Help- We Are Running on Empty!

I do not support the cry it out method for getting babies to sleep. I have never understood how parents can let a baby cry for 3 hours or an hour or even 20 minutes. Babies cry because that is the only way they can communicate. I also do not understand talking about an 11-month-old baby as a "big boy." I have no problem letting a 2 or 3 year old cry, but not a baby!

My husband and I cosleep with our babies (currently doing so with our 10 month old) and have never had any issues with transitioning them to a big bed when they are 2 years old. We've also not had any intimacy issues. We simply get creative instead of always having "alone time" in our bed. If you do not want your baby in your bed with you, you could try having a crib next to your bed, and then gradually move him into his own room. I highly recommend you check out the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It may take more time and patience than the CIO method, but I believe it is the better way to go.

What is he eating? He might be eating something that makes him hyper. I know people react to foods differently and there might be something in his diet that is creating a problem. Try some Chamamile tea at bed time. It works great to relax and sooth the stomache.
C. B

There is a difference between an "I'm in pain" cry and a "Rats! This isn't what I want cry" and you can hear the difference in an 11 month old. The "I'm in pain cry" you respond to but the "Rats! This isn't what I want" cry you do not.

I AM a fan of the cry it out method (assuming he is completely healthy). When I had this same problem with my DD my pediatrician said I was making it worse by rocking her to sleep, that she needed to learn how to fall asleep on her own and that the problem was that she didn't know how to put herself back to sleep when she woke up at night. We all wake up at night-we just don't know it because we can put ourselves back to sleep so quickly. It would freak you out if you went to bed and then woke up on the floor and then went to bed and woke up again on the floor. So he needs to fall asleep in his bed on his own from now on so he can learn how to fall asleep.

I say try the cry it out thing again. Go through a very loving, simple bedtime routine, make sure he's safe, got a clean diaper and a full tummy and do it. Just know that he will cry EXTRA hard for a few nights because he's confused by what you want him to do. (All babies and people do when routine is changed.) But if you respond after he's been crying for a half an hour or so than he will really be confused and you will teach him to cry longer and harder to get your attention. If you leave him alone he'll fall asleep and then each time he does this it will get better and easier. My DD figured it out in three nights of 30 minutes of cry each night. She started sleeping through the night and our month of misery was OVER! Yours may take longer because he's older though.

You are smart to not sleep with him in your bed.

Have you had his ears checked? My son was like that and we found out that he had cronic ear infections. My 2 year old, however, was just like your son. Just didn't sleep. He did finally get over it, but it was well over a year before we slept good. Talk to your dr. Ours recommended Motrin for teething issues. Says works better for teething than anything else, and it does help. Also, soothing music, bath b-4 bed. Get into a routine. And as one dr told me once, "no baby has ever died from crying". I know that it is hard, and sometimes they just will not give up. Try to just let him cry it out. Might make for a really rough couple of nights, but get family or friends to come in and help during day so that you can take care of yourself.

Have you tried a bedtime routine with massage? That could help increase his seratonin levels and make him sleepy.

You are very smart not to let him sleep with you, that is a bad habit and you are so right it is your time with your husband. My kids only sleep with me if they are sick or thunderstorms, hee hee.
I would say he will fall asleep if you let him cry long enough. Each night it will get less and less. It will take strong will, putting him to bed early to get the process over with sooner but hang tough and just let him cry it out. At almost a year he is starting to form a very bad habit and totally should be able to sleep through the night. You all need your rest and he isn't getting the sleep he needs. Letting him get used to getting himself to sleep and stay that way or soothe himself is what will be the saving grace for you all, like I know you know that.
You say you have let him cry it out, but for how long? There is nothing wrong with going in, very quietly if he wakes and saying very quietly it is time to go to sleep, rub his back and walk away, shutting the door behind you. When he starts realizing you aren't going to pick him back up and rock him he will eventually fall back to sleep. It may take hours, but he will and do it over a weekend where you can nap the next day to catch up. It may be unsettling and draining but I am betting within a week to 10 days he will stay asleep or start falling asleep on his own. At his age he should be able to be put to bed awake and get himself to sleep, try a music box, noise maker or anything else he doesn't already have to help him soothe but if you do this now it will be less of a battle later.

My son has had similar problems since he was little. I know that it is REALLY HARD to do but you really have to let him just cry it out until he wears himself out and falls asleep on his own. Every time that you try to let him cry it out but then give in and pick him up you are only prolonging how long he will cry before going to sleep on his own. My son even cried for 3 hours one time.

What you need to do since he is certainly old enough to understand what you say is prepare him for it by talking to him about what's going to happen at bed time a few times during the day, tell him how this is the best for him and that he will sleep better and be happier once he learns how to sleep on his own "like a big boy" and then when it comes time for bed make sure that you have a routine that you follow, my son gets in his pj's, brushes his teeth and washes his face and then he reads with me and we have prayers and he goes to bed. Also, make sure that he has had plenty to eat, give him a cup of milk, soy has more protein so it may help him sleep better at night, it did with my son, and then start your routine.

The first night he may cry for so long that it breaks your heart and you desperately want to go take care of him but you have to stay strong and just let it play itself out. I promise that he will cry less, for the most part, every night after that until he gets to where he only cries for about 5 minutes or less most of the time, he's even have nights that he doesn't cry at all once he's used to it.

My son still cries sometimes but he can go for a month where he just gives me a kiss and lays down to sleep, sometimes he'll sit up after I've left and start talking to himself before he actually goes to sleep but he still stays quiet and goes to sleep by himself. It took a while to get here but you can do it too. Just hang in there, and if you need some extra support let me know, I know all about what you're going through and would be happy to help.