Help! Why Are My Kids So Rotten?

My kids are younger, but my 3 year old son is very picky about clothes. He has been wearing jeans and long sleave shirts in 80 degree weather! I finally got him to put on shorts today, but he has asked to get back into jeans many times already. I don't know what to do about the clothes thing!
As far as getting ready in the morning, I know my kids are younger, but they do well with charts. My kids do best with a visual aid. Also, I don't know how you are in the morning, but I am NOT a morning person! I need the chart as well to keep me on the right track and that helps my kids.
The most important reason I am responding to this request is becuase I have beat myself up so many times feeling like a "bad mom" becuase things don't always run smooth. As long as you are trying, (which I can see you are) you are a good mom. There will be times you don't know what to do, it happens to all of us. Know you are not alone in how you feel.

Hi R.,

Isn't this a great place to vent your frustrations? Sometimes I think that no one in the world understands me but then I get on this board and see posts like yours and think, "I am NOT alone!"

Maybe they are trying to avoid something at school whether it's a bully or boredom in the classroom . . . getting them to talk about their experiences at school might help you find the root of the problem which will lead you to an answer that works for everyone. Check out the book, How to Talk so your Kids will listen, and Listen so your kids will Talk." Great advice for communicating with our little people when it seems impossible!

I am by no means an expert but perhaps your son has some OCD tendencies? This may be in indication of other emotional or developmental issues. If it seems to be getting worse you may want to have him talk to someone. It can't hurt!

hope it all works out and that this is a relatively short phase!
J.

Beth's advice was great. Also, if you haven't yet, check out:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

All kids are like this though to some extent!! Take a deep breath, and remember all the positive things!

GL:)

OK, If that is the only problem then your kids are definetly not rotten! What is happening at school? My daughter started this at the beginning of the year and I learned she was getting bullied horribly and the teachers and principal were unresponsive to her problem! I had to get involved (become the parent every principal and teacher hates) before it was even addressed.
When are they going to bed if it is hard to get them up?
My 8 & 9 year olds were going to bed on time but playing upstairs instead of sleeping, which made them perpetual zombies in the morning. I began reading to them at bed time this helped send them off to sleep.

as for the clothes, try slacks or jeans with elastic waist bands (yes they still make those. maybe he will be more responsive to dressier clothing.

Good Luck!

Hi R.
May I suggest that you step back and look at how things are being managed in your house. Maybe there is something that needs to be improved upon or implemented that will make life easier for you and the kids. Don't shortchange yourself you know how you would like your home to be. Make a list of the problems you see and then make a list of possible solutions. Incorporate your husband and the kids, when that happens the solutions seem to stick better than if I'm just the one trying to make it happen. I know that when I was having difficulty with my 3 boys getting ready for school I had to put in some better structure. One child in particular does not want to get up when the other 2 get up. He can be a whiney bear. We know if he is not in bed by 8:30 the next morning will not be fun. We realize it is only fair to him. A big component to having a good morning is all the steps that lead to up to that. For example: to bed on time, clothes laid out,packpacks ready, lunch prepped, even breakfast out and ready (cereal in bowl and their own cup of milk set aside in the fridge night before). If they know what is to be the night before it cuts the argument in the morning.Stand your ground MOM. I know that for me I feel like a mean mom alot but somtimes we have to be that way for awhile til things are established and then we can relax a little. Keep up the good work.

I find our attitudes are totally connected to what we eat. We've just discovered we have a wheat sensitivity. It really makes all the difference, I don't have to fight as hard to get my family to take care of business. So maybe it's more than what it looks like.
My daughter doesn't like pants w/ buttons because she's worried she can't get them undone in time. I think you could find chinos w/ elastic. I'd sit down w/ him and talk about it. I give my 5 yo options and let her choose what we should do. When she's part of the process she doesn't fight it as much. And I can say well you picked it out. I know you'll find something that works, we all go through it too.
Good luck, A. H

Hello R.,
I feel for you. My daughter is only 5 yrs but I do know she goes out of her way to get me annoyed. She admits it. Something I' ve gone to is taking the big things away (TV, computer, barbies,etc). When my step-daughter lived with me she would also give me a hard time about getting going in the morning,if she missed the bus, she would remain the rest of the day in bed.

Another thing to try is if your son has a stomach ache and it goes away after school starts take him to school then.

Here is another question are they having problems with other children in school?

Do you have a chart for things for them to do? You can make it that they get a star if they don't give you a hard time going to school.

Hope I helped a little. Just remember be creative and it could help you get the responses you want.

For your son: Have you tried to talk calmly with him on his level (actually eye to eye so you are not "over" him.)? Is something going on at school that is bothering him? It sounds to me as if something or someone is causing him undue stress and worry. Why else would he not really want to go on a daily basis. Have you talked with his teacher? Maybe there is something going on there? Does his teacher pick on him? (I used to be bullied all the time in school, so I NEVER wanted to be there.) As for the clothes; he will do it on purpose if he knows it bothers you! Let him have his choices if you want to "control" what he wears. Pick three outfits that all can be interchangeable. Tell him he can wear any of those or what ever he wants out of those, only. Try that first on a weekend, but do not let him "sleep in". Treat it as a 'trial' run of a school day. Your daughter I feel is picking up the vibes from your son.

I find that if I talk with my son (granted he is going to be 4 in august.); this helps us greatly to resolve much of what could be big fights. STAY calm and talk slow and quiet. Do not shout or raise the voice. They understand and respond to it more than we can sometimes give credit for. (I am always AMAZED by my little one.)

Good Luck!