Let me preface this with a statement: I know babies get into things as a way to explore the world. Having said that, I encourage the exploration, but I have 2 things in my living room (along with the nursery, his "safe room") that I can not move or put up. I moved the coffee table out so he could have more room to play and explore. I want him to play and explore. But he consistently goes for the 2 "off limits" items. I have told him "NO" firmly and redirected him to another activity, a toy or game. He won't even touch the toy and immediately goes back to the off limit item. I know it takes time to teach a baby this young to understand (if it's even possible) that they are not to do certain things. But I think he really does know because he looks at me right before starting to crawl to the item and checks to see if I am looking at him. I am very very consistent with him on these areas and I have never let him play there, so he can not be confused about if it's ok or not. I was told it takes 70 times for a baby to learn something. I must have done this redirecting thing at least 70 times just this past Sunday. I spent 2 hours playing with him on the floor and 80% of it was saying no and redirecting him. It never stopped. I was at my wits end!! Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do with him, or how I can change my behaviour?
***Update: The items are a glass cabinet and the dog bed. I could move the dog bed, technically, but it's the dog's only safe place and there is really no where else to put it since we have a small apartment. I will say that last night when he was going for the cabinet and I said Taylor, NO her stopped, I praised him with some clapping and a big smile. He still touched the cabint and I said NO again and he took his hand off. We did this a few times and I called him to come to me and he actually did! Maybe my 70 NO's finally paid off!! We will see when he goes for the dog bed if he listens.
It could just be his persistent personality - or it could be that he isn't getting the message because you aren't being serious/forceful enough. Sometimes you really have to put on a louder, more authoritative tone of voice. Use direct eye contact and be dead serious about it. A wimpy 'no' isn't worth much. I don't know - just a suggestion!
At this age, children have little to no impulse control. The draw of the item is so great and it just seems worth it to deal with your scolding for the few precious seconds he is able to get in the vicinity of the item. Is it possible to remove the temptation? I would think that finding a solution to blocking or removing the item he isn't allowed to play with would be worth transforming 80% of your time from scolding to playing.
Also, could you create a distraction that seems like a "no-no"? Like a basket of scrap fabric cut into various shapes and lengths with various textures? Maybe mixed with paper in the same shapes and sizes? Playsilks (died 60"x60" pieces of silk) are great for this age for satisfying sensory needs, and will grow with him for pretend play as he gets older. Or, household items that look like things he isn't allowed to play with that have been babyproofed for him? Or, old magazines that can be ripped to shreds? Or, a bunch of men's ties from Goodwill? If it is a computer, maybe an old keyboard so he can pound and type too?
What exactly is it that he isn't allowed to touch? That might help in determining a suitable solution or distraction.
Hi, you need A LOT of patience for a baby at this age, both of my children have and one is still going through it. All you can do is tell him no and keep removing him. I swear if I would let him, my son would happily play and sleep in our fireplace. Im not going to buy some funky contraption to put over my fireplace either. I tell him no, grab him, and put him in another part of the room. Does he go right back??? Of course he does, I and keep picking him up and putting him somewhere else. Eventually he gets sick of it and moves on. He loves climbing in the cabinets, opening the drawer to the oven, tearing up my plants (they are not poisonous, Iv already called poison control), He loves getting into the pantry and playing with stuff. I find if I let him do the stuff thats not dangerous (its just annoying) like pulling all the stuff out of the cabinets and ripping some leaves of my plant, playing in the pantry, he kind of gets it out of his system and its not such a mystery anymore. Long story short, its just a phase your going to have to get used to!!
Oh yeah, I forgot, throw him in the pack n play with some toys when he has absolutely driven you crazy or you have something to do and you cannot watch this little bruiser like a hawk!
I agree that we could do a better job of coming up with a solution if we knew what it was that is causing the problem. For instance, my grandson absolutely refused to leave the power button alone on the television at his home, the red light just drew him like a magnet!!! So, my creative son in law came up with a plastic stand that he put under the front of the tv, it covers the power button from little fingers but they can still use the remote to turn the tv off and on.
You just need a really generous dose of patience, which it sounds like you have already. I wonder if you could just simply redirect him without saying a word or interacting with him in anyway other than physically moving him and placing something interesting in front of him. Maybe it would make it seem like less of a "game"...and he would lose interest in the forbidden item.
Good luck!
R. Ann
Good Morning K.
I will start by saying a 1 year old certainly knows what your saying and can understand if your a mom of your word. I started on my children when they begin to roll over while changing their diaper, they learned it was a time to lay still, and not a play time. they learn by being firm with your voice (not loud, just firm) then if they continue to try to roll, I firmly pulled them back and repeated no you lay still will mommie changes your diaper, probably only takes about 3 - 4 times. That problem solved, but he has learned that my firm voice and a firm hand means its time to pay attention. It don't take much when you start young, but so many parents thinks a baby can't understand, wrong. They are smart enough to look see if your looking and to them its a game. Be firm and beings it gone on this long he may need a firm swat on the hand he is touching with or a firmer swat on his diaper. and giving a swat does not teach a child to hit. (thats a lie from the books man has written) the following I wrote to another mom the other day, but it applies to every situation about training up our children. Hope this helps you K.. So you can enjoy your little guy no matter where you take him because he has learn to hear your voice and see your face when you are firm with him, and he also knows your voice and face when its time to play. They are smart little characters...............
I am sorry to read about so many of you having this kind of problems, God gave us the instruction book for training up our children, that He gives us, but instead we have looked to man and what they say is best for our children, Well I did what God said and that was rebellion (foolishness) is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
God knows what this child needs more than we do. But now days people are afraid to discipline. Look at what has happened to our children and our families, it is not working doing it mans way. Dad & moms are working all day no one wants to come home to have to discipline a child, so they just try to smooth over the problems until that get so out of hand you have to look for help, then they become teenagers and you can't handle them at all. Proverbs 19:18 Chasten your son/daughter while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his/her crying.
Proverbs 13: 24 He who spares the rob hates his son/daughter, but he who loves him disciplines him/her promptly (early).
Proverbs 29:15 & 17 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Correct your son/daughter, and he/she will give you rest; Yes, he/she will give delight ti your soul.
Proverbs is full of so much instructions for all areas of our life, but especially for our children, I know it works because my children were trained up this way, and they are both older with families of there own, and still bring us much delight and our grandchildren are a delight to have over also. I wish that for all you moms and dads out there, that your children will be fun and obedient to your voice, so that they can honor and respect you, and in the future they will respect other authorities over them.
I am sorry to have gone on and on, but I see so many families struggling with their children in the stores and they don't know how to handle them and making it unpleasant for them and all the other people trying to shop. When it just so much easier on the child and the parent to have already set the ground rules and they know when you say something you mean it, and they know the consequences if they don't listen to you.
We all know how stubborn a child of most any age can be. It's really not that different from some of the things older children will do despite all sorts of methods of re-directing or changing the behavior. Pushing our buttons is just so darn fun! So you need to find a way that he gets zero reward from doing this.
I keep a portable crib nearby at all times. When I have to tell them 3 times to stay away from the forbidden item, they go into the crib. They only get 2-3 safe toys in the crib. If they get mad and dump those on the floor, they get nothing. I'll get up and do some cleaning and get my mind off the problem and off baby. It's really easy to let 15-20 minutes go by during that time even if you only do a few small chores or some picking up. When it dawns on you baby is playing quietly, no yelling, or just hanging out watching you bustle around, you pick them up and let them play again. If they go back at any time the rest of the day the crib time is repeated. There are children that truly enjoy playing in the crib. If it seems they are enjoying this, I'll change out the toys that are in the crib from time to time so they don't get too bored. I also won't just let them play in there for hours because the crib can become a crutch.
I think people make things too hard on themselves. If the child is in the crib 15-20 minutes at a time, and they are out for 5-15 minutes or so before going back to the untouchable, then the morning or afternoon or evening flies by. A couple rounds in and out of the crib will definitely take you to time to do diaper changing, feeding, lay down for nap, go outside, run and errand, or all of these things even. So when you subtract out all the various things you must do, sleep time, and times you are directly playing with baby, there isn't enough time left in the day to get in trouble 70 times in a day.
Children do these things because they get bored easily and they enjoy making us crazy. So don't give them the crazy part. Don't make it a struggle or let them see you sweat. The child will become more interested in other ways of entertaining one self if you aren't playing directly into their hand.
Suzi
Good Morning K., Kids are fun most of the time watching these little angels explore and learn, grow into bigger little buggers....lol
With our first gr child Tia (10) they lived with us and she was my little shadow constantly. No matter where I was or what I was doing she was right there with me. Mom didn't seem to mind as long as she didn't have to do much. UGH!!
I cleaned out one cabinet and one drawer in the kitchen, filled both with small toys and different things, measuring cups, wooden spoons, etc. Now with our 5 g child we still have those two places filled with things. Tia last week opened the cabinet and said WOW it's all filled with BOY things Nana...lol All of them have climbed in the cabinet pulled the door shut and played peak a boo.
Corbin my smarter then snot little stinker was our Get into everything kidd-o. Powder poured out, Pepto Bismo finger painting, lotion baths.. you name it he got it. Didn't matter if it was up higher or I thought it was out of reach.. LOL he got it. I never child proofed my home, I guess I liked saying NO baby to much. I did the same with our son's. They had a drawer in the kitchen with pan lids, coffee can with cloths pins, wooden spoons.. They could watch mom and play to their hearts content.
Zane is touching, grabbing and moving things now, he is 22 months. I remove it from his hands say no and move on. Then second time since he is older now, he gets a light hand swat. He puts himself in time out.. It is hilarious when I get on to him. He won't cry just pouts until he walks down the hall to his brothers time out corner, sits down then cries...lol Will cry for maybe a minute or less, wipe his face and get up and come down the hall way again smiling.
Best of everything K., hope it works out well for you and you don't get to tired with the no no's. There are alot more coming.
God Bless
K. Nana of 5
If your not able to Move the NO NO's, you just gotta keep moving him.
Ahh, I went through that too! It will stop when he's 2! Those one year olds just seem to be more curious w/ what they can't play w/ than w/ what they are supposed to play with!
I'm with Mo's response...they go for the forbidden fruit. It's human nature. Try locking everything, hitting a walmart safety section is great, since they have WAY more safety options than most stores have (even babies r' us). Between gates (sometimes, you have to get the longer gates at petsmart, babies r' us don't carry long, long ones, and don't have gates--which is convenient for you!), securing items, using the rubber stuff around legs of chairs/tables, and securing items that could be pulled over (furniture) to the wall with aO-hook and cord will keep baby safe.
Sorry...its going to take a lot longer than telling a 1 year old no 70 times...a one year old child has zero impulse control...I do not know what it is but move it or make it inaccessible.
B.
Hi K.. I have a 14-month old girl, so I was curious to see what people said. I'm surprised no one mentioned time-outs (aside from using the play-crib, which would make my daughter scream until I let her out!). At one year old, kids can do a 1-minute time out, so when my daughter started testing me like this, that's what we did.
My sister has a 2.5 year old boy and I loved what she did with him. They moved only dangerous things out of reach but left a few off-limit things down. They would say, "not for baby," and redirect him several times. After that, he would get a warning, "you'll go to time out if you touch the remote/get into the plant/throw that ball at the dog again." And if he did it again, they would put him in the corner for 1 minute.
After trying a couple other methods of redirection and failing, I tried this with my daughter. I have to physically hold her in the corner for one minute--which feels like forever!-but then she doesn't repeat the activity. It has been the only thing keeping her from repeating these behaviors until I'm crazy. It needs to be something where they don't get attention and they feel like they are being punished, to act as negative reinforcement. Then we make sure we give positive reinforcement when she is playing quietly with her toys or books and she behaves better.
And I have to admit that I let my daughter play on the dog bed because I figure she's getting dog germs/hair on her anyway. But then I have a big lazy dog that doesn't mind her playing near him. :)
Good luck...and then we'll hit the terrible twos!
Depends on how you want to handle it, but I think some of the best advice I ever got was to let them play with the "no-no's" until they are no longer interested. Telling him not to only makes him want to more. It's really annoying, but it does work. Of course, you can't do it with knives, fire, poison, etc., but a glass cabinet and a dog bed are not deadly. That said, I would not let him approach a dog sleeping in its bed since that is not fair to the dog and dangerous for the baby. But if the dog is not there . . . If you decide they absolutely must be no's, then you need to physically remove him from the situation if he will not stop. That means leaving the room and distracting him with something else.
