Help with 21 Month Old Tantrums

Years ago I had a customer who had a grandson who was aweful. Mom put a harness on him and people looked at her like she was mean but a 90 yr old woman came up to her and said good for you. I agree they can run off so fast or will not stay with you. If it means her safety go for it. G. W ( also ignoring the tantrums at home just tell her that you are not going to play into her fit. They say that a need is not met. I do not believe in giving them everything they want. We have to let them do for themselves and we give them what they need, not want.

I saw someone using one of those backpack harnesses and thought it was SO cute! I am going to get one as my son hates riding in the stroller these days as well. He is almost 1.5 and I have the hardest time keeping him STILL. Its a hassle to take him anywhere these days. My friend has a 2 year old daughter who has recently started with her tantrums. She does the same thing as yours,a very dramatic show of throwing herself on the ground kicking and screaming. I couldn't believe it the first time I saw it! I asked my friend,"where on Earth did she learn THAT from"? and of course my poor friend has absolutely no idea. She just ignores her and hopes that she'll grow out of it. I suppose the worst thing you could do is give in which may cause her to do it more and more. Once she figures out that she's doing all that hollering for nothing, she may eventually try something else. When I was young,I remember watching my grandmother handle my baby sister when she had one of these tantrum episodes. She would get down on eye level and say,"Now Annie, everyone knows that princesses don't scream. Only the mean witches do. So if you want to get something from me or anybody else, you have to be nice and sweet like a princess beacause princesses look so very pretty when they smile." And then she'd just walk off. My sister would lay there for a bit,whining...and then she'd eventually get up and walk over to my grandma and say,"I'm sorry gramma. I want to be a princess(th) not a yucky witch." And then my grandma would go ahead and give her whatever it was she was screaming about. She grew out of her tantrums soon after. :)
Of course, at only 21 months, this method obviously may not work. But I think you're doing a good job thus far by ignoring it. I can certainly relate to how easy it is o give in when you're in public however. It gets quite embarrassing when your child makes a scene in front of everyone. On these occasions,I just pick up him up and leave from wherever we are but I do NOT give in to the tantrum or else he'll learn to use those stinking tantrums more often. Imagine handling these when you are in your 3rd trimester of pregnancy. :/

I HIGHLY rcommend Dr. Karp's "Happies Toddler on the Block" DVD. You may be able to check it out at your local library (the Dallas libraries have it). But even if you have to purchase it, it is well worth it. I have a 26 month old and his techniques work wonders. It does not work 100% of the time but it has drastically cut down on her fits. And best of all it is developmentally appropriate and does not involve spanking or yelling or punishment of any kind.
Good Luck!!

I'm tempted on the safety harnesses because my 23 month old is very independent and will not hold my hand in public. He rather run off! I've seen some at Walmart now. I am in the same boat with tantrums so I have no help there.

Hi M.,

I will tell you what fixed my son in a hurry was a small amount of cold water. When your child starts up you calmly give her a warning that if she doesn't stop you are going to throw this water on her. You show her a cup of water (you only need 2 or 3 oz. in it) Yeah, she will ignore you the first time. But when you dump this on her face it will stop her. Don't be worried if she goes right back into the tantrum because the next time she starts up She will remember when you bring out the water and will stop! Take it from a Mommy of 3, this is a tried and true method that does not involve laying a hand on your little sweetie ;)

Good Luck! Let me know how it works if you do decide to use the method.

J.
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My son was very willful at that age. I got one of those harnesses, and he HATED it. It actually made things worse. I could get him to go along with things if I put some fun things in the shopping cart for him like food, toys, etc. I'd talk a lot and point things out, etc. He soon grew out of that phase so I guess we were lucky. He would do fine in a sling so you could also try something like that.

For tantrums, I HIGHLY recommend Dr Karp's book and dvd: the Happiest Toddler on the Block. Most libraries carry them too. The techniques were very helpful. Most of the tantrums with my son were do to his frustration and inability to communicate what he wanted. Signing helped a good deal with that too.

A lot of discipline at this age is diversion. They really don't understand what's going on completely so time outs may not work so well. I found that if I could change the surroundings, or do something similar, it would help. Take heart in that this will pass.

AAHHH the 21 month old tantrum....they are definitely a patience tester. My daughter is the exact same age as yours and we have started with the tantrum drama a few weeks ago. She seems to wait until we are out eating somewhere to throw them mostly. She does not want anything to do with a highcair, and sometimes not even a regular chair...she wants down to run around, and of course that does not work very well...thus the tantrum...but who needs to eat right? At this point I think I have just decided to not eat out until she is past this stage(ha)

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this! The last one she threw in the mall...I was so afraid she was going to hurt herself on the marble floor, the only thing I could do is hold her while the flopped around...I would of course have to explain the bruises on her legs from my holding on to her for dear life later! Can you say....I need a VALIUM fast (ha)! Hopefully this will pass quickly for us both....in the meantime I will be reading your responses for help myself. I think I will get Dr. Karps CD Today! I purchased the Happiest Baby on the Block written by Dr. Karp, and it was a LIFESAVER!

Best of Luck Girl, and remember Patience, Patience, Patience! I don't think the really understand consequences at this age.

K.

I feel your pain! My now 4 yr old was pretty good at throwing fits too. What we started, and have continued with our 2 1/2 yr old is to make the time in their room long enough for them to truly calm down. Remember that the "time out" isn't a punishment in and of itself -- it is what it is, time to cool off and reconsider their actions. Granted, a 21-month old can't do a lot of reconsidering, but time to truly get calm will make a difference.

You're doing the right thing by taking her to her room. When you take her in there, tell her that it looks like she needs some time to calm down (or whatever you would normally say: "Oh, looks like it's room time for Sally")

Then you find a way to keep her in her room (a baby gate, put her in her crib, set the playpen up in her room and leave it there for this purpose...for a kid who can break out of all that, I've heard that a door knob cover on the INside of the door works).
Tell her that when she hears the timer go beep she can come back and join you with whatever you were doing. The catch is that the timer doesn't start until she's quiet. At her age you'd do a minute and a half or two minutes. Those little Pampered Chef kitchen timers are great for this. The magnet/clip back usually sticks to something near the kid's room so they are sure to hear it beeps.

I was having the same experience you described with our 2 1/2 yr old when he was around 21-22 months. He'd throw a fit and I'd send him to his room. He'd go to his room and get quiet, then come back and start throwing his fit again the minute he saw me.
After a while I realized we weren't giving him enough time to calm down, so started doing time out this way again and it really helped.

You can buy the backpack/harness's at Target, Walmart, Babies R Us. I got one for my son, we used it for a while and I thought it really worked. I was hesitant at first (b/c of the stigmas..."leash"), but after I got over that, it worked well for the mall/zoo's etc...

Good Luck

I'm dealing with tantrums myself so I'll let a more expert mom give advice there. :)

In regards to the shopping cart, my son also outgrew the idea of being confined and strapped in. After several infuriating grocery runs, I stopped taking him to the grocery store altogether unless I have 5 things or less. Instead, I wait for him to be in school (or MDO if that applies to you), or go on the weekend giving my husband one-on-one time with him. Something that works sometimes is to let him ride on the back of the cart where he holds onto the cart handle and steps up on the back support bar. It works for him b/c he's tall enough and doesn't feel strapped in, but it only works so long as he's riding.

Most retailers should carry harnesses for kids, like Babies R Us, maybe Target, also try Kid to Kid or Once Upon A Child for second hand. I've contemplated using a "leash" as well, especially in crowded or dangerous areas but haven't gotten the nerve yet to do it.

Good luck with this stage!

Walmart has the harnesses, and honestly, whatever keeps her safe is what you have to do. Now as far as the fits, good luck!! No, really, all kids to throw fits, and as you have already figured out, giving into it is the worst thing to do. If you still have her crib, that might be a good place to put her, or in a play pen or something similar. You could try a naughty chair or spot and continue to ignore the behavior EVERY time. That is the trick, EVERY time!! She will outgrow it, but it takes consistency, and making sure that she has had the sleep and food that she needs for the day. Enjoy your introduction to the terrible twos, and please know that it is not abnormal! BTW the animal back pack harnesses are in the baby isles at Walmart, usually on the bottom, so you may have to search, but I just saw them. ~A.~

Yep, my son is the same age and the same way with tantrums. Two weeks ago I declared to friends and family that somehow we missed his birthday because he clearly turned 2 overnight! In his case though, it turned out he was getting sick with Roseola. So keep an eye out for illness which would of course magnify typical tantrums. Other than that, just know it is a normal developmental stage. I read that it is much more of an issue if they don't start exerting independence in this way. It may not be as fun as watching them learn to walk, learn to speak, etc... but it is basically the same thing. I try to use distraction, but I admit is barely works. Don't give in, stay strong and eventually she'll learn.

As for harnesses, I don't have one because he isn't a wanderer yet. Luckily for me, he still enjoys his stroller. But once he gets to that stage, I will definitely get one. I had one when I was a toddler. I loved horses, so my mom called it my "reigns," and apparently I loved to wear it! I think they are a wonderful idea.

hi M., i have the same problem, but my son is almost 4 years old and 50 pounds...hard.....and i don't have the solution 4 your problem, but you can find those back packs, walt mart or target, or u can go to babys r us, but 4 a couple more bucks.