Help with a Graduation Party

Don't lose money, since she told you so late. Fix or have someone fix vegetarian food for her and however many vegetarians she thinks will be there and keep the rest. Once she gets to the day she will not care. It could be she's a bit stressed about this milestone, because she's not being reasonable. Make it easy on herself and everyone - and that way everyone will have something they feel comfortable eating.

Quite honestly, I would tell her straight out that if she doesnt like the food you are having there, then she can simply not have a party at all! I understand there are people out there that are vegans, but more people are not! Just remember the old saying "you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can not please all of the people all of the time" (or something along those lines lol). She might be ticked off at you, but in the long run, she will get over it!!

Hi A.,

I would tell her that it is a little too late. People are coming to give her money and gifts so she should accomodate the wishes of the people that will be there. I would definitely keep the menu that you have already ordered with some extra vegan. i realize that you want to respect her wishes but she needs to learn tolerance. If it was a party of her peers, fine. But this is also about family and she should accomodate them. Just my two cents worth. Have a great party! Best of luck with this.

I know this will sound a little harsh, but you did ask for opinions...so here is mine.

If your daughter wants to be a vegetarian, that is great and it's her choice. However when you have guests in your home, their choice to eat meat should be respected as well.

Second, to say it's up to your daughter because it's all about her sounds like she's spoiled. She is still the child learning how to be a good hostess from her parents. I think deciding on the menu is a bit extreme. I'd go with your catering for which you already paid a deposit and just make sure there are vegetarian options available for those choosing it.

You may want to remind your daughter that many kids don't ever get graduation parties at all and that she's one of the fortunate ones.

Good luck!

Hi I haven't read the other responses, but I think you need to tell your teen to get over herself. Just because she is a vegetarian does not give her the right to force her preferences on others, and she is hosting a party and a good host accomodates their guests.

If she is like this now, what will she be like on her wedding day, a bridezilla?

Senior HS girls often get too full of themselves & someone needs to pop their bubble before they become totally out of control.

Good luck!

Remind your daughter that "yes this a graduation party to celebrate your achievements. But food & refreshments are for guest who attend, so food choices should be made to accomidate them. Insist on this point. A good lesson in life to learn that it isn't always all about her, and to think of others. If she grasps that thought, it will help her for the rest of her life when dealing with others. Mom don't back down on this, it will make easier when it comes to future celebrations.

Hi A.,

I have been a vegetarian for more than 14 years and would never expect my party guests to eat vegetarian meals. With age will come wisdom and your daughter should learn the lesson now to respect other people. There is a matter of being a gracious hostess and having a nice meal that her guests would appreciate is the polite thing to do. I agree you should have some vegetarian dishes and leave it at that.

A.,

I think you have to tell your daughter that the plans have been made, deposits given, and things are just going to have to stay the way they are. If you gave her an opportunity to give input before you made plans and reservations and she didn't voice her concern then, she doesn't get to come back and complain now.

I know it sounds "mean" because it's her day, but part of being a grown up is knowing that you only get limited opportunities to provide input and don't get do overs when others people money is involved.

She should recognize that when she goes out she requests special food for herself (i.e. at a reception, party, restaurant) and that her guests shouldn't be denied that just because they don't have the same beliefs she does. I do think that an all-vegetarian party would be fine, but at this late date if you are going to lose money because of it I wouldn't change it. I used to be a vegetarian, work with vegetarians and hung out with vegetarians, and I can tell you that on the whole they are a judgemental, critical bunch. However, one dear friend of mine who was veggie would make a meal of bacon and eggs for workers at her home, or cook up a turkey for the rest of her family while she ate none of it. She was absolutely opposed to eating meat but it was her decision to be that way, and she never ever tried to impose her beliefs on others. Maybe this would be a good lesson for your daughter to learn; that not everyone is like her, and it is the courteous thing to do to think of others before yourself. That said, I still think people would survive without meat at a party, but still, if you paid for it already, explain that to her and continue with your plans. Might be a good life lesson. (I have a 20-year-old so recently did the graduation party thing and it is expensive! But fun. Hope her day turns out well.)

I think you can let her know that in these circumstances that although she is vegetarian she is not paying for the meal and that she like everywhere else can eat what she likes.If it's Mexican cheese enchiladas for example. She sounds like she is taking advantage of this to use some muscle. This is a party for her,not a party given by her, as she has plenty of time to do those in the future- but by the same token if you went to someone else's house and they were serving german chocolate cake and not vanilla iced with a strawberry and you don't like german chocolate we will usually all turn it out down politely or feign 'fullness'. She was permitted input not total financial and physical control. She will not have any more or less fun if you stick to your original plans. She is the vegetarian and not the guests. I'm not sure what you think and I know times are changing a bit but we want our guests to enjoy their day, too. They will be bringing gifts (probably cash donations) and they should like what they are eating and you shouldn't have to break the bank. She unfortunately is joining the ranks of my son who just graduated who unwittingly do not understand what the money issue is all about. A lot of hard work. We have tried to give them so much and I think it is kind of backfiring. He desperately wanted the $300 tuxedo,etc and so we didn't have a large graduaion party. That was the agreement. And now that he has gone to other parties I think he feels out of joint after we only had a small gathering. But that is taking away from my thoughts. WEll, while you are ahead of this you can let her simply know that you appreciate her vegetarian tastes will have food there that she will like and also for everyone else. Once her party is underway I am sure she will be fine. Oftentimes the teenagers aren't paying attention to the food anyway. And it really is your party. For her.

wow kudos to you for being so understanding and patient with your daughter! my mother was never that understanding of my vegetarian wishes at either of my graduation parties or my wedding. although to my credit i DID tell her BEFORE she made catering plans that I wanted it to be vegetarian, and she of course ignored me. You haven't been so lucky.

Here is what I suggest. You have a few options:

1. keep the catered stuff and just add a couple new dishes that are strictly vegetarian (these can be either from the same place or somewhere else-- costco or jewel or whatever's cheap), or ask the catering people if they can just take the meat out of one or 2 of their entrees or switch out some of the stuff you'd previously ordered and get a vegetarian option instead. They should be willing to make this change without charging you extra.

2. have your child pick where she wants the food to come from and pitch in for the cost considering she waited till now to tell you belatedly she doesn't want what you already ordered. while I feel for your daughter as a fellow vegetarian, telling you about this NOW is not fair at all to YOU.

3. Get all the food from Costco or some other cheap place, or have your daughter help you cook it. This will be the cheapest option.

Personally as a vegetarian I've never felt it necessary to have meat at my parties because few meat-eating people find it necessary to have meatless options for me, and if you are a good cook nobody will miss the meat in the vegetarian stuff anyway. However, there's a difference here: your daughter is not throwing herself the party. YOU are throwing it FOR her. Therefore, it is entirely reasonable for you to offer both vegetarian and meaty options, and she should accept that and be grateful to you for offering it.

Dear A.,

While I appreciate that you want to be supermom and make everyone happy, is that really what you want to do? At this late date, with the party planned for Sunday, to lose money on the catering and throw together vegetarian food dishes may not make sense. This is an excellent opportunity to talk to your daughter about planning and how we share the planet (vegan, vegetarian and carnivores) and that while the party is for her - it is also for the guests you have invited. I encourage you to get her involved in making some dishes that she would like served, there was a great recipe someone had entered. Congratulations to your daughter it is an exciting some in her life and in your life too! I wish you a party that is fun with lots of laughter and love - it is all about the love!

If the catering will be money lost, I personally would not cancel it. Have your graduate watch the news and realize times are hard. Some Vegetarian meals should be enough. Even fix her favorite. It sounds to me like she is taking what her parents are able to do for granted. It also sounds like she is unappreciative. Spoiled would be my definition. Fortunately, I made a point of raising my kids with the idea that my best should be good enough. No matter what I do or do not have. I apologize for being so opinionated, truly I do. Too many people raise their kids with the idea their opinion matters more than their parents. Even good parents say no, or I can't, or it's not a possibility. Reality is after your artist gets out of college she will be faced with harsh reality and even tougher times. Prepare her for it. Stand your ground on this.Good luck!

I'd still have it catered, but make a vegetarian dish or two for your daughter. It's nice that you want to do the party the way she wants it, but as a hostess, you need to accomodate the majority of the people coming to your home. Teenagers don't understand this, so expect some friction and upset, but she'll get over it.

Your daughter is trying to assert some control - and wants to see how far she can go. While she has made a fine choice for herself to go vegetarian, it is not fair to require that everyone else subscribe to those restrictions.

Yes, this party is for her, but that doesn't mean that now, after the plans have been made (which she had no interest in before) she wants it to be MORE about her. You have already paid money for this. Is she willing to reimburse you for that? If she isn't, then maybe you can reach a compromise. You already have some vegetarian dishes. Perhaps another vegetarian main dish - especially if she would like to prepare it herself. What better way to showcase what she has chosen than to present it as a wonderful sharing opportunity with her family.

It really is too late for her to try and expect changes now. It's not fair to you, nor to the guests at this point. Had she brought this up in the very beginning, I bet you would have been more than willing to work with her. But as a high school graduate - and an adult now - she needs to learn that you can't always come in at the last minute with ideas and expect that things will be changed just because it is "your" party.

I hope tworks out!

A.-

You are way too nice. If it were me, I would explain to my daughter all of the work and money that you have invested in this party and that the catering will remain as it is; however, you understand her wants and will add a couple of vegetarian dishes for her. The party is for her, but you have to keep your guests happy first and foremost and I would explain that to her also. I think it is easy for someone to say change everything when they have no dollars or time involved in the project. I think that this should be a lesson learned to her and not you-

Hi A.,
It sounds like your daughter needs a little maturing(age 18 is still a "all about me", stage!) However, she could mature thru this party, by considering others preferences over her own. Help her to remember that these people are coming for her benefit! If everything was all about her, and no one showed up- how sad would that be? This is an opportunity to say "thank you" for being in my life, and sharing your time in celebrating with me! Consideration of their likes and dislikes is her chance to honor them as well, as they are there to honor her. This doesn't mean that all of the dishes need be made of meat, but do possibly a variety- some with, and some without. Mom, this is your opportunity to help your girl see that life is not always going to "cater" to her wants and needs. There are all sorts of people she wll come in contact with, and they don't care what she likes. Help her heart to soften, and give to others as she wants others to give to her!(golden rule) Be strong, you are still the MOM!!!! Have a blast, and make this memorable occasion as awesome as it's suppose to be! No fear- Go for it, I believe you are an awesome Mom, so keep shining for your family!!!!!! God bless, J. F.

A.,

I agree with the majority of mothers here. I just wanted to add a side note that at a recent wedding I attended the menu was strictly vegan. While some of the food was not bad quite a bit of the elder crowd was very upset and offended. If I were you I would tell my daughter that you appreciate and respect her wishes however it is important to be a gracious host. Therefore, keep your caterer and like the other mother mentioned, if there is no dish that she can eat, then make a special dish for her. She would want someone to think of her if she were attending their party, it is only fair that she think of others now!!

Good Luck. I hope your party goes well!

I don't think this is necessarily "her day." Yes, she is the one who graduated from high school, but she did not do it while living alone in a little box. Her family and friends supported her, in particular, of course, you and her father.

So I would frankly tell her that the party is going to be how it is going to be; it is too late to change, and that it would be unenjoyable for some of the party guests to have the menu she is suggesting. As others have suggested, it's a great time for her to remember that there are times where being a gracious hostess overrules one's selfish little whims.

I definitely would have vegetarian dishes; I do have to honestly say that maybe this could have been prevented by having vegetarian dishes from the start. Since that wasn't in the plans, it is probably natural for her to be reactive about the menu. Apologize to her for not originally including vegetarian foods, add or even change if possible something with the caterer, and call it a happy day. If she can't be happy then she can pout and be crabby during her own party, which I doubt she would do.

GL

I have to agree with most of the others here. She's asking a bit much to expect you to change the menu with less than a week to go. If she insists on something completely different, then she can pay for the loss of your money to the catering company. It sounds like you tried to include her earlier and she didn't offer any ideas, so what else could you do but plan it yourself? Yes, it's her party, but she needs to show a little consideration for all you've put into it as well as what her guests would like.

I too was a veg. in those days of college/young adulthood. I always respected that others liked to eat meat and my mom and other family respected that I didn't. I think you go on with your catering (and respecting your guests and the money you've probably put down) and have some options for your daughter. It is about her and that's why she gets her own vegetarian options. As a vegetarian, I know it is not always easy to find something to eat at parties, but at her own you can provide anything SHE wants while still letting others eat what they want. I hope that helps from someone who shares her point of view.

I agree the day is about her, but when did we disregard our guests that will come to congratulate her and give her gifts???? Is she really that self-centered that she would not want her guests to have a good time with her? And is she so selfish that she would expect you to just throw away the money you will lose on the catering.

I would sit down and discuss with her the fact that this is her day but money has already been put down for catering and her guests that will so graciously give her gifts and come to celebrate aren't vegans. If she would like you could separate the vegan dishes from the meat dishes in another room so she won't have to even look at the meat. If she persists I, myself, would cancel the whole thing and tell her that such a selfish person doesn't deserve all the attention.

Hi A.,
You can still use the catering company but have them change the menu. It may even lower the original price. I'm sure the caterer will be more than willing to work with you (but call them ASAP). If the caterer can't or won't make the changes, then I would give your daughter two options. 1) that she can pay for the loss of the down payment from her graduation money or 2)deal with the menu that was originally planned. After all, she should have voiced her opinion about this during the planning phase. This would be a good opportunity to teach her that actions, or non action in this case, has consequences.

I think it's good to respect her wishes, but practically speaking, she should have made her wishes known back before you hired the caterers. She will need to accept that it is simply too late for you to make this change and lose the money.

The day may be "about her" but I think losing deposits and revamping your whole menu days before your party is ridiculous. In the future, she will know to speak up sooner.

A.,

Just had my sons high school graduation party on Sunday. It was a great time, but I did not have it catered I made the food my self and one was a veggie salad. It takes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours to make because it has to marinate. This is my own recipe so I hope you enjoy.

Need a ex-large bowl
4 seedless cucumbers (the long ones)
One large sweet onion
2 pounds grape tomatoes
2 cans black olives
1/2 a head of cauliflower
wish bone Italian salad dressing
one cup apple cider vinegar
one cup water

Peel the cucumbers slice into bowl
put in tomatoes
cut the cauliflower in to very small pieces place in bowl
slice black olives in half into the bowl
Mix or toss together
mix the water and vinegar together and salt to the mixture (to taste) pour over veggies and stir.
Now is the trick to the taste. Take and shake some of the Italian dressing of the veggies about 4 - 6 oz. stir the mixture. Make sure every thing is covered. Let set about 10 minutes and stir again... repeat...after about 5 times of stirring taste one of the cucumbers. Now it the taste is up to you. I add a little one dressing at this time but you may not want to. It is all up to what you like. Keep stirring every 10 minutes till the salad is marinates. (I marinate about 2 hours.) Everybody at the party loved it.

Quick Note: My son had no say so at what was going to be served at his party. He was not paying for it and It was the guests that needed to be happy with the food, they are the ones who are giving you the gifts to help pay for college... (You know what I mean)

Have Fun,
S.

I think discipline is the word here. Sorry, but you should not have to lose the money on the catering because your daughter changed her mind. You are hosting a party for her and she will receive gifts from the guests. Etiquette is all about being a graceful hostess and meeting the needs of your guests. I think adding the vegetarian meals is more than enough for you to do. I happen to be allergic to many foods. My friends many times ask me what I can eat so they can accomodate my allergies. I always tell them not to worry, that I will eat the foods I can eat and pass on the others. I would not expect them to alter their plans just for me. I think your daughter is acting extremely rude and selfish about this.

Yes, the day is to celebrate your daughters achievements, but every good hostess takes much consideration into what will please her guests. This is important and perhaps your daughter should remember this. Also, it sounds as thought you have already secured catering and it is not very considerate at this point for your daughter to want everything changed.
I know your desire is to please her, i think a nice thing for you to do would be to specially prepare a favorite dish for her (if there truly is nothing on the catered list she will enjoy), but to leave the rest of the menu as is. She may be graduating highschool......but there are still lessons to be learned. The lessons this day are being a gracious hostess and not expecting everyone to bend to your whims, even if it is a special day.....hope all that made sense!
Congratulations to your daughter and I'm sure her party will be wonderful!

Etiquette dictates that a good hostess will attempt to accomodate the special diets of her guests. If a hostess is aware that a guest has a food allergy, a dietary restriction, or a dietary or cultural preference (such as a vegetarian), it is good manners to attempt to provide dishes that this guest can eat. To only accomodate your daughter's preferences, and ignore the preferences of the rest of the group, is poor etiquette. You are not disrespecting your daughter's wishes, because you have made arrangements for vegetarian dishes.

Your daughter is being very selfish and disrespectful in making this demand of you, especially when you have worked so hard to provide her with a special party. Perhaps it is the stress of realizing that her life is going through some major changes, and she is beginning to realize that she is losing treasured friendships and taking on a lot more responsibility as she enters adulthood. She lacks control in this situation, as her friends go off to different cities and states. She may be exercising a bit of control on you, and this party, because she is unable to control the dramatic changes that are taking place in her life right now...? Just a thought.

But I would use this party as a learning experience, and explain to her that while the party is in her honor, it would be poor etiquette to ignore the preferences of so many of her guests. If she feels so strongly that meat should *never* be served at a dinner party, then in the future she should hostess her own parties, and indicate in her invites that only vegetarian dishes will be served, out of respect for her guests tastes and dietary needs. (And she should be prepared that this may greatly reduce the number of guests that accept her invitations.)

However, you should not feel obligated to change your plans at this late date, nor should you feel that you need to be rude to your other guests because of your daughter's dietary choices. You have done the right thing, to take into consideration the needs and tastes of ALL your guests.

Hi, A.. Me, my husband and children are not vegetarian, but my parents, sisters and their families are not only vegetarian, but some are even Vegan (e.g. no cheese!). First, I would suggest that you not worry about the meat eaters enjoying the food--vegetarian does not mean just baby carrots and dips! Second, I would recommend you talk to your caterer ASAP and see what vegetarian things they have to offer. There are fantastic vegetarian lasagnas, there's middle eastern (e.g. hummus and pita, falafel, etc.). There are also fantastic Indian dishes--pad thai, etc. You can never go wrong with Pasta, whether it be baked mostoccoli, fettucine alfredo or a cold pasta salad. Ask your caterer what they might have. Of course you can always do mini pizzas or gourmet pizzas, too. A big fruit salad on a hot day is always welcome as well. What about a good caesar salad, hold the anchovies, with fresh baked garlic bread and/or focaccia? What were you planning to serve? To me the bigger issue here is her short notice (you have to love your teenagers, right?!) Please feel free to call me if you want, at 773/631-9750, I'd be happy to help you put a menu together that will be attractive, filling and memorable for all. Good luck!

It sounds like she is being ungrateful for all the planning you have done. I would have the catered food and add some dishes she will like.It is her day but it doesn't mean she can decide what she wants so late in the game without regard for what has already been bought and paid for. If you really want to please her and give in I would call the caterer and see if you can have the food put in smaller size pans(family size) to put in the freezer for dinners and/or a dinner party for you at a later date. That way you aren't losing out.Good luck!

She is completely out of line. The food is for everyone not just her! She has a right to her choices and so do others.Completely inconsiderate. At this age they do tend to think the world revolves completely around them. I have been a vegetarian, had a daughter that was one as well as a sister. None of these people wuld have considered forcing our opinions on others. My neighbor who's whole family is vegetarian, just had a mexican food party and even she served meat for the other guests. This is not even mentioning her lack of respect for your planning and expense. Do not give into to this selfish behavior!

Hi A.:

My suggestions for the dishes:

Guacamole and vegeterian chips.
Stir Fry Vegetables in Vegetable Oil
Vegetable wraps
Hawaiian Bread with spinach dip.

I hope this helps and tell you daughter congradulation on being a 2008 graduate, my daughter graduated as well.

While it is great that you want to support your daughter's wishes as it is a party for her...it is not acceptable that she tells you days before the party that you cannot have the menu that you planned (and financially committed to). My suggestion is that you move forward with your original plans and original menu but that you also order some food that she wants (vegetarian Mexican or Chinese). I think we teach our kids the wrong lessons when we allow them to make such demands. And about the money, even if it would not be a financial burden for your family to pay for the caterer but have all new food, it does not teach a good financial lesson. Talk with her and demonstrate your ability to compromise so that she can also learn that lesson.

I understand the day is about her, but I think her expectations of having every aspect of the party perfect only under her authority is outrageous. Especially if she is coming to you with this only days before the party. If you plan on only having vegetarians at the party, then by all means incur the extra expense of money already spent, but an 18 year old should realize part of having a day about her is understanding she's not the only one at the party.

Hi,

I don't know if any of the other folks who responded are actually vegetarians, and I am so I'll respond. As a young vegetarian I was truly bothered by meat on many levels. It does not tend to be a responsible choice environmentally or health wise considering the way Americans typically consume it. Our meat products contain large amount of pesticides, hormones and antibiotics that we don't really need to be eating. That being said, I don't preach about my personal choices but if someone is coming to my home for dinner I don't serve them meat, you can easily feed people very traditional foods without meat being included. It isn't rude or inconsiderate to serve guests Vegetable or cheese lasagne, pasta with alfredo sauce or baked ziti. With a salad, bread and a couple of side dishes it's more than enough.

If this is indeed a party about her and you can pull it off without horrible consequences why not do it as a gift to her? Yes, she should have told you sooner, but she's a teenager...how far ahead were all of us thinking at that age?

So I planned an all vegetarian catered event a few months ago with no fuss at all. I used Buona Beef (that's a little funny eh?). We had salad, bread and a variety of pasta dishes which I made heavy on the cheese. They have a very nice catering menu and they deliver. Perhaps your daughter could sit down with you and look at the menu together. Everyone raved about how good the food was and the vegetarians and carnivores all wanted to help take home the leftovers. One person did say she was going to throw some chicken in hers when she got home...ha ha ha.

Good luck A., while my kids get plenty of discipline I appreciate that you are trying to make her special day special on her level. I don't know that it needs to be a lesson to her, I'm sure she will get plenty of those very quickly as she enters the real world.

K.

Although the graduation party is for her, and she deserves special recognition for that accomplishment, she should respect that you have put a lot of hard work into planning this and waiting until this soon beforehand to throw that on you isn't very respectful of you and your hard work. If she wanted this special request, she should have told you this weeks ago before you put any money down for the caterer. You are being respectful to her in including veg. dishes, but she has to understand that not everybody is a vegetarian and if a large number of people are going to be there, they may want other things to eat. She needs to be considerate of that.

If she had told you about this long ago and you wouldn't lose money, it would be a different story, but I would go ahead with your plans to have it catered so other people can enjoy and you don't lose your money. You can also include the vegetarian dishes for her. She has to understand that sometimes things can't be done at the drop of a hat.

I've been a vegetarian since grammar school. Whenever my mother would cater for my parties she would cater some meat foods for the guests and some meatless foods for me (like a meatless mostacolli). Sometimes she would just order me a cheese pizza which always made me happy because I can live on pizza. You have to make the guests happy too because they are bringing gifts and expecting a decent meal in return.

No offense, but who's the parent. She should respect the wishes of others who do enjoy meat! Your plan so far seems fine. Who is paying for this as well? You I'm sure. Do as you were going to do.

I have to say I agree with everyone else. She should not expect you to just serve what she eats. She had her own opinion and choices to make for herself, which is fine but she cannot make these choices forher guests. My niece to is a vegetarian and the family always trys to have a little something extra/special for her to eat but also has special things for everyone. She does not expect anyone to cater to her and can always find something to eat. How would your daughter like going to a party where there was ONLY meat dishes served as the person throwing the party was not a vegetarian and thought she should just deal with it. It's just not right. When you throw a party you try to cater to the GUESTS not yourself. Good Luck.

Hi A.
It is your daughter's day even if in her lack of experience she had not been showing an interest in the food until you let her know what you had already planned.I would serve only vegetarian food and try to be supportive of her difficult decision.
Family members who don't feel full without meat can stop at mcdonalds on their way home but the savings in therapy (why did my mom serve meat at my party?)averted will out weigh any lost finances from ditching the trays of italian beef-
--giving up meat has a greater impact on global warming than giving up driving--proud of my artistic vegetarian 19 year old daughter---best wishes- L.

A.,
Why not have two separate tables at the party for food? One with your catered food. One with her vegetarian options. You won't lose the money on catering, and she doesn't have to look at all the meat options, if she doesn't want to.
R.

I think this is a great opportunity to teach your daughter how to be a gracious hostess. Yes, this is a day to celebrate her accomplishments, but that doesn't mean that her every wish needs to be met. The guests are coming to a party for her, presumably bringing gifts, and honoring her. The least she can do is to provide them with food and drink that they will enjoy and appreciate. I would explain this to her and serve the catered food and a variety of vegetarian dishes in order to please the majority.

I think it is wonderful that she had made a choice to become a vegeterian. It shows that she is becoming independent and mature. Showing maturing means she will need to take other points of view into consideration. There should be plenty of food for all guests to enjoy not just the "guest of honor." She should not expect to force her choice on all those she loves just as she should expect those she loves not to force their choices on her. You may consider separating the food or labeling the food as vegetarian or non-vegetarian--maybe you could at least have her choice be shown.

A.,
I too have a teenage daughter-isn't it fun?!?!?!?haha...I would explain to her that yes the party IS for her-and just as you respect her and her choices 100% you also need to do the same for her guests. Keep the caterer that you have, (if indeed you still have him/her) and add a few meat free dishes. That way everyone will be happy! She may not like this idea at first (or ever!!!) but explain to her that it is the right thing to do! Your guests should fell welcome and comfortable and i am positive you can find a happy medium!
Good luck!
T.

my son graduated last year and when getting ready for the party I asked what type of food he wanted. this was early on. I prepared all of the food myself, so I didn't have the catering issue. However, if you had asked your daughter for input, and she declined in the process, she should understand that canceling the catering will cost you. I would go with the planned food and add some additional vegetarian dishes. If she wants to you to cancel at this late stage, explain that it will cost HER. Welcome to adulthood my dear..is how I would explain it. she is old enough to understand that she should have been more interested in the meal planning in the first place. sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is 18.

Sounds like she is being rather selfish. Whether the party is for her or not she needs to be considerate of other people unless she doesn't want other 'meat eaters' to show up. How would she feel if at your next family dinner you said "well I cooked it all and I don't like the vegetarin dishes so I made all meat, now you can just deal"
If there are some or several veg. dishes for her and other thins for other people then that sounds like a good even option to me, especially if I were the one paying for it.

A.,

Amen to you! While it is ok for your daughter to express her wants you are the parent and have the right to make the appropriate choices. I am glad that you have decided to stick to your guns!