Help with a Controlling Son

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. I went through something similar with my girls. Whenever my oldest was not nice to her sister, (i.e snatching toys, not sharing etc..) I put her in a time out everytime it happened. It was exhausting to do it but the behavior did change. After each time out, I explained to her that she needs to treat her sister the way she would want to be treated and snatching toys or blocking her from playing with other toys was inconsiderate and hurtful and not acceptable to me. Every time she does it she will have a consequence. I went to one other extreme just recently and took all of her toys away and had her earn them back with nice behavior and nice talk. My 3 1/2 year old is very mature for her age and understands what she is doing. If your son understands what he is doing, then he is able to understand the consequences that come with his behavior. Just remember you're the mom and he is the child and long term if you don't nip this in the bud he will start to think this is an acceptable way to treat his sister. He needs to understand his role is to help his sister and protect her as the older brother.

Also, I do work p/t from home and go one day a week into the office and I have a lot going on in my personal life (sick parent etc.). So with all this being said, I have to say that when I spend one on one time with my oldest without distraction and interruption, she does do better and plays better with her sister. But if I am busy with work, chores etc.. and just constantly correct and discipline her all the time she does get exasperated and acts out.

Hey K....
I just wanted to second your first 2 responses. Time out for that behavior.
I also have a 4 year old and my youngest is 1 1/2. I was putting myself in your position...and I have done this before, but it's not an ongoing issue with us. If my little guy had a toy that belonged to his brother and my 4 year old snatched it away or pushed the younger, I think I would confiscate that toy PLUS a time out. If later in the day or the next day I saw a change in behavior I would, as a reward give that toy back. (explain all this in the beginning of course).

Also, the other 2 ladies said this and I definitely second it...that it may be an attention thing as well. If I don't spend one on one time with my 4 year old he acts out. When my little guy is sleeping, although I have a million things to do I try to spend at least some of that time with my 4 year old. We draw together, do "school" (letters, shapes, writing, etc), or play a game like memory, candy land, go fish, uno...whatever.

I hope some of this helped.

God bless.

Sibling rivalry starts early doesn't it! Have you tried giving him responsibility for something not related to her toys? He might need to feel in control or in charge of something. My neighbor's five year old son is now "in charge" of their bikes. He takes the responsibility very seriously and has been much less concerned about what his two year old sister plays with as a result.

In addition, as hard as it is with hectic schedules, try scheduling some alone time with him. My mom (who had four of her own, plus two step children) swears that children only act out for attention, give them good attention and they seek less bad attention. Easier said than done, I know. Best of Luck!

It is so hard when they are mean to each other isn't it. My son would do this and most of the time I would catch him and make him give it back. As of late I have noticed that my daughter (2 years old)...will be the mean one...she takes things and hits her older brother. It is hard because I am distracted right now with returning to work (I am a teacher)...and fighting with our school district over my son's school. Soooo....I can feel you frustration.

I love the idea of a special chore for your older one. I do agree that we both need to nip this in the bud now. GOOD LUCK. Let us know what happened.