My 3 1/2 year old has suddenly become my shadow. He insists on sleeping in my bed, always wants me in the room, and in fact refuses to move as I'm typing this. He had a traumatic reaction when sleeping over at his dad's the other night and has been acting this way ever since. He doesn't really talk yet (which is another problem!) so I can't ask why. He wakes up during the night with night terrors quite frequently. I'd like to get him into a play group to get him socialized and hopefully talking. I would appreciate any sort of feedback or advice. HELP!!
Love on him a lot, don't fret and keep reminding him that you're there for him. If he was well adjusted prior to this traumatic incident, then this will pass and he'll eventually build up his trust again. It's tough to reason with a toddler but they understand action - so be there for him physically, verbally and emotionally. He'll get over it.
SAHM of seven
I would start with a play group that you can stay with him. ECFE usually has an all ages play group that the parents can be part of. Once he is more comfortable you can do other programs like mothers day out.
You said he had a traumatic reaction to his dad's house. Did something happen or did he just miss home? If something happened he may benefit from counseling. If he missed you and home, I would just work on making him feel secure.
There are obviously several things your son is responding to here L.:
~ the seperation
~ being forced to stay at his dad's away from you (regardless of the way he is treated there it is stressful for a 3 year old to move from house to house).
~ separation from his brother when he is at his dad's house (unless you send them both).
It is time to get very clear about the separation and whether or not your three year old will tolerate it. You are most likely getting some counseling - or should do so right away. You will have an easier time sorting all of this out if you have a clear head to counsel you.
After two separations at this exact age for both of my kids, I can honestly tell you that it is hardest on the 3 year old. They are traumatized by every aspect of separation at this age.
I wish I could be more comforting. You can love him and hold him and do everything you can... but his world is crashing in around him. His feelings are bound to be big as will be his moods and needs to cling, cry and misbehave.
I have went through a very similar problem with my son. Has your son acted like this before your separation? If not like it was with mine, this is likely the cause. At three, a child can feel any tension in the adults around them and notice the slightest changes. This is scary especially when he doesn't understand the reason for the change. This is probably what is inhibiting his speech as well. The best thing you can do is continue to reassure him that you love him and will always love him. If he still does not come out of it, you might want to talk to his pediatrician to get the name of a children's therapist near you who is good at getting children to open up.
My son went through several "mommy" phases and I just adapted to his needs/wants and eventually it passed :)
My son also didn't start taking until he was 3 (my daughter was following in his footsteps). While I was at my chiropractor he suggested I bring them next time and he will take their temperature behind their ears. I did, he did and the temperature behind their ears was 4 degrees different. He said the blood isn't flowing equally to both sides of their brains. There was immediate noticable (by others) progress in both of them. We started every two weeks and now we only go every 3 months. Another thing I learned was they are processing wheat and milk different today then they did 5-10-20 years ago and it is hurting my kids so we eliminated all wheat, all milk, all sugar and all foods with dye and again we noticed immediate progress in both of them. Just some ideas :)
Please be patient with your son. This time in your life - and his - is very stressful, and children have a way of making everything their fault. Daddy is no longer in the house and he is scared that Mommy will go as well. His foundation has been rocked and he will need lots of reassurance and extra loving. As frustrating as it can be, know that his clinging to you is his way of finding some of that reassurance and it will pass over time.
You may want to speak with your pediatrician regarding his speech. One of my best girlfriends had her son tested through the public school system because he was a late talker too. It was helpful for their family.
Be gentle with yourself and your kids during this time of transition. Take care of yourself - it's one of the best things we can do for our kids. God bless you!
Seperation problems aren't unusal with young children and it is understandable since his life has changed so much, he is afraid of the changes. A new baby to share mom with and then daddy leaving is a lot for a child to deal with. If something happened at his dad's house then you need to get him to talk. At 3 and half he should be talking quite well, enough to explain what happened. The fact that he isn't, means he needs to be evaluated for speech. I worked at a day care for years and we had some great speech therapists come work with the children who couldn't pronounce their words as well as they should. You can find good ones offered through Child developmental agencies in your county. Ask at the elementary school for a number to call. It probably won't be long and he will be talking up a storm and be able to tell you his fears.
Until then keep reassuring him that even though Daddy has another house and that you have the house they are living in, you both love him and that you aren't going to leave him. It probably is that he is afraid that you will leave too, especially if you have started working.
L.
You don't mention specifically what the traumatic experience was, but be sure to see your pediatrician if his behavior doesn't return to normal within a short amount of time. If your separation is fairly new he may be having a difficult time adjusting to the change and just needs to be near you to feel safe.
Have you had his speech/hearing tested? Especially if doesn't have much speech yet I would definitely get him checked out and enrolled in some speech therapy--he's not too young. And if he understands a lot but can't tell you a lot he's probably very frustrated. Good luck!
I'm guessing he is acting up due to the separation--being clingy and the night terrors.
He should definitely be talking at 3 1/2. I would talk to a doctor about this. It could be something very simple, like his hearing. The best thing you can do for a child is read to him; this will build his vocabulary and encourage him to talk.
Sounds to me that he either misses you something awful when he is at his dad's or something is going on at his dad's that needs checked out!
sorry to hear about your little boy, but the good thing is that he trusts you and feels very secure with you. I think the best thing to do is just continue to love him and continue to show him that he is safe. when he does start talking he will tell you alot, for now he is very secure with you and kids have a way of telling us things.
