Help Weaning a 20-Month-old

It's good that you don't work and you're with him all the time, because to really make this work, you're going to have a rough week or two, but you can do it. You just HAVE to let him have a fit and don't give in. That goes for almost anything in childhood - you just sometimes have to let them have a tantrum, and they will get over it. You might just want to wean him totally because he is definitely old enough. But you should at least cut down to twice a day, and give him sippy cups the other times. He'll eventually know that you mean business.

My friends, put a Band-Aid on their nipples and they said it totally worked for them. Their children were also 2+ years old. They would tell their kids that "Mommy's milk is broken" or they have a owie.
Other friends have told their child they can only nurse at night-time....

Since your son is using you as a pacifier and it is quite obvious... and for anytime he is upset or transitioning to something else... you would NEED to teach him some "coping skills." A child this age, does not have coping skills, yet.
For me, my daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old. BUT she did not use me as a pacifier... I still had milk and she did 'drink.'
But for her, I would stand-up and make myself "busy" if she wanted to nurse more often... and I would say nicely "Mommy is busy.... hold on..." then I would busy myself with other things. And within a minute or 2, she would be distracted with other things.

ALSO, if your son is throwing fits when you deny him (my daughter didn't do that)... then perhaps its about time you talk with him about it, in an age appropriate way. (I did that with my daughter too) telling him "One day, you will need to stop...." you are a big-boy.

Try giving your son a "lovey" perhaps, or a doll that he can take care of... something else that HE can "comfort." This works for some kids.

The hope is, that he will self-wean... as you said you don't want him to stop, but just do it less frequently. BUT... since he is showing MORE INTENSE interest in your boobs, for pacifying and comforting... you may need to have certain rules about it... ie: only nursing at night-time or something. A child that age will NOT understand that they "can" nurse but not that often. It is either all or nothing for a child this young. They don't understand "grey", only black & white, tangible things.
Your son is boss of your boobs.... if that is fine with you, then that is fine. But, let him know it is "your" body... and Mommy has to take care of herself too.
Or tell him "the Doctor said only nursing at night..." For some kids, doing this is something they can understand.

ALSO the fact that when he is at your breast and constantly "switching sides back and forth" and wants to be at your breasts EVERY 20-30 minutes, tells me that you may not have any milk. So he is going back and forth.... and is just using your boobs as yes, a pacifier.

I would start to explain to him... that it is not acceptable to do so... he will slowly catch on. For my daughter, I also emphasized "manners"... that she can't just lift up my shirt and grab me whenever SHE wants... that she must ask nicely and if I am busy, she must "wait." She understood. There were nursing "rules" which, when she got closer to 2-2.5 years old, I explained to her, age-appropriately and in a nice comforting manner... so that over time, she would "understand" that it could not go on forever, and that MOMMY was the "boss" of my own boobs.
I did NOT like to just have my shirt lifted up and my boobs grabbed willy-nilly and certainly NOT in public... she was older by then, and so I went according to her cognitive/emotional development. And she did self-wean when she was ready.

I am also assuming... that your son, by now, is drinking regular whole milk as well???? If not, then he probably should.

Just some ideas, all the best,
Susan

Hi Y., the breast feeding and breast milk has become a habit,and he would drink milk if that was all you offered him. I have a 13 month old in my daycare whos parents say he won't drink milk from a cup, only a bottle, I don't give him the bottle, and he drinks milk everyday out of a cup for me, but he knows his parnts will give in and give him a bottle, so he holds out, he knows I won't give him a bottle and he drinks milk for me no problem. It;s sounds sweetie that you are allowing him the control, instead of you being in control, because he can't nurse unless you let him, and if he throws a fit, and then you give him him what he wants, before to long he will be throwing a fit everytime he wants something and does not get it. Breast milk/formula is for the first 12 months unless the ped, encourages different due to health or weight issues. You have to excuse me i'm old school, my youngest is 20, I've raised 3 kids, and many many daycare kids over the past 12 years, I do everything old school with them, and their parents are very happy about that, because i do what their parents tell them they should be doing. Well Good luck I wish you well. J.

When I was home, then my daughter wanted to nurses. When we were out somewhere the incidents drop. She was usually bored or in pain when she wanted to nurse.
I would just tell her no. end of story. I am sorry he is giving you much pain. But usually she was hungry or thirsty so i tried to offer her food before she nurses. At 2 she was nursing 3 times a day, which moved to weaned by 3.
Good luck
my daughter also never liked milk. I would just give her water in a cup. but she ate cheese and yogurt. she still doesn't care for milk unless it has a little yogurt mixed into it.

My son is 2.5 and we just weaned about 2 months ago. I say "we" because it was a joint effort. I was like you, he was at my boob a LOT, and then I found out I was pregnant and decided it was time to try to slow it down a bit. I nursed him in the morning when we first woke up, and then I kept us busy. I will say getting out of the house often for the first few days is going to be key. I pretty much kept him on the go. If he did ask I would do my best to distract him with an activity or a snack he really liked (grapes often did the trick), but if that didn't work I would nurse. I went from the on-demand schedule to 3-4 times a day, and each week I'd try to drop a nursing. I also started talking to him about how he was getting bigger, that when he was a baby he didn't have any teeth or very much hair, but then he had a lot of mommy's milk, and now he had a lot of hair and almost all his teeth, and could run and climb, etc, etc, and that he didn't need as much milk. We got it down to once a day, just in the mornings, and we did that for about 3 months. There were a few mornings when he didn't ask, and we'd just get up and go. Eventually it just tapered off very naturally. I would really recommend a gradual slowing down. Distraction, distraction, distraction. Also, my son never has taken whole milk. He drinks water from his sippy cup, or sparkling water, no milk. He has enriched ricemilk in his cereal. Our ped said no problem as long as he's eating cheese, yogurt, etc. Good luck, you can do this :)

you might introduce milk in a sippy cup. Set up a schedule of when you are willing to nurse; maybe 3 times a day...when you get up in the morning, before afternoon nap and before bed (whatever works for you), then any other time he want sto nurse offer him the sippy cup. It will take a day or two of persistence and NOT GIVING IN to his tantrum but he will catch on pretty quick.

Wow. Some of the advice you have received is a bit harsh, and deceptive. You should read How Weaning Happens by Diane Bengson is has some really great ideas that respect you and your babe. Also, contact the nearest LaLeche League. They have people you can immediately call for help. Good Luck.

Peace, Bliss and Blessings.

Thanks for posting this issue. It makes other moms (like me) feel like we are in this together. My daughter is a little boob obsessed at the moment too. But she is growing like crazy and cutting two new teeth. She also has pre-preschool two days a week and lots of outings to the park. She is super independent, but likes to check in with me between activities. She is such a strong, healthy child. I think we both need to pat each other on the back for taking such good care of our babies, and just keep going, following our instincts. I'm not convinced that switching from Mama to a cow is in anyone's best interests. Why are people so pro-cow, anti-human breast? I just don't get this... I would so much rather know that what I am eating is getting to my child. I can load up on good foods and never worry if my child eats light, because I know her nutrition is covered. Even the organically raised cow wasn't taking post-natal vitamins. Keep going, until you are both ready to be done. Best of luck!

Let him throw his fits, you are enabling him. Just say no, and give him a sippy cup instead. You really just need to say no. And be consitant.
Good luck!

I just wanted to say; +1 on everything SH said ;)

Distraction, distraction, distraction. It will be rough for a little while but if you can find new things to distract him it will help. Also, try to decrease your milk supply. I think its Jasmine tea that will help decrease it. Go for walks, go to someone's house or to a park or something to distract him. I blow bubbles, put on some music and dance, sing the ABC's, anything to distract him. Offer sippy cup all the time, leave it in his play area. Try fortified soy milk. I mix it with a little yogurt smoothie, before I knew it we were down to one feeding a day, then done. It's rough, and they put up a fight, but, you can do it!

Hi my DD is 17 months and is also showing an increased interest/need to nurse - maybe it is a developmental thing right now since they are learning to do so many new things and are also becoming more independent. DD will switch sides (I have plenty of milk), if we are in bed stands up flips over just has a great time and I try to close up shop but she freaks. I do notice the less that I sit down the less she "needs" it at that moment. I really have no advice but to tell you I am also a human pacifier and am right there with you. - Good Luck! - M.

I know someone that used vinegar

I would love to know the suggested that you get since I'm going through the same thing with my son (14 months...although I'm content about going through to two years mainly because breast-feeding keeps ovarian cancer down & I suffered with that for a few years).

My information is: ____@____.com

I'm E., I'm a SaHM in Long Beach, CA.
Thanks.

If your son is 20 months old that means you can talk to him. I weaned all 3 of my kids (2 boys, one girl) at 23 (the boys) and 21 (girl) months. But i started the process right about where you are now, and i believe the approach could work just as well for gradual weaning. I started talking about (and praising)their "big kid" accomplishments, and introducing the idea that breastfeeding was there to feed babies, and now that she/he was becoming a big kid, pretty soon the breast milk was going to be "all gone". It seems to me that much of the nursing your son is doing is habitual, not (as you put it)"strictly for milk". And i know how hard it is when a child gets stubborn about his desires ("throws a fit and does not stop"). But you need to stay calm and persist in distracting him from this means of "transitioning from one activity to another...etc." this is right about he age when a child starts to experiment with boundaries, and it is important for you to establish who is the parent and who is the child. Give him a hug, Say "not now, dear" AND STICK TO IT. When he throws a fit, say, "I'm sorry but it's not time for nursing (or whatever word you have established for breastfeeding), I said not now." Then, if he continues the fit, WALK AWAY. When it IS time to breastfeed, invite him: you might even set a timer for him so that he knows when that time will be. Always be loving and firm in your tone of voice, but don't let him be the boss. Children actually thrive within reasonable boundaries: it lets them know that they are safe when you are the boss. Best of luck.