Help with 3 Year Old Boy NOT Listening and Backtalking!

I guess I'm not seeing too much to be upset with, except maybe at the doctor. The doc's office isn't the cleanest place, but I would have let it go, sanitized his hands, and maybe thrown him in a bath when I got home. He is 3, and it is hard for 3 year olds to sit still long while adults talk around them.

As for the doc, I would have just continued with the interview. Maybe interacting with my son while talking to the doc, they are used to that.

I completely understand how you feel! My son is also three and exhibits similar behavior as do numerous other 3 year olds I have both witnessed and read about.

Don't worry, it's developmentally on target despite its frustrating repercussions.

Two books that have helped me are "How to talk so your kid will listen and listen so your kid will talk" by Faber and Mazlish as well as "Raising your Spirited child by Kurcinka.
I have included links below.

And, honestly, sometimes it's not about what we're doing wrong despite our Mommy tendencies to blame ourselves. Sometimes our kids just need other kinds of stimulation to help them learn, even if that means getting germy (ugh, i'm totally with you)

Good luck!

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=kid+faber+book&a...#

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

Ok, first of all, I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds to me like you are seriously overreacting to very normal 3 year old behavior. None of what he did sounds soooo out of control to me. I'm sorry, but I just don't see the big deal about a 3 year old sitting on the floor and taking his shoes off. Moms, am I off here? Yes, the doctors office might have some germs, but carry some sanitizer, which I'll bet you already do. And all the offices have sinks, don't they? And sanitizer for that matter. Wash his hands. No big deal. As for the shoes, I just don't see that as extreme misbehavior either. He sounds like a typical 3 year old. Not to say that he should be allowed to run a muck, but it doesn't sound like he did that.

I'd lighten up a bit. It's ok to let go a little. We don't have to take ourselves so seriously all the time. Sometimes when we take everything so seriously, we miss the forest for the trees. Let these truly little things go. Stress over the big things (and this definitely isn't one of them!) You're certainly not a failure because your son didn't want to sit still and wait out an adult conversation. You don't seem to be doing anything wrong, except being too hard on yourself, and your son. IMHO.

Blessings to you...

Okay, you are not a failure, just a mom of a three year old. All of my kids were sweeties at 2 and terrors at 3. First, let's just say this pediatrician is not for you. How rude! Most docs are helpful and kind even if they are busy. Just walk away from this one and tell yoursel you and your son just dodged a bullet.

Now, about the back talking and such. It has worked well for me to have a system of ignoring this behavior. What I mean is that if your child starts in on any whining or back talking or fit throwing, you move away or turn away and do not show any response. I know that sounds like giving in, but 3 is still very young and you won't be able to treat him like an older child with grounding or taking away privileges. He wants your attention, but he can't have it if he misbehaves. If you are in a store you leave (that one is hard but I promise it i worth it). If you are home you can walk a little away from him. If he follows you just busy yourself doing something else. He may throw a hairy fit when you do this the first few times but when he is calm just let him know that you can't talk to him when he acts that way.

Now, the other side of this is of course making sure he has lots of positive mom reinforcement. Any time he is kind or sweet or helpful or plays quietly or does anything at all that you approve of (we also taught about using a "big boy voice" rather than whining) you tell him how good he is and how much you love him. For example if you are at the store and he is behaving you would say, "Look how good you're being! It is so helpful to Mommy when you sit still in the cart (or walk right with me)! Thank you!" Big smile for him, pat on the head, ect.

You also need to thin about involving him whenever you can. Get his help with chores and errands even if you are just pretending that he is helpful. His attention span is super short right now and he is going to jump from thing to thing to thing, but if you have alternatives for what to keep his attention, it will be easier on you. Begin to teach "eye spy", play green light red light at the doc's office, play simon says, ask him lots of questions about things you see, teach new words. My youngest is 7 and still wants to play all of our little games when we have to wait somewhere.

Anyhow, good luck to you. I know this is a difficult new phase, but you just stay strong. You are a good mom and you love your son. Everything will work out.

He's three... the situation wasn't out-of-control. It's what toddlers do. He probably thought he was going to get a shot and was upset about it. What did you expect the doctor to do? Reprimand your son and get him in line? She was likely as uncomfortable as you were, so don't judge her on that one. Also keep in mind that the doctor doesn't have to accept you as a patient, so the interview goes both ways!

Just a thought, you were the one who was not in control in this situation. So he lays on her floor... was is really a big deal? Then, you broke down in front of your children over this situation? Get ahold of yourself and move on. Honestly, you probably presented as a flustered parent who should have found someone to watch her child if it was important to have an "undivided attention" discussion with the doctor. These kinds of conversations don't happen with toddlers in the room.

Prepare him before you go into another situation like this. Let him know exactly what will happen and what will not happen- who will be there and what your expectations are. It sounds like you had plenty of toys, but he was in a new place so those weren't going to hold his attention for long.

Remember that "time out" can happen anywhere, including a doctor's office, if needed. Give him a verbal reminder of your expectations and identify a "time out" spot- the car is always a good one. If he starts to rev-up, give him a reminder. If it doesn't end, take him out to the car and have him sit in there to cool down while you are standing outside of the car doing the same.

Since you are interviewing maybe it would be best to leave distractions at home so you can get through the interview process better. You did give the doc a glimpse of what you are dealing with tho, and I'm sure she realizes that its fairly normal behavior for a 3 yr old that has yet to learn how to communicate his feelings in a less severe manner.
It's way too hard to have a conversation with anyone when your child keeps interrupting.
You arent a failure, but start working on communication skills for your son so he doesnt have to meltdown to get his needs met.
Reschedule your pediatric interview and go alone this time.

You are not a failure.
You don't need to be embarrassed.
You have various expectations
about how you're SUPPOSED to be, act, appear.
Those expectations are based on faulty premises.
As you know now, it's much easier to interview a pediatrician
when you do NOT have your child with you.
You might want to give this one another chance.
She might be the right one after all.
And . . . please don't compare this child with your older child.
They're all different.

Do you put your son in timeout? If you dont you might want to start that now.
My hubby and I have even been know to use timeout in public if needed. We arent super strict with our boys but we have rules and they have to be followed or they get timeout (my boys are 4 and 15 months).

You and others may not agree with me, but I am giving my honest thoughts here. You freaked out because "he layed on the dirty exam room floor and took his shoes off" ? Come on, mama. Kids need exposure to germs or their immune systems won't know how to fight germs when they are exposed. A child has never died from laying on a dr office exam room floor or taking his shoes off there. I think you are a "little" OCD about this germ thing. I was not there, but if you are giving the full story, he did nothing for you to be mad about. He is being a 3 year old child. Now, since I said all that, he is going to tell you no, all kids go through that, but you have to keep focused and make sure he does what you want him to. You are the boss, and don't let him "win" if he tells you no; don't give up or give in. Relax a little bit, mom, my kids have always played with dr office toys and they are now 13 and 6 and haven't been sick in years! They are so healthy it's almost scary. Good luck to you.........

Updated

You and others may not agree with me, but I am giving my honest thoughts here. You freaked out because "he layed on the dirty exam room floor and took his shoes off" ? Come on, mama. Kids need exposure to germs or their immune systems won't know how to fight germs when they are exposed. A child has never died from laying on a dr office exam room floor or taking his shoes off there. I think you are a "little" OCD about this germ thing. I was not there, but if you are giving the full story, he did nothing for you to be mad about. He is being a 3 year old child. Now, since I said all that, he is going to tell you no, all kids go through that, but you have to keep focused and make sure he does what you want him to. You are the boss, and don't let him "win" if he tells you no; don't give up or give in. Relax a little bit, mom, my kids have always played with dr office toys and they are now 13 and 6 and haven't been sick in years! They are so healthy it's almost scary. Good luck to you.........

for starter's your son shouldn't have been there for the first visit, should've rescheduled if you couldn't find a care taker and why didn't you put him on the "bed" in the exam room instead of a chair? Second, it all starts at home, he KNOWS you have no control, and that's the way it's gonna stay until you start really enforcing consequences. he knows the 'puppy' look will work to make mommy quit being mad at him, so quit letting that make you feel sorry for HIM start punishing him....for starter's i've NEVER let a kid from ANYONE tell me no!!! ooo that makes me soooo mad, i don't care if it's not my child and if i have permission or not, if a child tells me no, i will snap, i DO NOT tolerate that

you need to decide what you will or will not tolerate, if you stay consistant enough, he'll soon figure that out...make him FEAR you (your wrath)