Help with a Toddler Who Will Not Eat

I would agree it's normal EXCEPT for the fatigue issue. That sounds very much like celiac disease to me. My daughter had a blood test for it which was negative but when I put her on a gluten-free diet anyway her energy level and other symptoms (chronic gas pains at night, distended belly, constipation) improved within days. I have since discovered that I have celiac as well.

My pediatrician always said that it is a phase that many children go through to varying degrees, and if all they'll eat is hot dogs and fries, then at least they are eating. There is nothing wrong with chicken nuggets, hot dogs and if nothing else - cereal. She will start eating regular foods when she gets tired of the same food all the time. And while not exactly the healtiest of foods, they do contain calories, and some nutritional value to keep weight on her at least.

C.,

My son did the same at about the same age. I tried both routes - first I let him eat whatever he wanted and never pushed "the good stuff". Soon, his intestines bound up and we were in the doc's office with xrays to prove that he had serious constipation. So, then I got serious and saw a nutritionist. Her advice was a keeper for me. She said get rid of all the junk food and let him pick from a shelf stocked at his height with what he can have. I put mandarin oranges, rice cakes, soy chips, apples, applesauce etc. there. When he got hungry enough, it was his choice what to eat but there was no more garbage to fill the holes with, so to speak. Now, he eats well and his body is healthy. I have added the stipulation that he must eat a piece of fruit with every meal at every snack before he gets anything else. If he refuses - there is no snack. Soon, he gets hungry enough to comply. Now it is just habit with him to eat right. Good luck!

I think that getting her to the doctor is essential, especially if she is losing weight and sleeping more than usual. I am glad that you are giving her vitamins and pediasure. Keep us posted on this okay? Good luck!

Try a psychological trick.
Make yourself a SMALL plate of whatever you want her to eat. Give her the impression that it's soooo good and only for you. (using no words)
She will no doubt come over and want a bite and you can make progress that way.
If that fails try pureeing veggies and adding to foods she will eat. She won't even know if you use apple juice to mask the taste. (i.e. puree carrots and add to brownie mix)
Puree cauliflower and add to spaghetti sauce etc...she gets nutrients and you don't have to fight.

Also having another child eat carrot stix in front of her might entice her to want some too.

Good luck
K. (mother of two under two....I'm on no sleep)

Good thing your taking her in to be checked. My son went through a period of finicky eating around that age. I ended up just offering him water to stay hydrated as well as whatever it was that I was serving that day ...but nothing else. After 2 days he started nibbling on the food offered and within a week he was eating meals with us. Good Luck!

I think your baby is going through a phase. However when my son was 2 years old he didn't wanted eat vegetabled but he liked pancakes so I used to grind and mashed vegetables and place it in the pancake and he didn't notice the difference. Is not good that the baby is losing weight. You can grind the meat and put it in the pancake as well. You have to find a way for her to eat. What does the doctor say. She definately is not sick but could get sick if she continues like this.

Around here we've gone gluten and dairy free due to yeast issues. Whether you need that or not I leave to you to decide BUT on our diet, in order to get veggies and meats into the more stubborn children we use pancake batter. We get Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free pancake mix and then grate or food processor the chicken, burger, broccoli, spinach, etc. (add a bit of apple, pear or berries, too, if you'd like) and fry up pancakes. I wouldn't put syrup but maybe a touch of butter (?). The kids think they're getting their beloved carbs and don't notice the "good stuff"! Use this idea for all meals if need be. I think I'd slowly increase the size of the food bits so they get used to eating them in their natural state again.

Hi, C.. I completely sympathize and have been through similar issues with my two children (ages 3 and 4). My daughter is such a picky eater that she is not even on the regular growth chart in terms of weight (but she is normal height) and, if I let her, would exist only on crackers. And my son basically wouldn't let a vegetable pass his lips for something like two straight years. I agonized over what to do, but no amount of either cajoling or ignoring the situation had any effect. Finally, I decided to get tough, and from one day to the next the rule at our dinner table was that each child had to eat some portion of vegetable. I usually use a rule of 3 bites or 3 pieces. This led to some serious turmoil at the table, lots of timeouts, a bunch of crying spells, and general unhappiness. But I held firm and, after a month or so of rather unhappy dinnertimes, both of my children learned the drill. That was last year. Now they both eat a wide variety of vegetables, often eagerly. And now when they occasionally refuse to eat any vegetables at mealtime, I just let it go, because I know that it's not an issue anymore. I know that people say that you don't want to create a negative environment around food, and I definitely worried about creating just that, but in the end I was more concerned about making sure they had healthy diets than anything else. For us it paid off. Both my children are still pickier eaters than most other kids we know, but they have come a very long way and are much more open to trying new foods now.
L. P.

This is a serious problem, i really think you need to take her to the Doctor and the dosctor will advise you as to wether he should do some test. she is a growing child and needs all the essential vitamins. just be strong and do not give up

Greetings:
My daughter used to be like often holding food in her mouth for hours and then throwing it out or gag. The doctor told me that she would not starve just ignore it. And that is what I did. He said children do not starve themselves, they will eat, just give her food she wants to eat. As long as she is eating something, keep giving her milk, cheese and other things she enjoys. She will start to find that eating is enjoyable and not a time to fight with Mom.
Sometimes children test parents and if you don't make a big fuss about it, she might enjoy the attention she is getting, then she will begin to try things. Don't push her to eat, sit down and eat in front of her things that are good for her, and let her see you enjoying them.
Also try baking and cooking with grated vegetables that she doesn't know are in the food. There is several cook books that include vegetables into the food, such as brownies, cakes and other goodies that she will enjoy and not know she is eating vegetables.
Hope this works!

What makes you think that by forcing her to eat healthy food that you are creating a negative relationship with it? If anything, you are teaching her how to eat. If anything she will come to like more foods because she is being made to try them repeatedly. Sometimes it takes many many tries before they develop a taste for a food. I just don't understand because it shouldn't be hard to force healthy food at all. That is our jobs as parents. I hated peas and green beans when I was little but my mom still made me eat it because it was good for me. As an adult, I still don't like them but I eat them because I now realize for myself that they are good for me.

You can't give in to her and not make her eat at least a bit and you can't not make her eat healthy foods. I don't agree with the "they will eat when they are hungry" as you have seen with your daughter going 4 days without eating.

My children have gone through similar things too. I can't tell you how many times my oldest has gone from liking spaghetti to not liking it to liking it to not liking it to now we are back to liking it. Whew! :) Every meal my children have to eat a little of everything on their plate. My pediatrician once said his rule of thumb is they have to eat a bit for every year so if you have green beans and she says she doesn't want them, she has to eat 3 of them because she's 3.

By continuing to reintroduce foods, she may eventually start to like more things again. Sure it won't work for everything but you are her mom and she is going to get very sick or worse if you do not make her eat. I'm not saying sit on her and force it down her throat. Make it fun. If she really doesn't like vegetables, make the other foods on her plate things she likes so only one item is a battle vs. the whole dinner. Hide some ground beef or turkey in some noodles and sauce. I can't tell you how many times my children have eaten onions and green peppers and not known it.

Another thing I would suggest is getting some protein powder. I am about to start doing this with some that I got from Arbonne and mix it in her foods. You can put the vanilla in her milk or the chocolate in brownie mix. Have her help you make dinner. Give her a couple of things for each (veggie, meat, etc.) that she can choose between and make a big deal about her making dinner. You can make her a chef hat by taking some poster board, making a thick "strip" that will fit around her head and staple it closed. Then from the inside put tissue paper that you have overlapped almost like they do those tissues when you are getting a perm. Staple it to the inside and then fluff out the top so it looks like a chef's hat.

When you think of the alternatives...her getting sick especially something that could cause severe damage if not worse...I think it's time to pull out all the stops. We play as a family every night before the boys go to bed. We can't do that if they don't eat what they are supposed to and it gets too close to bedtime or maybe they can't have dessert. Now is the time to teach your daughter that you are the boss and what it means to eat healthy. Like I said, we've been there a few times but it just isn't that much of a fight because we don't let it. Our boys know they have to eat because we love them and want them to grow healthy and strong. They even recite it back to us they've heard it so much.

I wish you the best. I really do and feel for you having a strong willed child but whether she knows it or not, YOU know she has to eat and you must find ways to get her to.

I hope you keep us posted.

It is good that you are planning to take her to a doctor. This seems like more than just a phase of not eating. You have to continue with the vitamins and give her C with Zinc to ensure her immune system stays good.
Advise how it goes at the doctor.

Peer pressure works great to get your child to eat the right food. Try setting up play groups around lunch with other healthy eaters.

Best,
J.

Hi C.,
I acknowledge you for looking for help for your child. I have 3 children with varying degrees of food issues and about 11 years of experience from my children. My first recommendation is that I would talk to your pediatrician and rule out Celiac disease which is an autoimmune disease involving food. The reason that I suggest it is because you mention her limiting her foods, anemia, and the fact that she is losing weight. Celiac disease is very common in the U.S. (estimated at 1 out of every 133 children). You can tell your pediatrician that a blood test can be done for Celiac disease by IMMCO diagnostics located in Buffalo. Typically the Dr. will want to refer you to a GI specialist and the GI specialist will want to do an endoscopic procedure.

I have written a cookbook for the food allergy, Celiac and autism communities which is gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free and free of peanuts and tree nuts. My experience is that when young children start limiting their foods (the "picky eater" scenario), it is often because they are bothered by foods. Please feel free to e-mail me directly for more help with your child. My youngest daughter, now age 6, has had serious health issues due to food. She is on the road to recovery, however it has caused me to do an extraordinary amount of medical research to advocate for her. My e-mail address is: ____@____.com
Sending you great blessings as you work through this problem.
Love,
L.

Hi C.,
I understand your difficulty as I have a 4 1/2 year old grandson who is also predominately a carb eater. He will eat applesauce, bananas and a few bites of meat....but no other fruit or vegetable. He doesn't like red sauce either. Having raised 3 children, I know they will try different foods when they are ready, but sometimes their desire can take a while to surface and we are left worrying about their health until then. It sounds like you have tried everything and I agree with you about not wanting to make healthy eating a negative issue. If I may, I would like to offer a suggestion. Try taking a mini muffin tin and put little pieces of foods like raisins, slightly cooked carrots and greenbeans, apples, grapes, berries....anything you can think of and leave it where she can reach it. Do this whenever you can and leave it out for the day. Children are grazers. You can even add some of her favorite "healthy" carbs to draw her to the muffin tin. Health food stores carry a variety of organic, whole grain, cookies, crackers and cereals. After a while she may decide to start sampling on her own. If not, I know of a whole food nutritional supplement that contains the nutritional essence of 15 vine-ripened fresh raw fruits and vegetables and it comes in chewable and gummie form for children. The best part about this product is that there have been research studies, documented and published in peer reviewed medical journals, proving it's effectiveness in our bodies. It is not a vitamin as vitamins are fragmented bits of nutrition. It is the whole food. I shared this information with my son and daughter-in-law. My grandson, who goes to nursery school and day care, as they both work, now takes 3 fruit gummies and 3 vegetable gummies every day. He enjoys them and has been doing this for about a year now. My son and daughter-in-law listened to the research and feel secure in the fact that their son is getting all the vitamins he needs from whole foods. I also have a 4 year old grandaughter and a 3 year old grandson who eat these gummies every day.
I hope this information helps and if you feel you might be interested in learning more about either suggestion, I would be happy to help you with that. You can reach me at ###-###-####(h) or ###-###-####(c)
Good luck!

B.

Hi C.
I know the frustration you must be experiencing, I went through it with my daughter. Perhaps this will help.....
make her food fun. Example...scrambled eggs with shapes on top made of cheese. I would scramble up an egg for my daughter and with a paring knife,cut out little shapes...hearts, cats, stars, clouds, her name, initials or an I love you.. etc. Cut out her sandwiches into shapes as well. You also mentioned she eats carbs....blend fruits or veggies into mini muffins and have her help you make & decorate them. Have the mix/dough/batter already prepared so she doesn't see the fruit or veggies. You can do the same with juice or her milk...kind of like a smoothie or a shake. Add a little bit of ice cream so the veggie taste won't shine through. I realized my daughter enjoyed food if she made it with me or if it was made fun for her. Give it a try. Good Luck!

This is not a food problem. Look at the whole picture. A new baby entered the family and about 6 months ago, your three year old figured out that the baby is staying and taking up your time that your three year feels is hers. Whatever the three-year old thinks, you are never going to figure it out. By your actions make your older daughter assured that you love her no matter what. That food is not going to be a battle ground because you love her and the baby very very very much. Include her in caring for the baby. Make a special time for just you and the three year old doing what the three year wants to do [within reason]. Do not panic. Its normal.

What you give her she will eat. This is our meal. This is what we eat. Perhaps having 3 children and not having a lot of money to cater to then except on special occassions eliminated this issue with our family. Isnt it fortunate we live in a country where such fussiness is possible.

I think it's a good idea you're bringing her to the doctor. Could be she's just going through a faze, but it could also be that something's bothering her stomach and she's loosing her appetite (constipation, for instance). One thing I'd suggest is taking baby food where the color wouldn't stand out and mixing it into her pasta...things like pureed cauliflower, butternut squash and sweet potatoes because the taste and color can blend well. While it's not the amount of veggies you'd like, it's better than nothing until she gets out of this faze. There are a few recipe books out there with this "hiding" method. Good luck!

Hi C.. I am a new mom so this may not be advice but just a suggestion since you probably have more experience than I.
It sounds like a control thing with your 31/2 year old. She is expressing herself as an individual through one of the only things she feels she has control over - what she eats. If you haven't already tried, have her help with preparing or shopping for food. Give her an option between several health foods that you hope she will eat. And/or pair the decision up with one food she likes and one food she MAY eat. Maybe make it a game where she can pick a food from each category and help you find it in the supermarket and check it off a list. Ask her what tastes better to her, eg. "breaded chicken or grilled chicken". Slowly but surely i think she will enjoy being able to have input and allow more variety into her diet. =)

I think many kids stop liking things they used to like. I always heard that you should put a variety of food on the table and ofer it to the kids but you can't force it. Your daughter is pretty young to force into eating or to not offer food. I would offer her things she likes and other foods you think she should eat. You can also add things like apple sauce to home made brownies and muffins, make blueberry pancakes and muffins. Try things like lasagna that has carbs, protein and veggies (pasta, meat, cheese, tomatoes). I have a 10 year old who still does not like meat very much, used to eat lots of cveggies but not any more. I often let him have cereal for dinner is he also eats fruit and yogurt. Thre ae all sorts of ways to get them to eat right - but it is usually the parent that has to be less stubborn about what is right.

Sounds pretty stressful for both of you! I would start by not making a big deal about food at all. Offer her a variety of foods on her plate and let her eat what she wants. I wouldn't even comment on what she doesn't eat, just offer encouragement when she does try something. My DD, who is 2.5 needs us to sing Happy Birthday when she takes a bite of food! We just suck it up and do it to make her happy and encourage her to eat. I would definitely talk to the Doctor and take her in, sounds like you are on the ball with the anyway. When is she going to the doctor's, hopefully sooner rather than later. GOOD LUCK!!

C.
Mommy to Jessie, Katie and Julia
www.TimetoChangetheDiapers.com
Adorable, affordable cloth diapers and reusable items for babies, kids and Moms!

Good for you! I have a daycare and see so many children who are allowed to substitute junk for good food! It seems to me that seeing her Dr. is a good idea. My son wanted nothing but hot cocoa for days. Fortunately, we have a fabulous Dr. who stuck with us and eventually discovered that my son had asthma. Sure enough once the asthma was treated, his appetite came back. He is now a teenager and hasn't stopped eating since! My four children vary with their eating habits and always have. I think the most important thing is to continue to offer healthy foods and limit the unhealthy. I think you will be glad later if you try not to make too big a deal about it now. (Have you tried frozen peas? That is the one veggie I have been able to get every child to eat!! Also don't forget how filling milk is.)
Sounds like your little one has a pretty strong will...I try to remind parents that they will be glad of that...someday!! :)

hi.. .what does your doctor say? if it's carbs she likes.. how about Hiding fruits and veggies in them like putting veggies in pancakes.. like in the cookbook by jessica seinfeld.. i've made sweet potato pancake and pumpkin pancakes and they are quite good.. good luck.. have you also tried not making a big deal about it? maybe she knows she is getting attention by not eating...???
J.

Hi, I am a mom of 2 little boys 4 and 7. Both of my children periodically go through stages like that. I think it is very normal. It is hard when you are going through it and you just want them to eat healthy things and all they want is macaroni and cheese! I will say I just went with it and it that is what they wanted ok, in moderatin of course. I would keep putting the fruits and veggies on their plates, but didn't make a big deal of forcing them. Now, my 7 year old loves fruits and vegetables and eats more than his other friends his age. Hang in there and keep offering the healthy alternitives, but it is just a stage.

There is a great book, "How to get your kids to eat" written by Ellyn Satter. It was recomended to me by other moms and I found the advice to be incredibly sensible and sound. Her philosophy is to not make a big deal of out any particular food group, keep offering a variety of food at meals and let them chose. I think the carb diet is pretty standard at your daughter's age. I know you've heard it already, but their attachment to one food or another does pass. I think they really sense when our anxiety around the issue rises, which in turn heightens their own anxiety and efforts to control etc. While you can't force her to eat something, you can work on letting go of the "result" at meal time. Good luck!

I am the middle of five kids and we still to this day laugh at my mother and her magic pot. We would walk in the kitchen and she would scoop something on each of our plates so I was eating chicken, my brothers had turkey, my sister had beef and my parents were eating fish. Thing is it all came from the same pot. We never knew.

Maybe have her help you make/prepare the food and give her choices - Make a sandwhich and let her choice if she wants peanut butter, cheese, jam, meat etc in the sandwhich and if wants something crazy like cheese and jam maybe it's good.

Also maybe try making food fun (I'm sure you tried) but if she plays games add the food in. Like Checkers use apple pieces and cheese. When she jumps you she has to eat the piece.

Good luck and keep trying - I know how heart breaking it can be when your child is not eating and losing weight. (My second did not gain any weight in his first month and I felt horrible but we got through it and now at 3 months he can out drink his sister of 17 months.)

C., I too once had a toddler that would never eat the proper foods or any foods for that matter then it led to bowl problems. Here;s what the doc told me. Maybe you can just coaks her in to having just a few pieces and then a healthy dessert. Maybe 2 or 3 pieces of meat and veggies and then you can give her dessert her some lemon or rasberry sherbert. But she can not get the dessert unless she has eaten all on her plate. But you can not leave her alone at the table you must sit with her and eat it with her.