Help with a 5Yr Old That Daydreams

my daughter is in K this year and what you are describing is pretty normal for what that do in K. Kids these days are doing more in school sooner than we did.

I was a teachers aid before in the public school system. Montosourri is known to be a very strict program. Age 5 to have to only auditorily listen and then write down the words I feel is a lot to ask of a 5 year old who is just learning to pay attention for a very short amount of time. I would go observe the place and see what they are expecting of him. He is only 5...they expect more and more out of kids these days.

My six year old is doing that kind of stuff in first grade. Sounds kind of tough for a five year old. I'd talk to the teacher and maybe evaluate whether he needs a different kind of program. That doesn't sound like what my understanding of what montessori is... It thought it was more student-guided... learning at their own pace, etc...

I used to sub at a montessori school. I got the idea that schooling there was more individualized, and, thus, either fast-paced, focused more on art and music, or something completely different. Your son's school sounds a bit conformist. At five my daughter was reading and writing beyond her grade level, but my oldest son could barely write his name in caps. In fact, you couldn't read his handwriting until second grade. He would dance on the tables with his juice cups, zone out, or get in other kinds of innocent trouble, always forgetting his jacket, always forgetting his lunch box, and even coming home without shoes one time. Today Draven is a fifth-grader in challenge who makes all As, and only occasionally gets in trouble for talking. I appreciate children who are daydreamers. I also understand that children develop at different paces. A five year-old should experience a happy transition from either day care or Mommy/Daddy time to school,not a stressful time of feeling they are not as smart as the other children. If your son is happy at school, I would just sign the daily notes and go on with business as usual. However, if your son does not seem happy at all, I would see if he maybe needs a place that is a bit more mellowed down and focused on learning through active play. Good luck with the little guy.

HI K.,

My sister has her Masters in education and child development. She has told me numerous times that little boys have a hard time sitting still! DUH! Honestly though, boys are not developmentally ready for a classroom setting until they are 9, yes 9. That's the AVERAGE age. Of course there are some prodigies and yes there are some that are just compliant, but I wouldn't worry.

Maybe this school is just not a good fit for him. Don't get bogged down into believing your child needs to fit the school. The school needs to fit your child!

Regards,

M.

I am having the same problem with my 6 year old daughter, who's in the first grade, she goes to the Poway Unified School District, I totally feel the same way.. she has a teacher Monday, Tuesday, and another Thursdays, Fridays, (they alternate Wed. ). one of them seems to see my daughter in a different light than the other one.. Mon and Tue. teacher thinks she's disruptive and rude.. and the other thinks she's just too busy day dreaming... and sweet...? I don't get it. her homework is good but her class work is horrible??? makes me wonder if it is the teachers problem and not the student.. maybe they expect too much that it shuts them down...? anyway, me and my husband have extremely high blood pressure now... I believe it started since the Parent Teacher conference....

Is your son in PreK or Kindergarten? Either way, that sounds like a lot of work for a 5yr old in one day!! My 7yr old only does each subject one time a day in 2nd grade!! Instead of the teacher sending home notes all the time, have you set up a time to talk with the teacher after school about it? Or go in during the day and just observe the class? I would do that first and go from there. I don't think there is anything wrong with your son, he sounds like a typical kid either bored or overwhelmed in school.

Good luck!
S.

K. please do not worry. My son who is now 6 1/2 and in first grade(doing very well I must say)went through something similiar. His kindergarten teacher insisted he get tested to see if he was behind everyone else and what do you know , he was up their with his class. My pediatrician told us not to worry because for 1. he's a boy and boys (or most boys) know how to do the work they just don't feel like it. They would rather play. 2. It was his first year in all day school(before he only went a couple of hours to a pre-school)he needed to some time to adjust to being there all day 3. HE WAS 5. So my point is , do not worry. You have a normal 5 year old boy in his first year of school. That's my experience. I hope this helps!!

Hey K. - This really is perfectly normal, especially for boys. It is not necessarily that your son cannot work at this level... it may just be that he would work better in a setting where it can be broken up between physical activity and hands on learning.

I personally am married to a Police Officer (16 yr vet) and have six kids 14 yrs through 10 month old and have found homeschooling to be a wonderful way to teach boys. Many times boys are labeled as problems, when it is really their physical readiness is not there to complete continuous seatwork.

My understanding is the Montessori has a lot more movement and exploratory things for children than a tradition setting, but your son may still need more just dirt and playtime.

My personal experience was that my (now 14 yr old) was having trouble being labeled in Kindergarten (does anyone else remember that we did used to read in Kindergarten????) and I did very basic things with him when we brought him home in 1st and 2nd grade. He did not learn to read well until the end of 2nd grade... but then he read the entire Chronicles of Narnia.

Readiness is key. Advocate for your child...

Hope this helps :)

I am not sure what a monosouri program is since my child attends private school but from your note it appears to be excelerated class. I will tell you that having spelling tests are the same in my son's class. This week his spelling words are Friday, Saturday, Sunday and arctic. He has been doing spelling tests since the second week of school. And yes all of the other subjects are taught to my son. I wouldn't say that your son is daydreaming but he may need refocusing. The teacher is not being hard on your son. I am actually shocked at what the school teaches my son...remembering that half the stuff that they are covering now; I covered when I was in third grade. Just try to refocus your child.

My daughter has not started Kindergarden yet, but she will be in the PUBLIC school system when she does and yes they have to be able to read and spell certain words and be able to look at 200 words and be able to tell you what they are before the will be passed to first grade. I agree that is pushing them. I don't like it one bit, but with computers and other things(other languages) they have to teach now at an early age I kinda understand why. I am a 44 year old mother and I know or at least I don't remember ever being pushed to know so much, but what are you to do? Private schools do the same as Public school, so there is no way around it and it is kinda sad that they are making grown ppl out of children before their time. Also, your child may also already know these things and he may bored. I would check into this more if I was you, but that is about all the advice I can give. I am new to this mother thing too, my only daughter is 4.

Hi K., My boyfriend has had this same issue with his teacher, and son (since his son was 5, he is now 7) First of all, you have a little boy, and little boys have a lot of energy. Maybe your little boy is an active learner (does better learning when things are "hands on" not by sitting there having things yelled out to him.)

What my boyfriends teacher did (per my boyfriends request) is have his son have a small task to do (pass out papers, collect papers, etc) which allowed him to get up a few times a day, walk around, and then sit down and re focus.

Sounds like they have to do an awful lot of work. They are kids, and kids need to be able to be kids.

B.

K., I think that is too much work. I am not a teacher but my understanding of Kindergarten from when my kids were in school is that the main purpose of it is to get the kids to understand how to follow the rules. I do think that your son needs to learn to adjust to the no talking and daydreaming. It will be difficult for him but he will adjust and that's a good thing because it falls right in with the goals for Kindergarten.

My understanding of the Montessori program is that the children are encouraged to learn at their own pace. Maybe it would help you to talk to the teacher and clarify what the expectations are for their program. If he can spell 2/5 words that sounds like a wonderful accomplishment to be highly praised. If they view this as a negative and you don't agree with the approach, maybe you need a different school program.

Even though your child is young, he knows if the work is too demanding. I hope he is finding learning to be a JOY as well as a CHALLENGE because it is both. :-) Hope this helps, S.

Morning K.! I am a mother of three emotionally challenged children, plus home schooling my niece because of her emotional disabilities. Don't let this school get you down. The Montisouri (sp)expects way to much from the child. This is a school for "honors" type children. I have taught for seven years. I left a high paying job to go back to teaching because I wanted the best for my kids.

First off, HE IS ONLY 5!!! Sorry, had to get that out.

Having taught prek to K5 - there are some things your child should be able to do that is required by all states.

1. know all his colors and shapes
2. be able to count 1 - 10 and recognize those numbers
3. be able to recite the alphabet and have a visual recognition of those letters one at a time.
4. be able to spell and write their name - neatness does not count

Because I worked daily with my kids - had 15 to a classroom - on a one-on-one or two-on-one basis. It is patience on the teacher's part! It is not the student to conforms to the teacher's way of teaching, it is the TEACHER who must conform to the way each INDIVIDUAL student's ability to learn. It is for this reason I have gone into the school system as an advocate for children who "get left b/c they just don't seem to grasp it".

Your child might be an honors student and the teacher is not holding their attention. Your child might have dyslexia - where the letters get mixed up when it comes to writing them down. My son had the Executive Function Disorder. That is where one side of the brain recognizes the letter on the board, but when the information is sent to the other side of the brain for processing, the neurons do not have the "sticky" to grab the transmitted information. The information then goes into what is called the "black hole". My son was in 3rd grade before he learned to read. He could not do spelling tests where the teacher calls out a word and they have to write it down. By trial and error, I had gotten the scrabble game out and picked all the letters he needed to spell "bat" and asked him to spell "bat". We sounded it out phonetically. We then learned he could spell, but had to be able to visualize the letters and then he could put them in order. We did this for two years until we figured out what medication he needed.

All of my children have ADHD, and other problems. When my oldest (now 16) was four, the school system told me that he would never graduate high school and don't even think of sending him to college. He just did not have what it "took" to sit in class and concentrate to do the work. I went home and cried. I got mad, left my high paying job, went back to school to learn how to work with children who learn at a slower pace. I am a proud mother who can say ever ounce of my determination has paid off. My son is on the Beta Team, a member of the National Honors Society, is on the honors class list, and maintains a 4.0 gpa. He is scheduled to graduate early and has already been accepted by the college to become a Youth Pastor. Don't ever become discouraged, you have all the ammunition you need. The problem is the school districts do not want to advertise I.E.P.'s - Individual Educational Plans. Nor do they wish to test children who need a little extra help. Once you have a contract (I.E.P.) in place, it is a government contract with the school and they have to obey every word in it. As a parent there are many items and aides you can request to help ensure your childs progress. You need help, come find me. Your child is normal and don't let anyone else tell you different! He just learns at a different speed. xo, Rose

Expecting a 5 year old to write down words that are called out is too much for a 5 year old I think. I used to teach first grade and this is something we began then...although if they think he is capable of doing it then that might be why they are challenging them. Handwriting ability also plays a role in this...how can they be expected to write down words at that age is beyond me....I homeschool my 5 year old and handwriting itself is something we are learning right now, so expecting her to write for another purpose is a little much. You should definitely talk to the teacher...find out why they expect these things.

Hi K., My daughter had a good experience at Montessori. I don't recall her being pushed, but rather learning at her own pace. She went to a full day montessori school when she was 3-5 years old. We moved her to public school for kindergarten. Although only average intelligence, she started public school reading and had a really good math background. Did your son attend any preschool prior to montessori at 5? If not, he's probably having trouble adjusting to being in school. I recommend you keep talking to the teachers and administrator. You might also consider a different montessori school. I discovered each one is quite different. Good luck!
S.