daughter to likely stop around the same age as her dad, who was about 14 when he stopped. For sleepovers, I did give her a benadryl at bedtime at the recommendation of our pediatrician (so check with yours BEFORE doing this) and that limited or eliminated the wetting for that night. I don't know the mechanics behind that. I would NOT have given her the "bedwetting pill" that came out a few years ago. Nobody needs a daily pill in my opinion for this. It will simply stop when she is ready.

Good luck!

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