Help with Angry Child

Have you made or considered making dietary changes? I think these types of behavior are often related to what a child eats and how his/her body reacts. I would suggest trying a rotation diet (you can look up the Feingold diet). I'd be willing to bet you see improvement when you can get the offending item(s) out of the diet. Good luck.

When I read your Request one thing jumped at me.
You said you have three other kids and have a job both in and out of the house.
I think he has created a pattern of getting concentrated attention from you that he knows works.
It may sound hard but try to ignore his bad behavior as much as is reasonable and give alot of concentrated attention on the things he does that are in line with the behavior you want.
You might want to start it out with a week long camping trip, just the two of you.
Nature has a way of mellowing people out and he would probably be extatic about the one on one attention he 's getting.-Angela Peace

Take him to church, sunday school. If you do not have one, Shoreline Christian School has a north and south location.

Hi. I'm an infant teacher with infinate experience with all grade school ages .I also have a ADHD daughter who was put on numerous medications by a neurologist who said she would become calmer and less violent when her ADHD was "under control". She would then not be so frustrated. It didn't happen. We removed almost everything at some point to see if it would make a difference. It didn't. We ended up taking her to a child phyciatrist who did the testing the nurologist should of done and put her on a medication that actually treated that disorder and ones for her ADHD. We fought putting her on meds for years but it's been the saving grace for her and us. Hopefully someday we'll find something better but for now it works and gives us a home life my husband doesn't dread coming home to and wonderful life for us all. She takes Strattera, Medidate, and for her emotional roller coaster and violence "Resperdal". There's different things available and the Resperdal is being perscrbed "off Label". Meaning that it's not actually made for that but they can perscribe it anyway. It has worked great for her. She couldn't grasp the concept of cause and effect which makes discipline really fun. We can reason with her and see improvement all the time. You still can have ups and downs but for us it's nothing like it used to be. The med.s are horribly priced but so worth it. Insurance is really essential to be able to afford them. I hope that this helps.

I think you need Super nanny....!

I found this on-line. I hope it helps you some. Good luck.

What can adults do to help children cope with their anger?

· We can start by talking with them about their feelings and helping them to understand what they are feeling. It is also important not to blame them or make them think that they are bad for having these negative feelings. It is natural to have these negative feelings. We all do. But it is what we do about it that matters. When a child displays anger we must separate the feeling from the human being in there. We can deal with the anger while still loving the person.

· Stay with the child while he is working through the anger. Don’t abandon him. That way he will get the message that you are trying to help him through it. He won’t have to feel that you only like him or want him around when he has good feelings. This is one of the main reasons why putting an angry child in time-out is more harmful in the long run. A layer of rejection and invalidation get added to whatever the hurt is that is causing the anger. And the child may figure out that the adult is not able to cope and therefore help him with his feelings.

· Help the child to express the anger in appropriate words. Saying “it makes me feel so mad when my friend does…..” , rather than “I hate my friend” also helps him to identify his feeling and learn that it is the behaviour that triggers something in him and not that he hates another human being.

· Prevent the anger from building up. Don’t wait for the outburst. Set up times when the child can rough-play safely, or can run and scream as much as he wants. Physical activity also helps to release the tension. Pillow fights are good for releasing pent up frustration without hurting anyone physically. Punching bags and stuffed toys are useful pieces of equipment. Occasionally writing one’s feelings down and destroying it work well for some people. Drawing is sometimes helpful for young children.

· Be a good model to the child of how you control your own anger and express it appropriately.

The lessons they need to learn about coping with anger will not be learned when the child is punished for angry expression. He does not learn anything about how he feels and how he should deal with it. He still feels bad or he may learn to stay calm to be accepted. The lessons should not be taught when the angry outburst occurs, but as a natural part of daily routines.

first pray! lots of prayer. i'll be praying for you as well. second, try to keep things as routine as possible. some kids need it more, others adapt easier...figure out which he is. third, check out www.feingold.org. my sister in law had a lot of the same type of problems when she was younger and my mother in law found this website and treated her by eliminating all artificial colors and flavors, even some natural ones which she has not (at 19) been able to slowly add back to her diet. let me know if i can help in anyway.
good luck and God bless.

Hi Jess -

Everything I have read below sounds like good advice - I want to also add that I have just read a really good book called 12 ways to cope with a challenging child by Jennifer Sue Kamish. This book covers everything possible with a challenging kid like yours. Your son is angry for a reason. There are signs of "build-up" that you need to watch for with him and then your job is to re-direct before he gets out of hand. This book talks all about this, meltdowns, consequences and so much more, all with the basis of love. It talks about the parent being angry and frustrated and overwhelmed. It is just an excellent source. It is for Indigo/ADD/ADHD kids primarily but she writes for all kids.

The key thing in what you wrote was that he is great at school - he clearly knows how to behave and it seems that things have been set up a certain way at home. This was not your fault - it just happens.

Get the book - she covers EVERYTHING imaginable in this book! And know that you will find the answer for him - you will!

Alli

My friend had the same situation as you are going threw now.They found out he was bi-polar.I'm not sure if this is what's going on with your son or if he just feels like he doesnt get enough one on one time with Mom and Dad.I wish you all the best,I couldn't imagine living with all that angst.

Oh my, this sounds just like my 6.5 year old. And many things that we have tried and he did great in Kindergarten. Very nervous about starting 1st grade next week. We just started a small dose of Resperdal and on here trying to get feedback. How is he doing now? What else have you tried and has worked?

Have u tried testing him for autism? I dont know alot about it but from what i heard, and what u have said, he could have a mild case of autism

Hi J., I am a child psychologist with my own practice but before starting my own practice, I ran the children's unit at a residential treatment center called Meridell Achievement Center in Liberty Hill. Meridell specializes in treating very aggressive children. A lot of these children are diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, as well as other disorders. Bipolar disorder and ADHD can look very similar but if you treat Bipolar Disorder with ADHD meds (thinking it's ADHD) things can get much worse. There is a great book called The Bipolar Child that I recommend looking at. I would be happy to talk to you further about your son. My website has all my contact info. Good luck.

www.evemerrill.com

I don't know if you have tried calling For Kids' Sake. We have been going there for almost three years and we now have a lot more tools to help our son deal with his anger and feelings. Our therapist is really wonderful at teaching him how to understand what he is feeling and what he can do with it. I know that it can be really trying on the whole family, especially when you feel like you have tried everything. Have you looked into food allergies? I know that you have probably heard this a lot, but if you haven't done the testing it might be worth it.

I don't have any experince with this but I think if I were in your position I would try having him talk to a therapist or phycologist. Maybe he's frustrated for reasons that medications can't help and they could get to the bottom of it.

I'm not sure that I'll be much help, but the way that you describe your seven year old sounds somewhat like my eleven year old boy. Your son sounds a lot more extreme than mine, but similar in some ways. I always say that my kid leaves his demon in the closet when he goes out the door for school, and takes it back out the moment he gets home. I've had days when I know that I still deeply love my son, but I don't necessarily like him. I've felt anxiety about Christmas break and summer break because I know that he'll be with me 24/7. I've discovered that things go much more smoothly for our family if my husband and I each try to devote some time each day to this child. If you can find an activity that you can do with him, and him alone, for even a half an hour each day it might help. It sounds like you are very busy with two jobs and four kids, so I'm sure that it will be hard, but he probably really just wants your attention. The hard part is showing love and kindness when you really feel like boxing their ears.
I have a book that has helped us also. It's called "Parenting With Love" by Glenn I. Latham, published by Bookcraft. Some of the techniques that he suggests have really helpful when we are consistant.
I hope that this helps. Good luck!