Help with Almost 4 Year Old

Doesn't sound normal to me, I don't know any children that do that. My advice, quit babysitting her and let her parents deal with the issue.

That behavior does not sound normal at all! I would not want to babysit a child who acts like that, and I would be concerned about how the parents are raising her. Does she have any other odd behaviors? Does she make eye contact when you talk to her? I think that she needs to be evaluated for developmental problems, that is something her parents need to see to. I know it can be hard to tell a parent that you think their child may have developmental problems though.

Oh wow, i'm sorry this is not normal and not a stage. I have 6 kids, and they never did this. I agree with some of the other moms that there might be something more going on in her household. Definitely start yourself a journal, and write down when she started and everything she has done and from here on out dates and so on and so forth. If mom thinks it is a joke and won't do nothing about it then tell her maybe she needs to find another sitter because I certainly would not do it. You have to protect yourself and your family, it is her responsibility to her child to help her. Hope this helps.

My son did some strange things with him poop around 3 1/2 -- when he was transitioning from napping and he'd poop, take off his diaper and smear it on the carpet. This was NOT OK with me and I shut that down very quickly. While yes, they may be experimenting there has to be boundaries and at 4 I think it is reasonable to be able to say this is not OK.
Couple things -- make the child clean it up (if the parent is not OK with that then perhaps you need to tell them you are unable to watch the child). If the parent is unwilling to take action to curb this behavior and does notsupport your need to do so, then again I'd find another child.

Good luck
L.

Sorry this is not normal and is she worth the money? I would tell her mom she needs to find someone to watch her as you can not keep cleaning up her messes. Or make the kid clean it up herself. There is something wrong here.
C. B

No this is not normal. Her mom's reaction is an indicator of why she still does this. This should not be permitted. I would try to establish strict rules for when she is in your care, like a double-standard. When she is on your time, this is not a "stage," a 4-yr-old is quite capable to do the right thing when it comes to where they go potty.

As the mother of almost 7 children (due in August) I totally understand the financial need here BUT...what is it costing you in cleaning supplies, time and gray hair?
The behavior is NOT normal for a 4 year old GIRL. If the parents don't get that the problem is much bigger than you think and you need to not care for the child any longer for safety reasons for yourself.....
Any counseling office or decent pediatrician will tell you where this type of behavior points.
RUn, Forrest, RUN!

There is nothing wrong with the child. It is the mother who needs to be taught that what she instills in her child now is a part of its future. Her laughter does not help at all. It is a source of encouragement for the child to do even worse things and get away with it. It is up to the mother to teach her child what is right and wrong first then we can enforse but if mom does nothing it will be hard to teach this child that what she has done is wrong leading to the child hating you more than loving your presence.

J.

If you have the choice I would let the mom know you can't continue taking care of the child unless this issue is addressed by the mom in a way that can be followed through when you are taking care of the child so she stops this behavior. If you have 3 kids of your own you obviously don't think it is a medical problem but a behavior problem.

If you don't have a choice to stop taking care of the child I would find some written information or talk to a counselor at a school, that wouldn't cost anything, that could possibly have more impact with the mom. One of the other moms responded that this could be a sign of autism, again a counselor at a school would be familiar with this. If it is autism there are a lot of new possible ways of helping kids with autism, diet is a huge one, there is a book by Jenny McCartney? whose son was basically 'cured' by diet change, worth asking about.

Also maybe get some finger paints and if you go to a wholesale club you can get rolls of butcher paper cheap that is great to roll out on the grass for kids to paint on (also makes great wrapping paper after the kids are done), perhaps this would give her a more interesting paint project instead of using her poop.
Good luck,
SarahMM

I don't think this is normal for a 4 year old. Part of me thinks that either she has not been taught any better at home and/or something traumatic has happened to her and she is acting out. But before we overreact and call social services, I would ask a pediatrician, counselor, or teacher about the behavior and how to handle the parent. I would be straightforward with her mother. Tell her that this behavior needs to change or you can no longer have this child around your children. Talk to the girl about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and why. Tell her that she is a nice, smart, and pretty big girl. Nice, smart, and pretty big girls do not behave this way. Animals, babies, and naughty girls behave this way. Put the girl in time-out. Take away privileges. This is gross and uncomfortable. Sorry you have to deal with this.

This is a very difficult situation. There may be a number of reasons why the child might exhibit this behavior. This is typical of children who are being abused or neglected. That may be something to be aware of. She may also be reacting to a stressful situation in her life. I would communicate with her parents and advise them to seek counseling for the child. The most important thing, and it's sad to say, but remember she is not your responsibility. If you feel that it is taking too large a toll on your family, you need to put your family first and not watch her. Good luck!

does the mom just lets her do that? if so, she's probably used to doing what she wants. the mom needs to discipline her. if all else fails, she should use spankings. tell the mom how you feel along with forms of evidence that this is not proper behavior. do what you feel is right. there's a possibility that you might need to stop babysitting if it's affecting your kids.

Dear J.,
It sounds like she is doing this to get attention. I would have her clean up her messes everytime she decides to poop or pee anywhere she feels like it. It's not so funny when you are cleaning up a pile of your own poop. I would also tell the mother that if she is not willing to help you work on the potty training situation that you are going to have to keep a diaper on her. This might mean taking some of that clear packaging tape and taping over the tabs to keep it on. Good luck!

T. W.

I don't have any advice about the girl but I know how to clean a keyboard. Now this may sound strange, but you can wash them in the dishwasher. It works and it won't ruin it. Just unplug it, and stick in the dishwasher, by itself or with other keyboards, don't use soap!! Run a normal cycle and let it dry out or a few days. When it is extremely dry, plug it in and enjoy a clean keyboard. I just thought I would tell you, because it is very nasty that she poops and pees on the keyboard. That would ruin it!

J.-
What you are describing can be classic signs of autism. That's not a conversation I would want to have with the mother but, sadly enough I have seen it a lot in prek..a few years down the road they are diagnosed.

Good luck-H.

This is not normal, or any type of stage. There is something going on in that house, whether it's a lot of chaos for her to handle or something else. When things aren't going normal, children will act out in very odd ways. Do you think anything weird is going on in her household?

My son went through a stage at 18 months or so where he would take his diaper off during nap time and poop in his crib. This went on for about 6 months on and off. Just when we thought we'd gotten past it he would do it again. My husband one day told him to clean it up with his hands. I know it's gross but it worked and he never did it again. He actually complained to his dad that it was gross.

The struggle you may have is with her parents support. You may want to consider telling her parents you will not be able to watch her if the behavior continues. Also think about charging extra for the clean up efforts!

Good Luck,
A.

Can you tell the mother to deal with the behaviors, or she cannot come back to your house? I would not like to have that kind of behavior in my home, and I would think that the responsibility of that behavior lies with her mother, not you. You may need to just tell her, you can't continue unless it stops, and maybe it will?

Dear J.,

What you are seeing in NOT normal. I am a clinical therapist and have worked with children with play therapy. My question for the mother of this little girl is..."What is going on at home?" Is she being sexually abused by someone? Does she have any developmental delays? What is wrong with the mother if she just laughs and things that what her daughter is doing is a stage? It is a symptom that something else is going on with this little girl.

This is not typical behavior of a child. Typically these are signs of victimization. I would encourage the mother to talk about this with her pediatrician. The mom may or may not know of any foul play and chances are be angry with you initially. If she is unaware of any instances, she may go through a denial phase but if she does seek professional help, she will likely thank you in the end. If the mom has been a part of the vicitimization, she is likely to respond differently. As a caretaker, you are bound ethically to be that child's advocate and do what it takes to address these issues.

: ) School Psyhologist, specializing in early childhood